Pyro Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Who is with me? I decided to hold out for the right person - the one I will be into physically, intellectually and emotionally. Even if I end up with nothing, I think this is the right choice for me. You should have that attitude from the very beginning. Never settle for anyone less than who is on your level and deserving of you. 3
Els Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't think anybody should be with somebody they have no feelings but when I hear women say they won't settle I always picture somebody with impossible standards that no mere mortal men can live up to. Even if that were the case, if she was genuinely happy with her singlehood and did not complain about it or blame men for it, I really don't see why the raised hackles. 1
d'Arthez Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You should have that attitude from the very beginning. Never settle for anyone less than who is on your level and deserving of you. That is sadly something people only learn after much trial, error and heartbreak. Bad relationship can really be the biggest mindf*ck imaginable. 1
Pyro Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 That is sadly something people only learn after much trial' date=' error and heartbreak. Bad relationship can really be the biggest mindf*ck imaginable.[/quote'] and how do you think I came to that conclusion?
d'Arthez Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 and how do you think I came to that conclusion? Major heartbreak here and there, and you felt like "F*** it. I am getting myself an online bride"? Really happy for you and your wife.
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 As it should be, IMO. I required a strong character, high morals AND a physical attraction. No, the physical part did not translate into a certain height, a six pack, etc. Oh, no. So not that stuff! Needing a "spark" does not equal needing a "storybook romance." Are you kidding? Take it from this old crone who is already in the age range you mention; that is not all we want to be "left with." We STILL want spark! And the need for emotional connection never, ever goes away. I believe the lack or fading of this is a great contributor to divorces. No, no, no. You have it all wrong. I'm not saying date someone you find physically unattractive or somebody who you have a dead relationship with. The author is saying compromise a little bit when it comes to looks and needing the 'crazy drunk in love starry eyed' feelings and I agree. Once again, a lot of people seem to think in absolutes. -I am attracted or I am not. -There is a spark or there isn't. For me, I have had a different level of emotional attachment to each woman I've been with. It isn't there or not. But ... maybe that is just me.
Els Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 No, no, no. You have it all wrong. I'm not saying date someone you find physically unattractive or somebody who you have a dead relationship with. The author is saying compromise a little bit when it comes to looks and needing the 'crazy drunk in love starry eyed' feelings and I agree. Once again, a lot of people seem to think in absolutes. -I am attracted or I am not. -There is a spark or there isn't. For me, I have had a different level of emotional attachment to each woman I've been with. It isn't there or not. But ... maybe that is just me. Well, of course there are different levels. But speaking of emotional attachment alone, how do you decide whether you like a girl or not? There has to be 'enough' emotional attachment, does there not? Hence the concept of yes or no. There is eventually a break-off point, though the point may be wide, narrow, fluid, static, whatever.
Anela Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Uh.. no. Every single guy whom I have spoken to here has admitted that there ARE women they are not going to be interested in. They simply did not even think of them when they said that 'they can't get a date to save their life'. Believe me. Yep. Even one man who claimed to live at home, have no job, and I can't remember what else - he had women online who wanted to meet him and date him, but they weren't young enough or hot enough, so they didn't make the cut.
Anela Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Let's turn this thread in a girl-power manifest ! Let's make sarcastic remarks, just because we can! 1
Pyro Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Major heartbreak here and there, and you felt like "F*** it. I am getting myself an online bride"? Really happy for you and your wife. The thing is that I never once said or thought 'f*ck it', but instead decided to stop actively pursuing someone and just enjoy life and let things naturally occur. You'd be surprised how easy life became. CE and I being together was an end result of the above. Thank you though. One year anniversary coming up for us. 2
Anela Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You might want to watch this video AND read the article Why is it OKAY to settle for Mr. Good Enough - The fading line between compromising and settling. It's quite convincing, and is a great lesson to women who are so overly particular. And the men who are overly particular... - - - - - - - - - - Good for you ES.
d'Arthez Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 The thing is that I never once said or thought 'f*ck it', but instead decided to stop actively pursuing someone and just enjoy life and let things naturally occur. You'd be surprised how easy life became. Exactly. I think this is the area where most people struggle with, and what holds them back from being "happy singles". Life is so much easier like that. Let things organically happen, rather than try to force the world to your whims. The results tend to be better, and you're less emotionally invested if things do not work out. One year anniversary coming up for us. Time flies when you are having fun or are newly-married. 5
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Well, of course there are different levels. But speaking of emotional attachment alone, how do you decide whether you like a girl or not? There has to be 'enough' emotional attachment, does there not? Hence the concept of yes or no. There is eventually a break-off point, though the point may be wide, narrow, fluid, static, whatever. Emotional attachment ... I know I used it, but it's kind of a vague term. Most of emotional attachment is brought on by hormones. If get to know a woman over time and she is cool and fun, and has good character, I become emotionally attached to her, like a friend or a puppy. See. There's no sparks that come out of my ears the first 1 and half hours I meet her. And if there are, it's garbage hormonal emotions or pure physical attraction.
ThaWholigan Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Emotional attachment ... I know I used it, but it's kind of a vague term. Most of emotional attachment is brought on by hormones. If get to know a woman over time and she is cool and fun, and has good character, I become emotionally attached to her, like a friend or a puppy. See. There's no sparks that come out of my ears the first 1 and half hours I meet her. And if there are, it's garbage hormonal emotions or pure physical attraction. Different strokes for different folks. People experience attraction differently from each other a lot of the time. I know if I want to be with a girl instantly. It won't be within the first hour of meeting her, but I won't slack on finding compatibility quickly enough. I don't tend to move slow or beat around the bush in the few times I've tried to date a girl. I think for you, you look for substance in a very pragmatic fashion, which is admirable and somewhat works for you . 1
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Different strokes for different folks. People experience attraction differently from each other a lot of the time. I know if I want to be with a girl instantly. It won't be within the first hour of meeting her, but I won't slack on finding compatibility quickly enough. I don't tend to move slow or beat around the bush in the few times I've tried to date a girl. I think for you, you look for substance in a very pragmatic fashion, which is admirable and somewhat works for you . Yep. Hopefully my method works out for me and yours for you and OP's for her. 1
zengirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 But you say those things like they are a yes or a no. Absolutes. Rarely are those things are ever a yes or a no for me. There are women I am extremely attracted to, and then women who are cute, and then moderately attractive and so on. I would not really think of it in a ranking way like that, but I'm not suggesting there's no variance. Rather, I'm suggesting as Elswyth says, there must be ENOUGH to hook me to various degrees (increasingly from a simple date to the epitome of marriage). Rather than "enough" being a checklist of some sort, for me it was based mostly on how I felt about my husband and how I thought my life with him would be. Our compatibility -- physically, mentally, and emotionally -- wasn't something I 'measured' or 'compared' to others, but it was something I needed and something I treasure. If that makes sense.
writergal Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Definitely don't settle, but don't close yourself off from opportunity when it presents itself (even if that means having to renig on your challenge-promise to Betterdeal ). Just hang out with friends, and friends of friends because that increases the odds of you meeting a guy who you will gel with. Don't bother with that OLD nonsense. Go au natural via your social networks.
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My mom told me about this story she saw coming from some form of US tv show, i'll try to say it like she said it. It was about this woman who went into a multi-story store where they were selling men. And she goes to the ground floor and she sees all these men, but decides to keep shopping around. So she moves to the 1st floor, there are even more men here, some are a bit better off then the ones before but she decides to shop around some more. 2nd floor is next, and it's men all over, now even better dressed, so she decides to go up. 3rd floor has this mix of men in business suits and casual clothes, less than the floor below but the few that are there good looking are very good looking. So she decides to go up, and see what's there. 4th floor is up, she exits the staircase ... it's on top of the building and the door closes behind her. The lady is **** out of luck. I hope you remember girls ... you have an expiration date, you can't go on a date with a dildo and chances are you won't look like Sophia Loren in your 60's; not to mention that Demi is getting divorced because of expiration date. Good Luck.
Pyro Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 how is this subliminal sisterhood messages? The advice of never settling for anything less than what you deserve is universal for both men and women. 1
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I hope you remember girls ... you have an expiration date, you can't go on a date with a dildo and chances are you won't look like Sophia Loren in your 60's; not to mention that Demi is getting divorced because of expiration date. Good Luck. Are you kidding me? Demi is getting divorced because she chose to marry a cheating *******. We all have an 'expiration date', my friend. Men are not immortal. What matters is pursuing the sort of life and happiness that you know you won't regret while you're 'in the building', so to speak. An unfulfilling relationship is incredibly unlikely to give you that. 1
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 how is this subliminal sisterhood messages? The advice of never settling for anything less than what you deserve is universal for both men and women. Most ppl don't know what they deserve and have an inflated sense of self-worth. It's a bad piece of advice because it's impossible to get perfection, you will have dissagreements, you will argue, and you will eventually fall out of the initial period where you see your partner with rose-colored glasses. The love you have for your partner will eventually morph into a form of brotherly/sisterly love with the added benefit you get to screw each other. That's where good communication comes in place, so initial perfection is ****ing stupid. Almost as stupid as rejecting someone for having an odd name. 1
Pyro Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Most ppl don't know what they deserve and have an inflated sense of self-worth. It's a bad piece of advice because it's impossible to get perfection, you will have dissagreements, you will argue, and you will eventually fall out of the initial period where you see your partner with rose-colored glasses. The love you have for your partner will eventually morph into a form of brotherly/sisterly love with the added benefit you get to screw each other. That's where good communication comes in place, so initial perfection is ****ing stupid. Almost as stupid as rejecting someone for having an odd name. who said anything about obtaining perfection? Nothing in life is perfect and most of us ( I hope ) understand this. 2
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Are you kidding me? Demi is getting divorced because she chose to marry a cheating *******. We all have an 'expiration date', my friend. Men are not immortal. What matters is pursuing the sort of life and happiness that you know you won't regret while you're 'in the building', so to speak. An unfulfilling relationship is incredibly unlikely to give you that. Demi is getting divorced because he cheated. Why did he cheat ? Because he wanted kids badly with her. Men may not be immortal, but there is a double standard with us. If you are a man who looks good in your 50's, you are a GOD in the dating world. Go into a retirement home and check how many old guys are there vs women. Bottom line, the clock is ticking for both men and women, but for women it's ticking faster and no ammount of feminism will change the way time works girls.
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 who said anything about obtaining perfection? Nothing in life is perfect and most of us ( I hope ) understand this. This attitude of obtaining perfection is prevalent in the first 2 pages of this thread, that's what 'don't settle' is all about, right ?; or have we drifted from the subject at hand ? Hope dies last my friend.
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