mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 well i found out 5 days ago my partner of 7 years kissed another boy she works with, when the cinimas and out for a drive in the car. but in black and white i saw proof she turned down a sex offer. well for the last 5-6 days she been texting all day / night, constantly txting and calling. nagging for a second chance. right now i am so low, i aint eaten in days, im weak and not well. i was with this girl 7 years and was my first love. so got to the point yesterday i could stick getting asked no more and said somthings like this '' look i will stay with you but right now im angry, do not think i love u, and dun want be with u'' well she gone to work today, an that boy works there she is sorting out a transfer, said i can check anything if i think she hidding somthing. thing is im so un happy right now, we got a house and she cant afford it on her own, shall i keep helping with the rent. im just lost, low and things keep wizzing in my head
Author mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 also she kissed the boy about 18 months ago, i found proof last week. at the time we both rowed a lot, i think we both dragged each other down
PissOfMind Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I'd say that the key issue here is whether you will be able to trust her again. There is a risk that you will be wondering what she is doing ( and with whom) each time she will be away. If you take her back obviously! I'm not sure if this is the best option. I don't say that people do not realise their mistakes and do not change- they sometimes do, but first they have to admit that they have made a mistake and be willing to change their ways. I am curious whether she regrets what she did...or whether she regrets being caught. This is the question you should answer.
Philosoraptor Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 The relationship is over. Stop looking for more things to upset you and accept the fact that she ended things. It's obvious that getting back with her would be a terribly painful idea so stop digging into her life and learn to live for yourself.
Author mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 thanks for the reply, i dont know what the answer is right now, at the moment i feel to hurt to be in a relationship and just need to be alone, i have told her this but she keeps asking to not finish her, she says we hit a bad patch and i know we did 18 months ago, but my point is i was in that bad patch to, i had girls show me intrest but i did not do anything with them. what keeps buzzing in my head to is now its going to be a hard time and she knows this so will that mean she gets to the point of classing it as a bad patch again and repeat what she done?
Author mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 The relationship is over. Stop looking for more things to upset you and accept the fact that she ended things. It's obvious that getting back with her would be a terribly painful idea so stop digging into her life and learn to live for yourself. thats the thing, its not me looking to stay with her, she is asking me to be with her, saying things like she will change an help me, im not after help from her, i am after some healing time i dont want to leave her in debt or hurt but she have hurt me, im all over the shop
PissOfMind Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I think that deep inside you know what you should do. Maintaining contact with her will only distract you from yourself, cos as you said, now YOU are the one you should take care of. I liked what you said about being in a bad patch and yet being faithful. Seems it IS possible. Apparently she can't give you what you want and if she can't guarantee something which is as basic as being faithful, then staying with her will cause you even more pain. You are right, you should be alone now and it would be kind of her if she could respect your wish to be left alone.
Author mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 i do need some alone time, i know i do i consider myself as a nice person so i will pay her the rent to not leave us or a thought of me as a bad person, but i will post it without contacting her. shall i txt, call, see her and tell her i need time to myself or shall i just post the rent and never reply to her, and how will i word it this is my first time for this to happen thanks for the help
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Well, you're inbetween a rock and a hard place. I agree with you. If you stay with her, what happens when the next "bad patch" hits. Because you stated that you've had two bad patches and each time one of those hit, she cheated on you. That's definately something to consider. You stated that you have proof that no sex happened? How could you possibly know that? If I were you, I wouldn't trust anything right now.
PissOfMind Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I guess that if you send her a message, it will only serve as an opening for another discussion, another opportunity for her to beg you, promise things and so on. It won't help you. Now you need some distance and talking to her would undermine your decision to go NC.
CopingGal Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I saw another post you put up in another forum. I think you need to get some therapy. From reading your other post, I think you have self-esteem issues and may be suffering from depression. You referred to yourself as a Fat Bastard in another post. Seriously, I think you need to find the value that you have and learn to believe in yourself.
Author mr-lonely Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 i know i am low on self-esteem and im trying to deal with that daily, also my partner said she would like to go to a relationship counciler i was using her old diary to jot down notes from a works call, how i cam look inside it i dont know but the wrote stuff in there. she wrote everything and even wha the other boy offered,
Balzac Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Sounds to me as if she is taking advantage of your weakness. Focus on yourself and setting up personal boundaries. Consider individual counseling.
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