SoMovinOn Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 To justify their actions in their small, pathetic, atrophied brains, they will assume the BS knows about the affair. In a case where a BS married someone with a small, pathetic, atrophied brain, I would say the BS definitely has some culpability in the WS eventually cheating, because, what can one really expect when they're married to someone with a small, pathetic, atrophied brain?
Betrayed&Stayed Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) A BS who chooses to ignore those issues, or refuses to address them certainly should not be terribly surprised to find their WS chose to look elsewhere. There might situations where that may be true. However there are many situations where the WS does not, can not, address their issues or problems. The BS can't "fix" something if he/she doesn't know it is broken. A WS who chooses to ignore those issues, or refuses to address them certainly should make the BS be terribly surprised to find their WS chose to look elsewhere. Edited June 13, 2012 by Betrayed&Stayed
SoMovinOn Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 There might situations where that may be true. However there are many situations where the WS does not, can not, address their issues or problems. The BS can't "fix" something if he/she doesn't know it is broken. That's correct. There are many scenarios and instances not covered by my discussion of a singular type instance or scenario.
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 So we have the WS and OP who are already lying, cheating, disrespectful (fill in your own expletive). To justify their actions in their small, pathetic, atrophied brains, they will assume the BS knows about the affair. And as such, will assume that the BS just doesn't care and is OK with the affair. Of course the WS isn't telling the BS about the affair and is doing everything possible to conceal it. Yep, I'm calling Bullsh*t on that. Any WS or OP that actually thinks this way needs to have a red hot poker shoved up their ass. Great post. Bolded part - Some WS's are really skilled liars and are able to pretend life is good at home, keep the peace, act happy and then look their spouse in the eye and LIE without blinking an eye about their day or night, about where they were. Why would a spouse (unknowing BS) even THINK or consider their spouse would lie and make up a bullsh.it story? They have kids, a life together and trust..So again, I'm sure the last thing on their mind is questioning what they say. 1
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 at least some portion of the blame, for the state of their M. Okay I see this point, but with that said, that STILL doesn't give the WS a right or justification to go ahead and cheat. Still a huge advocate of separating and divorcing before tasting someone else's fruit while one is still married. 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Okay I see this point, but with that said, that STILL doesn't give the WS a right or justification to go ahead and cheat. Still a huge advocate of separating and divorcing before tasting someone else's fruit while one is still married. *EXACTLY* Right now, even in the middle of divorce I'm trying to keep myself from dishonestly rushing forward into some new relationship...which would be completely unfair to the new person even if they were ok that I was in the middle of a divorce. Fact is I'm not over my wife and that's just a messy situation. I probably need to wait at least a year after the divorce is final before I go bringing someone into my confused world. It would sooth my ego and make me feel better but would be terribly risky for the new person. Now to do that to someone in secret when the marriage is still supposedly good? Wow,... unbelievable...I just don't get it.
96nole Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 *EXACTLY* Right now, even in the middle of divorce I'm trying to keep myself from dishonestly rushing forward into some new relationship...which would be completely unfair to the new person even if they were ok that I was in the middle of a divorce. Fact is I'm not over my wife and that's just a messy situation. I probably need to wait at least a year after the divorce is final before I go bringing someone into my confused world. It would sooth my ego and make me feel better but would be terribly risky for the new person. Now to do that to someone in secret when the marriage is still supposedly good? Wow,... unbelievable...I just don't get it. You're not going to get it because....wait for it..................................... You have morals and respect and honesty!!!! You are not selfish. You care about others' feelings. Your STBX, much like my ex are both too selfish to understand they are hurting someone that truly loves and supports them. They only care about themselves. To quote my ex whore: "I only want what's best for me" I have banged my head against the wall I don't know how many times (figuratively and literally) trying to understand it. I can't. Because I'm not that type of person. Neither are you. 4
SoMovinOn Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Okay I see this point, but with that said, that STILL doesn't give the WS a right or justification to go ahead and cheat. Still a huge advocate of separating and divorcing before tasting someone else's fruit while one is still married. I agree. Each person is responsible for their own choices and actions. Nothing changes that.
g450 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Pretty much sums it up for me too. Let myself get 'talked down' one too many times...finally when I SAW her trying to hide things from me, I KNEW that the line was crossed...then I installed a keylogger to get the proof I knew I'd need in order to confront. Couldn't get access to her computer for another four days...but then had all the proof I needed. Yep I never in a million years thought my little wife of 20 years would betray me. When she started hiding her phone and wanted to password protect her laptop I knew something was up. Even now, almost 2.5 years after the divorce I will think of something she said or did years ago and realize she could have been cheating on me for years. Scarry thought. Hindsight really is 20/20. Luckily I am now remaried and am happy again. But I am ever vigilant even in this marriage. I will never make the mistake of taking things for granted ever again.
96nole Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Yep I never in a million years thought my little wife of 20 years would betray me. When she started hiding her phone and wanted to password protect her laptop I knew something was up. Even now, almost 2.5 years after the divorce I will think of something she said or did years ago and realize she could have been cheating on me for years. Scarry thought. Hindsight really is 20/20. Luckily I am now remaried and am happy again. But I am ever vigilant even in this marriage. I will never make the mistake of taking things for granted ever again. Yep. I feel the same way. Since they have proven themselves to be lair's and cheaters, you end up questioning everything they said and did. You question if there was an ulterior motive to everything they did. Example: Last year after D-day #1, we agreed to work on it and she agreed to go NC with the dirtbag. One night she wanted to go to her friends house. I agreed to let her go. I watched the gps on her phone and she did go to her friends house. Later I found out that while she was there she was texting the dirtbag the whole time. Since my ex was involved in other activities, she used them as excuses to see the current dirtbag. She easily could have used them as excuses to have been seeing others long before I found out about the current dirtbag. I have no proof and I certainly couldn't believe her if I asked her now. But I now think there may have been others in the past.
scatterd Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Yes I have with all three husbands and I was right.The first one was stationed in Germany and when he came back she wrote him a love letter. The second one called a coke whore over to the house while I was visiting Parents in different state.The third one said I don't love you anymore and I watched him sneak down the stairs I picked up the phone and looked at recall he was talking to the one I suspected. He never admitted it to be anymore then friends.And each time it was my fault. And two times I was beat over it.Ive ate allot sh..... but lived through it all.
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