Cokeacola Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Ok. I'll admit to being pathetic and googling 'how to win back ex'. I'm almost living in a fantasy world. We had a great relationship - REALLY romantic and sweet to eachother. The problems started when I was asked to move in with him and his mum whilst we saved for our first place. It was all lovely until he lost his job. He tried his best to find something else and he eventually did. Sadly, this was four months after I moved in and things had become weird. Whenever we were out, we were in love and happy. However, as soon as we got back to his mums place it was different. The last 2 weeks I was there it became really bad and arguments became worse. We mutually broke up and I moved home. I have asked for him back and that things will be different etc but he has said no and that he wasnt happy for a very long time but he loves me? We both weren't happy, we couldn't even have sex because his mum could hear. Everything involved his mum and I became fed up. I continuously said I was moving home but he would become upset and think I did not want to be with him. I stayed because of him that's the confusing part I did call, text etc after we broke up (acting like normal) and became a needy loser. He told me that I'm only making it harder. We broke up 5 days ago and I found out he joined a dating site the day after I left. I don't know what to feel anymore... I can't bear the thought of being with someone else but he obviously does. I'm doing the NC thing but it's difficult He's broken my heart and I still want him back.. I should hate him!! I just can't stop loving him and reminiscing. I have to go back to collect the last of my stuff... I know I should do it now and just move on but theres a part of me that doesn't so that I know I have an excuse to see him. I'm so pathetic.
daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Honestly, I have been doing the exact same thing. I googled how to move on, disregarded everything it said, and then googled ways to get him back. Which obviously haven't worked. I joined a dating site too, and while there are plenty of people that have tried talking to me I feel numb and I really don't care about any of them. Moving on is so hard. It really is. And honestly I am not sure the best ways to do it. But getting your stuff now would be a good idea I think. Removing him from your life (WAY easier said than done), is probably crucial to you moving forward with your life. Nothing about this is easy. I completely get that. They say "time heals all wounds" and while that may be true, time sure does take a while to start the healing. You just have to realize that he is not the one for you, and that there is someone out there looking for you. I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother once, and the main character's ex girlfriend said this to him: Stella tells Ted a story of how she once talked her way out of a speeding ticket. The cop pulled her over and walked up to her car and said "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." Stella looked up at him and said "I'm sorry, officer, I got here as fast as I could." When Ted asks if that really happened, she says no, it's just an old joke. Then she says that "the one" for Ted is coming "as fast as she can"... So you just have to wait for him to come to you, and be happy with yourself and your life in the meantime.
Author Cokeacola Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 I do hope you're right I just can't accept it. It doesn't seem right... I know I should collect my stuff and I should do but I know I won't I need to try one last time - I'm doing the NC thing for a while and REALLY hoping it works. I hate the fact I love someone so much. I don't think I can put myself through this ever again.
Winning Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks, doesn't it? It IS hard to accept that it's over, but that's what has to be done. These sites that help you to get back someone are just scams. And reading them just sets you back, and keeps hope alive when there isn't any. Hope in these situations is the mind killer, not fear as in the Dune books. What you (and I) need to do: get happy with ourselves, busy with activities, work on things that would make us even better in future relationships, and maybe even consider some counseling. I'm thinking about it. I can highly recommend dialectical behavioral therapy. It combines cognitive behavioral therapy plus Eastern 'mindfulness' into a powerfully healing therapeutic modality.
hayley1357 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 So I'm 3 months post breakup and I've only just started to move on. I didn't go NC I still have no intention to go NC but I now also have no intention of starting conversations. I'm on limited contact I guess! My advice is probably unhelpful but realistic. You just have to live it, your going to have to go through THe pain, your going to have to go through those mornings where you litterally just want to cry yourself back to sleep. Going to work seeming so irrelevant because not having your ex makes everything not have value to it. For me it was one of those things that just happened. I followed no advice, did things how I wanted (I wanted to have no regrets) it was the worst time of My life EVER. One morning I went to woke and walked out crying and didn't return for a week because I couldn't face life without my ex. One day you'll realise how far you will have come. This time word is the Bain of my life, if I hear someone say give it time I will scream! But it is The truth, I am nowhere near over this, and by no means nowhere near ready to date again. But I also know I'm nowhere near ready to get back with my ex. Two months, probably even one month ago I would have done anything but you just start to realise life goes on. You will feel better you just won't realise it untill you do
flitzanu Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I do hope you're right I just can't accept it. It doesn't seem right... I know I should collect my stuff and I should do but I know I won't I need to try one last time - I'm doing the NC thing for a while and REALLY hoping it works. I hate the fact I love someone so much. I don't think I can put myself through this ever again. how exactly is NC supposed to "work"? NC is for you to NOT CONTACT him in order to heal. there are no results from it "working" and if you're expecting him to come around because you go NC, then you're going to be disappointed. you need to pay attention to the words he's said to you, and that he doesn't want to be with you. there's no need to keep reading between the lines, because there are no lines. understand the words for what they are. you're going to continue hurting yourself if you keep believing otherwise.
geegirl Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Wake up. He's on a dating site seeking other women. He is telling you it won't work. He is telling you he doesn't feel the same. He is telling you he has not been happy. He told you that you're making it harder (this means he wants you to stop) When a man tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN.
daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Wake up. He's on a dating site seeking other women. He is telling you it won't work. He is telling you he doesn't feel the same. He is telling you he has not been happy. He told you that you're making it harder (this means he wants you to stop) When a man tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN. Exactly. And even if I am being a hypocrite in agreeing with this it is very true. It hurts a lot when said so blunt, but it is 100% true. I have been going through the same issue in a sense. I keep thinking that if I leave him be for a while, he will realize what he is missing and come back. And that is just plain stupid. Even if he says he wants to come back, how do you know this won't happen again and again? It is so hard to accept when things are over, I am not even close to being there, but you just have to tell yourself that it is, and mean it. 1
kindest Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I guess this is what I need to do too. It's been more than four months since we broke up and I still think about him every single day.
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