Are you dating a Hunter?

[zanesfan]

I decided to post this link for the women who may be going through the same thing I went through for the past 6 months. It basically touch base on the men that cannot commit for whatever reason.. Take a peek inside. I hope this can help someone!

 

Man Won

[boytoy]

The overwhelmingly vast majority of men want to find a girl they like and commit to her. The only reason a man won't commit to you is because he doesn't like you very much, and thinks he can do better. If the next girl he meets is someone he likes a lot, he would be willing to commit to her immediately. The only reason a man spends time with a woman he is not interested in committing to is because he prefers her to being alone and not getting sex. Its not good behavior, indeed its downright mean to the woman, but men often feel so sexually deprived that they would rather look out for number one than consider this poor girl's feelings. As Chris rock would say, "I'm not saying its right, but I understand."

 

In our society today, women want to be extremely picky with who they sleep with. That's perfectly within their rights. However, a side effect of that is that many men go without sex for prolonged periods during their lives, which puts them in survival mode sexually, which in turn results in bad behavior such as this. Unless the social dynamic changes, this is part and parcel of the world that modern women chose to create. Enjoy it ladies.

[RedRobin]

The overwhelmingly vast majority of men want to find a girl they like and commit to her. The only reason a man won't commit to you is because he doesn't like you very much, and thinks he can do better. If the next girl he meets is someone he likes a lot, he would be willing to commit to her immediately. The only reason a man spends time with a woman he is not interested in committing to is because he prefers her to being alone and not getting sex. Its not good behavior, indeed its downright mean to the woman, but men often feel so sexually deprived that they would rather look out for number one than consider this poor girl's feelings. As Chris rock would say, "I'm not saying its right, but I understand."

 

In our society today, women want to be extremely picky with who they sleep with. That's perfectly within their rights. However, a side effect of that is that many men go without sex for prolonged periods during their lives, which puts them in survival mode sexually, which in turn results in bad behavior such as this. Unless the social dynamic changes, this is part and parcel of the world that modern women chose to create. Enjoy it ladies.

 

BS. It's never been easier for men to get NSA sex than they do today.

 

Men don't commit for a bazillion reasons. Rarely or never does it have anything to do with the woman.

 

To the extent that women don't fish out a man's intentions before having sex with him is her own fault.

 

If he lies about his intentions or strings her along solely for the purpose of getting sex, then he's a jerk.... not a poor, misunderstood guy just looking for the 'right' girl to commit to.

[Oxy Moronovich]

BS. It's never been easier for men to get NSA sex than they do today.

Agreed.

Men don't commit for a bazillion reasons. Rarely or never does it have anything to do with the woman.

Disagreed. Despite the fact that you cannot provide reliable evidence to back up your second statement, you're entitled to believe it all you want. I, on the other hand, believe most of the time a man won't commit because of the woman.

To the extent that women don't fish out a man's intentions before having sex with him is her own fault.

Agreed.

If he lies about his intentions or strings her along solely for the purpose of getting sex, then he's a jerk.... not a poor, misunderstood guy just looking for the 'right' girl to commit to.

Agreed. But he's also a jerk who got laid.

[RedRobin]

Agreed. But he's also a jerk who got laid.

 

Who cares. So did she.

 

See the first statement that you agreed with. "Getting" sex is no big deal.

 

Guys who think they can routinely lie to 'get' sex are kidding themselves. Eventually their reputation will catch up to them or they will catch something they can't get rid of.

 

Lying has it's own consequences. The long term consequences really aren't pretty. Proceed at your peril.

 

...regarding reliable evidence... it is pretty much one of those rules of the world. I've never met one person who committed to anyone or anything if they weren't personally ready for commitment in their heart BEFORE the person or opportunity arose.

 

It's no different than expecting an alcoholic or drug addict to put their junk down. None of them will until they make a personal choice to do so.

 

That is why I waste zero time on men who aren't actively looking for a committed relationship and can prove it with their actions.

Edited June 11, 2012 by RedRobin

[InJest]

Who cares. So did she.

 

She cares, if she's the one looking for more. That's what this whole thread is about.

 

How does lying to get sex with someone who wants to be monogamous equate to getting an STD? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I agree with the first poster, and I'm a man who used to this quite a bit. Not outright lying, but feigning a relationship until she asked concretely for one. It's not necessarily something wrong with the girl, it's just that she's not exactly what he's looking for, but will do for the time being. Nothing to do with some elusive hunter and all that garbage. I want a girl that I can commit to, but I'll gladly **** someone in the meantime.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Who cares. So did she.

True. They both got sex. But he's the one who enjoyed it while she is the one who looked at sex as something taken from her.

See the first statement that you agreed with. "Getting" sex is no big deal.

I never agreed that getting sex is no big deal. I said it's easier for men to get sex these days than ever before. Big diff.

Guys who think they can routinely lie to 'get' sex are kidding themselves. Eventually their reputation will catch up to them or they will catch something they can't get rid of.

Women who think sex is something to "give" are kidding themselves. Sex is an adult activity that should be enjoyed by two consenting adults. A woman should always view any guy she has sex with as potentially a guy who will end up leaving her. If women stopped deluding themselves that sex is something to give then they'd have less heartbreak.

Lying has it's own consequences. The long term consequences really aren't pretty. Proceed at your peril.

There are many guys who shamelessly mistreat women and never have to face consequences.

[zanesfan]

I can see both sides of the coin here. But as a woman who has gone threw this AND to hear women talk about this-- makes me think it cant always be the woman. This happens often!! The man is playing the game.. pretending that he wants the girl when he knows for a fact that he doesnt.

 

Just like my previous "friend" said. If I told you from the beginning I only wanted sex I wouldnt have gotten it. So what did he do.. tell me after. That mask came off and then at this point what does the woman do? She leaves or stays. I would have left had I known upfront because it is much easier then. We catch feelings easily so just to leave isnt really ideal because we've given this man our bodies.. essentially a piece of us and there is a slight hope that he comes around.

 

Im not a man-- I cant say why men wont commit. But if im good enough to screw the Im good enough to date. Point, blank, and the period! And if you have to sell me a fantasy just to sleep with me then your "game" isnt as tight as you think buddy!

[Oxy Moronovich]

Im not a man-- I cant say why men wont commit. But if im good enough to screw the Im good enough to date. Point, blank, and the period! And if you have to sell me a fantasy just to sleep with me then your "game" isnt as tight as you think buddy!

Yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh, you might wanna rethink this part. Because it is really a naive thing to say. It works both ways.

[thatone]

BS. It's never been easier for men to get NSA sex than they do today.

 

agree

 

Men don't commit for a bazillion reasons. Rarely or never does it have anything to do with the woman.

 

yes and no. i never lied to the ones i had no intention of committing to, but that didn't stop a good number of them from being surprised and upset that i didn't. too many women deal in fantasy rather than reality.

 

To the extent that women don't fish out a man's intentions before having sex with him is her own fault.

 

there are women who also just want sex, you know. that's ok, we don't live in the dark ages anymore. people can define their relationships however they want, and they do. 'fault' suggests women are always victims which is not the case in the vast majority of circumstances.

 

that's part of gender equality, women are not automatically victims of men anymore. now women are responsible for themselves just like men have always been. enjoy your stay on our side of the fence.

 

If he lies about his intentions or strings her along solely for the purpose of getting sex, then he's a jerk.... not a poor, misunderstood guy just looking for the 'right' girl to commit to.

 

key point in the article, the guy is not a jerk. he has made every indication that he's not going to go along with a relationship with the girl in question. she hangs around anyway.

[RedRobin]

She cares, if she's the one looking for more. That's what this whole thread is about.

 

How does lying to get sex with someone who wants to be monogamous equate to getting an STD? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I agree with the first poster, and I'm a man who used to this quite a bit. Not outright lying, but feigning a relationship until she asked concretely for one. It's not necessarily something wrong with the girl, it's just that she's not exactly what he's looking for, but will do for the time being. Nothing to do with some elusive hunter and all that garbage. I want a girl that I can commit to, but I'll gladly **** someone in the meantime.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

One's actions rarely 'lie'. You can't 'feign' a relationship with your actions. Just your words. If you are consistent with your words and actions, then, for all intents and purposes, there is no difference. Sure, you may not be 'in it' with your heart, but you really can't fake that either. Most women figure this out quite quickly. There are a handful with low or no self-esteem that seem to allow this time after time. I expect the kind of men this thread was devoted to easily hone in on them.

 

How does lying to get sex equate to getting an STD? Because plenty of women will 'lie' about their intentions to avoid looking like a 'slut'. I can think of a few on this board who shall remain nameless.

Edited June 11, 2012 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

key point in the article, the guy is not a jerk. he has made every indication that he's not going to go along with a relationship with the girl in question. she hangs around anyway.

 

The guy is a 'jerk'... defined as such for the purposes of helping fellow women remove this particular brand of parasite from their life.

[RedRobin]

I can see both sides of the coin here. But as a woman who has gone threw this AND to hear women talk about this-- makes me think it cant always be the woman. This happens often!! The man is playing the game.. pretending that he wants the girl when he knows for a fact that he doesnt.

 

Just like my previous "friend" said. If I told you from the beginning I only wanted sex I wouldnt have gotten it. So what did he do.. tell me after. That mask came off and then at this point what does the woman do? She leaves or stays. I would have left had I known upfront because it is much easier then. We catch feelings easily so just to leave isnt really ideal because we've given this man our bodies.. essentially a piece of us and there is a slight hope that he comes around.

 

Im not a man-- I cant say why men wont commit. But if im good enough to screw the Im good enough to date. Point, blank, and the period! And if you have to sell me a fantasy just to sleep with me then your "game" isnt as tight as you think buddy!

 

Alot of women keep sleeping with a man even after the veil is off because they are afraid of being accused of having loose morals.

 

This same kind of guy will play with that too. Try to cut the woman down for having sex too 'early'. Like, his lying is her fault, and the believing is also her fault.

 

total dirtbag. That's ok. You know better what to avoid now. These blood-suckers abound. No worries. It catches up to them eventually. Seen it a million times.

[thatone]

The guy is a 'jerk'... defined as such for the purposes of helping fellow women remove this particular brand of parasite from their life.

 

 

no, he isn't, and as i've now glanced over the others i see now that this thread is a spin off of her other thread, which basically all amounts to her being pissed because the player won't marry her.

[InJest]

Zanesfan, I agreed that it's not because of anything specifically wrong with the woman. She can be a great catch on paper, but if the guy isn't completely in it for one reason or another, then it doesn't matter how great she is, he just isn't going to want more than sex with her, and he may lead her on to get it.

 

 

RedRobin, I've done a pretty good job of leading people on in the past, as they have me as well. If you're good looking, attentive, helpful, caring, and hold off on pushing for sex for a couple weeks, then girls will think you want more than just sex. I've never told a girl a girl that I wanted a relationship when I didn't, but after taking them hiking, to museums, skiing, etc..they assume I want more than sex, and feel hurt/upset/used/disappointed when they find out I don't want a relationship or drop them altogether. It's certainly easier with a girl with low self esteem, but anyone can be lead on like this. I think quite highly of myself, but it's happened to me before.

 

"How does lying to get sex equate to getting an STD? Because plenty of women will 'lie' about their intentions to avoid looking like a 'slut'."

 

The guy lying has no impact on that though. The guy can be completely honest and forthcoming, and legitimately want a relationship, and if the girl is a slut with an STD, then he's going to get it. The lying has no affect on getting an STD. You sound like you're just trying to make guys that lead girls on look really bad, which no one has denied. Get control of yourself and stop arguing on emotion.

[RedRobin]

The lying has no affect on getting an STD.

 

Sure it does. Lying is a bad habit. You probably do it so often, you have no idea where it extends and the people you attract with it.

 

You sound like you're just trying to make guys that lead girls on look really bad, which no one has denied.

 

No need to try. They make themselves look bad. And as I've said many times on this board before, the man-whores get REALLY annoyed when women start holding them accountable for their pasts.

 

You'll see. The girls you really want can see right through your crap. None of this man-whore now and commit later. Bad habits die hard, buddy.

[zanesfan]

no, he isn't, and as i've now glanced over the others i see now that this thread is a spin off of her other thread, which basically all amounts to her being pissed because the player won't marry her.

 

Thatone, this is a spin off of my other post as well as 2 more post that I read a this morning pertaining to the EXACT same thing.

[zanesfan]

Zanesfan, I agreed that it's not because of anything specifically wrong with the woman. She can be a great catch on paper, but if the guy isn't completely in it for one reason or another, then it doesn't matter how great she is, he just isn't going to want more than sex with her, and he may lead her on to get it.

 

InJest, I can totally relate to what you are saying. But sometimes I think men dont really know how we feel because it doesnt happen to them as often as it happens to women. An example... I couldnt really relate to a man about a women using them as a meal ticket because thats something that I dont experience. Women can understand my pov because they have experienced that and men can understand the gold/goal digger from the likes of other men.

 

Sometimes men ARE wrong... no matter how naive, gullible, fickle, tough, and understanding a woman tends to be.

[thatone]

InJest, I can totally relate to what you are saying. But sometimes I think men dont really know how we feel because it doesnt happen to them as often as it happens to women. An example... I couldnt really relate to a man about a women using them as a meal ticket because thats something that I dont experience. Women can understand my pov because they have experienced that and men can understand the gold/goal digger from the likes of other men.

 

Sometimes men ARE wrong... no matter how naive, gullible, fickle, tough, and understanding a woman tends to be.

 

the ones who know how you feel are the ones you're making these threads about.

 

that comes across to you as "charming".

[joystickd]

I can see both sides of the coin here. But as a woman who has gone threw this AND to hear women talk about this-- makes me think it cant always be the woman. This happens often!! The man is playing the game.. pretending that he wants the girl when he knows for a fact that he doesnt.

 

Just like my previous "friend" said. If I told you from the beginning I only wanted sex I wouldnt have gotten it. So what did he do.. tell me after. That mask came off and then at this point what does the woman do? She leaves or stays. I would have left had I known upfront because it is much easier then. We catch feelings easily so just to leave isnt really ideal because we've given this man our bodies.. essentially a piece of us and there is a slight hope that he comes around.

 

Im not a man-- I cant say why men wont commit. But if im good enough to screw the Im good enough to date. Point, blank, and the period! And if you have to sell me a fantasy just to sleep with me then your "game" isnt as tight as you think buddy!

A lot of men are just afraid to be honest about their desires. If I just want sex I say it. The woman I talk to now I said " I want to corrupt you". She knew what I wanted. At the same time a man only wanting sex and not date is like women giving men the let's be friends thing. There is nothing more than lust and nothing that make a man want to date you. You don't have want he is looking for in a potential relationship partner. Its life not everyone is going to be wanting a relationship with you. People don't strike up the same feelings in everyone.

[InJest]

Zanesfan, I didn't say men were right to lead women on(or reversed for that matter.) I have been lead on before, by a friend no less, and it really hurt. It happened right before I started doing the same thing, and I did it nonstop for about 2-3 years before I was able to cut it out. I haven't done something like that in a about year now, but if I had met someone that really got me going during that time, I would've been able to stop. There were girls that were close to what I wanted, but didn't quite have everything, so I kept them around until the next thing came along for me to try out.

 

RedRobin, I know there is no need to try. We are all in agreement that people who lead people on are dicks. I have no problem admitting that I was a dickhead when I used to do this.

 

Your argument is very irrational, and I'd love to see any statistic that shows any sort of link between lying and STDs. Are you saying bad people are the only people with STDs? Again, your argument makes no sense. If you're lying to someone that only wants a monogamous relationship, then you're taking a much smaller risk than someone who is cool with casual sex with a lot of people. What don't you get about that?

 

Furthermore, when I did this, I never lied. I never told anyone I wanted a relationship. They just assumed it from me spending a lot of time with them and being attentive.

 

As for the girls I really want, I don't manwhore around when I'm with them. Maybe before I'm sure she feels the same way, but I have no problem cutting girls off.

[veggirl]

A woman with low self-esteem or who is desperate for a relationship will be VERY easy to "lead on".

 

The thing is, it actually is VERY easy to distinguish between a guy who truly wants / likes you and a guy who just wants sex. Many women don't want to admit the guy they like doesn't like them, though, and they will sleep with him and eat up any breadcrumb he throws her way.

 

they will start justifying his bad behavior by trying to cancel it out with the times he is "good".

 

No man who truly likes a woman is going to date her for 6 mos without making her his girlfriend. He is not going to just invite her over for movies and drinks. He is going go out with her, he is going to call her and keep in regular contact, HE IS GOING TO MAKE HER HIS.

 

I ate up breadcrumbs and slept with a guy on and off for like 4 yrs who was NEVER going to committ to me, no matter what I did. Do I blame him for all of that? No, it was ME who stayed, me who kept coming around when he called, etc. He never told me "I want you to be my girlfriend" but I looked for signs that he did and bottomline is that if he wanted that, I'd have known it. I wanted him to want it, I wanted to convince him. How pathetic!!! It was MY fault.

 

No one can be USED for sex. Women playing the victim card is pathetic and it is offensive to all of us. I was not a victim, I was a willing participant who ignored blatant red flags, blatant signs.

 

You can keep the rose colored glasses on while in these "relationships" if you want, but as soon as you exit them, its all clear as day. Being willfully ignorant is our own fault.

 

OP has known all along this man wasn't going to committ to her. She just didn't want to admit that to herself, she wanted to win him over. That's fine, but it's not his fault.

 

If a woman is going to be so easily swayed by words and ignore actions then she has no one to blame but herself.

 

Clear boundaries and a feeling of confidence that you will be okay on your own will take you miles. People need to establish that within themselves by themself. It's no one else's job to protect my heart, it's MY job and I can do that by clearly knowing what behavior I am and am not okay with, and having the confidence to NOT put up with what I'm not okay with, even if it leaves me alone at the end of the day.

[USMCHokie]

Im not a man-- I cant say why men wont commit. But if im good enough to screw the Im good enough to date. Point, blank, and the period! And if you have to sell me a fantasy just to sleep with me then your "game" isnt as tight as you think buddy!

 

Absolutely 100% disagree. I strongly believe that those who willingly accept to be part of a FWB arrangement simply aren't seen as worthy of dating by the other person.

 

And to answer the original question, you can also place a significant amount of the "blame" on the girl's people picker.

[RedRobin]

RedRobin, I know there is no need to try. We are all in agreement that people who lead people on are dicks. I have no problem admitting that I was a dickhead when I used to do this.

 

ok. No problemo. You saw it wasn't a good thing and you stopped.

 

 

Your argument is very irrational, and I'd love to see any statistic that shows any sort of link between lying and STDs. Are you saying bad people are the only people with STDs? Again, your argument makes no sense. If you're lying to someone that only wants a monogamous relationship, then you're taking a much smaller risk than someone who is cool with casual sex with a lot of people. What don't you get about that?

 

Not so fast... you have argued that some people can change (ie, a man was formerly a d*ck, now wants a committed relationship). What is so difficult to understand about the fact that a woman may have had a wild past, but now wants a monogamous relationship? Or, she herself has issues with saying all she wants is sex?

 

I'm arguing that those who have a habit of lying are probably going to attract those who aren't terribly self-aware and probably not all that responsible either.

 

Just because someone wants a monogamous relationship now doesn't mean they haven't had lots of casual sex in their past and are now lying about it in order to get a monogamous relationship. And if you are a liar, you will probably attract liars. Understand?

 

Furthermore, when I did this, I never lied. I never told anyone I wanted a relationship. They just assumed it from me spending a lot of time with them and being attentive.

 

As for the girls I really want, I don't manwhore around when I'm with them. Maybe before I'm sure she feels the same way, but I have no problem cutting girls off.

 

Many people go through periods where they don't know what they want. This is why I tell women who want a committed, monogamous relationship to ONLY date men who also say they are... and are willing to prove it. Doesn't take long at all to sort them out once you know what to look for.

[InJest]

How do you get to the conclusion that liars attract liars? One person being a liar does not make the other person a liar, unless you're trying to twist and use The Secret or Law of Attraction or something as an argument for this. Just because someone is a liar, does not make the person they've attracted a liar. It just means that they've been trusting of that person, and chosen to believe a lie that is not obviously false or not easily verifiable. I think an honest person is more likely to believe a lie, than a liar. Liars usually want to usually go after honest people because they're easier targets, and because well, they don't want to be lied to themselves. It's like saying that someone is a cheater, because they've been cheated on. I know most of the girls that I've hurt were pretty straight forward with me. It really started to wear on me after a while.

 

In any event, after thinking about it, I think what drew(draws) women in is that I take a real interest into them. I constantly ask questions out of a genuine interest. I've learned that you can learn a lot, even from people's experience even if you don't think are as smart as you, if you just listen to them. I do prefer sharp women in mid 20s-early 30s with careers, so it's not like I'm filling the heads of young, dumb college girls. Intelligence is attractive, and if it's directed at you then you feel special, at least I do when I connect with a smart person. It's the same reason I've been on a rocket ship up the career ladder(can't say good looks haven't helped me with female managers too though). There are women that see right through this, whether it is lying or or they are unsure or whatever, and you can out them by pinning them to a decision.