Paigey Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 So three weeks ago my on/off boyfriend of seven years found out that I had been on his facebook-I'll freely admit that I am so in the wrong here, and I will hold my hands up to it-I invaded his privacy and there's no real excuse, except that last October I found a real of messages to another guy all of sexual content, I confronted him and put it to rest. But then recently he started acting weird and I got a little insecure and stupidly went through his facebook, where I found more messages to the same guy again all of sexual content. I didn't know what to do, I went to a friend and tried to make sense of it, sent a few texts to the same friend as he was away and my bf when in an argument found those texts, blew up that I had told someone and we had a fight, three days later I received a horrible message from him, saying that he thought to highly of me, that I was burning away the last of his patience etc.. Since then, no matter how many times I apologise or ask (5 messages in 3 weeks) to meet he won't answer me, but I need to talk to him, I want to get some "closure" or at least for him to know that I am in the wrong here- I shouldn't have done it. It's so hard because 7 years is such a long time it doesn't help that he's my first love and this is one of the longest times we've gone without speaking. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I am such a genuine mess. I need someone to rationalize this for me, as the only advice off my friends is that he needs time, but I'm scared that he's never going to speak to me and I’m never going to be able to move on as for all I know he's gay and he's stuck with me just to hide himself.. Sorry bit of a long ramble here, but I just really need some advice. Also I have tried NC but as you can see it's not really working for me.
LanaDelRey Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Well... it sounds like he is cheating and you found out so he's going to turn this around on you. Yea invading someones privacy is not the best way to go about it. But obviously you have been suspisous with his behaviour otherwise you wouldnt have felt the need to look up stuff. Thats the bigger question. You need time... to step back and see the bigger picture here. If you guys were committed in a relationship together and hes talking sexually to another guy what does that tell you? Whether you saw his messages or not he was still doing you wrong. So for him to get mad at you shows that he doesnt want to feel the guilt and rather you take all the responsibillity. Which you gladly are. He's not going to give you closure till you pick yourself up and let him come to you. If you feel you messed up by invading his privacy then ok.. but still see the fact that he was dishonest with your relationship. 7 years and hes telling you that you did wrong over something like that... smh. He's feeling extremley wrong about his actions. Again he is just putting it on you. I know its hard to let go a little but if you want any chance of saving this relationship then you need to pull back. The last thing anyone wants to hear during heartbreak is to let go and "work on yourself" but from someone on the other side.. it works! When he sees you being desperate or crying or looking like a bum.. its not going to make him run back. Infact your just pushing him away. A lot of people think that working on yourself means you don't care about your ex or that he'll think you don't care anymore. Thats never the case.. he'll see the person he fell in love with. He'll see someone that loves themselves and a lot of times if not all they see how badly they messed up. Like I said if you did wrong then ok you already apologized.. let it go now. He's not going to forget about you. They never do. 1
Author Paigey Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thank you so much, i know i need to step back from it all just finding it really hard to do so. I just find it hard to believe that after 7 years he can be like this, but you are completely right i need to get out of the blame/wanting him back mind frame. I have apologised and there's obviously nothing else i can do now, except try to let go and as you said work on myself. Thank you for your reply
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