irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You're a guy, right? What gives you the idea that you know what would be a "great lesson" for any woman in dating? Well, actually the person that would have more credibility than I would be the author who is a woman. Don't shoot the messenger. She had learned her lesson, she mentioned that she rejected a guy with an odd name, and now had learned how silly it was that she had done that. She realized she passed up on a good guy she could've dated exclusively. No offense, truly, but don't you often post about the unacceptable fatness of many women you see in your online dating perusal? Maybe YOU need to learn a lesson about being "overly particular"? No, hardly at all.
betterdeal Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 "Settling" for a person you're not into physically, emotionally and mentally is not better than being alone, IMO. That's Stephen Hawking's chances out the window.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Do men really want women to settle for them? I don't understand why this thread bothers them so much. I certainly don't want anyone to settle for me, I find the idea extremely depressing. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 ^^^ Rejecting a guy because he has an odd name is hardly comparable to passing on up because you aren't into him physically, emotionally and mentally. The name thing - well, that seems just plain stupid. What is with you guys saying she needs to do something to "deserve" a guy she is actually INTO? Who says a guy she is into on those levels is any kind of a prize at all? She could be attracted to a total douche. I have been. SHE just needs to be into him. And I hope all of you are "into" whomever you are spending your time with too.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I challenge you to not go on dates whatsoever. Just hang out with people doing things you like doing and if one of those becomes boyfriend material, then jump his bones, not before. Challenge accepted
jakelongot Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 God forbid you try to fix that warped mindset of yours. Cry me a river. I don't really have a problem with it, so there is nothing to fix. Just pointing out I thought it was funny to see such desparity between men's and women's comments. Nothing more, nothing less
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You might want to watch this video AND read the article Why is it OKAY to settle for Mr. Good Enough - The fading line between compromising and settling. It's quite convincing, and is a great lesson to women who are so overly particular. It's really dependent on if you want children. I don't, so it takes so much pressure off of me. 1) I don't have to feel like marriage is a mistake, because I can always divorce without the messiness of sharing a child 2) There's not an extreme time table with a clock ticking for me. I mean, the older I get, my pool diminishes, but it's still there. On the other hand, if you are a woman who wants children, the clock is ticking, definitely.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Do men really want women to settle for them? I don't understand why this thread bothers them so much. I certainly don't want anyone to settle for me, I find the idea extremely depressing. Eh, you have to do what you have to do. Make the choices that you can live with, whatever they may be. I think there's a difference between "settling" and "giving someone a chance". I'd hate for someone to settle for me because that would mean they really didn't like me and probably harbored some kind of resentment towards me. I do hope that women would be willing to give me a chance, and if worked out it worked out. If not, all you lose is a few nights of dates you went on.
Els Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Frankly, I don't understand the negative responses to this thread. The OP isn't saying, as many on this board are fond of: "I require a guy to be this, this, and this. Why can't I ever get a date!??!?! Life isn't fair. Don't I deserve to have a guy who's my equivalent? Men have it so much easier." No - she's saying "I want this, and if I can't have it, I'll remain happily single." Whether or not she will succeed in that is a whole 'nother matter, but really, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her statement in itself. Why so insecure? 9
betterdeal Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Challenge accepted Jolly good! It will be weird to start with, maybe a bit painful, but I guarantee you once you get out of the habit of dating you'll get into the habit of connecting much more successfully, and you won't feel any where near as scared by romance as you have done up until now. 1
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Frankly, I don't understand the negative responses to this thread. The OP isn't saying, as many on this board are fond of: "I require a guy to be this, this, and this. Why can't I ever get a date!??!?! Life isn't fair. Don't I deserve to have a guy who's my equivalent? Men have it so much easier." No - she's saying "I want this, and if I can't have it, I'll remain happily single." Whether or not she will succeed in that is a whole 'nother matter, but really, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her statement in itself. Why so insecure? I don't want to settle either. I just took exception with the fact that she called them losers. It almost sounds like, every guy I'm not interested in is a loser and every man I'm into is a winner. I can almost picture a group of women sitting together of a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and making fun of the men they've recently been on dates with. I've never been on a date with a woman who I'd call a loser. Of course, I haven't been on THAT many dates, and have never done online dating, but still ... I've been on a number of dates. But, I don't have a problem with her main idea at all. 1
Els Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't want to settle either. I just took exception with the fact that she called them losers. It almost sounds like, every guy I'm not interested in is a loser and every man I'm into is a winner. I can almost picture a group of women sitting together of a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and making fun of the men they've recently been on dates with. I've never been on a date with a woman who I'd call a loser. Of course, I haven't been on THAT many dates, and have never done online dating, but still ... I've been on a number of dates. But, I don't have a problem with her main idea at all. Ah, fair enough. To be fair, some people really ARE 'losers' though, and you don't know til you've actually had a lot of interaction with them. For example, liars, people who put you down or try to lower your self esteem, etc.
irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Well, thing is, unfortunately, we live in a society where the majority of people are hard to please anyhow.
xxoo Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Frankly, I don't understand the negative responses to this thread. The OP isn't saying, as many on this board are fond of: "I require a guy to be this, this, and this. Why can't I ever get a date!??!?! Life isn't fair. Don't I deserve to have a guy who's my equivalent? Men have it so much easier." No - she's saying "I want this, and if I can't have it, I'll remain happily single." Whether or not she will succeed in that is a whole 'nother matter, but really, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her statement in itself. Why so insecure? If more people could happily remain single, she would have more support. 2
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You might want to watch this video AND read the article Why is it OKAY to settle for Mr. Good Enough - The fading line between compromising and settling. It's quite convincing, and is a great lesson to women who are so overly particular. Good read. I agree with the author. When most women say they won't settle, it means they refuse to compromise when it comes to the attributes of physical attraction and emotional connection. Let's face it. Women are not fighting over men with strong character and high morals. And there are a plethora of men who are college educated and make a good salary who are still available. But, like the author says, they want the 'storybook romance' with the spark. But emotional attraction fades and so does looks in time. Who you ideally want to be left with at age 45 or 55 is hopefully a person who has strong character, is supportive, has a similar demeanor and disposition and is intelligent enough to debate with civilly. None of these traits are those which women (and men) typically consider when they say 'settling'.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Good read. I agree with the author. When most women say they won't settle, it means they refuse to compromise when it comes to the attributes of physical attraction and emotional connection. Let's face it. Women are not fighting over men with strong character and high morals. And there are a plethora of men who are college educated and make a good salary who are still available. But, like the author says, they want the 'storybook romance' with the spark. But emotional attraction fades and so does looks in time. Who you ideally want to be left with at age 45 or 55 is hopefully a person who has strong character, is supportive, has a similar demeanor and disposition and is intelligent enough to debate with civilly. None of these traits are those which women (and men) typically consider when they say 'settling'. Oh you are wrong. The bolded is my no. 1 requirement. You would be surprised how rare it is to find. However, that in itself is not enough to make me into a guy.
xxoo Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Good read. I agree with the author. When most women say they won't settle, it means they refuse to compromise when it comes to the attributes of physical attraction and emotional connection. Physical attraction is tied to emotional connection. No one, imo, should compromised on emotional connection. The author says to overlook bad fashion, annoying habits, and halitosis Is that really why women are rejecting men? I've got news for you, the man I'm madly in love with has is human, and certainly has plenty of annoying habits, along with other human faults. But I love him, so it doesn't matter. Drop standards on the superficial, but not on what ultimately matters: love, respect, connection. 1
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Oh you are wrong. The bolded is my no. 1 requirement. You would be surprised how rare it is to find. However, that in itself is not enough to make me into a guy. You illustrate the author's point to a tee. Give the article a read.
zengirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Wanting the right things is key. Know yourself. Know what you need. Never settle. That's always the best way to go --- of course, there's no point in a R without physical, mental, and emotional attraction. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm with you. But now I'm at least going on dates with OK guys, because if I'm not having any fun with men, I tend to get sad and gloomy - which diminishes my appeal in general.
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) Wanting the right things is key. Know yourself. Know what you need. Never settle. That's always the best way to go --- of course, there's no point in a R without physical, mental, and emotional attraction. But you say those things like they are a yes or a no. Absolutes. Rarely are those things are ever a yes or a no for me. There are women I am extremely attracted to, and then women who are cute, and then moderately attractive and so on. Among my exes and female friends, and even male friends for that matter, there are people who I have a very strong connection with, mild connection then so on and so down the ladder until I find a person I have nothing to converse about when we are alone. The author is not saying marry a boring, dumb, and ugly 'loser'. She is saying maybe date the shorter guy, the not as handsome guy, the guy who doesn't get your blood boiling. Everything else is there though. I don't know. That's just how I think. Maybe it really is yes and no absolutes for women. Edited June 13, 2012 by jobaba
FitChick Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 That's Stephen Hawking's chances out the window. He's been married and divorced twice and now goes to sex clubs.
veggirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Cool. Recognize red flags early on, assert your boundaries and don't be afraid to walk. I hope you stick with it!
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 When most women say they won't settle, it means they refuse to compromise when it comes to the attributes of physical attraction and emotional connection. As it should be, IMO. Let's face it. Women are not fighting over men with strong character and high morals. And there are a plethora of men who are college educated and make a good salary who are still available. I required a strong character, high morals AND a physical attraction. No, the physical part did not translate into a certain height, a six pack, etc. Oh, no. So not that stuff! But, like the author says, they want the 'storybook romance' with the spark. Needing a "spark" does not equal needing a "storybook romance." Are you kidding? But emotional attraction fades and so does looks in time. Who you ideally want to be left with at age 45 or 55 is hopefully a person who has strong character, is supportive, has a similar demeanor and disposition and is intelligent enough to debate with civilly. Take it from this old crone who is already in the age range you mention; that is not all we want to be "left with." We STILL want spark! And the need for emotional connection never, ever goes away. I believe the lack or fading of this is a great contributor to divorces. 5
Woggle Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't think anybody should be with somebody they have no feelings but when I hear women say they won't settle I always picture somebody with impossible standards that no mere mortal men can live up to.
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