daphne Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Having been a little jaded with online dating, I have been discovering the big wide world of *gasp* meeting people in real life. It's been pretty awesome, but so far nothing has really progressed. I think that hanging out with groups of people is great, but sometimes the guys seem a little reluctant to put themselves out there and get shot down in front of their friends. But I'll say that it's been pretty good not feeling like one of many options. During the past month or so, haven't really gone out with anyone online, and instead have been meeting people in social settings. And wouldn't you know, a pretty good potential guy contacted me out of the blue online. I had almost turned off my profile a month ahead of the expiration. We have a bit in common. He sounds really grounded. He's not newly divorced and looking for someone to fill the void. He doesn't multi date, and said that I'd be only the 2nd woman that he's ever met from online dating and he's done it for a year. Which is good, because I don't want to date any more guys that are dating half of the city. What's the point? If you don't know what you want, you're wasting my time. It's refreshing to feel like out of all of the profiles online, this guy chose me. I just hope he looks like his photos...
Nukulus Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I've got to admit that it's so refreshing to hear someone else say that about dating. I feel that the multi dating aspect of online dating was the hardest part. I'll readily admit that I have a hard enough time trying to court (<Probably a better word out there but I'm having a brain fart) one woman at a time let alone several. However, the pressures of online dating got to me and I tried it for a while. Gosh I hated it, and it never worked. It just made me uncomfortable, and I'd inevitably not give fair chance to other women if I was focused on the one I liked the most. So I went back to one at a time. Though it was always a kick in the gut when the one person you are dating starts mentioning the other people they're going out with. Ahh well. I guess some people can hack the multi dating thing. I certainly cannot. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Are you serious? You really believe he's the only chick he ever messaged doing online dating? Wow. Keep deluding yourself, honey. 4
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Having been a little jaded with online dating, I have been discovering the big wide world of *gasp* meeting people in real life. It's been pretty awesome, but so far nothing has really progressed. I think that hanging out with groups of people is great, but sometimes the guys seem a little reluctant to put themselves out there and get shot down in front of their friends. But I'll say that it's been pretty good not feeling like one of many options. During the past month or so, haven't really gone out with anyone online, and instead have been meeting people in social settings. And wouldn't you know, a pretty good potential guy contacted me out of the blue online. I had almost turned off my profile a month ahead of the expiration. We have a bit in common. He sounds really grounded. He's not newly divorced and looking for someone to fill the void. He doesn't multi date, and said that I'd be only the 2nd woman that he's ever met from online dating and he's done it for a year. Which is good, because I don't want to date any more guys that are dating half of the city. What's the point? If you don't know what you want, you're wasting my time. It's refreshing to feel like out of all of the profiles online, this guy chose me. I just hope he looks like his photos... I'm glad you are falling for this hook, line, and sinker.
mesmerized Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 You haven't even met this guy yet and you're already excited enough to make a thread about him? geez, I see sooo many disappointment in your (near?) future. 1
Andy_K Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Are you serious? You really believe he's the only chick he ever messaged doing online dating? Wow. Keep deluding yourself, honey. She said she'd be the second he's ever met, not messaged. And any guy here who's created a thread moaning about online dating will find it entirely believable that a guy could be online for a year and only get one date out of it.
Emilia Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Having been a little jaded with online dating, I have been discovering the big wide world of *gasp* meeting people in real life. It's been pretty awesome, but so far nothing has really progressed. I think that hanging out with groups of people is great, but sometimes the guys seem a little reluctant to put themselves out there and get shot down in front of their friends. But I'll say that it's been pretty good not feeling like one of many options. This has been my experience also and while it's true that hanging out in groups can be frustrating initially, as you get to know more people and your social capital gets bigger, you will get the chance to meet guys one on one too If this current prospect doesn't work out just keep socialising and meet guys face to face. They are a very different kettle of fish from the online c**p. Good luck! 1
salparadise Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 And wouldn't you know, a pretty good potential guy contacted me out of the blue online. [...] He doesn't multi date, and said that I'd be only the 2nd woman that he's ever met from online dating and he's done it for a year. Which is good, because I don't want to date any more guys that are dating half of the city. Yea, multi-dating is distasteful to say the least. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to invest my energies, finances, and emotions in dating anyone who was window shopping––comparing attributes of as many online prospects as possible to find the best deal. I waited for someone who felt the same and was ready to be done with it and invest in a wonderful relationship, assuming requisites were in in place and there was chemistry. It proved to be a successful strategy and I've been in a great relationship for almost a year now. This is one of those situations where less is more, where many options may seem desirable initially but the reality is that it keeps people stuck in the process when the goal is to be done with the process and experience the wonders of being in relationship. We were both at the point of being ready to delete the profiles, and I think that was a key factor in how things progressed in the early days and allowed us to invest in a way that laid the groundwork for a fulfilling long-term relationship. Of course it didn't hurt that we had interests and goals in common, were on the same wavelength in so many ways, and began a fulfilling physical relationship once we felt trust and chemistry. And to both of us, being physical meant being exclusive and we became ever closer and more invested emotionally. None of this is possible while multi-dating. 2
fishtaco Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Good luck. Personally I never do online dating. It simply doesn't work for me. I believe I lack the skills to date online properly, plus the fact that I'm Asian is more of a detriment online than it is in RL -- I get filtered out with a few clicks of the mouse. Multidating or not is a personal choice, it's something that makes you feel better, that's it. Not multidating isn't going to magically turn an opportunity into a winner. If the person is faking his/her way into your panties/wallet, whether you are multidating or not, is not going to make a difference. You still have to go through the steps to discover what the person is about. You're probably tired of multidating, it is a lot of work. Which is fine. You should do whatever is comfortable. But for my personal experience, usually when I give up multidating, I later end up regretting it. Because the people you meet are still going to be the same -- 90% crap, whether you multidate or not. I'll be the first to admit I DO NOT have good judge of character, especially when it comes to attractive women. So multidating makes sense for me. But I can see people that have great judge of character can just zoom in on one person and be done with it. I think it's too early to tell if this guy is a douche. Like I mentioned, whether you multidate or not, you still have to go through the same process of discovery. I hope you discover this guy to be genuine. But don't forget to manage your expectations. I notice that for me, being that I'm used to multidating, when I switch to non-multidating, I have a difficult time managing my involvement with the only woman I'm seeing, then I make all the newbie mistakes I tell other people not to make.
oaks Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 It's refreshing to feel like out of all of the profiles online, this guy chose me. Oh come on Daphne! He probably messaged hundreds of women, just like pretty much every other guy online, and you're just the one who happened to reply. Anyway, best of luck!
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I've got to admit that it's so refreshing to hear someone else say that about dating. I feel that the multi dating aspect of online dating was the hardest part. I'll readily admit that I have a hard enough time trying to court (<Probably a better word out there but I'm having a brain fart) one woman at a time let alone several. However, the pressures of online dating got to me and I tried it for a while. Gosh I hated it, and it never worked. It just made me uncomfortable, and I'd inevitably not give fair chance to other women if I was focused on the one I liked the most. So I went back to one at a time. Though it was always a kick in the gut when the one person you are dating starts mentioning the other people they're going out with. Ahh well. I guess some people can hack the multi dating thing. I certainly cannot. I think that I did the multi dating, because I was always too serious about dating before and never got to date much when I was younger. I met someone, we clicked and I ended up in a serious relationship only to find that we weren't really well matched. And everyone out there seemed to be multi dating, except me. It's refreshing to talk to one of two guys online who only seem to message a few women with the prospect that this is the type of girl they are interested in, and think that we're looking for the type of guy they are. Both have had pretty good return rates overall. She said she'd be the second he's ever met, not messaged. And any guy here who's created a thread moaning about online dating will find it entirely believable that a guy could be online for a year and only get one date out of it. Lol. Well, he told me how many women he's messaged and it hasn't been a lot, but it was definitely more than 2. Why are you so nasty to people LP? Really, why? Nasty people have more than enough time to post on loveshack. The happy people are too busy being around other people who can stand them. I hope it works out! Thanks sweets. I definitely liked what he had to say, but you never know until you meet them. This has been my experience also and while it's true that hanging out in groups can be frustrating initially, as you get to know more people and your social capital gets bigger, you will get the chance to meet guys one on one too If this current prospect doesn't work out just keep socialising and meet guys face to face. They are a very different kettle of fish from the online c**p. Good luck! Yep. I'm glad that I haven't been relying on online much at all. It was a nice surprise. Who knows.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Yea, multi-dating is distasteful to say the least. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to invest my energies, finances, and emotions in dating anyone who was window shopping––comparing attributes of as many online prospects as possible to find the best deal. I waited for someone who felt the same and was ready to be done with it and invest in a wonderful relationship, assuming requisites were in in place and there was chemistry. It proved to be a successful strategy and I've been in a great relationship for almost a year now. This is one of those situations where less is more, where many options may seem desirable initially but the reality is that it keeps people stuck in the process when the goal is to be done with the process and experience the wonders of being in relationship. We were both at the point of being ready to delete the profiles, and I think that was a key factor in how things progressed in the early days and allowed us to invest in a way that laid the groundwork for a fulfilling long-term relationship. Of course it didn't hurt that we had interests and goals in common, were on the same wavelength in so many ways, and began a fulfilling physical relationship once we felt trust and chemistry. And to both of us, being physical meant being exclusive and we became ever closer and more invested emotionally. None of this is possible while multi-dating. I agree with a lot of what you wrote. Although I don't discount anyone who is using it as a strategy to figure out what they want, I just haven't really found it conducive to relationships. Another guy I did have a relationship with last year was of the same bent. He had actually only emailed 2 women. He ended up in a relationship with both. Granted, he was a good looking guy and I don't think he's had quite the same luck since then. But as soon as we started looking at each other as potentials, he turned off his profile and I did too. Congratulations on finding a girl. I'm sure that you could have easily scared her away by constantly checking your profile. I read an article that most men do this. It tends to throw a lot fo women off and nip relationships in the bud. You still have to go through the steps to discover what the person is about. You're probably tired of multidating, it is a lot of work. Which is fine. You should do whatever is comfortable. But for my personal experience, usually when I give up multidating, I later end up regretting it. Because the people you meet are still going to be the same -- 90% crap, whether you multidate or not. I'll be the first to admit I DO NOT have good judge of character, especially when it comes to attractive women. So multidating makes sense for me. But I can see people that have great judge of character can just zoom in on one person and be done with it. I think it's too early to tell if this guy is a douche. Like I mentioned, whether you multidate or not, you still have to go through the same process of discovery. I hope you discover this guy to be genuine. But don't forget to manage your expectations. I notice that for me, being that I'm used to multidating, when I switch to non-multidating, I have a difficult time managing my involvement with the only woman I'm seeing, then I make all the newbie mistakes I tell other people not to make.' It is a lot of work. I've learned a lot about human nature, and what I really don't want to deal with. I've also learned to go with my gut. People lie all of the time. This guy could be too. Who knows. But I'll know soon enough. Oh come on Daphne! He probably messaged hundreds of women, just like pretty much every other guy online, and you're just the one who happened to reply. Anyway, best of luck! I'm not teh only one he's messaged, silly. And he's not exactly a smooth guy. Who knows. We'll see. But I do know that the guy I dated last year said the same thing and his actions supported it. THere are actually some people online who don't lie about everything.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 /thread Yeah. You'll know whether or not he does if I never bring it up again. LOL
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I've got to admit that it's so refreshing to hear someone else say that about dating. I feel that the multi dating aspect of online dating was the hardest part. I'll readily admit that I have a hard enough time trying to court (<Probably a better word out there but I'm having a brain fart) one woman at a time let alone several. However, the pressures of online dating got to me and I tried it for a while. Gosh I hated it, and it never worked. It just made me uncomfortable, and I'd inevitably not give fair chance to other women if I was focused on the one I liked the most. So I went back to one at a time. Though it was always a kick in the gut when the one person you are dating starts mentioning the other people they're going out with. Ahh well. I guess some people can hack the multi dating thing. I certainly cannot. I hear you. It's exhausting and since I know now much better what I want, it makes it a lot easier to not go on dead end dates anymore. My preference is to weed out the other people who are multi dating and don't know what they want and date more people I meet in social situations. She said she'd be the second he's ever met, not messaged. And any guy here who's created a thread moaning about online dating will find it entirely believable that a guy could be online for a year and only get one date out of it. I wasn't the second he messaged. I'm just the second that it progressed to a meet up. His first ended in a relationship. But he has been pretty picky about who he has emailed. Why are you so nasty to people LP? Really, why? Because real life people don't want to be around him. LS is a captive audience and people keep feeding the trolls. I hope it works out! Thanks sweets. It's nice to have a decent prospect that has gotten the courage to ask me out. This has been my experience also and while it's true that hanging out in groups can be frustrating initially, as you get to know more people and your social capital gets bigger, you will get the chance to meet guys one on one too If this current prospect doesn't work out just keep socialising and meet guys face to face. They are a very different kettle of fish from the online c**p. Good luck! Yes it is a little frustrating. But I guess the getting to know you stage is a little more organic that way. I definitely have expanded my social circle pretty well and will keep doing that. I think the cold months kept me a bit isolated and now I'm just boy crazy again.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 So, I mention I'm sick of multi dating. And then I get an email from another great potential. God has a sick sense of timing.
username70 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Having been a little jaded with online dating, I have been discovering the big wide world of *gasp* meeting people in real life. It's been pretty awesome, but so far nothing has really progressed. I think that hanging out with groups of people is great, but sometimes the guys seem a little reluctant to put themselves out there and get shot down in front of their friends. But I'll say that it's been pretty good not feeling like one of many options. During the past month or so, haven't really gone out with anyone online, and instead have been meeting people in social settings. And wouldn't you know, a pretty good potential guy contacted me out of the blue online. I had almost turned off my profile a month ahead of the expiration. We have a bit in common. He sounds really grounded. He's not newly divorced and looking for someone to fill the void. He doesn't multi date, and said that I'd be only the 2nd woman that he's ever met from online dating and he's done it for a year. Which is good, because I don't want to date any more guys that are dating half of the city. What's the point? If you don't know what you want, you're wasting my time. It's refreshing to feel like out of all of the profiles online, this guy chose me. I just hope he looks like his photos... I think he is giving u a LINE
thatone Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 and if there weren't something wrong with these guys, why would they be doing OLD?
Imajerk17 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm seeing that multidating doesn't really work either. All it has really gotten me so far is a bunch of really "good" dates that don't lead anywhere. I'm finding it hard to stop it though. Anyway, I hope it works out for you daphne. Take what he said about multi-dating and his relationship philosophy not too seriously at this point though. People say all sorts of stuff, the proof will be in his actions.
William Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Cleaned up the thread a bit. Also, if readers will read the announcement at the top of the forum, it includes why posts get auto-moderated for certain phrases, like 'online dating'; also, commercial links in posts, including YouTube links, will trigger it. Use 'internet dating'. That seems to work. Carry on.
Author daphne Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 and if there weren't something wrong with these guys, why would they be doing OLD? I don't think that all people online are "wrong." I'm seeing that multidating doesn't really work either. All it has really gotten me so far is a bunch of really "good" dates that don't lead anywhere. I'm finding it hard to stop it though. Anyway, I hope it works out for you daphne. Take what he said about multi-dating and his relationship philosophy not too seriously at this point though. People say all sorts of stuff, the proof will be in his actions. Junkie. And yes, actions will support or negate one's characters. I'm not exactly doe eyed anymore, after OLD. But I refuse to be scary bitter and fearful of people at the same time. Cleaned up the thread a bit. Also, if readers will read the announcement at the top of the forum, it includes why posts get auto-moderated for certain phrases, like 'online dating'; also, commercial links in posts, including YouTube links, will trigger it. Use 'internet dating'. That seems to work. Carry on. I'm testing this for OLD to see if that bypasses the censors . Wish I hadn't tried to repeat previous responses.
oaks Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 THere are actually some people online who don't lie about everything. I was commenting on your reaction, not anything that he said. Anyway, good luck! I think I just dodged a crazy one myself - she went from telling me that I'm her new best friend to telling me that I can't be in her life in the space of a few hours, and we hadn't even met yet (and now never will).
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I hope it works out but i wouln't get my hopes up if i were you.
Imajerk17 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Junkie. And yes, actions will support or negate one's characters. I'm not exactly doe eyed anymore, after OLD. But I refuse to be scary bitter and fearful of people at the same time. Haha yeah, I can see how it would look like I am a multi-dating junkie. What ends up happening is that it's clear to both the woman and me that we aren't right for each other, or sometimes, the women seem to disappear after a couple dates. So it's back to the well for me.
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