I cheated on my fiance of 3 years and regret every minute of it..

[brucie]

fiance broke up over 3 months ago, i almost cheated on her. I had been drinking things weren't going great in the relationship due to lack of communication. i stopped myself before there was any physical contact and we both still had our clothing on. Ive been in counseling and we are talking again, i spilled my guts to her in an email a while ago and that initiated the talking. she is slowly building trust with me but im not sure where things are going, she's not sure if she should take me back or just friend zone me. Im hoping for the best and i know that this was a one time mistake. Who knows all i know is that she is the love of my life and i want to continue our lives together now that i am talking with her again, she is working on forgiving and forgetting. Now that we are communicating I am not talking about the past mistakes anymore and am just talking about the future, catching up on things going on, etc... Since our break up I have been working on all aspects of my life including physical i have lost over 50 lbs since our break up, have a better new job, and stopped smoking completely. We are talking several times a week and things are going well between us as far as i can tell, any advice on what to say or do would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to be a friend i want to be her man again.

[wilsonx]

I cheated but I didnt cheat.

 

#1. Stop lying.

#2. I wouldnt trust you right now because you aren't even honest in the forums to anonymous strangers.

#3. You aren't ready to be back with her

[geegirl]

No advice but you didn't "almost" cheat, you cheated. What preceeded the clothes coming off? You both just appeared and the clothes came off. No groping, kissing, touching, etc? Plus you entertained the idea, it doesn't matter how far it went, you went for it.

 

In any case, I hope that you aren't easily distracted when things are going bad because you know that there will be instances when things aren't always great. You either stand or run. I hope you learn to find coping skills that can help you find ways to manage when facing difficult times in an R.

[nofool4u]

she is working on forgiving and forgetting.

 

Forgive she may, but it is impossible to forget. Don't fool yourself into thinking it isn't.

 

 

Now that we are communicating I am not talking about the past mistakes anymore and am just talking about the future, catching up on things going on, etc... Since our break up I have been working on all aspects of my life including physical i have lost over 50 lbs since our break up, have a better new job, and stopped smoking completely. We are talking several times a week and things are going well between us as far as i can tell, any advice on what to say or do would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to be a friend i want to be her man again.

 

If she wants to forgive you, that is her choice.

 

But if she does, then there are things I think you need to do in order to deserve that 2nd chance, and they are, but not limited to:

 

-not drinking and partying anymore

 

-not engaging in activities that are more conducive for cheating, like barhopping and clubbing.

 

-if you live with her or married, then when your job is done, your ass is home.

 

This all might sound like house arrest, and it is almost. But these are the things I think anyone that has been caught cheating, and yes, you did cheat, should do in order to show they deserve a 2nd chance.

[brucie]

In my opinion i did in fact cheat on her, i stopped my self before anything physical happened but it was there. Do i regret what i have put her through and what i have done to our relationship, most definetly. Im not the kind of person to continue making the same mistakes over and over again. I learn from them and make myself a better person in doing so. I love this woman with everything that i am and she is actually working on forgiving and forgetting what has been done. All i can do is reassure her that nothing like this will happen ever again. For one this woman is incredible, I love her with all that I am, and she is the one i wan't to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately it takes big screw ups sometimes to give you a better and new perspective on your relationship, i realized why we had such bad issues in the past and am willing to do whatever it takes to fix what we have and pretty much start over in a fresh relationship with what i have learned.

[k100danny]

I have read many psychological discussions about fidelity and most agree around a few things. Because you cheat on someone it doesnt mean you don't love them it means you did what you did to satisfy your needs at the time. I found this hard to believe but many have assured me it is true. If i cheated on someone I dont think i could ever feel the same way toward them again I would be ripped appart by guilt. I also could never feel the same about someone who did it to me.

 

I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends EVER. I have been very attracted to people I have seen and I've obviously had thoughts I think this is a normal thing but I have never cheated and i don't think i could bring myself to do it.

 

I have to admit if this happened I think you aren't being honest with yourself, It says you cheated then says you didn't but almost did. It is very unclear and I think until you can be honest with yourself about what happened you won't be able to process it in your mind. I have little sympathy for cheaters though (I dont mean to sound harsh)

[nofool4u]

For one this woman is incredible, I love her with all that I am, and she is the one i wan't to spend the rest of my life with.

 

That alone should have been enough to keep you from even getting minutely close to cheating. And THAT is what she will remember. That being "incredible" wasn't enough to keep you from doing what you did. So what happens when she is not so incredible? What happens when things aren't as perfect as when you crossed the line?

 

Point is, if you can do this to someone when the relationship is young and wonderful, what do you think time and change will do?

 

And you said all you can do is assure her it won't happen again. No, that is the LEAST you can do. Words mean nothing without action. Like I said, you basically are going to have to put yourself on house arrest to prove you have what it takes to stay home and be faithful. Nobody who has someone cheat on them wants to wonder where they are and what they are doing, at least in the immediate aftermath of the cheating incident.

 

After a while if trust is rebuilt, you can consider yourself worthy of some freedoms. But right now, you f****d that up.