daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 My ex and I had been together for about a year and a half. In that time span he "broke up" with me about 3 times, only to realize he was being an idiot. The last time we broke up and got back together was in November. Recently I could feel a change in the air (my mom always says men lose their minds in the spring), and I didn't know what to do. I tried everything I could to keep him here but it just felt like it was all a wasted effort. Anyway. I made the HUGE mistake of going through his phone one morning, something I had never done before, and he found out. The first thing he said after I admitted it was "well now you are single." I understand where he is coming from with that, but what the heck. Eventually it boiled down to him not wanting to commit to anything. I have a 3 year old daughter, who he apparently now decides he doesnt want to help parent (though i NEVER once asked him to anything like that), and he doesn't ever want to get married (3 weeks ago he was talking about getting me a ring), and he doesnt ever want to move in together. This came out of nowhere. Now the one thing you have to know about my ex is that he kind of flips out now and again and does stupid rash things and then regrets them. I have put up with it and dealt with it just fine. but this time feels different. He didn't talk to me for a couple days after the initial break up, and I felt like i was losing my mind. I asked if we could talk, he said no. then he comes out of nowhere with this huge attitude through text messages where he tells me he just wants to me alone, he is over relationships, and to move on. Obviously I was crushed but I left it alone. An hour or so later though, he starts going off about guys hitting on me, and i shouldn't have been fishing around for a reason to have my heart broken (going through his phone) and basically just being ridiculous. Honestly, now that I am writing this all down i see how stupid I really am being. Why would I want to be with him again? But why can't I let him go completely either? We are still FB friends. He still has all my pictures up from when we were together, all the lovey dovey posts are still there.. I don't know what to do honestly. Let it go or fight for what I felt was the real thing?
PissOfMind Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I don't want to assume anything, but I guess you are emotionally drained and this guy definietly doesn't help you feel good about yourself. And this should be a priority. I remember myself being in a toxic relationship with an incredibly unstable, unreliable and indecisive man and feeling insecure/ self-assured, rejected/ loved again, ignored/ uncoditionally accepted and so on and so forth. It was absolutely exhausting! At some point I realised that the only reason I clinged to this relationship as thoughh he was the last man on the earth, was that :1) I had low self esteem and believed that I couldn't do better 2) I lived fot these "highs" when he behaved like a decent guy (briefly:P) and made me feel good. Then I asked myself "What is there for me? What is so irreplacable about him that I let him treat me so badly? Am I truly happy with this, am I sure I am doomed to it?" Maybe you should ask yourself that basic question. And another one: how much must he hurt me for me to be sure I need to walk away?
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 I know you are right, I guess it is just hard to accept the fact that he will no longer be a part of my life, and I his. His family had become my family. I love them like my own. Our lives were so intertwined and about each other that now I feel like I have been ripped in half. He is everywhere I go. It's getting to be ridiculous honestly. I know my daughter deserves better though and I deserve better too. I just don't want to go through this dating thing again. I wanted to make it work and that be it. And he is so good with her; even if in the moment he said he didn't want to be a step parent or whatever. He was always great with her. I don't know. You're right though.
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Everyone is right, obviously. Even the people that I have talked to that know him and me say I deserve better, to move on, there is more out there, etc. How long will it take me before I realize that myself. It's been almost 2 weeks now and it has not gotten any easier. I have stopped crying all day but I feel like I am just always on edge, always ready to cry. And yes, I am pretty insecure. i always have been. And I do need to focus on myself and my life and not involve a man who isn't worth the time and effort. I just really wish i could let it go, and be done with it. But I am constantly worrying what he is going, what he is thinking, etc. It is driving me insane. I just miss him. But I will let it go. I have to if I am ever going to be normal again.
Ruby65 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I know you are right, I guess it is just hard to accept the fact that he will no longer be a part of my life, and I his. His family had become my family. I love them like my own. Our lives were so intertwined and about each other that now I feel like I have been ripped in half. He is everywhere I go. It's getting to be ridiculous honestly. I know my daughter deserves better though and I deserve better too. I just don't want to go through this dating thing again. I wanted to make it work and that be it. And he is so good with her; even if in the moment he said he didn't want to be a step parent or whatever. He was always great with her. I don't know. You're right though. Obviously it takes time to process and recover from a breakup. You're not going to just instantly stop loving him or stop wanting the "happy ending" you've been imaging with him all this time. Believe me I know how hard it is to be dating as a single parent. But it's SO worth it to wait until the right person comes along -- not just for your daughter's sake, but for your own. This man has broken up with you 4 times in just a year and a half.... he's told you he doesn't want commitment and he doesn't want to be step-father to your beautiful little girl. Even if said in just the heat of the moment, he's still saying it. Somewhere deep down, he's not comfortable giving you what you want and need to make your future together work. Consider this: if this is how he handles conflict between two adults, how will he handle conflicts with your daughter as she gets older? Tweens and teens can get pretty difficult at times..... do you trust him to be a consistently loving, even-tempered role model? Just my opinion -- I would block him off Facebook and go NC and take some time out to seriously consider ending this relationship.
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Sorry is the worst word, because it empty and generally doesn't really mean it's definition. I have been considering going to counseling for a while now though. I think that it will help me accept myself and my life. I am going to look into that now. Moving on is always hard, but I think that if I can do this I can do just about anything. And hey, it wasn't like we were married or together for 20 years or something. This was just a hiccup that only last a year and half in all of my life.
flitzanu Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 well, he broke up with you 3 times in the past. if he was willing to dump you THREE times, that's a pretty strong sign he really isn't into the relationship.
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