Brittanypolo4 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I was dating this guy, and everything was perfect for most of the relationship. I fell in love with him quickly and fell hard. He told me that he felt the same way, told me that I was the best thing to happen to his life, and we planned on getting married one day. Well, he realized I'm human and therefore have bad days sometimes. Whenever I had a bad day he'd say I was being negative and got really mad at me, like mad to the point of thinking about breaking up. This was hard on me because those are the days I needed him most and he just wasn't there for me. It was even worse because I couldn't ever be mad at HIM for anything, because the same thing would happen. He would admit no fault and blame me for being negative. Sadly, I was already in love with him by this point. Even more sadly, I still am. The thing is, he wasn't always this way, he's changed, and everyone around him notices. Its not just because of me, he has family things going on right now which I don't care to discuss on here. But I feel like I was a burden in his life, mainly because he pretty much told me that. So I told him I was unhappy with the way he was acting, and he said we needed a break. I asked if he just wanted to break up because it seemed like he was unhappy too, and he said no, that all he wanted was a break. Well, I regretted telling him my feelings pretty much instantly. We talked though, and there seemed to be hope, we were talking normally, and it was okay. A few weeks after this started, I felt like he was just wanted to be friends, so I asked him where we stood. He told me that he didn't know his feelings and that we were just friends right now. Well, I kind of got upset, because I'm a girl who makes decisions based on feelings on not on what will come out of it, So I talked to him about this the next time we spoke. I told him we needed to talk (Probably not my best idea) and he said he was done with the situation and didn't want to talk, but eventually we did. He said that he had no feelings for me and just wanted to be friends, and he didn't need stress right now. Later though, he apologized for this and said that he was just getting so much pressure from everyone to get back together with me that it was driving him crazy. Mind you, we have all the same friends, and they are pretty much all on my side and thinking that its stupid that he broke up with me for basically no reason. So during this conversation, he told me that maybe we could work things out one day. However, this came after one of my friends let slip that I have been spending time with another man since the break up, and I feel like he only said that because he wanted to keep me around just in case. But he's recently been talking to other girls, and one in particular, who I feel like he might get together with. I confronted him about this, because, again, I'm stupid, and he told me I was being stupid and awkward and they were just friends, and since then we've had limited contact. The other day though, I went to get gas and he was there. We didn't talk much but I told him I was on the way to the movies. After I left I texted him (here goes that stupid girl thing again) and he asked who I was going to the movies with, if it was a date, and he was happy when I said it was just with friends. Back to the fact that he just wants me hanging around just in case. I said it was good to see him today and he told me "It was really good to see you too I wish we could have talked more, I was just really busy". Exact words. So this gave me hope! Then the next day I thought maybe he would text me, or the day after, or the day after that.. or the week after that.... but no. Nothing. So here's my question, now that everyone out there knows my story. Do I just give up and call it a lost cause? Do I text him or call him? Is there any hope at all for reconciliation? Has anyone had a similar experience to this that worked out in the end? Is it even worth it? I mean, the more I think about it the more I think that he's not worth it, but its not that simple. I love him and I can't just turn off my feelings. But I'm starting to think that its just a lost cause, but maybe he just needs more space? Maybe he just needs more time to think? But he's had over a month to think, and if he wanted me back wouldn't he have decided that by now? Am I just trying to rush things, and should I give him endless time? But I also don't want to waste my life waiting around for nothing to happen. Or waiting around for him to get another girl in his life and be left in the dust. Any help would be greatly appreciated, because while I'm in a better state of mind right now, and find myself feeling like the possibility of getting over him is there, I don't want to give up if he is just being stubborn or just needs time.
pteromom Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Pay little attention to his words, and a lot of attention to his ACTIONS. Words are easy to say. He can say anything to you, and there is little effort required on his part to say all kinds of nice, sweet things to you. But ACTION takes effort. Calling you, texting you, showing you he cares. These things take effort. And he is 100% unwilling to put in any effort. Move on with your life and move on to a guy who is willing to put in the effort and who WANTS to be with you. Is what you really want a guy who comes back after a month apart saying "Yeh, I guess you are my best option, so I will stay." Don't you want someone who will move heaven and earth to be with you and who loves you more than anything?
Philosoraptor Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 For as much as you cared about him your writing obviously shows that you know being with him is a bad idea. He continually hurt you while also taking zero responsibility for his own actions. He seemed very selfish with his emotions and lacked the emotional maturity to handle a committed relationship. Learn to love yourself the most. For now foster your own interests and continue to grow as a person.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Actually I disagree. It sounds to me as though he felt enormous pressure from you every time you had a "bad day". It's totally normal and ok to have bad days but once you look to one person to be your source of happiness the balance shifts, and not in your favor. He said you were a negative and a drain on him. Were you? Men are attracted to happy, confident women who know how to handle the day-to-day stresses of their lives without having a meltdown or expecting to be "rescued" every time. You say he's had a month to think. But it sounds to me as if you've done anything BUT leave him to stir in his juices. The constant texts, talks, trying to get inside his head. You need to stop all that and leave him be to figure out what he wants. Men don't respond to words and "we need to talk" - they respond to your absence.
citrusdrop1688 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Men shouldnt run every single time you have a bad day. I had a three month phase when I was like that and I took it out on him that lead to my break up. They should be there to support you. You need to walk away from the situation for a while. Dont contact him. Wait a few months (like three) and focus on yourself. If he moves on during that time he must not have loved you very much after all. You'd be in a better place, and if somethings still there, then you know it was real
Author Brittanypolo4 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Well, I guess none of it matters anymore anyway. He found another girl after a month and pretty much admitted to me that he only used me for sex. So that's good. I'm really worth a lot aren't I?
pteromom Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm really worth a lot aren't I? Yes you are. Don't let him define you. YOU define you. 1
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