kyle77 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 After 9 months apart from my ex I am seriously having the toughest time right now....Typically the first few months would be the hardest to handle, but I honestly am having the worst time now. Before I was very emotional and depressed about the break-up where as now I am more just regretting the actions I made that led to us breaking up and "am realizing" that I have lost someone amazing. I put quotation marks around am realizing because I am not really sure if I am thinking straight right now. Right after the break-up I know I wasn't thinking straight with everything going on, but now I wonder if I am.... I wonder if maybe I have made a huge mistake..... So my question is basically split into two: Am I thinking straight? Is this normal that I am having such deep feelings of regret and sorrow this far along in the break up....If I am thinking straight then how do I get rid of these thoughts?.....because they only hit me hard recently. Or maybe if I am thinking straight is it a better route to try and do my best to get her back?
Ruby65 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Kyle from your other posts you say this was your first love and these can linger for a long time. To answer your question, what you're feeling now sounds normal. Reconciliation happens on rare occasions but it isn't something to count on. Focus on improving yourself and making your life happier.... also, after 9 months, you might want to start looking for someone new! You're young and have your whole life ahead of you.... there are so many equally amazing women out there for you to meet and fall in love with! What do you think is holding you back from moving on?
kindest Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I've observed that the difference between men and women is that women tend to think twice, thrice, even 10 times before making a big decision. Men, on the other hand, make decisions based on what they feel at the present moment. They have no time to think, they just do. This is the reason why they say that men take longer to move on from a break up. They seem to be fine the first few months, but once they've had time to think and see the relationship for what it really is, they start missing their ex, have feelings of regret, and crawl back to her like a lost puppy. This is why the ex boyfriend comes back at a time when their ex girlfriend has already healed and gotten over the break up. I've seen this happen a lot of times. Happened to me a lot of times too (my ex crawling back to me). Anyhow, you can try if you want. No matter what people tell you here there's a possibility that you might follow your heart. But please consider that your ex girlfriend may not feel the same way for you anymore. Time has passed and with it, possibly her feelings for you. So your pursuing her again can go either way. Good luck to ya! By the way, who broke up with who?
Author kyle77 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 she broke up with me.... I don't know whats holding me back...I honestly just as of late would rather be with her than with anyone else. I am just missing all the little things about my ex. I just don't know what to do because right now I have this feeling like my love for her is eternal and will never die, and it is completely ridiculous to expect that after 9 months apart she would still feel the same. Do you guys think the best thing then would be to just suck it up and be miserable for however long this lasts?
Jose11 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I found this on an article online, don't remember the source but you can google it. Its something to remember when someone leaves you and your wondering about the possiblity of reconciling. Important points to remember: 1. Move on, because they already have. 2. Let it go, because they have already let us go. 3. Stop hoping, right now it's hopeless. 4. They will change and you may or may not like what they change into. 5. Remember the person you fell in love with is no longer there. They have changed, or else they wouldn't have broken up with you. 6. Accept the fact that what you love is the image you have of them in your mind. Not what they are now. 7. Keep reminding yourself of point 1-6. Best of luck
edelveis Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 kyle sometimes it happens to remember and emphasize only at the good memories.thats how our brain works.try to think of all the negative things that led to this break up.and remember that she chose her road and left you.and please you dont have to take the blame now..just try to numb the pain for now and be strong..you still feel like having emotions for her ?do you still feel pure love for her?
Author kyle77 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 well recently i would rather be miserable wishing i was with her then be with someone else....its a weird feeling...
Ruby65 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 she broke up with me.... I don't know whats holding me back...I honestly just as of late would rather be with her than with anyone else. I am just missing all the little things about my ex. I just don't know what to do because right now I have this feeling like my love for her is eternal and will never die, and it is completely ridiculous to expect that after 9 months apart she would still feel the same. Do you guys think the best thing then would be to just suck it up and be miserable for however long this lasts? She has ended this relationship, so sucking it up is really your ONLY option at this point where she's concerned. If a reconciliation were to ever happen, she'd have to be the one to instigate it because she was the one who ended it. Consider dating new people. Sometimes we're drawn to ruminating over exes because they're safe and familiar, whereas there's lots of risk involved in facing the unknown. Without even realizing, you might be hanging on to these feelings about your old relationship as a safety net to avoid being hurt or rejected by someone new.
Author kyle77 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 That makes sense ruby! I feel like I don't want to let go of these feelings because then there is absolutely no chance in the future of reconciliation..... I wonder if anyone has any experience in this.... Can you completely lose your feelings and then get back together later? If so does anyone know anyway to try and coerce myself into letting go of these feelings?
Ruby65 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Get excited about someone new! Your old lingering feelings for your ex will immediately be put into proper perspective when compared to that.
Jay123 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I Am going through the exact same situation. I was with my ex for 5 years and it has been 7 months now. I still love him and know he is not perfect. He actually broke up with me and I tried to move on. I have dated other guys but no one comes close to how he makes me feel. I thought I would realize it would be best to end the relationship at this point but it feels like my feelings have grown stronger. That I now know the mistakes i made and am in a better situation to make things work between us. However, since he is the one that broke up with me, he needs to be the one to get back together with me. He has not contacted me for a while now. I think the next time he does, I am going to tell him that I am still in love with him and that I need to go my way and him his. That way, he will know where I stand and realize that I am no longer waiting for him. I don't think I will ever truly be happy again unless I meet someone amazing. But what are the chances of that happening? I know this sounds pessimistic but my heart belongs to my ex, and I hate that! I hate the fact that he has my heart in his hands and does not seem to care. All I can tell you is be strong, keep moving forward, cry as much as you want. I still cry from time to time. I seriously hope he will realize that he loves me and comes back to me. If not, I sincerely feel happier being alone than being with someone else. Maybe that simply means I did not find the right person yet? Who knows! Love is really a very stupid thing at times!
Author kyle77 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 that is exactly how I feel at times jay! Its like I would rather be alone and miserable than with someone other than my ex! its weird! And I don't know what to do about it....
LovelyDaze Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I would rather be alone and miserable than with someone other than my ex! its weird! And I don't know what to do about it.... No, it's not weird at all. You SHOULD want to; as they say, do bad by yourself than to be with your ex with all the game playing and hurt even more. What you do about it is to keep healing and ask yourself if your ex seems realistically proactive in wanting to pick up the broken pieces with you. If not, they are just mind-****ing you and brushing their own ego.
Oncehadluv Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Best advice- Let yourself breakdown, with proper dillagance you will rise stronger
Author kyle77 Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 so how do I go about putting in that "proper diligence"? just continue to improve myself?
Oncehadluv Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 so how do I go about putting in that "proper diligence"? just continue to improve myself? Well there's 2 directions from this point in ur life , up or down You old enough to start choosing that route
Thisisbs Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 It does get easier every passing day, even if you move back a few steps, you're still 100 steps from where you started.
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 ya but its weird because in my mind still every step forward I take I feel like I am getting closer to getting my ex back....shouldnt I be feeling I am moving on?
Thisisbs Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Why does it feel like you're getting closer to your ex? You haven't really spoken to her have you? Did you break up with her or the other way around?
Samilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I am sorry though that you are going through such a rough time. Personally I write to get better when something goes wrong in my life. You should try, it might make you feel better. Pour all those nasty thoughts out of your head. I don't know your story but I know life, a bit.. and I would say that those feelings are good. Live and learn from your mistakes. Concentrate on the positive, which is learning and do better next time. It might be with the same person or someone else, but being aware of what we have done wrong, and right, is what will make you succeed in your next relationship.
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 well I haven't been in contact but then my ex texts me the other day and were talking as if nothing ever happened and that all is fine.... maybe I should try writing...I know for a fact that just writing questions about whats happening lately on here and getting advice and feedback is definitely helping! How would you say is the best way to reflect on your relationship and learn from your mistakes? Cause I know I made mistakes and I can identify them I just have no idea how to make sure that will never happen again you know? I just wish I knew how to fix so many of the problems I had in the past
Oncehadluv Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Dealing with your ex right now will only leave you trying to jog in quicksand, give her 6 months to a year before speaking to her again. Unless you enjoy being stuck in a rut, then keep trying contact with her
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Dealing with your ex right now will only leave you trying to jog in quicksand, give her 6 months to a year before speaking to her again. Unless you enjoy being stuck in a rut, then keep trying contact with her its already been 9 months though? you think an additional 6 months to a year is a good idea?
Oncehadluv Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Since those 9 months how long have u kept contact or how often?
Author kyle77 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Since those 9 months how long have u kept contact or how often? well we were in uni together in the same class so up until the 6 month mark i had to see her a couple times a week and we would sit in class together (awkward) since school ended though I haven't talked or seen her since until maybe last week when she texted me saying that she hadn't seen or talked to me in a while and asked how i was coin etc. we then texted for the day but nothing since then
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