my MM Story...

[Heartbreaker breaker]

I am a MM that recently broke up with my OW. Saw eachother 9 months and after 6 months began to visit and read this site to understand the dynamics of the relationship. All the patterns are the same and I have found comfort in knowing that I am not alone and also the best way out of this dillema(NC).

First let me address the OW. In a nutshell, she is broken and has lived a hard life. When I met her she was in an abusive relationship with her BF. In a way she used me to get out and on her own. She has NO circle of friends...which was always a red flag, and she has described herself as a loner.

She is heartbroken - she trys to be strong but I can see through that. I feel horrible that I cause pain in this persons life and was not my intention.

 

Whe we first met, it was spontanous and it flowed so natural, the first few months. The fog was very strong and although i told her straight up i was not looking to leave my W, i wanted a gf to hang out with. Once i fell in love i actually considered leaving my W, which looking back is crazy.

 

Its completly irrational to leave for the OW. That is why men dont leave. Women let emotions control too much and men are better at anylizing risk Vs Reward. For me to leave the Risks are way to high and the Reward is not even close enough to even give it a thought. Once my OW determined i was not leaving she was heartbroken. Sometimes i want to shake her and say "I have a W, i do not need another one, I was only looking for a GF". Its all true, men are pigs..even the best of them (ME )...LOL...

 

About ME? OK, I am a RISK TAKER - I love adreniline and I am naturaly a HUNTER. THe chase, and excitement are the reasons I believe I did this. I think i was really into the girl friend experience and the way it made me feel young. I think i went through a mid life crisis looking back.

 

This woman gave me her heart and wanted to marry. Shes never been M and wants me. If i left my wife, I would not want to marry her. Sad isnt it? Shes not wife material...All the OW should feel that last statement because it cuts to the Core...

 

What drives me now...I began wanting out because of the GUILT. I felt bad for the OW and she became needy and consumed with me,especially after reading what you women go through... I had horrible guilt and I could not longer do this. Please. to all the ladies, I am sorry, I will not do this again this was horrible

 

I am going NC- Limited contact now...

 

I know that not a lot of MM particapate,

 

I will answer any questions

[Furious]

Is this the first time you've cheated on your wife?

[Owl]

So...what's your plan for your wife?

 

I see info about how you viewed your affair, and your OW...but nothing about your marriage, your wife, or your plans for them going forward.

[Emme]

Thank you for sharing.

 

Question. Why do you say continually that you were looking for a "GF"? I'm trying to decipher if you mean those words (the definition) or It's you being kind instead of saying you wanted p*ssy on the side.

 

Define GF for me, please.

[sad puppy]

Your Ow is broken? Well, quite frankly, it seems to me that only someone who is "broken" would fall for you. And what does that mean - "wife material"? Is wife material someone you can cheat on?

[Mimolicious]

Clown.

 

Buddy, I don't think that your OW is the only one broken here. Sounds like you may be in pieces yourself. There is a huge void inside and nothing or anyone fills it. Obviously no W or GF. I find it pathetic that a MM has the nerves to call another woman their "GF". Go and look at an application, under marital status there is no selection as such. Take that as a sign.

 

For someone that lives for the rush and is a "risk taker", you sure contradict yourself with the part of "risk/rewards". I wonder what are these "risks" that you are talking about? Sounds more like your "GF" dulled her shine being needy and clingy and was putting pressure on you, then you bailed and now you're probably on to the next. Not once did you mentioned that you feel like a huge POS for cheating on your W.

 

I forecast you will be doing this again. If you find someone that is willing to be your "gf" and gives you no drama because her hot stuff ego matches yours, you'll be set.

 

Suggestion: Find a MW next time, since she has "risks" as well.

[eleanorrigby]

OK I'm a BW and I love a good "the OW got her just reward" story, but I'm going to call troll on this poster. LOL

 

I'm going to need you to do better and be more subtle next time.

[Heartbreaker breaker]

First Time yes....last time. The pleasure is not worth the guilt and remorse and yes, hassle that comes with it...

 

As far as the W, we are in MC and i am going "all in" - i am using this storm as a warning/life lesson that I need to fix things. Everything i got from my OW i can get from her. After 10 years we got complacent. What am i doing specifically...taking my Fam on vacation and renewing my romance with my W. I am scheduling date nites... i am holding her at night and instead of texting my OW all the time, i am focusing on my kids and home life. It is like a weight has been lifted.

 

Looking for in a GF.?..originally this was meaning someone to have lunch with..happy hours..hiking skiing...getting dolled up for me, wearing sexy clothes..kissing...The Classic GFE...girl friend experience...and yes some fresh P###sy...

 

Wife material? ... hmmm..just being the OW is one reason, just like you probably wouldn't think a cheating man good husband material..other reasons? hmmm..she has cheated before, has no sexual inhibitions? has no spiritual foundation...plus she has depression, no friends and depends on men to feel good. is that enough? .guess what the first thing she did when we broke up ? went on match and is now casually seeing a separated man...

[Furious]

Does your wife know about the affair?

[Emme]

Looking for in a GF.?..originally this was meaning someone to have lunch with..happy hours..hiking skiing...getting dolled up for me, wearing sexy clothes..kissing...The Classic GFE...girl friend experience...and yes some fresh P###sy...

 

Mmmm... Everything your wife could have done if you only communicated. I'm not so sure about freshness... You hit it once it then becomes stale. But if you say so.

 

 

After 10 years we got complacent.

 

We... You mean you became a lazy mofo. I don't know what you mean by we... Did your wife step out on you also.

[alexandria35]

OK I'm a BW and I love a good "the OW got her just reward" story, but I'm going to call troll on this poster. LOL

 

I'm going to need you to do better and be more subtle next time.

 

my thoughts as well

[reboot]

OK I'm a BW and I love a good "the OW got her just reward" story, but I'm going to call troll on this poster. LOL

 

I'm going to need you to do better and be more subtle next time.

 

Yep. Massive fail.

[frozensprouts]

OP,

while i think that trying to make your marriage better is a good first step, i think it may be a good idea for you to take stock of a few things:

 

(a) you say that "we" became complacent in the marriage, and you are trying to correct that. That's really good, but have you told your wife you feel this way? If not, how can you , in all fairness, expect your wife to "correct" for a situation she doesn't know exists? She may assume you are happy, especially if you have gone out of your way to appear happy so she wouldn't suspect you were cheating.

 

(b) I know that you say you aren't seeing your other woman any more, and that you have learned that an affair is not the way to go. Again, that is a great first step, but what follow through will you make on this? What will happen the next time you get a little bit bored in your marriage? Are you trying to learn different ways of dealing with the times you may be bored in your marriage? If having a fling was your response to this situation before, what are you doing to learn a different response?

 

I hope you and your wife are able to work things out, and, as always, i would advocate being honest with your wife...there are so many ways that lying ( even by omission) about the affair could blow up in your face...please give it some consideration

[OpenBook]

Its all true, men are pigs..even the best of them (ME )...LOL...

 

I will answer any questions

 

Too bad men like this don't have a flashing neon sign that says beware.......I really hate women.

 

OK, here's my question Heartbreaker. Do you hate women? Or if hate is too strong a word for it, what IS your view of women in general? Do you find them to be inferior to you? Born to serve men like you? What kind of woman do you respect?

[skywriter]

Heartbreaker breaker, It is like a weight has been lifted.

 

I bet your exOW feels the same way! She will probably get on with life now and feel so much better for having moved on.

[Radagast]

Its completly irrational to leave for the OW. That is why men dont leave. Women let emotions control too much and men are better at anylizing risk Vs Reward.

 

You do realise that this is a generalisation, right? And that many men do leave. And that many of those who leave are happy, and don't regret it for an instant? Perhaps because we were never victims of "the fog" ("The Fog is strong in you, Luke...") and when we fell in love we fell in love honestly and did not simply use our girlfriends for sex or ego boosting or whatever it was you sought in a girlfriend. Some of us really loved, and left our marriages, because that was the honest and honourable thing to do.

 

I'm sorry your experience turned out to be so superficial for you. Sorrier perhaps for your girlfriend for whom it was more real. But if something good can come of it through your counselling and your commitment to work on your relationship with your wife then at least it will not have been entirely in vain. I hope at least some good for someone emerges from what seems otherwise to have been a waste of hormones and body fluids.

[nofool4u]

Really? What is your purpose of posting this?

 

Because I see no mention of how you feel about your wife at all and its focused on the OW's feelings, which most of us here could care less about.(unless of course she never knew you were married and you lied about your marital status)

[HappyAtLast]

You do realise that this is a generalisation, right? And that many men do leave. And that many of those who leave are happy, and don't regret it for an instant? Perhaps because we were never victims of "the fog" ("The Fog is strong in you, Luke...") and when we fell in love we fell in love honestly and did not simply use our girlfriends for sex or ego boosting or whatever it was you sought in a girlfriend. Some of us really loved, and left our marriages, because that was the honest and honourable thing to do.

 

I'm sorry your experience turned out to be so superficial for you. Sorrier perhaps for your girlfriend for whom it was more real. But if something good can come of it through your counselling and your commitment to work on your relationship with your wife then at least it will not have been entirely in vain. I hope at least some good for someone emerges from what seems otherwise to have been a waste of hormones and body fluids.

 

Ditto the above. Yet another man who left his marriage here. My current wife has proven to very much be "wife material" - for the past forty years!