irin Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 okay forgive me, i know this is a pretty stupid question! fancying people is natural and sometime theres not much you can do about it. not that im aware of anyway. how do stop yourself from being a secrete admirer of someone? _____________ a little more info for those who dont mind reading/my venting! so to get to the point i have habit of crushing too hard on people, that im sure i will never be with. and by crushing i mean it lasts for years. literary, i dont just get excited by seeing someone that i find attractive, actually i find it impossible to fancy a person just by looking at them, its usually after knowing them a little. it used be okay and normal when i was younger. but now ive had this happen to me twice, the first time was pretty intense, in my head i sort of even made myself believe that i was sort of secretly in love, but offcourse i probably dont know what love really is! anyway the way i got over him was when i found out he had gotten a GF, i admit i cried a little but after few weeks i was over it. was a little depressed. i completely sort of forgot him, until now that im righting about it! anyway months later happens again, (someone new) and its been more then a year im completely smitten with this person, that i cant even inform of all this. and i want to stop so i can focus on the guys that i can actually go out with. but i cant look at anyone else. all men and women are in the same category in my head and he is on his own in anther one. btw no one knows of this i dont really share with anyone, and please dont tell that im a coward for not expressing my feelings. i already know. thanks if you reply and thank you even more if you read my venting/telling the world my embarrassing secrete! ___________ 1
typicalcaliguy Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Approach all girls you are attracted to, get number and fvk their brains out. Repeat as necessary. And don't forget to make them gag when they give you a blowie 1
Author irin Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Approach all girls you are attracted to, get number and fvk their brains out. Repeat as necessary. And don't forget to make them gag when they give you a blowie is a plastic one okay to use? to make em gag when giving me a blowie? :lmao::lmao: great advice btw!
turt Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 It sounds like you just need to find out if they like you or not. Which you say you can't do this time. Why do you think you're incapable of dating the men you're attracted towards? Maybe they've already given an unspoken expression that they are attracted to you which may be why you like them so much.
WhiteChocolate Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'm a lot like you: I fall for people once I get to know them a bit, and once I fall, I fall HARD. What I do when I want to get over a crush is just stop making an effort to see him. And usually when they don't pursue me, well that's pretty much it. Out of sight, out of mind. It hurts for a bit, and then I focus on my life again. 2
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I wish I could have a girl get a crush on me for once. In my experience it's always been one sided and the girls have never returned my feelings. 2
Author irin Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) It sounds like you just need to find out if they like you or not. Which you say you can't do this time. Why do you think you're incapable of dating the men you're attracted towards? Maybe they've already given an unspoken expression that they are attracted to you which may be why you like them so much. yes it usually starts with flirting. but as soon as it happens i feel it physically, i become nervous, stutter, go a little red, heat up in my head, become uncomfortable around them. feel i had pretty strong reason not date the first one. so i just stayed away. and this one is now moving away. so well be living in different continents, im just not brave enough to admit it. (p.s. im assuming you read my whole post) Edited June 12, 2012 by irin
Princess71 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Please please please, if you find the answer let me know. I am exactly like you in this respect. I fall HARD and LONG. Right now it's been a year I'm obsessing on this guy. Before this one I suffered with one that lasted 6 years!!!!!! I hope this one doesn't last that long!!! Ive wasted too many years already. It's like these guys cast a spell on you.. But when you move on to someone else, u wonder what u ever saw in them.
threebyfate Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 irin, have you ever tried to deconstruct someone in your mind? It's what I used to do post breakup which helped to put them into perspective and defray any of the attachment hormones.
smith9800 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) Flirt with every person who is attractive in your site and stop giving priority to just one person.. Edited June 12, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarity
Author irin Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Please please please, if you find the answer let me know. I am exactly like you in this respect. I fall HARD and LONG. Right now it's been a year I'm obsessing on this guy. Before this one I suffered with one that lasted 6 years!!!!!! I hope this one doesn't last that long!!! Ive wasted too many years already. It's like these guys cast a spell on you.. But when you move on to someone else, u wonder what u ever saw in them. i wish i knew my first goal is to stop stalking him on fb/twiter and stop staring at his pictures, ive already looked 3 times today, fail.
Kamille Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Honestly? The best way to avoid that kind of infatuation is to make a move. As soon as I realize a particular guy is taking up all my thoughts, I find a way to let him know I would be up to going out on a date. Nerve-wrecking? Sure. But imo, rejection is better than spending months crushing on someone who doesn't reciprocate. And, often, the guy will be interested in trying out something different. I know this most recent crush is moving. I understand that after months of getting to know him, you likely don't want to make a move for fear of losing his friendship. So take the "make a move" advice as a guideline for the next time this starts happening. You'll see, it'll do you a world of good. ps: I spent high school crushing on one guy, and then my first 2 years of university crushing on another. In other words, I learned the hard way that the long with-held crush is not the way to go. 3
Emilia Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Sexual repression. Yep, your hormones are saying you need to get laid
Author irin Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 irin, have you ever tried to deconstruct someone in your mind? It's what I used to do post breakup which helped to put them into perspective and defray any of the attachment hormones. TBF how do you do that?
jobaba Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) anyway months later happens again, (someone new) and its been more then a year im completely smitten with this person, that i cant even inform of all this. and i want to stop so i can focus on the guys that i can actually go out with. but i cant look at anyone else. all men and women are in the same category in my head and he is on his own in anther one. btw no one knows of this i dont really share with anyone, and please dont tell that im a coward for not expressing my feelings. i already know. ___________ Distance. Stay away from him and unsubscribe to his facebook page. And next time like Kamille said, if you are attracted talk to him early. Like someone else said ... crushes are dumb. If you really know the guy and are attracted to him based on that, then I don't call that a crush. I wish I could have a girl get a crush on me for once. In my experience it's always been one sided and the girls have never returned my feelings. Yea, me too. Nobody has ever had a crush on me. Not even the women I've dated. It's just the way it is. Crushes are mostly based on looks. Sucks, but whatever, you deal with what life has given you. Edited June 12, 2012 by jobaba
Dusk1983 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I wish I could have a girl get a crush on me for once. In my experience it's always been one sided and the girls have never returned my feelings. Yeah, but the OP wasn't talking about you, was she? She was requesting some general, non-somedude81-specific advice. Honestly, how you get away with habitually derailing threads into another of your self pity parties, I've really no idea.
threebyfate Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 TBF how do you do that?It's like getting into their brain and figuring out what makes them tick. Then you lay out all the pieces, both positive and negative, match them up against what doesn't work for you and they lose their attraction glamour. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Do avoid a crush you get as far away from them as you can. Get rid of their fb and keep them out of your sight.
pteromom Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 You say that everyone else is in one category, and he is in another by himself. This is because that category is called "My Fantasy Man". Sure, you know him, but what you don't know, you have filled in - with all GOOD stuff, of course! He's kind, he's sweet, he's passionate, he's sexy, he's funny... because that's how you imagine him. In reality, you have no idea how he would be in a relationship. He may have ED problems or a poop fetish. He may prefer to spend all day looking at porn than touching his girlfriend. He may be prone to emotional abuse and insults when he's angry. He may have commitment issues. He may be completely hung up on an ex-gf, and have a shrine to her in his closet. He may believe that showers don't require soap. You simply don't know what issues may be lurking behind all those cute pictures and twitter posts. So. Just make a move on him. Show him you are interested. See what he does. If he reciprocates, see what happens. If he's not interested, start filling in the blanks with NEGATIVES and try to turn your feelings around. 1
fishtaco Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 It's like getting into their brain and figuring out what makes them tick. Then you lay out all the pieces, both positive and negative, match them up against what doesn't work for you and they lose their attraction glamour. I do something like that sometimes too. Usually when you are crushing on someone, you're noticing their best features, and filling in the blanks with diamonds. So step back and look at them critically, you'll notice flaws. Because everyone have flaws. Usually I use it to calm my nerves before hitting on a very attractive woman. 1
Author irin Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 or a poop fetish. :laugh: thank you that thought has been very helpful! :lmao::lmao:
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