No settling!

[Pyro]

This attitude of obtaining perfection is prevalent in the first 2 pages of this thread, that's what 'don't settle' is all about, right ?; or have we drifted from the subject at hand ?

 

Hope dies last my friend.

 

not settling does not translate to perfection.

 

Not settling means finding someone who has certain qualities that you are looking for in someone. They may have these qualities but that doesn't mean that the person will be perfect. You take the good with the bad.

[ThaWholigan]

This attitude of obtaining perfection is prevalent in the first 2 pages of this thread, that's what 'don't settle' is all about, right ?; or have we drifted from the subject at hand ?

 

Hope dies last my friend.

It's not about perfection. It's about not ending up in a relationship with somebody you can't stand. Or can't f*ck. Or both.

[Els]

Demi is getting divorced because he cheated.

Why did he cheat ?

Because he wanted kids badly with her.

 

He cheated because he is a cheater. That's like saying a man got a divorce because he lost his job, when the actual fact was that his wife cheated on him because he lost his job. Apples to oranges. Cheating is cheating, there are people who will do it and people who won't. There is no excuse.

 

Men may not be immortal, but there is a double standard with us.

If you are a man who looks good in your 50's, you are a GOD in the dating world.

Go into a retirement home and check how many old guys are there vs women.

Bottom line, the clock is ticking for both men and women, but for women it's ticking faster and no ammount of feminism will change the way time works girls.

 

I don't necessarily agree with you, but let's assume you are true. If that is the case, then shouldn't women in their 20s all hold out for all the 'top level' guys instead of settling for guys 'on the same level as them', since if older men are more 'valuable' than older women, younger women must be more 'valuable' than younger men? Oh, wait, maybe they do. In, like, you and some other LS males' worlds.

[ThaWholigan]

not settling does not translate to perfection.

 

Not settling means finding someone who has certain qualities that you are looking for in someone. They may have these qualities but that doesn't mean that the person will be perfect. You take the good with the bad.

This^^^

 

Articulated better than I cared to do .

[RedFemale]

The issue is that OP does not want to take the good with the bad.

[ThaWholigan]

The issue is that OP does not want to take the good with the bad.

If the bad outweighs the good, what is the point?

[RedFemale]

The point is that she can't really tell what weighs more, without getting to know a guy better. She does not give men chance to show who they truly are. If on first date she sees something bad, that's it, it's over, NEXT!

[Pyro]

If the bad outweighs the good, what is the point?

 

not settling= finding someone where the good outweighs the bad by far.

 

settling= the bad outweighs the good or the good and bad are about equal.

[Radu]

I don't necessarily agree with you, but let's assume you are true. If that is the case, then shouldn't women in their 20s all hold out for all the 'top level' guys instead of settling for guys 'on the same level as them', since if older men are more 'valuable' than older women, younger women must be more 'valuable' than younger men? Oh, wait, maybe they do. In, like, you and some other LS males' worlds.

 

Let me introduce you to the concept of Hypergamy.

Much of my HS classmates that were female married upwards socially and financially and at least half of them had a 5-6yr difference.

Based on my own experiences of dating at that age, what you just said is true.

Claim all you want about my 'world' but my world actually comes from checking out my generation's relationships.

Not that i'm complaining mind you. I'm 30 and there are many 18 yr olds in the college campuses i know around the city.

Nice girls who just came from the countryside and have their first taste of the big city.

Girls who just want to have fun, and really don't know the difference between good sex and bad sex. Even better, 40% of girls believe they are bisexual ... yummy.

So again, why should i date a 30yr old who's clock is ticking and which is desperate for a relationship [first hand knowledge of this] when i can hook up with 18 yr olds.

Eventually i'll land one that wants a serious relationship, has been in a few so she maybe won't get GIGS and which comes from a very moral family where divorce is a bad word.

You're right, with 30k college students in my town ... WHY SHOULD I SETTLE ???

 

Ashton had cheating in him all along, and stupidity for that matter.

I'm just referring to the reason he chose to cheat, not if what he did is good or bad.

Quite frankly i think he was stupid. Demi looks awesome and there were options ... stupidity at it's finest.

[ThaWholigan]

The point is that she can't really tell what weighs more, without getting to know a guy better. She does not give men chance to show who they truly are. If on first date she sees something bad, that's it, it's over, NEXT!

It's still her prerogative over whether it's a risk she's prepared to take or not. That risk could turn into a relationship with somebody she has grown to hate. This is why we take note of red flags early on, and we can either ignore them (at our peril or not), or we can choose to preemptively protect ourselves by moving on to the next person.

 

I don't see why this is hard to fathom or even why this is wrong. If somebody can settle and not feel any way about it, good for them. Not everybody can do that. So I don't see why it's such a problem if someone chooses not to. Whether male or female.

[Els]

Let me introduce you to the concept of Hypergamy.

Much of my HS classmates that were female married upwards socially and financially and at least half of them had a 5-6yr difference.

Based on my own experiences of dating at that age, what you just said is true.

Claim all you want about my 'world' but my world actually comes from checking out my generation's relationships.

Not that i'm complaining mind you. I'm 30 and there are many 18 yr olds in the college campuses i know around the city.

Nice girls who just came from the countryside and have their first taste of the big city.

Girls who just want to have fun, and really don't know the difference between good sex and bad sex. Even better, 40% of girls believe they are bisexual ... yummy.

So again, why should i date a 30yr old who's clock is ticking and which is desperate for a relationship [first hand knowledge of this] when i can hook up with 18 yr olds.

Eventually i'll land one that wants a serious relationship, has been in a few so she maybe won't get GIGS and which comes from a very moral family where divorce is a bad word.

You're right, with 30k college students in my town ... WHY SHOULD I SETTLE ???

 

Well, here's the shocker: you don't have to settle. Don't. You can do exactly what you claim the OP is doing. Just be able to be happy while waiting. I don't see the problem.

 

Ashton had cheating in him all along, and stupidity for that matter.

I'm just referring to the reason he chose to cheat, not if what he did is good or bad.

Quite frankly i think he was stupid. Demi looks awesome and there were options ... stupidity at it's finest.

 

Yeah, but it's a piss-poor example. He cheated because he, as you said, had cheating in him all along. Demi's age is irrelevant. He would probably have cheated even if she was 20.

[zengirl]

Men may not be immortal, but there is a double standard with us. If you are a man who looks good in your 50's, you are a GOD in the dating world.

 

A God? Hardly. Maybe if you're also moneybags or George Clooney or something. Men do a little better, a little older, than women, but many men in their 50s who are single still express dating woes.

 

Go into a retirement home and check how many old guys are there vs women.

Bottom line, the clock is ticking for both men and women, but for women it's ticking faster and no ammount of feminism will change the way time works girls.

 

Well, that example actually indicates that it's ticking faster for men, because they're going to die. Nursing homes aren't really telling you anything. Plenty of those women were married - they just outlived their husbands. Sad, but not exactly indicative of your point.

 

Now, a rare single man alive and with working parts in a nursing home full of 80 year old ladies MAY be very high-value in THAT setting, but it doesn't mean he does any better outside of the Nursing home.

[xxoo]

Not settling for me means:

 

1. knowing what things matter, and what things don't

2. not settling on the things that matter

 

Perfection is not required. Flaws, quirks, and annoyances are accepted as part of the package, as long as they are not in areas that really matter.

[Radu]

A God? Hardly. Maybe if you're also moneybags or George Clooney or something. Men do a little better, a little older, than women, but many men in their 50s who are single still express dating woes.

Not the ones i know off. They are not moneybags, they just took good care of themselves, managed stress and now at 50 they are at the top of their game. These guys are in better shape than me.

There is really no shortage of girls waiting in line.

Just 2d ago i met this guy who just celebrated his 52nd bday and he has both a 40yr old wife and a early 20's mistress. Maybe the mistress stuff is not my cup of tea but the message is clear in other regards. His wife ain't bad looking either after 3 kids.

 

 

Well, that example actually indicates that it's ticking faster for men, because they're going to die. Nursing homes aren't really telling you anything. Plenty of those women were married - they just outlived their husbands. Sad, but not exactly indicative of your point.

 

Now, a rare single man alive and with working parts in a nursing home full of 80 year old ladies MAY be very high-value in THAT setting, but it doesn't mean he does any better outside of the Nursing home.

 

No, that example was supposed to indicate that if you reach that age you have tons of options, that's all.

Plenty of those women also buried their husbands, men don't handle stress as good as women do; look up what estrogen does to arteries.

 

Men simply have more options.

Dating a younger guy is still societally not that accepted in the world so few women do it.

Most women do want a guy they can respect.

And most women stop being able to have kids by the time they reach 40, up to 45 being an option with modern technology.

 

On the other hand, a man dating a younger woman is widely accepted.

Men are more visual than women.

And most men can still have kids in their 70's if they took good care of themselves.

 

Honestly, i don't think women should be so desperate to find a guy that matches a huge list of requirements ... as i've seen some of you western women do.

[Radu]

Not settling for me means:

 

1. knowing what things matter, and what things don't

2. not settling on the things that matter

 

Perfection is not required. Flaws, quirks, and annoyances are accepted as part of the package, as long as they are not in areas that really matter.

 

Totally agree.

[Radu]

Guys have actually posted the equivalent of the OP's post (not yours) and been lauded, before.

 

Maybe they were, but that was not my life experience ... unless you enjoy having the woman you were about to propose call you a faggot in public while you are holding on that engagement ring in your pocket.

 

Guys who are virgins later in life are really out of luck.

In fact a while back this guy who was closing on 30 posted that he told his gf he was a virgin. Maybe the LSers lauded him but the girl went immediately underground.

[xxoo]

Honestly, i don't think women should be so desperate to find a guy that matches a huge list of requirements ... as i've seen some of you western women do.

 

It depends what the requirements are. Are these superficial things, or things of substance?

 

The point is NOT to be desperate. The point is to know what you want, in your life and in your relationships, and choosing to be alone over settling for less than what is genuinely great. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be alone, rather than in an unsatisfying (or soul destroying) relationship.

 

I wonder how much of the outrage comes down to sex, and specifically anger that women would choose to do without it when they could have it with men in their lives.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just to clarify, I am not saying that I want some hot guy that has 6-pack and earns 6 figures. It's far from that. It's about a connection.

 

I have been attracted to objectively not so good looking guys. It only matters if he is attractive to ME.

 

I need someone as intelligent as me and generally those men are at least college educated. Prioritizing education (like I have done ) is also important because that means that we view the world similarly (I am also flexible on this, there are ways to seek knowledge outside of the conventional education system).

 

The absolute non-negotiables come down to ethics and honesty.

 

I also want a man that has a job, regardless of how much he makes. I don't find men who would sit at home and stare into space attractive.

 

I think I am not asking for anything that I am not offering myself.

 

If you have followed my posts, I have given FAR too many men "a chance". It turned out that my initial instincts were right every single time.

 

All of the men that I refer to as losers - have actually failed the ethics/honesty category.

[zengirl]

I wonder how much of the outrage comes down to sex, and specifically anger that women would choose to do without it when they could have it with men in their lives.

 

I wonder, as well.

 

Just to clarify, I am not saying that I want some hot guy that has 6-pack and earns 6 figures. It's far from that. It's about a connection.

 

I have been attracted to objectively not so good looking guys. It only matters if he is attractive to ME.

 

ES, you're fine. There's nothing wrong with holding out for the Real Deal, and a relationship that makes you happier than you are alone. We should all be happy on our own first, and whole people, who don't NEED a R but just WANT the right one, if it presents itself. You can seek an R, sure, but it's great to be aware of what you need and never compromise that.