hurts_so_bad Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Ok some of u guys may know me from my past threads and will know my story. Those of u that do not I will give the very short version.. I was married 17 years. I wasn't qa bad guy but a screw up. I was a drinker, famed, got arrested for 3 DWI's etc. After I guess takin too much my wife let me in February...a week later I found she was seeing a guy from work. This has hit me pretty hard emotionally.even so things are getting easier each day to deal with. I still feel this overwhelming feeling of insecurity in the bedroom dept. I mean what has this guy got that I dont? And thY thought keeps running threw my head like a broken record! Is this a normal emotion for guys. after.they have been dumped? Either wayward, how can I get over myself with this crap? And constructive ideas would be appreciTed!
Reddice Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 The feelings are completely normal if you have been left by a person you loved. I feel the same. However, somehow I doubt these feelings are new to you. You say you were a drinker, but did you seek help for this? Were you not using the drinking as a way to escape from something? Perhaps your feelings, perhaps your relationship, perhaps something else? Could it be that you now have to deal with the same insecurities you had before, but that are just being augmented due to the circumstances?
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 The feelings are completely normal if you have been left by a person you loved. I feel the same. However, somehow I doubt these feelings are new to you. You say you were a drinker, but did you seek help for this? Were you not using the drinking as a way to escape from something? Perhaps your feelings, perhaps your relationship, perhaps something else? Could it be that you now have to deal with the same insecurities you had before, but that are just being augmented due to the circumstances? I was a drinker but not because i was running from anything. Guess I just liked to party. I have another thread which is the same. I posted 2 by mistake. If u can please reply to that one. Thanks
geegirl Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I still feel this overwhelming feeling of insecurity in the bedroom dept. I mean what has this guy got that I dont? Did you for once think that maybe she left not because of what was lacking in the bedroom but more so seeking an outlet for her emotional and mental needs that were not being met by you. Her involvement with another man should not be a reflection of your performance but more so the relationship as a whole. Stop beating yourself up over that part of your insecurity. In any case, I'm sorry that you're in pain but all you can do now is try to get your life together and hope that you can create a better future for yourself. 1
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Did you for once think that maybe she left not because of what was lacking in the bedroom but more so seeking an outlet for her emotional and mental needs that were not being met by you. Her involvement with another man should not be a reflection of your performance but more so the relationship as a whole. Stop beating yourself up over that part of your insecurity. In any case, I'm sorry that you're in pain but all you can do now is try to get your life together and hope that you can create a better future for yourself. I do think that all the time...just my mind running 24/7 that doesnt help....I always beat myself up when I really shouldnt! insecurities get the best of some men at times like this I guess...The main reason I do question myself in this situation is because this guy is 27 years old my wife is 40 and he has a girlfriend he lives with! So what is he giving her that is so great that you would lower yourself to being a jerk for him? You wanted a better life for yourself but you leave me and go backwards? doesnt make sense? gotta man up and get over myself!
geegirl Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I do think that all the time...just my mind running 24/7 that doesnt help....I always beat myself up when I really shouldnt! insecurities get the best of some men at times like this I guess...The main reason I do question myself in this situation is because this guy is 27 years old my wife is 40 and he has a girlfriend he lives with! So what is he giving her that is so great that you would lower yourself to being a jerk for him? You wanted a better life for yourself but you leave me and go backwards? doesnt make sense? gotta man up and get over myself! Insecurities get the best of us all the time. I completely understand. He may not be giving her anything that is of any significance. She may just be latching on to attention. Any attention is attention. She's making bad choices. If you look at it rationally, she truly doesn't have a prize on her hands. You need to stop comparing yourself to him.
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Insecurities get the best of us all the time. I completely understand. He may not be giving her anything that is of any significance. She may just be latching on to attention. Any attention is attention. She's making bad choices. If you look at it rationally, she truly doesn't have a prize on her hands. You need to stop comparing yourself to him. Thats a great way to look at it! Thannks you made me feel much better! You really did....Day by day its getting easier for me to cope with...4 months so far and I think I am doing very well in comparison to what I have heard from others. Guess its because I am focusing so much on myself being a better man. I have learned so much these past 4 months and its thanks to people like yourself and others on this website. As well as reading alot. If the wife and I ever work things out or not. Someone is going to have a hell of a guy!
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