behr Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Hi Guys, Thanks for reading my first post, im just after a bit of advice really. So a while back a new girl started at our office and i was instantly attracted to her but did not persue andi deemed her "out of my league", she then, after a while of being with the company and the occasional "hi" and brief chats on cigarette breaks, started talking to me on our instant messenger system. i found out she had recently moved into my home town. so we got chatting and got on well.she takes my number and i take hers. she then text me out of the blue late on a friday night asking what i was doing, i was free so agreed to go down for a smoke and a chat, we ended up going for a drive and sitting in a car park chatting until the early hours of the morning, i then dropped her home and we shared a kiss (with Tongue). she then asked what i was up to later that day, i said i was helping a friend but might be free in the evening, she ended up coming over and watching a film with me, through which we were kissing and then fell asleep. then same thing happened the next night (sunday) but i dropped her home late as we both had work in the morning. We went out for drinks and then a meal monday evening, where i got the usual " just came out of a long relationship not ready ect ect". then we had dinner and i dropped her back and we kissed again as if nothing had changed. we didnt really speak for a while after that as i was busy with work and she was going away to see her dad. After about 2-3 months, she starts texting me again asking if i want to come over and watch a movie, i was a little suspicious so turned her down twice, i then went away for a week. When i got back it started again and i agreed to go to the cinema with her after that we got a coffee and chatted until the wee hours of the morning, then i dropped her back and we kissed "passionatley" and said our goodbyes. two days later she invites me over again and we just hang out, she asks if i want to go to a theme park with her in the coming weeks, then when it came time to leave we kiss again, and thats it. now im really not sure where i stand and im too much off a nice guy to try and push things further or to ask, so any advice on my situation would be really helpful. sorry for the essay i just wanted to get all the facts in.
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 She is pursuing you. If you're interested then let it be known, if not then let her down. By every action she has taken she is showing her interest.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 And you haven't slept with her because why? She's obviously into you, I'm not sure what is your hold up, she's giving you the green light...a girl doesn't just invite you over her house for tea...get a clue man! The long-term relationship thing was just a buffer, It was expressing an emotional buffer...when a womand says this she wants you to break through anyway, when a guy says this he's just saying he wants to sleep with, comprende? What you've got to worry about is how badly romeo broke your juliets heart and where she stands emotionally before you really start investing and caring for this girl...she can pull on the ejection seat like an F15 pilot and land right into enemy territory (on her ex's lap) so be careful, dig a little further If you're really interested in this girl but the choice to sleep with her or not is yours, the balls in your court...If you don't, congratulations youre a nice guy, you get..not laid. If you aren't so nice of a guy you sleep with her regardless, she builds an emotional connection (if she isn't hung on on mr past) with you and now you have an opportunity to have a relationship and incur all of her emotional issues (sounds fun eh?)...you'll have to mend her broken heart by making up for all the bad things this guy did to her....depending on how soon the breakup was and how badly this guy wants her back will determine as women are blind to their ex's beacsue that's where the history is and...history>all...It's just the way it is. I say be a bad boy in this situation because I don't think she's as innocent as you think, she's just going at the pace you are
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 She knows im interested, i have made it clear. im just wondering if its that shes lonely and im convenient?
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 thats the thing, i did try to have my wicked way when she stayed over but she wasnt on it i guess, and she broke up with her ex and she really doesnt like him, we had a long chat about it. thing is i dont want to push it for fear of losing her completely, but im driving myself nuts trying to figure out where i stand.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 thats the thing, i did try to have my wicked way when she stayed over but she wasnt on it i guess, and she broke up with her ex and she really doesnt like him, we had a long chat about it. thing is i dont want to push it for fear of losing her completely, but im driving myself nuts trying to figure out where i stand. You haven't earned her trust yet then, and you haven't found out where she emotionally stands with her ex. You need to start asking questions and building an emotional relationship with her.
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I dunno we have chatted in depth about it, she told me how he got her in debt and took 8grand from her ect ect we also chatted about her family and her childhood and her relationship with her parents
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I dunno we have chatted in depth about it, she told me how he got her in debt and took 8grand from her ect ect we also chatted about her family and her childhood and her relationship with her parents It's still not enough, she's being careful and afraid to get hurt. She seems lonely and needs someone to talk to and share with, you seem to be the closest person to that, I think she made it easy for you for a reason. Maybe she chose you because you seemed like a nice guy, regardless you haven't seemed to build her trust enough yet where it needs to be, and you haven't found out exactly why she's apprehensive or what she is thinking/feeling between the both of you...have you tried connecting and sharing a lot of personal feelings with her as well? Bottom line is If you're interested in her then keep seeing her and taking it slow, after all you're not that in a hurry to get laid if that's the case, so who cares, invest in her. The only way this can backfire Is by you letting her use you by keeping you at a distance and pushing you away because she insists she isn't ready to be close to anyone or in a relationship or what not...you might just be that nice guy venting person for her. But really, your actions, demeanor, communication all heavily play a factor in this situation.
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 You make very good sense, but how am i meant to proceed with this, i dont know how im going to gain her trust, ive never had to deal with this sort of situation before and really dont want to screw it up.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You make very good sense, but how am i meant to proceed with this, i dont know how im going to gain her trust, ive never had to deal with this sort of situation before and really dont want to screw it up. It's like chiseling on a piece of stone, little by little. There is a wall she has up, you've got to break through that...do you like her enough to accomplish that? If you're determined and truly care for her and she has feelings for you too you wil accomplish it, If there's something there then there's something there. You basically keep trying, you communicate with her, ask her about these things, talk to her, find out what she needs and wants, i don't understand everything and see what you see, you're the one in the drivers seat, you use your head to figure it out...this is up to you. Whenever you don't know something about a woman, you communicate with her and express yourself with her, you don't try just and figure out the answer without having to do the work...that's what makes it worthy of being a relationship.
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 so asking her point blank watch the crack is is a bad idea?
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 watch the crack? you never told me she was on the pipe! But really, just put in some effort, you don't have to be in your face wham about it, just figure it out, ask her questions, get to know her, keep spendign time connecting withherandtry to understand where she is and coming from...If you need things to be 100 percent clear and in your face, you're going to have a rough time...you've got to read between lines judge her actions and get a feel for her emotions, you're overthinkingthis far too much you've got to be a genuine and sincere human being and connect with her, you do that the way you know how...I can't tell you exactly what to say and how to act because you'd be being me, not yourself.
Author behr Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 i know im over thinking this but i really do like this girl. and just would like to one one way or another, if she just wants a bit of fun and friendship then fine, if she wants something more serious then we'll talk, im not out to just get laid, ive been there and its starting to wear thin, i want some more meaningful for once. but yeah i like to be clear cut about everything that way no one gets hurt and everyone knows where they stand.
Christine52 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) She knows im interested, i have made it clear. im just wondering if its that shes lonely and im convenient? If you don't mind going through all this from a girl who just broke up with her ex, and who is lonely, and may possibly be using you as a convenient distraction from her hurt feelings, then do everything said above. HOWEVER, You can also just keep living your life, until someone who is emotionally ready, mature, and responsible (how the heck did he take 8k from her?) comes into your life, and that way your relationship with them can be fruitful and a bit more natural/easy going then this. Edited June 13, 2012 by Christine52
Author behr Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 so latest developments (this is going to become a diary) so yesterday she ignored me all day, i then sent her a generic "hey how you doing" and got a "go to go" reply followed by her staying online for the next hours. i then text her in the eveing saying "hi" and no reply, and ive been ignored all day today.
Author behr Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 so got my answer, i was just a convenience she was lonely after moving here and i was local.
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