hopefuldreamer Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 So my now ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend met at university. We were together on and off for 10 months. He knows how I feel about him and my feelings have always been constant, I love him so much but I just want him to be happy, even if that isn't with me. I feel really young to have such strong feelings for him, and I honestly feel that I could have spent forever with him. I've never been the type to go sleeping around, and to be honest I thought that when he broke up with me 3 months ago that I would do that, as a way of coping. Guys have been interested but just haven't been able to even show interest in anyone but my ex. We decided we would try and make it work as just being friends, but he used to flirt with me and we used to sleep together; it was really hard as we live in the same accommodation. This obviously left me really confused because he admitted he was still attracted to me, but he didn't want to be with me. We spent a lot of time together, and we spoke almost every day. He's helped me through a lot and I think I'm a better person because of him. During the time we've been officially 'single', he hasn't been with anyone and neither have I. So a week or so ago, he asked if I wanted to try again, and obviously I said yes. But I felt like he only said it because he didn't want to walk away completely and he felt guilty for not being able to stop flirting with me. So a few days later I confronted him about it, and it turns out he only asked me to make me happy, and he was still confused about his feelings for me. I know everyone reading this will think he's just been messing me about, and he's admitted he has and he feels really guilty for the times he sees me upset. So I gave him an ultimatum in that we stopped altogether, or we tried to make a relationship work. Turns out he thought we should stop seeing each other and talking to each other until things 'calm down'. He looked so upset, but he later said that he honestly thought that we'd end up together in the future. He said he's not telling me to wait for him, and I have to do what makes me happy. I'm so confused. I love him so so much and it's really hard not talking to him, I have all sorts of scenarios in my head. Part of me is thinking because we're young, and in uni, there are expectations that we need to go out and get with random people and drink, and maybe he needs to get it 'out of his system' so to speak, but part of me knows he's not that type of person, and he feels we're too young to be in anything serious, even though he said 'we're perfect for each other'. I know my feelings scared him, so I cant help but blame myself. It just confused me more that he said that in the first place, and to be honest I forced his honest opinion out of him, as he said he didn't want to tell me as it would make me hate him. I don't think I could ever hate him, I just want him to be happy but I just don't know if he's going to come back or not? He said we can still be friends, just not now as it's painful, which I guess this is really hard for him, he's just better at hiding his emotions where I am. I'm trying to keep myself busy and distracted, but it just hurts so much. I'm not really sure what to do?! It feels like there's a part of me missing. I've been through breakups before, but I've never put someone elses happiness before mine, and its never felt like this. I feel way too young to have these feelings, its horrible!
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Right now you need to do what is best for you. You can't allow your heart to stay on the line for a "maybe". You really need to take control of this situation. If continuing to be around him hurts then don't do so. Cut the cord and all ways to communicate, and start to focus inward on yourself. Take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, volunteer, etc. Just do things that make you feel good about yourself and keep both you and your mind occupied. Realize that he is making a choice here and all you can do is respect it. But you need to make the choice to take care of yourself and do whatever possible to limit your pain and make your healing time efficient.
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