irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Lately, I've been talking to a male friend of mine about asking women for their numbers or asking them out in real life. BUT, usually before it even gets that for, if the conversation that I'm having while I'm getting to know a woman where I start to talk about dating or asking of her status of sorts....they'll mention they're dating someone now. But funny the events you've been meeting them at, they never bring them along. So, I never bother asking for their number, becuase it never GETS that far, and for some of you say, "screw it, ask her anyways", well, if a woman mentions she's seeing someone, but you ask for her digits anyways, you'll be looked upon as some jerk that's trying to instigate some kind of affair, right? lol (Even if she could be lying) Which brings me to what my male friend told me. He says, a lot of women will lie about their availability, and will "toss out" that she's seeing someone as some kind of defense mechanism. Esp if more than one man is approaching her at a social event. I sometimes think she's just doing it because she's not interested in that specific individual. OR, it could be both. I sometimes feel like saying, "Oh, really? And the lucky man isn't here with you tonight?" Sure he could be working late, but to see her at a social/wine tasting event without her date....kind of an odd thing. Esp if they're in a new relationship? The REAL point of the post though, is more in the regards to rejection, in that men get rejected BEFORE a man even asks them out. She's thinking, "Okay, if I think I KNOW where this conversation is going with this guy, I better mention that I have a boyfriend JUST so he won't ask for my phone #" Yes?
january2011 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 From experience, I think that most of the points you've made have some truth in them, to varying degrees. However, I'd still encourage you to continue to ask for a number unless the woman in question says that she has a boyfriend. You could respond with something like, "lucky him," and move on to another topic of conversation or excuse yourself. No harm no foul. Even if she was presumptious about where your conversation was leading, result is the same - she is reluctant to give you her number. No need to keep on at her to get it. Just need to shrug and move on.
jobaba Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Depends on how you aggressive you want to be with it. My cousin asked out a woman who had a boyfriend (whom he didn't know) but that she was having troubles with. He knew but asked her out anyway. She ended up cheating with him and now they are married with a kid. And it's a solid relationship. I don't go that route. As soon as I know a woman has a boyfriend, a switch in me turns off. But others have, with success...
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 She's thinking, "Okay, if I think I KNOW where this conversation is going with this guy, I better mention that I have a boyfriend JUST so he won't ask for my phone #" Yes? In my experience that's exactly it. Women will go to all kinds of extremes to avoid dealing with awkward situations. Not that I blame them. Rejecting guys (explicitly or implicitly) can be tough and possibly dangerous.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 As January has said, there is some truth to what you are saying but you don't understand the "behind the scenes" so you don't have a complete picture...which is why you shouldn't necessarily be afraid to get her number, she may still give it to you and here's why. A lot of women are seeing someone in some way shape or form, most of the time. Whether it's dates, someone they're talking to and interested in, or someone theyre actually dating, but the guy is being wishy washy about further commitment and she is waiting around for him to want a relationship, and in some cases in a bad relationship already (after all, a bad relationships or one with issues is clearly a green light to do things you wouldn't do in a good relationship!) . So take the seeing someone phrase as a buffer or a rejection, but If she still enjoys your company and appears to be open and receptive to your flirtation or subtle playful advances then she may be open to seeing you again. Typically when women are "seeing someone" legitametly, like sleeping with and dating him...they are sitting on the backburner waiting around for that title...If man is being inconsistent and it's kind of dropped off and not progressing then she is seeing him and will likely continue to until she gets utterly tired of it and disappointed enough after the 100th infraction, or merely keeping seeing him with the option of leaving him when she finds someone worth leaving him for...because let's face it, how many women out there would rather be alone and are wiling to do so If they can at least get some of the things they want with one guy and still "hope" it can work out? So you come strolling along...lalalalaaaaa how are you!....i'm seeing someone, sorry!....Oh I see, welllll If you ever stop seeing some give me a jingle! ::hands number:: orrrr hey let's be "friends", give me yo numba!...teehee you're so cute and friendly like, here's my number!....dadadaaa you go home and after some flirty texts and phone calls you end up on a date with her next week...see how that works? Now she can meet another guy at party and guess what...that's right! I'm "seeing someone" because until they've got that commitment they may not be pass over a guy who they think will...however most girls would rather be exclusive and "hope" that they get serious with the guy they are seeing and like to see one man at a time, and that's why they're honest! Beacuse usually most women are....or try to be! It really all comes down to how much they are into a guy, and how much time he is giving in her out of his day. Unlike men, who can't tell a pretty girl that they're in a relationship or seeing someone because it's just too good of a opportunity to pass up, regardless of the outcome...although hoping for sex in the best case scenario...in most instances these men are the ones instituting the "seeing someone" title because unlike women, most men can make a relationship exclusive and turn it into that just that...a real relationship. Although some people *cough* Emilia *cough* may scoff at me for generalizing I can assure you that you can rely on my advice for the majority of situations, because it's what actually happens in the real world....most of the time!
username70 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 You could say- if u arent seeing someone I'd like to give you my number/get yours- or give me a call if/when u ever are single ... Or ask where the guy is that he isnt with her???
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Another thing I want to mention however, If you struggle with women who are openly single, chances are your successes many not be any greater with women who are saying they are "seeing someone"...this may lean more on the side of a rejection most of the time...but! It's still worth a try as you won't know that necessarily for sure. It honestly is greatly dependent on your ability.
SJC2008 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm glad they drop the bf line, saves me time and or getting flaked on. I used to get mad and would feel like saying "Now what does your bf have to do with any of this" or "I wasn't hitting on you" which gives them the awkward moment they tried to avoid lol. I wish I had the guts to say something stupid like "Oh you have a bf? Well my bf's an army ranger and hell kick your bf's arse" lol.
Author irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 There are times, when they drop that line....when I see them later on or come into contact with them at a late time, I think about trying to "probe" in the most obscure way possible the nature of that relationship.... whether it's going anywhere or not....but I don't want to come off as being nosey either.
Joaquin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) But but but... I was in this situation recently. Chatting to a girl. After 10 mins she drops that she has a bf. Fine, I keep talking to her for say 30 mins (this is like 2am in the morning, drinking down town). Nothing else happening. She was pretty. I say give me yr number and I'll call u. She did quite readily. She never said anything more about the bf. I kinda asked for it mainly because it would have been wierd not to after talking one on one for 45 mins. Equally I can see why she might give out her number for the same reasons. She called my phone from hers to get her number in my phone. I didn't call as she said she had a bf. I'm sensitive these days to "how they come is how they go.." rhetoric, which I actually believe. The girl gave her number to a random guy when she said she had a bf. This is surely a red flag before so much as a date. Edited June 13, 2012 by Joaquin
Christine52 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Lately, I've been talking to a male friend of mine about asking women for their numbers or asking them out in real life. BUT, usually before it even gets that for, if the conversation that I'm having while I'm getting to know a woman where I start to talk about dating or asking of her status of sorts....they'll mention they're dating someone now. But funny the events you've been meeting them at, they never bring them along. So, I never bother asking for their number, becuase it never GETS that far, and for some of you say, "screw it, ask her anyways", well, if a woman mentions she's seeing someone, but you ask for her digits anyways, you'll be looked upon as some jerk that's trying to instigate some kind of affair, right? lol (Even if she could be lying) Which brings me to what my male friend told me. He says, a lot of women will lie about their availability, and will "toss out" that she's seeing someone as some kind of defense mechanism. Esp if more than one man is approaching her at a social event. I sometimes think she's just doing it because she's not interested in that specific individual. OR, it could be both. I sometimes feel like saying, "Oh, really? And the lucky man isn't here with you tonight?" Sure he could be working late, but to see her at a social/wine tasting event without her date....kind of an odd thing. Esp if they're in a new relationship? The REAL point of the post though, is more in the regards to rejection, in that men get rejected BEFORE a man even asks them out. She's thinking, "Okay, if I think I KNOW where this conversation is going with this guy, I better mention that I have a boyfriend JUST so he won't ask for my phone #" Yes? Yes. If I'm interested in a guy there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him I'm seeing someone else. At the same time, there are women who just really want to stay single, and will say that regardless of the man (i.e don't take it as rejection).
Author irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I was actually suprised that she had found someone to date. Because she lives in No man's land in my area away from towns and even far from small cities. BUt, she's a Realtor, so she probably met him that way. In contact with the public in her job. Yes. If I'm interested in a guy there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him I'm seeing someone else. At the same time, there are women who just really want to stay single, and will say that regardless of the man (i.e don't take it as rejection).
Joaquin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) ^^^^ Agree. I can't imagine a girl who is available, interested and relationship material saying she has a bf. Doesn't make sense. Edited June 13, 2012 by Joaquin
Author irc333 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I found the low down on her b/f. Apparently she's in some kind of long dist. relationship with a guy. When he IS in town, he's mostly spending time with his own family, and she also said he's not one to get out to socialize either, unless it's on a whim or something. So she hardly sees him. For a while , appx a couple of years, she's been holding out for him in reclusiveness....she eventually go cabin fever and started to just now get out and socialize because she said she was developing social repression...and thought she'd seriously would need to get out more. Sounds like once a she's was once outgoing, and now she's trying to re-establish herself, she'll assess where she lives, jobs and other goals. So sounds like the relationship is also to be re-assessed. lol
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