Author Seethe Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 I can figure if attraction is there in a few seconds. Does that mean I won't give someone a chance to grow on me? Of course not. I believe attraction is just too instinct to deny. Trusting your intuition is probably the best advice I've encountered on Loveshack. It applies in most aspects. And while I agree, the emotional aspect is just as necessary as physical attraction, who cares how great her character is if you don't find her attractive. Why would you settle for not being happy. I say trust your gut on this one, don't listen to me. I'm as shallow as the puddle I'm standing in, but I balance it out by being one of the kindest people you'd ever meet. Yeah I guess in the future I need to avoid spending a weekend with someone on a "first date" lol. Honest my first instinct when I first met her was "this is too much woman for me". Then I was basically sleeping in her place for two days and probably went much farther than I should have. I consider myself a kind person, but at the same time right now I don't feel like I made very many wise decisions over the weekend (or the choice to stay there for the weekend) and don't exactly feel like a very kind person by essentially sleeping with a woman that I'm not 100% attracted to. It's the first time I've done it where I guess the moment just took over (and some alcohol) and I definitely regret it at this point.
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yes, I know. In fact she seems a bit miffed at me because I told her I needed a few days to think about how I feel. In reality if I wanted it, I would have jumped all over the opportunity to have a relationship with her. I know it and she knows it. It's not as if I'm not attracted to her, but at the same time I'm not enraptured with her. I don't feel weak in the knees, or drool, or just cannot keep my hands off her. The way I usually feel when starting a relationship. I'm supposed to talk with her this evening about it...I'm just not sure what to say I guess. Long distance relationships are tough enough... even when both people are totally, 100% into it. I wouldn't do it. I'd focus your energies on becoming someone more attractive to the ladies closer to you... or moving to an area with more dating options if you live in a small-town or a rural area. Regarding your friend. There is no saying you can't remain friends. It is too bad you chose to get physically intimate though. That kind of set up some expectations on her part. It is possible to go back to being just friends though. Give it some time. 1
Author Seethe Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Long distance relationships are tough enough... even when both people are totally, 100% into it. I wouldn't do it. I'd focus your energies on becoming someone more attractive to the ladies closer to you... or moving to an area with more dating options if you live in a small-town or a rural area. Regarding your friend. There is no saying you can't remain friends. It is too bad you chose to get physically intimate though. That kind of set up some expectations on her part. It is possible to go back to being just friends though. Give it some time. I've found (both by personal experience and others) that usually when people cross the line between friends and sleeping with each other that it's a one-way street. I suppose anything is possible though. I'm trying to figure out exactly what to say to her though. I'll probably tell her something along the lines that I don't feel I can be 100% committed to a LDR at this time and she deserves someone who can be. It's obviously not the whole truth but it I think that is the basic jist of it.
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I've found (both by personal experience and others) that usually when people cross the line between friends and sleeping with each other that it's a one-way street. I suppose anything is possible though. I'm trying to figure out exactly what to say to her though. I'll probably tell her something along the lines that I don't feel I can be 100% committed to a LDR at this time and she deserves someone who can be. It's obviously not the whole truth but it I think that is the basic jist of it. There really is a whole lot more at stake when it is a LDR. It is a pretty big commitment of one's time. You really have to be in it 100%, or else one or both of you is just a placeholder. Not a good place to be in, really. She may be a little hurt at first, but in the end, it is best for both if you are honest up front.
sid3 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I've found (both by personal experience and others) that usually when people cross the line between friends and sleeping with each other that it's a one-way street. I suppose anything is possible though. I'm trying to figure out exactly what to say to her though. I'll probably tell her something along the lines that I don't feel I can be 100% committed to a LDR at this time and she deserves someone who can be. It's obviously not the whole truth but it I think that is the basic jist of it. Just remember that rejection is not always a bad thing. It can open the door to many possibilities. I was recently on the receiving end, much like your lady friend(minus the intimacy) I survived My only suggestion, don't tell her via email. Show her the respect she deserves by calling and having the conversation. She'll appreciate it, I know. Even though you may be rejecting her on her physical attributes, I give you credit for not trying to string her along and using her until something 'better' comes around. 1
Author Seethe Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Just remember that rejection is not always a bad thing. It can open the door to many possibilities. I was recently on the receiving end, much like your lady friend(minus the intimacy) I survived My only suggestion, don't tell her via email. Show her the respect she deserves by calling and having the conversation. She'll appreciate it, I know. Even though you may be rejecting her on her physical attributes, I give you credit for not trying to string her along and using her until something 'better' comes around. Yeah I'll give her a call tonight and update how it goes later. Thanks again to you Sid and Redrobin for your advice, both extremely helpful.
sid3 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yeah I'll give her a call tonight and update how it goes later. Thanks again to you Sid and Redrobin for your advice, both extremely helpful. Umm, yeah:lmao:
FitChick Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't think you're a bad man for "leading her on" and getting physical with her. I have a feeling that is the hook she uses to get a man, knowing that because of her weight a guy isn't likely to ask for a second date. She figures by giving you good sex you might overlook her flaws. I'd tell her that you don't feel comfortable getting sexual so early because you are self-conscious about your body and you want to lose a few pounds before getting naked again. It might encourage her to suggest you do it together. You can plan your meals together, give each other emotional support, talk about workouts and do active and fun things when you are together. If she isn't serious about losing weight, she will brush off that suggestion and eat another cake. I've done this myself. I was planning to meet an LDR online guy and we both said we needed to lose about five pounds. We both had a history of fitness so it was never a case of one of us lying. I helped him with his food choices which were horrible and by the time we met two weeks later, we were at our perfect weights and it was one less thing to worry about. 1
sid3 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't think you're a bad man for "leading her on" and getting physical with her. I have a feeling that is the hook she uses to get a man, knowing that because of her weight a guy isn't likely to ask for a second date. She figures by giving you good sex you might overlook her flaws. I'd tell her that you don't feel comfortable getting sexual so early because you are self-conscious about your body and you want to lose a few pounds before getting naked again. It might encourage her to suggest you do it together. You can plan your meals together, give each other emotional support, talk about workouts and do active and fun things when you are together. If she isn't serious about losing weight, she will brush off that suggestion and eat another cake. I've done this myself. I was planning to meet an LDR online guy and we both said we needed to lose about five pounds. We both had a history of fitness so it was never a case of one of us lying. I helped him with his food choices which were horrible and by the time we met two weeks later, we were at our perfect weights and it was one less thing to worry about. She'll eat another cake???? That's mean.
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 She'll eat another cake???? That's mean. Yes, I agree. Not nice. I 'liked' her post though because it suggested something proactive that both could do.
Author Seethe Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Well, it's done. I called her tonight and basically told her that I wasn't feeling a strong enough connection to start a LDR with her. She was pissed off that I was so "lovey-dovey" over the weekend...but that's just the way I am. I gave it a shot...it didn't work. I feel bad about it but at the same time I'm picturing how bad I would have felt in a month from now doing it when we were both more invested and all I can do is breathe a sigh of relief. Thanks again guys.
utterer of lies Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 we [...] stopped short of full on sex simply because we thought it was too soon. Haha. 'We'? Really? What do you guys think I should do? I'm talking about starting an exclusive long distance relationship with someone who while I'm attracted to on some level, am not attracted to on a purely physical one. It bothers me that I cannot "accept" her at her current weight, which I think I should since she may NOT lose it. So you are wondering if you should make a commitment but you don't find her physically attractive and the relationship is long-distance, so no sex, or only rarely. Seriously?
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