LuxAri6 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 This is really long sorry. I have a crush on a friend of mine. I didn’t want him to know in fear of ruining our friendship, but about a month ago we were hanging out with friends, drinking, having a good time and we ended up drunkenly making out. When he dropped me off at my apartment that night I kinda begged him to stay but he said no, he couldn’t he had to take our other friends home. But before he left, he kissed me very softly on the lips. He was pretty sober at that point (at least I hope so because he drove) and I was still pretty drunk. The next morning I knew that I had made out with him but I couldn’t remember any of the details about it, just that it happened. I do remember the kiss in my doorway though. I was very confused and conflicted. I didn’t know how we came to making out just that we were. I didn’t know who initiated things or why he kissed me in my doorway. I texted him that after noon when I wasn’t so hungover telling him that I didn’t remember the latter half of the night and asking if he could fill me in on what happened. He told me he didn’t really remember either. (I’m pretty sure he is lying about that). I later texted another friend who was there and she filled me in on what happened. He avoided me for the next few days. I was originally going to tell him how I truly felt, but since he was avoiding me I figured he wasn’t really interested in me, so I convinced myself that it was a bad idea and that we should just be friends. It was the end of the semester and I didn’t want to leave things weird between us, at least for me, so I finally got him alone to speak with him briefly. I told him that I just wanted to say bye since I probably wouldn’t see him until next semester. We hugged and as I was about to leave I was like “things are good between us after the other night right?” he was like “yeah we’re good. I don’t really remember anyways” and I was like “okay good” and then he was like “I’ll see you next semester” of which with out even thinking I responded with “or since we both live in state you could see me over the summer if you wanted” to this he was like “Yeah yeah you live in blah blah, yeah you’re like 25 minutes from me. Yeah.” I said okay smiled and left.I wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to see me over the summer or was just being polite by not rejecting my proposal. I thought that was the last time I would see him for a while…. It wasn’t. I saw him a few days later at a friend’s going away party that I didn’t think he would even be at. The reasoning for this belief is because he had been avoiding this person for like two weeks because he thought she liked him. So I did not expect him to be there. I didn’t get to the party until very late and she was wasted by then. I found out he was there when she met me at the building door to let me in and she whispered in my ear “can I tell you a secret?” I said “yeah what is it?” then she said “I totally intend on hooking up with (my crush) tonight so I may kick you out soon. Shh don’t tell.” When I walked in I could see he was also wasted. There were a couple other people there too, who left shortly after I go there. He then asked me to pinky promise him that we would hang out this summer. I pinky promised that we would. Then alcohol got the best of him and he had to throw up. This is about the time that my friend kicked me out, but not before confessing to me that she just loves him so much. I was surprised that I wasn’t feeling too jealous since I knew what her intentions with him were (they did “hook up” that night. I don’t know if they just made out or if they went all the way, but I do know that multiple bruises were left as a result of biting). After this night I felt as though I was over him. I had convinced myself that he most likely wasn’t interested in me, that I was just another girl he drunkenly made out with, that he isn’t looking for a girlfriend and may possibly still be hung up on his ex of over 2 years. I wish my feelings could have stayed that way, but they didn’t. Everything changed when I had lunch with my friend who threw the party before she left the state. During this lunch she suggested to me that my crush and I should go out. She didn’t know that I liked him, and I didn’t want her to, so I just gave her this “say what?” look and she was like yeah you would be cute together. She then proceeded to tell me that she would rather he date me, someone who would treat him right, than some skank. I was also told something else that surprised me very much. Background: When we were all hanging out we met at a bar. My roommate, her boyfriend, my crush and my self rode together in one car and our other friend met us there (this is the one I’m having lunch with, and that filled me in on what happened that night). When we were done at the bar we were going back to school to go out on the roof. Since she came alone she asked me to ride with her so I did. Well on this car ride that my crush and I were apart he confessed to my roommate and her boyfriend that he wanted to f**k me. Now my roommate didn’t tell me this. She told our friend who then told me. I don’t think she even knows I know. Unless our friend told her that she told me. I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anyways. I was thrilled that he said that he wanted to f**k me because this meant that he was at least physically attracted to me at the time. Of which I guess for my mind was good enough reason to spark my interest in him again even though I thought I was over him. Since that lunch I have not been able to get him off my mind. I check my phone constantly hoping that he would text me saying “Hey let’s do something”….. It’s been three weeks since I last saw him and I haven’t heard a word from him. I really want to keep up with my promise and hang out with him but there are many things keeping me from doing so. One: I don’t know if even remembers me pinky promising him that we would hang out this summer. Two: I don’t know what we could do to hangout that wasn’t just him and I, all our school friends are out of town for the summer. I don’t want him to feel as though we were on a date. That would be awkward. Three: I really like him and I don’t know if I could keep my hands off him. Four: I don’t want to subject myself to the possibility of liking him even more than I already do and knowing he does not reciprocate the feelings. Every sign points to him not being interested in me, but my mind keeps telling me what if he really does like you, but he is afraid to tell you for the same reasons you don’t want to tell him and the only reason he avoided you after your make out session was because he felt like an ass and thought that he took advantage of you since you were so drunk. I don’t know what to do. Should I try to make plans with him to hang out sometime soon and see where things go, or should I just leave him be and take the summer to try and get over him?
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Ask yourself what do you want here? If you want to take a risk and give it a shot, go for it. You might get rejected but honestly it's not the end of the world. 1
Christine52 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I've been in your shoes, and as someone who's now a bit wiser, let me say something... Be kind to your future self. What does this mean? Don't date a guy who's not making ANY effort, and who just wants to have sex with you. To be honest, he's at his sexual prime and he'd do anything with anyone. It's not a compliment when he says something degrading like that about you. You deserve better than that. If you really need closure, tell him you like him, feel rejected (but know that it's not truly rejection, but just a non-match), and then move on. If this is the only way you can get a firm answer, then do it. Otherwise, forget about him, he is not worth it. 1
LoverOfDance Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I agree with Christine52 completely. I have a crush that I'm trying to get over right now. I know for a fact(no doubt) that he is physically attracted to me but that's not enough 4 me. I refuse to go after a guy who just wants to sleep with me. That's not what I'm looking for. If you're just looking to sleep with him as well then go ahead and chase him but if that's not what u want, I would advice u to run the other way.
Author LuxAri6 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Thanks guys for all your input. I'm not sure what I really want. I think in order to figure that out I have to see him again. All my life I have constantly played the "What if" game in my head and the outcome was usually negative so I didn't act on a lot of things. I don't think this is something I can let go of based on a "what if". Yeah I haven't heard from him, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. I'm interested in him and I haven't contacted him either. We may just be going through the same fears of rejection. I don't know and not knowing for fact is going to haunt me. I'm looking out for my future self here. If I get hurt then so be it. I need to take the chance and like Philosoraptor said it's not the end of the world if i get rejected. It will ultimately make me stronger and future me won't constantly be thinking "what if", at least about this situation. It's not a compliment when he says something degrading like that about you. Thanks for looking out for me Christine52 but I feel his comment wasn't meant to be degrading because first of all it wasn't meant for my ears. That is why he said it out of my presence. Secondly I'm pretty sure the only reason he said it was because he was refering to a conversation we all had at the bar. I can see how you saw it as degrading because I didn't explain the entire story that took place at the bar. When we were there we all played kill, marry, f**k. I choose him as my f**k, and he reciprocated when it was his turn. Then later our friend as a retort to something said to me "Well you want to f**k (my crush)" of which I then said "Whoa I did not say that I want to f**k him. Given the situation I said that I would f**k him. There is a difference." So I don't believe he was being degrading, just making a comment that he didn't want me to hear. Also just because he said that doesn't mean that's all he wants or that's the only way he sees me.
LoverOfDance Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I think I understand where you're coming from. I'm not gonna lie, it's possible that he feels more 4 u than just a physical attraction. Even though I know my crush is physically attracted 2 me, he's done things that show that he also cares about me. I'm just a little scared that I might be wrong and all he wants is the 3 letter word. If you're thinking of telling him how you feel I think u should go ahead and see what his response is. That way u know exactly how he feels towards you.
Casablanca Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Ask yourself what do you want here? If you want to take a risk and give it a shot, go for it. You might get rejected but honestly it's not the end of the world. I say go for it, ask him out...if you get rejected, it will be awkward at first, but that should go away
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Thanks guys for all your input. I'm not sure what I really want. I think in order to figure that out I have to see him again. All my life I have constantly played the "What if" game in my head and the outcome was usually negative so I didn't act on a lot of things. I don't think this is something I can let go of based on a "what if". Yeah I haven't heard from him, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. I'm interested in him and I haven't contacted him either. We may just be going through the same fears of rejection. I don't know and not knowing for fact is going to haunt me. I'm looking out for my future self here. If I get hurt then so be it. I need to take the chance and like Philosoraptor said it's not the end of the world if i get rejected. It will ultimately make me stronger and future me won't constantly be thinking "what if", at least about this situation. Yep, life is full of risks. I don't think you take a much bigger risk than with your heart. Heck I took a huge one yesterday myself and just laid all of my cards on the table. I don't know what the future holds but it sure was a sigh of relief to just lay it all out. Am I scared I will get hurt, yep. Is the risk worth the reward? Definitely.
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