tallydoo Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Long story short: ex and I broke up in March, he started dating another girl 3 weeks later but he still really wanted to be friends. I ended up asking him to leave me alone halfway through May because he was pushing the friendship too much and I started resenting him. I broke NC today to extend a little bit of an olive branch by wishing him luck at a new job--I intend to not talk to him beyond that for a while longer, but fate's been throwing us into situations where we have to have extended conversations with each other so as not to make it awkward for everyone involved (e.g. 17 hour car ride, sitting next to each other at a rehearsal dinner, etc). So now at least he knows that he doesn't have to avoid me--he doesn't have to approach me, but he doesn't have to avoid me. And breaking NC was fine, I got back a simple "Thanks!" and that was it (it was all I wanted). So I'm mostly over him and excited about exploring my own interests and growing, etc., etc. But his new girlfriend keeps trying to be friends with me. She, my ex, and I all have a lot of mutual friends, but she and I never really clicked before or during my relationship with my ex (just different personalities, it was always cordial but never more than that). And it was well-known to all of our friends as well as my ex and I that she was waiting around for my ex to become available again (she turned down multiple dates during our one-year relationship). Anyway, she keeps trying to reach out to me and be my really good friend, and I don't know how to deal with it without seeming petty. Gah, what do I do?
Gridlock23 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Lets look at the scenario in which this person (who is now dating your ex) REALLY DOES want to be a good friend of yours. Can you handle that? I mean can you really handle being "good friends" with the person that your ex replaced you with not even 3 weeks after the break up of your relationship? To me it sounds like the only thing that can result from you being friends with this person is awkward situations, or just pain. I'm not sure if you are completely over your ex, but even if you are, would you really want to be in that situation? I say that you stay away from that. I feel as though it would be a rough time being friends with the person who replaced you, regardless of circumstances.
Author tallydoo Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 I don't want to be friends with her--it's nothing against her, it's nothing against him, it's nothing against them, it's simply that we don't have compatible personalities. It's just she usually starts talking to me when we're in a group, where it would be weird for me to brush her off, or when my ex is around too, where I don't want to seem small by keeping it brief. I try as hard as I can to stay away, but I feel like I end up in situations where I'm trapped into talking to her or both of them, and I don't know how to deal with it both graciously and with minimal pain to me. I'm not over my ex yet (I'm getting there, but I still keep thinking that I'd like to try a relationship with him a few years down the road) so I'm trying to maintain as much distance as possible. And any way it turns out, I want him to have a good impression of me in his mind. It seems to me like she's feeling a bit guilty for dating him so soon, and I don't want any part of it. But I also don't want to be a b*tch about it.
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