Are you dating a Hunter?

[RedRobin]

Nailed it.

 

I've observed more than a few men who acted like hunters commit when they met a woman they wanted to marry. Just because he likes you, is attracted to you, and enjoys sex with you doesn't mean he wants you to be his girlfriend, or his wife.

 

Be strong, enter relationships on your own terms, and you'll be ok. If the terms are not acceptable to you--walk!

 

I agree... except I think men or women who have a habit of acting like 'hunters' are poor choices for a LTR.

 

When I come across them, yes, they have a higher bar to jump than those who have treated the people they date with respect.

 

In no way do I consider myself a special twinkie that will make a 'hunter' type to want to commit. That is where most people are kidding themselves.

 

IMHO, the 'hunter' has done the internal, mental math before the SO enters the picture. The fact that he/she gets picked is more about timing than anything significant with the individual.

 

That is where women (in this example) could be wiser and choose not to take a man's indecision and reluctance to commit as personal. If you want a commitment and he is fence-sitting, don't stress about it. Just dump him. Who gives a crap whether he has 'feelings' and enjoys being with you? Life is too short to waste it on indecisive people with wishy-washy values or goals.

 

You'll be amazed what happens when you expect accountability from others (and yes, are accountable yourself). It gets really easy to weasel out the worms and the just plain flaky. They are plain as day.

Edited June 12, 2012 by RedRobin

[InJest]

RedRobin, you make sense when you remove the emotion, and stop making broad assumptions. I agree with everything you said in this post.

 

You never did explain your logic of liars attracting liars though.

 

"How do you get to the conclusion that liars attract liars? One person being a liar does not make the other person a liar, unless you're trying to twist and use The Secret or Law of Attraction or something as an argument for this. Just because someone is a liar, does not make the person they've attracted a liar. It just means that they've been trusting of that person, and chosen to believe a lie that is not obviously false or not easily verifiable. I think an honest person is more likely to believe a lie, than a liar. Liars usually want to usually go after honest people because they're easier targets, and because well, they don't want to be lied to themselves. It's like saying that someone is a cheater, because they've been cheated on. I know most of the girls that I've hurt were pretty straight forward with me. It really started to wear on me after a while. "

[RedRobin]

You are confusing honesty and naivete.

 

There are people who are honest and naive (your target of choice). Yes, naive people can easily be taken advantage of. The good thing is, they don't stay naive for long. That is where the saying goes... "He who made kittens made snakes in the grass."

 

If the kitten doesn't actually get 'eaten' in the process... like dead... she will now know there are snakes in the grass and be more careful. The snake can't help being a snake. The snake doesn't think it is evil. It is just a snake. Better to avoid them.

 

Then there are those who are honest and not naive (people like me). I attract all kinds (because the world is made up of all kinds of people). I'll say that it has been a very long time since a bona-fide liar has made it past my filters though.

 

Then there are those who are liars, manipulators, etc... or I'd say, their core values are mostly about lying to get what they want. Yes, I do believe they attract each other. Those are the ones typically doing the mating dance to the death... because relationships aren't about intimacy and connection. It is all about who 'wins'... with a thin facade of love and intimacy designed to dress up their bizarre little ritual. I've had a few try to engage me in just such machinations, and it gets obvious and old REALLY fast.

 

In that respect, I guess the OP attracted her own in kind. At the end of this thread, it became clear that she was playing with him at first... and then she ultimately got played.

Edited June 12, 2012 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

Robin, I put "lead on" in quotes for a reason. In the situation I described, I fully blame the woman for being "led on" because a man who doesn't want to committ JUST WON'T. He will sleep with her, hang out with her, etc, but someone hanging around pining for more when months go by without getting it has no one to blame by herself.

 

Most of the time these guys who don't want committment ARE pretty clear about it--the gals they are with just don't want to accept it. OP knew very early on her guy didn't want a committment, but she stayed for 6 mos. Is that his fault? It's really not.

 

I agree with you that if a guy is lying and saying "yes I want you and only you, you are my girlfriend" then OBVIOUSLY he is being a jerk if that's not what he really wants--but that's not what really happens. What happens in reality is that the guy is clear through his ACTIONS that it's NOT gonna happen but the girl hangs around anyway, hoping to change his mind. That's her fault and it's HER responsibility to remove herself from that situation.

 

You just can't blame the guy for everything.

 

Yes, I understand. I believe we are in agreement.

[Pyro]

If women really cared about commitment more than men they would not be initiating 75% of divorces these days. Men are waiting for a woman who walks the walk on devotion and commitment but until that day comes why not have fun?

 

so getting out of a marriage because her H is abusing her or cheating on her means that she doesn't care about commitment? The 75% stat is getting old. Actually look into that number and see how many actually initiate divorce due to not caring about commitment.

[RedRobin]

so getting out of a marriage because her H is abusing her or cheating on her means that she doesn't care about commitment? The 75% stat is getting old. Actually look into that number and see how many actually initiate divorce due to not caring about commitment.

 

The number one reason women choose to divorce is neglect, is what one famous marriage counselor suggests... (check out a site called "Marriage Builders").

 

I won't post the link here due to mod rules against posting commercial sites. But there are some good stats there.

 

Also a very good read for people who want to be in love and stay in love with their partners. My parents tried it during a down spot in their marriage and it worked wonders. Took alot of the anger out of their disputes and enhanced mutual awareness and understanding.