ihateslowjams Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I will treat this thread as a journal and i will be very open to ideas, thoughts, and advice. Basically we've been broken up for 8 days and she broke it off due to the following reasons: 1. i didn't have the drive and determination to be successful in life. 2. she wanted to be single to see if she can live life by herself since she's never been single. 3.she relied on me too much and wants to stop that. 4.she felt restricted while she was still with me. 5.we're at different stages in our lives-she is 23 and successful, while I'm 27 going to school and work. she makes double i make. 6. I've lost confidence in myself and I've stopped taking her out, showing her new things. some background on her: she had a very toxic 4 year on-off relationship from middle of high school to middle of college. after they broke up, she dated a guy soon after, but never "got" with him. While she was dating him, she met me and dropped him right after. we got together 2 months later... the relationship lasted about 3 1/2 years until 8 days ago. She mentioned how i was great and never knew a bf could be as sweet, loving, and caring... yet she still broke it off due to my pending status in life. She mentioned how i had an idea of what i want to do/be, but didn't know the steps to get there. Now, i want to reach out to her and make an attempt to get back together because I've done much soul searching and research, but i still haven't improved my life due to the time restraints i have. These time restraints are existent because i would be able to apply to transfer till sept. and if i get accepted, the transfer will happen fall of 2013. i know its a bad idea, but i feel like she still thinks about us. I remember in the past, we broke up but i made an attempt 3 days later and she got back with me. She said something like she tends to push people away when she gets scared and to never let her go (unless she cheats on me). I failed NC and made contact last night, so this will be the first day of the next NC. Is this a hopeless case? I really do care about this girl, but i don't want my screwups of my life in the past to affect us now, which it is. Is it past the breaking point and theres no return? All i think about is the regret i have for not finishing school faster because i believe we would have still been together... Do you think she's pushing me away because she's scared of the future with me? When we broke up, she asked what are my goals and steps to get there and she was looking for a good answer, but i didn't have it then. I have it now and i really want to tell her. Is this a bad idea? I would love both the female and male perspective on the matter please
Chi townD Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 When you broke up THEN she asked you what your goals were? How is that fair? She just broke up with you and she was a major factor in your life that (at he time) some of thos goals invloved her. NOW she wants an itemized breakdown of you plans in life right after she turned it upside down? You should have told her your were going to become a rock star. And if that didn't pan out; then a Chip n Dale's dancer... I mean, REALLY?!?!?!
Author ihateslowjams Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 haha, well it was more like the deciding factor of whether or not she was gonna break up with me. She was worried that i wouldn't be successful because I'm still currently in school and working a kind of dead end job at a bank... she wanted to make sure that i had it in me to make something out of myself and be able to provide for her and a family. Not just half-***ing life and getting paid a mediocre salary. She felt like I've just been sliding by life and thats why I'm in my current situation. She mentioned that if i was completely driven and determined to make something out of myself (or graduate sooner), i would have made sacrifices and decisions to make sure it happened. She brought up how if work was conflicting with my class schedule, i would have figured something out (either quitting work or finding another job) to make sure i get all the classes i want. Am i crazy to agree with this logic?
Rorschach64 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'll reiteriate what I said to you in your other post.... The reasons of your education and work position were not up to par is a bullcrap reason to break up with you. If she really was committed to the relationship to the maximum she would have continued to support you as you progressed through school and work. She just wants to go party it up and see what else is out there in life since she is pretty young still. That's kind of a crap way of going about things putting you on the spot like that and basing a decision of a break up on an on the spot response....
Author ihateslowjams Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thanks, I understand what your saying and absorb it whole heartedly. I guess its because i feel like it was my fault she used that as an excuse. She stayed with me for 3 years and did support me throughout, but i think she got fed up when i still haven't transferred. I agree with her point that i could have tried harder, but i didn't want to sacrifice my job in doing so. Also, my schooling got extended because i wasn't able to pick up the classes i needed, but i ended up finishing them up recently and I'm now ready to transfer to a school next year. A part of me wants to desperately tell her that I now know where I'm headed and how to get there. I finally know that "on the spot response" that she was looking for and wonder if its worth her changing her mind... or if her hearing the answer and my worth is enough to believe in me again. I have this gut feeling that says it will work, but my mind agrees with your last post, which will make things worse.
Rorschach64 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Are you able to actually survive without your job? It is a pretty bad job hunting situation out there right now, god knows I've been looking for awhile now and nadda. Then again, you are still progressing in school despite a minor set back but yeah you aren't at fault, trust me. People will tell you on this forum that going out and telling her stuff that you think she wants to hear won't bring her back because if she wanted to be with you, she would be. Words are cheap and meaningless, her actions to leave you 'speak' a hell of a lot more. Despite this, you will feel guilty, you will feel sad as all hell, angry...and so forth. That's just normal, unfortunately, but as bad as it is you need to keep going to school and working for yourself. Just remember, also, that your ex is a human so don't hate her for her choice...if she wants to come back then she has to own up then and there for said choice.
Author ihateslowjams Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thank you very much for the your response. Its helping me realize a lot of things i should have figured out myself. Enough of this bs and need to realize the action of what she really did and why she did it. I finally agree with you that she probably wanted to just go out and party. She recently made a few good friends that go out every weekend, which I'm sure played a factor in this. Thanks for opening my eyes to the truth.
macardent Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Don't listen to her words. Actions speak louder man. My ex gave me a fake reason for leaving. Don't ever contact her. What's the point of a partner if they can't be with you in ur hard times. Let's say u get one of the best jobs out there but god forbid u loose ur legs in an accident and can't work for the rest of your life. She is gonna get up and leave you?
Chi townD Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Look, your future plans are yours and yours alone. because, lets face it. You're not married, so this is YOUR future. Not hers. Do great things, but do those things for yourself.
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