4 year relationship ending

[eeezzzz]

Basically, we have been together for a little over 4 years and it looks like it might be the end now. We met in high school and started dating when i was 17 and her 16. By the time she turned 18 she moved in with me and we were deeply in love.

 

Our relationship was always good, we were best friends. We would practically do everything together. Sometimes I would get annoyed cuz she was always super jealous about any girl i talked to even girls that i was friends and knew long b4 we started dating.

 

So, naturally, I lost most of my friends who were girls because of her. Anyways, that was fine, we were still in love and had great times all the time. Then, this past year came and things started to change a bit. Our sex life was destroyed. I would always be the 1 to initiate sex and never her. Heck, i can't even remember the last time she did initiate sex.

 

When we did have sex it was because of me and a lot of times she would say stuff like " oh no baby not now" or "lets do it later". This would piss me off because a lot of times i was just trying to be affectionate and cuddle or something.

 

We went from having sex 3-5 times a week to maybe 1 time or 2 times every 2 weeks. Other than a lousy sex life, we got along great. And we still do even as I'm typing this.

 

------------This is the bad part---------

 

Recently, about 4-5 months ago she got a new job as a waitress at a restaurant. She started making a few friends and i was cool with this, every1 needs friends. Anyways, these friends have a little apartment and she would go over there and play beer pong and party a lot. Again, no big deal. Even I have been over there a lot.

 

But what has been happening is she has been going more and more. She starts drinking and she always hates me when she drinks. I'm the worst guy in the room when she starts drinking 90% of the time. There would be nights where i try to tell her lets just take it easy tonight and stay at home, but that would never work.

 

Then, about 2-3 weeks ago, i was actually at 1 of these get together parties. And i notice her phone rings at 3AM and it was some guy named Ryan. She ignored the call hoping i didn't notice. I did and i questioned her and she tries to lie about it as usual.Telling me it was the Ryan in the room. It clearly wasn't because I would see him lol. She was really drunk and obviously i knew she was lying.

 

A few days later I notice she has been texting this guy and she still keeps lying to me like I'm a ****ing retard. Eventually I break her down and she admits that a guy came into the restaurant and gave her his number. She apparently hit him up afterwards. Wow that was a blow cuz i know any girl that actually does that has to be interested.

 

Luckily for me he lives in a different state and was on vacation. Who knows though she could have been lying about that too. I really don't know, like i said all she does is lie to me.

 

This past Friday i was out with some friends and when i got home at around 2AM she was gone and i called her and asked her to come home. Again, for no reason she was being a bitch to me like she does when she gets drunk. She ended up spending the night at there apartment (she says). She spends the night over there almost every night that i don't go with her. Which is fine because i tell her not to drink and drive.

 

Tonight she gets home and is in a depressed mood and said she had a bad night at work. I try to cheer her up and even go to the store and pick her up a 6 pack to relax her. I ask her if she would please not party at there house tonight and she promised. I said please don't go crazy on me tonight and leave the house and she promises once again.

 

A little later in the night, I notice once again she is texting a guy.

 

This time some guy named Nick. I question her and she says "oh he was just some guy that was at the party the other night, he's just a friend bla bla bla" She obv just met the guy kind of odd to have his number already.

 

I noticed she added him on FB too. I get upset about this and go to my office and try to shrug it off. She does her thing and we watch a little tv and i take a shower and tell her i'm going to bed. I wait for her in the bedroom, but as 30 minutes passes she never comes.

 

I get that ****ty feeling in my stomach and walk out there to see that the feeling was right. She left at 4AM without saying anything. I get angry and call her 2 times in a row and she doesn't answer. I start texting her and telling her I know she is with that guy Nick and she finally texts back and says "what? no i talked to him for the 1st night on facebook last night." I tell her to just please be honest with me and she replies with " your ****ing crazy stupid"

 

It really sucks, cuz i was soo sweet to her all night. Anyways, that was the last i heard from her. She ignored all my calls and text messages.

 

It's 6 in the morning now and i can't go to sleep cuz i am so upset. I am upset just typing this. I swear she use to be so in love with me. She always says she loves me but idk anymore.

 

Like I said we still get along really well. And she says that she is wayy in love with me too.

 

What should I do?????

Edited June 11, 2012 by eeezzzz

[Philosoraptor]

You've clearly seen all of the signs. I can't tell you if she's cheated but she is definitely checking out of the relationship and likely looking for a soft place to land when she goes.

 

I'd expect the "I just want to be alone and have no interest in dating anyone else" line. Shortly after that she will be dating someone else.

 

I'd cut the cord now rather than suffering any longer.

[MoneyMatt]

I'm in the exact situation as you. We've been together for 4 years as well and she's been texting 2 guys as "friends" and gave me

The whole "I want to be Alone" speech. Just like your GF she's been to one of the dudes house as well as "friends". At first I was heartbroken but now I care less each day. Time really does heal everything. I'm pretty sure she's hooked up with one of them since we've been on a break, so my advice to you is too go NC and don't speak to her, that's what I'm doing and I'm loving life right now. If she realizes what she's missing then MAYBE give her a second chance. Sometimes you don't realize what you got until its gone and maybe both of our girlfriends need to realize but I'm not waiting around, if I find someone else then I'm going for it. I miss the person I thought she was but she's shown her true colors... Life goes on

[Daniel Kaiser]

As the friend above me said. You've seen all the signs, and endured WAY MORE than you should have. Seriously, the longer you endure this kind of situation, the more she WILL LOSE RESPECT for you.

 

Be the man she fell in love with, and maybe she won't go in GIGS, and you can still save the relationship, if it is as beautiful as it sounds. Maybe who knows, its an unconscious test she's throwing at you. Women do that all the time (its unconscious).

[MoneyMatt]

Don't make the same mistakes I made. Start NC today! Believe it or not you hve more leverage the new guys. I've blocked on her twitter and Facebook, she's been making statuses and tweets about me which makes me believe she's mad she doesn't know what I'm doing. At the end

Of the day, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. Women are werid sometimes they need to explore before they realize YOUR the one but by that time who's knows..

[Jono85]

all i can say dude, is PLEASE, for the love of god, start today, right now, taking your self respect back. she's been walking all over you. like the other guy said, you've already endured WAY more than you should have. and she's already lost her feelings, MOMENTARILY, trust me. don't believe what she SAYS; actions speak louder than words. words mean nothing, literally.

 

you need to let her go. it'll be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you need to. you're not happy anymore. if you think that's a relationship, a healthy one, you're lying to yourself. just b/c you break up with her NOW, doesn't mean you guys won't end up together. she might need to try other guys. you were most likely her first love. this stuff happens to EVERYONE. let her go man. you will also grow as a person if you leave her, and tough it out on your own. challenge yourself. learn more about yourself. you're at the perfect age. i guarantee you there will be other loves to come into your life if you let her go. and right now you're most likely thinking 'i don't want other loves, i just want her'. but over time, that fades, especially when you meet someone that gives you the feeling you had when you and your gf were first dating.

 

but please dude, obtain your respect back. she's treating you like absolute crap, and most likely cheating. she's already been lying to you 24/7. believe that. right now she's only staying with you until one of her prospects commits to her and she can move on to a new romance. but she knows she'd be all alone if she broke up with you NOW, and it'd be a bit of a risk on her behalf. you need to break up with her and tell her it's obvious there's a lot missing in your relationship, and you're no longer happy. be FIRM. she will likely beg, but personally i'd let her go. she's only going to beg b/c she doesn't want to be alone, not b/c she wants you and only you. you can clearly see that's not true. be smart. doens't mean you guys won't end up together, but right now you cannot be, she's checked out regardless of what she says.

[Tiera D]

To daniel GiGs is inevitable you can merely postpone it once someone has it,it will remain like a lingering doubt in their mind until they dispose it by experiencing it.To OP,yes you saw the signs and yes she has "already dumped you" although she did not say it out but in her heart you are long gone..Im sorry but mate pls go view

 

Homebrew -Grass is Greener Syndrome thread

 

Caliguy - No Contact thread

 

TD

[MoneyMatt]

I'm not saying the situation is great but it helps to know your not the only one in the world going through it. I agree with Jono; let her go. I made the mistake trying to win her back but it only pushed her away.

 

I've started not contacting her and not viewing her twitter or Facebook pages and I feel a lot better. Let her explore, like i said in my previous post you have the leverage because most likely you were her first love. BUT at the same time you should explore as well.

 

God bless you man, I hope everything goes well for the both of us. Remember, if its meant to be, then it's meant to be. If doesn't happen, move on. I'm 100% sure you'll find someone better.

[geegirl]

Women like this love men who behave like doormats. She could literally bang a guy infront of you and at some point you'll be running after her trying to rationalize it in your head that it wasn't what it seemed.

 

Please, for god's sake, find your self-respect and your dignity. Women do not find this type of behavior attractive and most times will run from a man that cannot respect himself.

 

You teach people how to treat you. You teach her day in and day out that inappropriate behavior is condoned. And when you teach someone that, guess what, they will consistently and continually do what they're doing regardless of whether it hurts you or not because you're giving them a pass to keep doing it.

 

When you love someone, you don't mistreat them. Both of you have a warped and toxic sense of what love is. You're holding on to dear life because you're afraid of facing your reality and she's holding on because it's nice to have a crutch and an ego-boost. There is nothing that speaks of love in this.

 

You may have started out great but the thrill is gone. Accept that and stop trying to make her be what you hope for her to be. This is who she is and trust me your relationship will be riddled with trust issues. But if you want to settle, then settle, accept it as is. Don't expect and hope for things to be different because it won't.

Edited June 11, 2012 by geegirl

[Chi townD]

If she thinks that your stupid and she thinks it's appropriate to leave at 4AM. I wouldn't stop her. I would help her. I would pack up all of her crap and put it out on the front lawn and change the locks.

 

Dude, she cheating on you and you KNOW it. You just don't want to believe it.

[eeezzzz]

Thank you all for your responses, I know it is several years later but if this was stock market advise, I would be rich if I invested.

 

I took the latter sadly. (Ended extremely ****ty)

[lolablue17]

Did you stay with her all that long?

[Chi townD]

Wow dude, it's been years. It took you that long?

[eeezzzz]

We lasted another 7 months but the moment she had a chance to bolt she did. We talked a little bit after we broke up but she had moved on fast and was with a really shady character who even was calling me and threatening me because I was talking to "his girl".

 

Thinking about it now the only times she really ever contacted me was to get money from me. She eventually just quit talking to me altogether because I probably was getting on her nerves texting her and whatnot.

 

I haven't actually spoken to her at all since about Oct 2014.

 

I know I am an idiot because still I think about her for some reason. I have been with about 10 girls and none I would ever consider being with. I guess I am picky when it comes to women I can stand, but that's another story on its own.

Fast forward to now

 

 

I got drunk a month ago 1 night and sheepishly looked her up online and found that she just got a DUI a couple weeks ago and in her mugshot she has a black eye and looks horrible. Me remembering how much I care for her just want to reach out to her and help her change her ****ty way of life.

 

She looks so horrible and so unattractive compared to the past and I just believe that she has gone down the wrong path with alcohol and choosing boyfriends and what not.

 

I messaged her on Facebook a few times not because I want to be with her but I just want to be friends with her because she really was a wonderful person and has so much potential in life.

 

Anyways last night I messaged her a few more times (drunk; stupid I know) and I realize now she really would be perfectly fine if I was just dead, it makes no difference to her so i am obviously just wasting my time.

 

She hasn't responded to any of those messages

or given any indication she gives a **** which is why I came back to this thread to thank the above posters because they were spot on with what they said. You can't change people and you have to move on no matter how much you care.

 

HAHA that's the end of the story. The good news is my life is going really well and none of this bothers me that much.