hurting1982 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Its been nearly 2 months since me and my boyfriend split up. (he broke up with me) It wasnt the longest of relationships but we formed a really good bond and got on well. The relationship ended because we'd taken each other for granted and had got into a rut and things got boring which we both admit was the problem. we never argued and by the end we had become more of friends than partners. I have really started to accept the fact that we arent together, but what i do miss is his friendship. We have agreed to be friends and are keeping in touch from time to time but have limited contact. I really think i am ready to take the plunge and be there as a really good friend to him as it seems like a waste to of let things go the way they did. Me and my ex before this one are now best of friends so i dont see why it cant happen again. I just miss having him around and spending time with him but am used to the fact now that we wont be together. How should i approach him to let him know i want to start seeing him again but not give him the wrong idea that i am trying to get back together? Also what if he doesnt want this at the moment? any advice would be appreciated. I know ex's cant always be friends but its happened to me before and i want to make this work. Also he is best friends with one of his ex's too so im sure we could make this work. He really had become a good friend to me and i'll be happy for him when he meets someone who makes him happy and im sure he would do the same for me too. i do believe it to be true that an ex is an ex for a reason... but sometimes that reason is that you just make better friends. Both myself and my ex have proven this with both our ex's and i would never cross that line and go back there.
betterdeal Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 The best way to get friends is to be one, they say. So maybe be friendly and say you'd like to be friends. See what he says.
geegirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 If you have to put this much thought into establishing a friendship, chances are, you are not ready for one. You have limited contact but you want more. I'm sure you have other friends to fulfill your needs. If you truly want friendship, accept what you have now and let it evolve naturally rather than trying to plan and scheme. 1
betterdeal Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Isn't that a contradiction to your signature? How so? 10 characters.
flitzanu Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 ^^^^^^^ what they said. if you have to put this much thought into it, i fear you're deluding yourself about it. NOTE: I AGREE WE CAN BE FRIENDS WITH EXES. i'm bff with many of my exes and totally ok on both sides, but we just "became" friends. there was no discussion, no big parade, just realized one day in talking that i truly didn't care about the past. when you wake up feeling NOTHING about that person, then you can be friends. 1
veggirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) How much time have you even truly been NC with this guy? It doesn't sound like you are over him AT ALL, your last thread about him wasnt even that long ago. You are deluding yourself here, I'm sorry to say. It looks like you just want to keep him in your life in any way that you can, hoping he will want to get back together. You think you are ready to be friends with him--well, okay, so I take it then you will be okay with hearing about new girls he dates / likes. Friends talk about their love lives with one another. Not ready to hear all that from him? Then not ready to be "friends". I don't think anyone who's read your threads believes you will be HAPPY for him if he starts dating someone else. You are putting that possiblity too far into the future--for all you know he is currently dating again. IF you contact him to be friends and he says "sure but fyi I am dating a girl" you will feel HAPPY for him? Really? Nah. So you aren't ready to be friends. You would be DEVASTATED. Edited June 13, 2012 by veggirl
geegirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 How much time have you even truly been NC with this guy? It doesn't sound like you are over him AT ALL, your last thread about him wasnt even that long ago.. True. OP your last thread about 6 days ago spoke about how you are depressed and feeling alone because you aren't coping well with your break-up. Don't try to talk yourself into believing your junkie mind. You'll conspire all sorts of delusions when you are emotional but the proof is written all over your threads. Stay NC. You are nowhere close to even uttering the word friend.
Author hurting1982 Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Your all completely right I'm not ready. I realised this after seeing his pic on Facebook with someone else n it felt like I'd been stabbed. I deactivated my Facebook so I do not have to see him or check on him then the day after he text me asking if I was ok and had noticed I'd dissaoeared on Facebook. It made me realise how much I still care for him so I'm definitely not ready. I honestly didn't even think he'd notice if my Facebook dissaoeared
Radu Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 It's a bad ideea and it shows disrespect for your future partners. If 1982 in your username is your yr of birth, than you are a bit immature for your age. The only good reason to keep an ex as a friend is for FWB or as a social pivot if you want lots of ONS.
flitzanu Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 It's a bad ideea and it shows disrespect for your future partners. If 1982 in your username is your yr of birth, than you are a bit immature for your age. The only good reason to keep an ex as a friend is for FWB or as a social pivot if you want lots of ONS. this whole statement is full of contradiction. at a certain maturity level, one could simply be friends with their ex because they are actually friends with no ulterior motive or gain.
Lemontang Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 ...we just "became" friends. there was no discussion, no big parade, just realized one day in talking that i truly didn't care about the past. That's pretty much how it happens. Nor is it something you should expect. I'm friends with most of my ex's but this wasn't something that happened all of a sudden. Some many years later. Some though I have no wish to be friends with either now, even if at first I wanted to be months after a breakup. Once you can be genuinely happy for them with someone else and can accept never being able to have what it once was, and your cool with it. Then your ready. But you should never set it as a goal to work towards, it's just something that happens but at the same time this may not either. But by that stage you'll have moved on focusing on your life, not theirs.
skyisfalling Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 i feel like being friends with my ex, and feel like marrying them while im at it, and having his children.. but we all know since that's not going to happen, its NC. I despised the word NC but you know what, i realized in the end, NC is the answer to ALLLLLL your problems.. as painful as it is, i realized that NC is my friend (and my worst enemy). (sorry if im blabbibg, im tipsy.) i hate weekends. sigh 1
flitzanu Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 i feel like being friends with my ex, and feel like marrying them while im at it, and having his children.. but we all know since that's not going to happen, its NC. I despised the word NC but you know what, i realized in the end, NC is the answer to ALLLLLL your problems.. as painful as it is, i realized that NC is my friend (and my worst enemy). (sorry if im blabbibg, im tipsy.) i hate weekends. sigh wanting to marry them and bang them and have kids isn't friendship though. that's the part that you need to separate.
Recommended Posts