Chameleon Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) You're all invited! Yaaaayy..yay..? But really, I'm despairing a bit. I've been alone for over 5 years now. I get it, I mean.. Not everyone rebounds fast. Nobody is entitled to companionship. I don't blame women en mass. At least I've had a couple relationships, it could always be a lot worse. They were beautiful, flawed people just like everyone else. I ended up hurt, but it's not about finger pointing. I can certainly do things to improve myself. I fall in love too easily, and I stopped getting close to anyone because wearing my heart on my sleeve was a bloody mess. Between bad relationship advice, getting lost in the crowd, socially awkward penguins, foreveralone memes and my pervasive neurosis I'm leaning toward just not being cut out for this. Unlucky in love, lucky in.. Cards? Maybe I should take up poker. I'm really trying to get back on track. Been in therapy for two years. Steady job. Hobbies. Male and female friends. Exercise. But social situations scare the **** out of me, I just sit quietly unless spoken to unless I know everyone really well. I guess I'm a coward? More likely just apprehensive. People can be really terrible to each other. My future may not be bleak, I get it. I should focus on me, and now, until I'm at some ideal state of health, but that just feels selfish and it's already been a pretty long run. This week I've burst into tears at least 2-3 times. A year and a half ago a friend of mine called me weak. Probably a well adjusted person would have just forgotten that by now, but I'm just beginning to wonder if he wasn't onto something. At least for a guy in my late 20s I'm not exactly an exemplar of masculinity. Most of my friends wouldn't even know I was so upset. I'm depressing, nobody should have to be around that. Part of me knows it will get better, like I keep hearing from my recently divorced parents and my counselor. The rest of me feels hopeless, and unlovable, and just pretty ****ing awful. Especially today. Thanks for coming to my party, be sure to try the ice cream cake on your way out! It stays refreshingly cold in the presence of my now wintry heart. Edited June 13, 2012 by Chameleon
foolishlover Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 id give you a hug if i could. You seem like a very kind and sweet person and i hope you find the happiness you truly deserve. It is easier said than done, but head up.
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Continue with your therapy but try to branch out a bit. Do you have any hobbies or things you are really interested in? Try some meetup.com groups. They actually have some directly aimed towards those with social anxiety if you'd like to start there. For yourself force yourself to take the first step. Once you get moving the next steps get easier.
esteem-jam Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 @Chameleon - I think I may be like you, except I have been alone for ever.
Reddice Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Ok guys. Enough with this self-pity nonsense! Esteem-Jam, hit me up with a PM. I might have some interesting reading material for you. Chameleon, the same goes for you. You will have to get to 50 posts before being able to PM anyone though.
Mr Scorpio Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Well, since I was invited, I'll do you one better. I'm really trying to get back on track. Been in therapy for two years. Steady job. Hobbies. Male and female friends. Exercise. But social situations scare the **** out of me, I just sit quietly unless spoken to unless I know everyone really well. I guess I'm a coward? More likely just apprehensive. People can be really terrible to each other. No career. Limited career prospects. Debt. Only one hobby that I don't have time for because of school. Limited circle of male friends, no female friends whatsoever. No time to exercise because of school. Unemployed, unhealthy, and alone parent who lives on foodstamps. So you see, it could be worse? Just as I realize my situation could be -- and likely will -- get worse.
CopingGal Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Well, since I was invited, I'll do you one better. No career. Limited career prospects. Debt. Only one hobby that I don't have time for because of school. Limited circle of male friends, no female friends whatsoever. No time to exercise because of school. Unemployed, unhealthy, and alone parent who lives on foodstamps. So you see, it could be worse? Just as I realize my situation could be -- and likely will -- get worse. Oh, so I see Mr. Scorpio, this is your life: -school -future career -friends -not starving Your life sounds good to me.
Author Chameleon Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Thanks for the replies, everyone. Philosoraptor, I just want you to know.. I love your avatar. You also seem well grounded, having seen a few of your posts around here. It's nice to know there are people around here who have found more stable footing on the other side of this emotional morass. Generally, I've been on an incline. I'm taking dance classes, I've been to a couple meet-ups. The social anxiety group in my area seems pretty inactive, sadly. I tried yoga, but it's a bit expensive to fit in right now. Anyway, I don't really chat with anyone at my classes, and I tend to be fine as long as I'm not trying to interact. I'm working on it, but I really do have a problem. I tried to force myself to go sit at a bar the other night and walking down the busy street had me panicked and eventually brought me to tears. I've been going to bars regularly with friends from work for 2 years now, but going alone or with the intention of meeting people is irrationally terrifying. Scorpio, I'm sorry to hear that your situation is worse. I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, or much more difficult states. I would like to add: Your situation is not likely to get worse, you just feel as though it will. I know what it's like to feel hopeless like that. The last few weeks for me have been dark, I just got turned down by a good friend a couple months ago. But I can tell you, as a third party, that you seem well written and exposure to difficult circumstance can make you stronger. I don't know you, but I suspect you are as overly critical of yourself as I am. I bet there's no good reason for that. Reddice, thanks for the reality check. I really have no good reason to complain, I know. I was just feeling especially down last night and had to purge some of that. I've been reading a lot of self help books for the last year or so. Some have helpful ideas, and some seem fluffy and designed for profit. I'm curious to know what your suggestions are, but I'll need to see what I can do about that 50 post mark.
CopingGal Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Chameleon, why don't you try eating by yourself at a place that many people eat alone...McDonald's or Burger King. Bring a book with you to read. Just get used to being alone in a place with lots of people.
Double D Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 That's a good idea Coping, try taking little steps Cham + having a meal at McD's or Burger King alone wld b a good way to start. Life can be hard Cham and people's woes are all relative, so allow yourself to feel what your feeing and continue to work Your way thru it. We develop and learn all the time. Be kind to yourself! 1
Mr Scorpio Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Scorpio, I'm sorry to hear that your situation is worse. I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, or much more difficult states. I would like to add: Your situation is not likely to get worse, you just feel as though it will. I know what it's like to feel hopeless like that. I do indeed feel that it will, but this is a pity-party afterall, right? My student debt will pile up, interest on the debt will pile up. My job prospects will be bleak. My father's health will continue to decline. I will become lonelier. So on and such. But I can tell you, as a third party, that you seem well written and exposure to difficult circumstance can make you stronger. I don't know you, but I suspect you are as overly critical of yourself as I am. I bet there's no good reason for that. You are correct. I am hyper-critical of myself. However, there is good reason for it. I've wasted years, more money than most people make in a year, and ruined the only relationship I ever wanted. But at least I'm not in Libya.
M30USA Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 You're all invited! Yaaaayy..yay..? But really, I'm despairing a bit. I've been alone for over 5 years now. I get it, I mean.. Not everyone rebounds fast. Nobody is entitled to companionship. I don't blame women en mass. At least I've had a couple relationships, it could always be a lot worse. They were beautiful, flawed people just like everyone else. I ended up hurt, but it's not about finger pointing. I can certainly do things to improve myself. I fall in love too easily, and I stopped getting close to anyone because wearing my heart on my sleeve was a bloody mess. Between bad relationship advice, getting lost in the crowd, socially awkward penguins, foreveralone memes and my pervasive neurosis I'm leaning toward just not being cut out for this. Unlucky in love, lucky in.. Cards? Maybe I should take up poker. I'm really trying to get back on track. Been in therapy for two years. Steady job. Hobbies. Male and female friends. Exercise. But social situations scare the **** out of me, I just sit quietly unless spoken to unless I know everyone really well. I guess I'm a coward? More likely just apprehensive. People can be really terrible to each other. My future may not be bleak, I get it. I should focus on me, and now, until I'm at some ideal state of health, but that just feels selfish and it's already been a pretty long run. This week I've burst into tears at least 2-3 times. A year and a half ago a friend of mine called me weak. Probably a well adjusted person would have just forgotten that by now, but I'm just beginning to wonder if he wasn't onto something. At least for a guy in my late 20s I'm not exactly an exemplar of masculinity. Most of my friends wouldn't even know I was so upset. I'm depressing, nobody should have to be around that. Part of me knows it will get better, like I keep hearing from my recently divorced parents and my counselor. The rest of me feels hopeless, and unlovable, and just pretty ****ing awful. Especially today. Thanks for coming to my party, be sure to try the ice cream cake on your way out! It stays refreshingly cold in the presence of my now wintry heart. You should be a writer. No, I'm not kidding.
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