Char12 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 My first love came back into my life after 2 years after i asked if he'd like to catch up. He broke up with me out of nowhere the first time. When we met it was like we'd never been apart. He kissed me and i asked whether this was a one off or he wanted a relationship, knowing he'd be going back to uni for a while soon. He said he wanted to try, i said i needed to think. We continued to meet up, and i talked through issues we might face if we were to try again. He seemed all for it, he said he'd never really got over me and seeing me again made him realise what he was missing. A week later i decided i wanted a relationship too. For the next couple of months we saw each other almost everyday, and had an amazing time. He told me he loved me and after having sex he said he wanted to have kids with me one day. Nothing changed when he went to uni, he even mentioned getting a flat together when we left. Everything was perfect until i'd had a bad day (flunked an exam) and said i wished he was here and it was hard seeing other couples together, and that the long distance was hard. It was like a switch turned in him and it ended up with him breaking up with me, saying i was right, it was too difficult but he still loved me and was hoping we could try again one day. I hadn't wanted to break up with him, i wanted his reassurance more than anything. I left it until the following day, and wrote a message telling him i didn't want to break up and had had a bad day, and that he was going to see me in less than 2 weeks. He replied with excuses i'd never heard of.. saying it wasn't the same.. like "part time girlfriend, part time pen pal", he "was clouded by the sex and chemistry", he wasn't used to having a girlfriend again, and i'd "kept too much locked away" and he'd "only do this with someone he was 100% about.".. which seemed strange after everything he had been saying to me, and hurt because i was 100% committed to him. He also brought up some of the issues we'd talked about before the relationship, which then weren't a problem to him. I haven't replied mainly out of shock. Before that day he'd been making promises of a future and texting me sweet things in the middle of the night. A week later he messaged asking if i was okay and i still haven't said anything to him a week on. I've deleted him from facebook also as he seemed to be having the time of his life and i never existed and it all meant nothing. I'm very confused and hurt about the whole situation to be honest, i'd fallen in love with him all over again and now i feel stupid and left in the aftermath. Can anybody offer any advice? Thank you x
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) Char12, Your situation seems very familiar to me. I actually went through a similar situation with my ex last year. After a couple years of not much contact at all, besides maybe a hello text and one or two phone calls...she decided to take me up on my offer of dating ("trying again"). In the beginning she seemed very sincere and told me she was in love and seeing me made her realize how much she missed me. A mth. or so into it, we slept together and I got a little upset that she wouldn't sleep over, (as she had a couple wks. before when we weren't intimate). The next day...she started saying how heavy things got that night and that she didn't want us to argue. I tried to explain that I was only a little disappointed that she left. Anyways, as the weeks progressed, she became more distant. Finally, I confronted her and she admitted that she loved me, but was confused about everything else. Needless to say, I...like yourself, was deeply into her again and she just left me high and dry. I share this story to say...that when people come back after being away for awhile, it's never a clean slate. They always remember the good, but the bad remains as well. Most people will be sucked into having a great reunion with the past. Once a hint of disappointment presents itself, it will be viewed as a warning sign, as opposed to just an incident that occurred in a new relationship. Unless, the person is dysfunctional...they will do whatever it takes to "win" (in other words...not get hurt) at this point. It also, depends on the type of person someone is. I know for a fact that some people get back together to prove they still got it (in need of an ego boost). Some also, feel guilty about the past. So, they try not disappoint you again, by saying yes to a relationship that they really aren't ready for, or want to be in. Edited June 12, 2012 by tryingtodiscoveranew 1
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