perfectlyflawed459 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Hey guys, for those of you who do not know me I use to be a regular poster in the coping/break up boards many months ago and have come to share with everyone how my story ended. Here is my break up story if you are interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/301193-i-dont-know-anymore This guy completely smashed me to peices...he literally made me feel like I was a person without worth and that no one would ever love me. He turned things around to making it seem like it was my fault and emotionally abused me. From the day we broke up to about a year after the break up, my self esteem tanked to an ultimate low and I was so desperate to get him back thinking he was the one for me. Believe me, I did everything from texting, calling, asking to hang out, to even sleeping with him over the course of this year to get him back. However, he still always chose another girl over me, rubbing her in my face when he was given the chance. Fastforward to January, I give one last attempt to reach out and at least try to establish friendship and peace between us (me hoping that it would lead to something). This is what I get: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/313169-i-am-over-him Pretty much a foul message telling me I am pathetic and worthless and such...when all I wanted was to make peace and all I did was care for him. However this time, his abuse didn't tear me down this time. No, it rose me up and made me realize that I deserve someone a bajillion times better than this fool! That message was the last straw; it was the moment I realized that I am worth more than having to deal with this guy. After a year of doing nothing but caring and loving the guy and being completely heart broken, this moment was the final push I needed to give me the strength to let go of this toxic person for good and see that there is a whole world out there waiting for me with something even better to offer. Since that day, my self esteem has risen again and I have finally found confidence and happiness within my life and myself. I have straight A's in college, am about to get into the pharmacy school of my dreams, have a great job as a pharmacy tech with wonderful co workers who support me as I pursue my career and help me gain experience, and wonderful friends and family who truly love and care about me. Also, I am currently seeing a great guy who treats me wonderfully and appreciates me. This guy is a million steps of an upgrade from my ex in both physical appearance and personality and I am so so SO thankful to have my ex out of my life once and for all. I do not wish ill towards him because grudges are a nasty thing to have, but I do not ever want him in my life again. In fact, I saw him at my work with his gf the other day and like always, he tried to rub his relationship in my face, but I just walked by and didn't even give him a second look and kept a smile on my face. Life truly is grand at the moment and I am so thankful for all the great things that have happened. Looking back, I cannot even fathom why I was so hung up on my ex despite his toxicity towards me. That year after the break up was truly a dark time and I refuse to let a guy have that much control of me ever again. I have learned to love myself no matter what because when it all boils down to it, that is what is most important. If you don't love and value yourself, how can you expect someone else to? To all those in pain, I know it is hard...believe me. It is easy put the ex on pedestal and hope for the best in them, but in reality that is what is holding you back from truly being able to heal and move on. Everyone on this board has the strength to move forward out of the heart break, but that strength is only useful when YOU allow yourself to use it. I realized that we are our own worst enemy in a break up...it is our choice to continue chasing our ex, put them on pedestal, take blame for things that happened, to hold on to the guilt and pain. I am not saying healing is an easy road because as cliche as it does sound, time does heal all wounds, but I am saying you can make the healing process a little smoother and a shorter one if you allow yourself to. Just know that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel and that you will find happiness again within your life and within yourself. It took me a year to find that light, heck it may have been less time if I would have allowed myself to move on instead of holding on, but I came out of it a much happier and wiser woman from it all. Everyone here is beautiful and valuable and deserving of happiness, never ever forget that and don't let one idiot lead you to believe otherwise I hope everyone finds peace and happiness on their journies to overcoming their heartbreak and wish everyone the very best. I will stick around for a few days in case anyone wants to ask me any questions or just needs to vent a little. Edited June 11, 2012 by perfectlyflawed459 6
CopingGal Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Wonderful post thanks. My ex was psychologically abusive. I felt worthless too. I stayed away from the abuse and him but it took a look time to get to that point. Thanks. Your post is encouraging.
Mr Scorpio Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I have straight A's in college, am about to get into the pharmacy school of my dreams, have a great job as a pharmacy tech with wonderful co workers who support me as I pursue my career and help me gain experience, and wonderful friends who truly love and care about me. Also, I am currently seeing a great guy who treats me wonderfully and appreciates me. Now, don't get me wrong here. I enjoy seeing positive posts like this one in the coping forum. However, take away the above, and how would you feel? More importantly, how would you deal with it? I'm not asking that to knock you down a step or challenge your happiness. Rather, I ask because I don't have straight A's, don't have a great job (or any full-time job for that matter), and don't have a large network of friends. Ergo, the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is the freight-train of the future bearing down on me.
CopingGal Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Ergo, the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is the freight-train of the future bearing down on me. Mr. Scorpio, that is really hard to believe. You are so insightful when it comes to helping others. You are such a great poster. How can you be so helpful and insightful to others and see this for yourself?
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Now, don't get me wrong here. I enjoy seeing positive posts like this one in the coping forum. However, take away the above, and how would you feel? More importantly, how would you deal with it? I'm not asking that to knock you down a step or challenge your happiness. Rather, I ask because I don't have straight A's, don't have a great job (or any full-time job for that matter), and don't have a large network of friends. Ergo, the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is the freight-train of the future bearing down on me. Don't get me wrong, I have been very fortunate and I apologize if that came off a little "in your face." I will let you know that all those things did not happen right off that bat but rather over time as I began to truly let go and allow myself to move forward with my life and find happiness within. I believe once you allow yourself to let go and be happy, things begin to fall in to place; at least that is how it happened with me. Once I allowed myself to get over my heartbreak, I was able to focus more on other aspects of my life such as school and interpersonal relationships with other people. As a result, I got great grades, landed a great job, met new friends, and met a good guy. In my opinion, happiness ultimately stems from within you and we all have the strength to turn our lives around for the better...but the key is that it has to come from within you first because the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. I cannot stress to people how important it is to love and feel confident in yourself; if I didn't begin to love myself, I do not think I would have had the strength to turn my life around like I did. Each one of us has own life and it is our job to own it and make it into what we want it to be. No one else can do that for us ya know? I hope I was able to clarify things a bit Edited June 11, 2012 by perfectlyflawed459
El_Enamorado Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 perfectlyflawed459. I enjoyed reading your post. Sounds kind of like my experience with my EXGF. Life does get better without our EXs. At first we suffer like never before. Its a cold feeling. Feeling empty and used. Doing your best to have the other person happy, when in reality they are not happy, no matter how hard u try. Thats why they choose to leave. The funny thing is that, once u find yourself again and start getting your life back on track, working on yourself, they will see or hear about it, and they will want to return. But seriously, why go back to the past, when your too far ahead in your present? Is like going back to square 1. The other person aint gonna change, no matter what. My EXGF decided to play and lost in her own game. She left me, did her thing, and she would look for me all crazy saying I had other girls, when I didn't. Our relationship lasted 2 years. She dumped me last year in February out of the blue. But am very happy it happened, because I was too in love with this girl, that I couldn't leave her. When she dumped me, I thanked her, because I was too weak to make the move. Now, everything in Life is good. I am doing WAY better without her. Life does get better. U just have to give yourself the chance. Before U Love others, U have to Love yourself first. People think that they have to have someone around to be happy. Happiness comes from Within. U control your own feelings. Like if people are sad or depressed, go ahead, it is your own feelings. There is so much more out there than being stuck at home for a person not caring about us. When U stop looking for Love, it comes to U. Good things come in time. Maybe not in your time frame, but in GOD's time frame =). Patience 8).
Frank13 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Hi Perfectly. It is weird that I just thought about you a few days ago, knew you were doing well based on a previous post of yous, and figured you would never come back here. So thanks for dropping in. I followed all your posts and am glad life is good to you.
kindest Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Great post. My personal life has been rather empty since my ex and I broke up 4 months ago. I am trying to heal but for now I am still picking up the pieces. I don't know if it's him that I miss or just the idea of having someone. To top it all, I am also having problems in my professional life. Let's just say I am going through some pretty trying times at the present. I am really happy for you and I can only wish the same for myself.
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