april Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 I know this is long, but someone please give me your opinion-I need help I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I am having doubts. There is someone else I have feelings for and I am so confused. Here's the story--When I was 18 I started my first job and totally fell for one of my coworkers, Evan. He was/is kind, caring, funny, intelligent, family oriented, etc. I professed my feelings to him but he was with someone else. Well anyways, fast forward-we had sort of a relationship off and on throughout my first year of college (which was miserable because I missed him so much). Finally one day (I was 20) me and Evan were going to the bowling alley to hang out with his friends and in the car I jokingly said "so are we boyfriend-girlfriend yet"? He got quiet and said "well I kinda like how it is now". (Let me just add here that Evan is a COMPLETE gentlemen-he was my first kiss and neither of us had ever had sex-he wanted to wait for marriage) I got really mad and he took me home. We didn't talk for a while and then I met a guy named Jason at work(he was a customer). He was cute and flirty, and I got his number... Me and Jason started dating. Jason was the COMPLETE opposite of Evan. Evan likes shopping; Jason hates it (unless it's hunting or camping gear); Evan loves hanging with his family and has a great relationship with his mom; Jason doesn't like being home too much; Evan smiles a lot and is very extroverted; Jason is quieter and "tougher". Jason was very huggy and kissy, and he always wanted to be with me. I guess I was attracted to Jason because he was so sure that he wanted to be with me, whereas Evan didn't know what he wanted. While I was dating Jason, I was still talking with Evan. I had growing guilt because I knew I'd have to make a choice. They both sort of knew that I was seeing both of them (I was honest-no cheating) and I felt so guilty kissing either because it just didn't feel right. I remember one night (I have call waiting) I was on the phone with each of them on both lines! It was aweful-they were both trying to win me and I was so confused. Finally one night me and Evan were sitting in the parking lot of where I worked and he was talking about future plans with me. I was stunned because he had never been so honest and committed to me. Unfortunately I had chosen to be with Jason. After Evan sat there and told me all of his hopes for us I broke his heart. I can still remember the tears running down his face. It killed me. After deciding to be with Jason things went well for a few months. I was almost 21 (in 2001) and I was trying to get past a rough year (I had anxiety and alcohol problems). During October I had gotten sick(it was pure hell)--which later I had found out that I had gotten herpes. Me and Jason had fooled around but I NEVER had sex. I was so confused and depressed. (BTW-if you have oral herpes it CAN go south-beware!) I was in a sort of limbo. I broke up with Jason-I just wanted to be alone at the time. Then Evan called and wanted to hang out "as friends".... I knew Evan still liked me but I needed someone to talk to so we went out to eat. I told him that I had gotten herpes and he was so angry at Jason. He was so kind and caring though. He was a true friend and really was there for me. (Fast forward-a few months after I discovered that I had gotten the std (and was back with Jason-see below) Evan had instant messaged me one night and told me he missed me and still wanted to be with me-I couldn't believe he still wanted to be with me in spite of everything-but i stayed with Jason) Me and Jason ended back together though, and now here we are. Although I love Jason I just don't think I'll be happy forever with him (we were sort of engaged). I am going to go to school for Psych and Spanish and Jason doesn't know what he wants. I can't have intellectual conversations with him, and everytime I try to talk about some new book I've read he doesn't really seem interested. He always wants sex (I finally had sex a few months short of 22) and it really gets on my nerves because I want more than physicality. I just didn't really enjoy sex when we did have it, I don't know why. When we get into fights he turns away and acts so childish. I think intimacy is more than sex, and well, we don't have it. Also, not too long after I started work at another store, Evan showed up and put a vending machine at the store (so I see him every week now). I hadn't seen or talked to him in a long time, so when I started to see him again all of these feelings came back. One of the women I work with was talking about how cute he was and I told her that I once dated him. She said, "Why the hell did you break up with him"? And I really don't know. Now the break up-I just broke up with Jason two days ago and it's killing me to see him sad. He would do anything for me, and he doesn't understand. I almost wish he would've cheated on me so I could be angry with him, but the fact is he did nothing wrong. He was himself and I feel like crap breaking up with him. He called me tonite and it was so hard to talk. I told him I needed to do this for myself (I need to be on my own for once). I hate hearing him cry, it hurts so bad. I'm scared I'm doing the wrong thing, but when I'm with him I think of being without him-and when I'm without him I think of being with him. I never told him about my missing Evan, but I also don't feel right about being with Jason when I'm fantasizing about Evan all the time. I guess I just want someone to tell me I did the right thing. I want someone to tell me that Jason will be ok. I can't bear Jason being sad and that I'm the one who made him that way.
lydiamarie Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 of course you did the right thing. jason will survive without you. he'll find someone else. don't worry about him, worry about you. get back on your feet and figure out what you want in a man, and don't settle for anything less. and remember that just because you miss him it doesn't mean you made a mistake, it means you're human.
Guest Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I'm not so sure if i can help cause i also have a problem. U see my boyfriend cheated on me and then he kisses me then the other girl. all i can say is to follow ur heart and believe wat u want to believe -Amber-marie
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