verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Just because a guy doesn't text/call every hour doesn't mean he has low interest, especially considering they've only been on a couple of dates and there has been no intimacy. In fact, his level of interest and frequency of contact seems to be pretty normal for that particular stage of the dating process. Men tend to be more utilitarian when it comes to communication. Most of us don't like wasting time on pointless calling and text messaging. Except there's a big difference between "texting every hour" and "only texts to set up the next date." Especially if there is significant amount of time between dates, that seems an awful lot like low interest. Additionally, dating is supposed to give you a window into what the other person is like in a relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong, ES, but you want a guy who is, well, communicative outside of "practical" reasons. If that isn't this guy's style, then it's a non-starter.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Except there's a big difference between "texting every hour" and "only texts to set up the next date." Especially if there is significant amount of time between dates, that seems an awful lot like low interest. In the early stages of dating, I only contact women to set up dates, regardless of my level of interest. I prefer getting to know someone through in person interaction and not over telephone (or even worse, text). From my experience, many men feel the same way.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 In the early stages of dating, I only contact women to set up dates, regardless of my level of interest. I prefer getting to know someone through in person interaction and not over telephone (or even worse, text). From my experience, many men feel the same way. Gee, and men wonder why women are constantly "flaking." You want a girl to be interested in you, you have to show interest in her, and not just through an obligatory text. Either way, the guy clearly isn't into ES, or at least has low interest. Keep it casual and light, ES, and get what ya can.
carhill Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 The OP wrote: "He is reliable in the sense that he never cancels and always confirms the morning of. He also sets up the next date exactly a day after the previous one. Like a clockwork." TBH, I've yet to meet a woman who even approaches showing this level of reliable interest, including the one I married. It appears the standard for a man is markedly different, not to mention variable, predominantly measured by other aspects of attraction.If he was not interested, he wouldn't 'set up dates'. He wouldn't call or text at all. He may be following the learned male behavior of expressing interest slowly and deliberately, as and after gauging the woman's interest in him. It's a pretty accurate canary, as dating during/after divorce proved to myself. Such a perspective also facilitated a milder 'sting' from the rejections that came, which is healthy. It meant appropriate emotional investment in a stranger had occurred. Looking at the OP's stated perspective, this dynamic, so far, sounds, absent potential incompatibility with her current relationship style, healthy. She has low interest; he has low interest (apparently). He's still pursuing her, as evidenced by his actions. The OP is definitely not pursuing him at all, rather merely allowing his pursuit. Shall she allow him to date her? To love her? To marry her? What's next? 2
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Or he's just waiting around to see if he can get sex. Every single time I've heard of a man continuing to set up dates, but showing no other sign of interest (she also mentioned he seemed uninterested on the date), then it's just him waiting out the "no sex until date X" rule, after which he will disappear. This is actually why I don't think it's a bad idea to have sex early. It means the ones who just wanted the sex will get gone quickly after.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Or he's just waiting around to see if he can get sex. Every single time I've heard of a man continuing to set up dates, but showing no other sign of interest (she also mentioned he seemed uninterested on the date), then it's just him waiting out the "no sex until date X" rule, after which he will disappear. No offense, but you are the last person who should be giving dating advice to others, considering your own dating issues, your total lack of understanding of the fundamentals of interpersonal relationships and your demonstrated bitterness towards the male gender.
d'Arthez Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 No offense, but you are the last person who should be giving dating advice to others, considering your own dating issues, your total lack of understanding of the fundamentals of interpersonal relationships and your demonstrated bitterness towards the male gender. Pot, kettle?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Pot' date=' kettle?[/quote'] Don't confuse my criticism of the feminists (and their male errand boys) for bitterness towards women in general. Not all women are feminists.
MrNate 2.0 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I am up to a 4th date with the guy I met online. No sex yet. I can't really see it going anywhere because we don't have much in common and he has some interests that creep me out. He is attractive and smart though so I am giving it a shot. I feel like he is not that into me either. He goes days without contacting me at all. In fact, he only contacts me to schedule the next date, and once date and time and venue are confirmed that's it. He just comes across as very reserved and cold. I tried once to text him about my day and his response was brief. He is reliable in the sense that he never cancels and always confirms the morning of. He also sets up the next date exactly a day after the previous one. Like a clockwork. I can take it or leave it at this point. Mostly I feel like I have walls too high up to let anyone in - now or maybe ever. Dunno if I should waste my time here. This just sounds mutually miserable, ES. Go pick you up a studmuffin. That is what you need.
dasein Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Or he's just waiting around to see if he can get sex. Every single time I've heard of a man continuing to set up dates, but showing no other sign of interest (she also mentioned he seemed uninterested on the date), then it's just him waiting out the "no sex until date X" rule, after which he will disappear. This is actually why I don't think it's a bad idea to have sex early. It means the ones who just wanted the sex will get gone quickly after. I tell men here most every day to nix the contact early on between dates, and to let her continued willingness to accept dates and her response to his respectful physical escalation guide his actions and decisions about continued dating. Has nothing to do with a plan to get sex. Women have dictated that this is what works to us generally, and flowers on the date and lots of flirty in between date contact is counterproductive. We live and learn. The first few dates are merely social engagements, not relationship auditions as so many want to believe or actually fall into. Why should people begin investing before there is good reason and knowledge backing it up? There are tons of women out there who will date a man 3-5 times and then simply start ignoring them with no explanation. Happens millions of times a day actually. In such a common dating environment, what kind of fool of a man would start pouring on lots of effort before he is reasonably sure of her quality, manners and social value? Doesn't take a man getting burned much to slow down his involvement early on. 3
SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) Has there been any discussion as to what either of you are looking for?? Have yall kissed? You are not in a relationship so why should he be contacting you daily/semi daily as if you are not in a relationship?? Some women just amaze me. The woman I'm dating now made a few references in her profile about keeping it in your pants and no quickies in the back of your car. I messaged her and after a couple I told her I like to take things slow and would ultimtely like to be in a r and she asked me if I was a virgin LOL. Sex is great and I like to do many things sexually but I don't want to date a woman who is going to hop into the sack with just anyone and too soon but when you tell some woman that they think you are a virgin or something. Edited June 12, 2012 by SJC2008 edit
mesmerized Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I never said women and men are alike...yes you can wave the feminity/equality flag all you want but here's the reality the vast majority of the time... Guy sleeps with girl: "Welp...that was fun, she sure was wild...great ass, you know, she's not all that bad, it's too bad she isn't like this or that, nothing too serious, no waves yet and i'm limited on my emotional investment here ::stretches:: so when she starts drilling me w questions like (what are we?) it'll be time to move onto the next conquest...wonder who my favorite team is playing this weekend" Girl sleeps with guy: "I think....I'm really starting to like this guy...i think at first he was an uninteresting douche with no chemistry, but now...now I see so much more, this man could be my husband! the father of my babies! wait don't think that far ahead this could just be sex...sure nobody is perfect, but what relationship is? but in my twisted mind, all of a sudden he might be perfect for me, oh I have to tell all my friends! maybe something will develop from this" Plus don't women typically claim or at least shy away from exclusively sexual encounters, aren't most to mature and looking for more than that according to the female council? You're going to have to get your story straight, I think men and women are entirely different by nature, and I think I make that apparant through my advice on these forums. Even when they commit the same acts on the surface, underneath its usually for completely different reasons/needs. Most women have a limited capacity in anonymous sex and they have to keep it at a completely superficial level, eventually they will get caught up in emotions, regardless of the man and whether he's worth a crap. This however can happen to men too, but less often and for different reasons. This is so true it's sad. Also, perhaps she does it because there is no better one out there. High standards often can translate to being lonely for the rest of your life.
2sunny Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I agree most females fall into attachment with a guy as soon as sex starts (and SOME men too). And MANY make huge concessions or overlook bad behavior because they are attached emotionally just by having the sex... Therefore judgment is out of whack because sex happened - and that often leads to poor choices to stay when someone should consider ending it. But I've never been one of those gals - I can approach it in an unattached way if my mins categorizes it as sex and not those attached feelings. Sometimes it's even more fun that way. I never get the folks who get all gushy just because sex happened. I don't see a thing wrong with continuing to see this new guy - and getting to know him to see if he gets more interesting as time goes along. It's not like he's pressuring her for sex when she doesn't want to...
boytoy Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 A guys perspective here. He sounds like a quality guy, what with being reliable and smart and attractive. However, it sounds like he is playing it very carefully. I have in the past limited contact with a girl early on in the dating phase on purpose, even though I didn't want to, because I learned over and over and over from experience that doing so increases a woman's interest level, and not doing so often has disastrous consequences for the relationship prospects, particularly when the girl is very attractive. In other words, guys often learn that women love mystery, and despite our own desires we resign ourselves to giving it to them. That may be what he is doing, and maybe he's doing it because he likes you and doesn't want to lose you by showing too much interest and communication too early. I am up to a 4th date with the guy I met online. No sex yet. I can't really see it going anywhere because we don't have much in common and he has some interests that creep me out. He is attractive and smart though so I am giving it a shot. I feel like he is not that into me either. He goes days without contacting me at all. In fact, he only contacts me to schedule the next date, and once date and time and venue are confirmed that's it. He just comes across as very reserved and cold. I tried once to text him about my day and his response was brief. He is reliable in the sense that he never cancels and always confirms the morning of. He also sets up the next date exactly a day after the previous one. Like a clockwork. I can take it or leave it at this point. Mostly I feel like I have walls too high up to let anyone in - now or maybe ever. Dunno if I should waste my time here.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Honestly? Everyone is hassling me to get out there and date again and I felt like I should force myself. He is the best out of my current options. I do find him sexually attrative so I thought I would make out with him few times and see what happens. In general, I have an extemly hard time meeting people I truly connect to. I don't even think I ever did, in 33 years of my life. There are people that feel it with me but I never feel the same. I try to lower my standards, but it's not really working. I'm going to pull out of it with this guy.
d'Arthez Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Honestly? Everyone is hassling me to get out there and date again and I felt like I should force myself. Screw what everyone else says. You should date when you are ready to. Not when people say you are ready to. Some standards are simply non-negotiable to begin with. Lowering those standards will ensure you are going to waste your time. Others are merely personal preferences, and those should hardly be included in the list of standards - they are nice bonuses if they happen to come true, but they are just that.
Snowman219 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I am up to a 4th date with the guy I met online. No sex yet. I can't really see it going anywhere because we don't have much in common and he has some interests that creep me out. He is attractive and smart though so I am giving it a shot. What is going on with some of these posts? Is it date random people that are completely uninteresting month? Someone want to bring me up to speed of why dating a creepy guy with no common interest for 4 dates is a worthwhile and satisfying experience? I think I'm dreaming...I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream. People can't possibly be lowering their standards this far to connect with someone they aren't really genuinely connecting with but have a few desireable qualities...this can't be so. What's wrong with trying new things? And for the record, girls get creeped out by ANYTHING. So I'm not buying it. NICE TRY SWEET LIPS!
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Who are you calling sweet lips? Me or Ninja?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 His lack of communication doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I am just not that into him myself. It's not like I am sitting around looking at my phone. Although, the lack of effort didn't help his case and made what little interest I had evaporate..
2sunny Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Honestly? Everyone is hassling me to get out there and date again and I felt like I should force myself. He is the best out of my current options. I do find him sexually attrative so I thought I would make out with him few times and see what happens. In general, I have an extemly hard time meeting people I truly connect to. I don't even think I ever did, in 33 years of my life. There are people that feel it with me but I never feel the same. I try to lower my standards, but it's not really working. I'm going to pull out of it with this guy. What happened when you made out? We're you interested while kissing him or just not interested?
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