Shindig Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 My step-mother (let's call her "Mary") has cancer and has had to travel from her rural home to a nearby city for her surgeries and follow up chemotherapy. Fortunately my brother lives there with his wife (we'll call them "Jack and Jill") and their 3 kids. I live in another state, halfway across the country so I'm pretty grateful that Mary can stay with familiar people and in a home setting since I can't leave my work. My father "Sam" is coping poorly with the idea of Mary's mortality which has put strain on all of us. Last week I got an email (CC'd to our sister and some other relatives!) from Jack which was a forwarded copy of a conversation between Jill and Mary about a fight between Mary and Sam that literally involved throwing dishes. I scolded my brother for breaking Mary's confidence and he responded that he just wanted me to be 'in the loop'. I told him that forwarding personal correspondence without permission was a bad way to do that and if he thinks Mary and Sam need our love and support, just to say that. He (and now Jill) are adamant that they've done the right thing, though their adamance might just be a sign of embarrassment. I think they're on a power trip. I don't want to damage my relationship with Jack and Jill, but I want them to understand my point of view and respect Mary's confidence. I also know that Mary would be devastated if she knew that her private thoughts were forwarded to so many people but I don't want her to keep sharing private thoughts thinking her secrets are safe. For me there's the added issue of knowing Mary and my father are having marital issues stemming from Mary's illness and I'm powerless to do anything about it because I learned about it through a betrayal. What would you do? Any advice?
wow04 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I recently had it out with my family that what I do is not their business and what they do isn't mine. My mom, I love her to death, is always telling each of kids what the other one is doing. I nicely tell her that I don't what to hear what my brothers are doing wrong and I hope she isn't telling them what I am doing wrong.
Author Shindig Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I like it... now to exercise self control and not be snarky.
Recommended Posts