Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 The thing that gets me is I look around and see most men and say No Way he can be better than me in the sack! I get all the time from.women that I.M a very good looking guy. I am 5'8" tall 195 pounds with a good build and I still feel like ****! This whole thing makes me feel like she has tried something new and realized what she was missing that's why she isn't looking to.come back......ur wife was cheating, did it make u feel the same way? It's like I'm going threw phases here...first i missed her and wanted nothing more to get back with her. Now its like I dont miss her but I'm coming down on myself. She spoke.privately with my mom a few weeks ago when we were up at the house. She told my mom, I.love him but can't.live with him. She also said for whatever reason that there was never a problem in the bedroom. Instead of taking this as a complement, I chafed it to she was lying to make me feel better cause she knows mom is going to tell me....I am all f**led up over this!
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sex is mental. Anyone who says its not doesn't know a thine about the sexiest component of sex = the brain!
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Sex is mental. Anyone who says its not doesn't know a thine about the sexiest component of sex = the brain! ok I agree sunny but I always question myself therefore I question the truth in that...So answer me this. A women who is in love with a guy has sex with him but performance isnt so great. Then she has sex with someone she could care less about and he is unbelievable. Who is she having more fun with and who would she rather sleep with? I have a feeling this question is going to start a debate on this board!
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 True unconfined sex WITHOUT baggage and history can be very exciting. Having sex with someone you resent can bring a ton of negative energy to even the best intended "love making" hence, creating a sour after taste.
jaymz Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 HSB, you are concentrating on the wrong things. It really doesnt matter if she thinks or he is better in the sack than you. Stop it. We all have had those movies in our heads. The OM/OW are always 1,000's times better in fantasy than they are in real life. What really helped me is when those thoughts, images or movies popped into my head i just white out the scene. Yep, just muted the sound and whited out. After a short while, it really helped to remove the impact that they have. You need to plan your next steps, move forward, start new hobbies etc, keep your head busy and your body tired so you think less about them.
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 HSB, you are concentrating on the wrong things. It really doesnt matter if she thinks or he is better in the sack than you. Stop it. We all have had those movies in our heads. The OM/OW are always 1,000's times better in fantasy than they are in real life. What really helped me is when those thoughts, images or movies popped into my head i just white out the scene. Yep, just muted the sound and whited out. After a short while, it really helped to remove the impact that they have. You need to plan your next steps, move forward, start new hobbies etc, keep your head busy and your body tired so you think less about them. truthfully I havent really been till today...Ive had my days but today was especially bothersome for some reason....I know what I am capable of and there werent many days she walked away without having the big O...truthfully mostly by foreplay...She is not easy to make O and she was never the type to rock all night long...once she had her O she would shake and tense up and push my head away....then we made love.I mean there were nights I was like super stud where it went on for a while and she used to tell me...I love it but your killing me! Im gonna be sore tomorrow! I was always concerned with satisfying her no matter what! But I am reading some of these damn websites talking about multiple O's all over the place etc etc and its making me wonder!
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sheez! Stop it! All this silliness over things YOU can't CHANGE! A waste of your f-ing energy!!! Stop it! Go help someone! Stop thinking of YOU so much!!!!
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Sheez! Stop it! All this silliness over things YOU can't CHANGE! A waste of your f-ing energy!!! Stop it! Go help someone! Stop thinking of YOU so much!!!! easier said than done! still in pain what could I say? also very anxious cause the house buy out is almost in the works...scared she is going to renege! if she does I am screwed! cant live in brooklyn with my parents for the next 10 years till my youngest is old enough! Think I will shoot myself!
2sunny Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 easier said than done! still in pain what could I say? also very anxious cause the house buy out is almost in the works...scared she is going to renege! if she does I am screwed! cant live in brooklyn with my parents for the next 10 years till my youngest is old enough! Think I will shoot myself! Are you sober? It doesn't seem so!
2.50 a gallon Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 h-s-b Your are looking at love and sex from a wholly male point of view. Which quite often is, she is very attractive, sexy and great in bed, I am in love. While with women it is much more complicated. It is much more emotional. They are into romance, communicating, doing things together, shopping, holding hands, listening to music, candles, being trust worthy, being reliable and many more things that make up the whole package. The reason that you are separated has nothing to do with your performance in the bedroom, but your problem with alcohol, gambling, reliabilty 2
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Are you sober? It doesn't seem so! Sunny y does everything have to boil down to my sobriety? I am sober and speak to my sponsor a few times a.week. I am just insecure is all.
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 h-s-b Your are looking at love and sex from a wholly male point of view. Which quite often is, she is very attractive, sexy and great in bed, I am in love. While with women it is much more complicated. It is much more emotional. They are into romance, communicating, doing things together, shopping, holding hands, listening to music, candles, being trust worthy, being reliable and many more things that make up the whole package. The reason that you are separated has nothing to do with your performance in the bedroom, but your problem with alcohol, gambling, reliabilty Well then maybe I am reading way to much into this and looking at too many of these damn websites talking about multiple O's like its something they are givng away and.occurs everyday with every women. So u agree that paying attention to her body such as foreplay, massaged, kissing, is what makes a good lover more than the actual sex itself?
2sunny Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If you started becoming completely unaffected - or neutral - about anything she does or says - then you will help yourself. And start heli g others! Yes, here and in real life. Grow some positive energy instead if focusing on what you're mad about. Sponsor someone - then you'll do the steps again and learn more about what you need to know.
2.50 a gallon Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I don't know what websites you are looking into, but I suspect that you are being led down a fools path. Not every woman that I have slept with have been capable of multiple O's. True a good percentage have, but there have been many who were just like your wife who have their first and wanted to call it quits. Every woman is different, some can only got over the top in one specific position.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I don't know what websites you are looking into, but I suspect that you are being led down a fools path. Not every woman that I have slept with have been capable of multiple O's. True a good percentage have, but there have been many who were just like your wife who have their first and wanted to call it quits. Every woman is different, some can only got over the top in one specific position. And MANY fake it too!
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 If you started becoming completely unaffected - or neutral - about anything she does or says - then you will help yourself. And start heli g others! Yes, here and in real life. Grow some positive energy instead if focusing on what you're mad about. Sponsor someone - then you'll do the steps again and learn more about what you need to know. Believe me I have! Praying, being grateful, holding doors for people being as happy as I can! It's not so much a matter of what she is doing but why it is no longer with me....instead of just believing she fell out of love with me cause of what I put her threw I feel there is more tp the story as if she is just BS'n me cause she hit 40 and just wants to do what she wants to do and since she got a taste of other guys she no longer wants me......I know its a ****ty way to think but its the way I am.thinking until I get.my life.in order I guess then I won't care.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Believe me I have! Praying, being grateful, holding doors for people being as happy as I can! It's not so much a matter of what she is doing but why it is no longer with me....instead of just believing she fell out of love with me cause of what I put her threw I feel there is more tp the story as if she is just BS'n me cause she hit 40 and just wants to do what she wants to do and since she got a taste of other guys she no longer wants me......I know its a ****ty way to think but its the way I am.thinking until I get.my life.in order I guess then I won't care. Ya know... Now that my M is over - I don't waste one second thinking of him - or what if... You aren't acting like a guy who has done step work - and trusts his higher power... You act like a guy who QUESTIONS all of Gods work. You think you still have all the power... Do your steps again. By the way - "speaking to" your sponsor is a far cry from "doing the steps"! ALL that insecurity would be GONE if YOU trusted your higher power. Do the steps again...
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) It all boils down to Faith and my faith in my higher power which is god isn't very strong right now! Not because of what's going on with me but since all this I have noticed a lot! I see so many things that just arent fair in life for so many people. What I am going threw is temporary and nothing compared to so people born retarded or sick where they can never have a normal life kind of makes u question things and his ways..... I still pray and am thankful for what I do have no matter what. Just curious and a bit reluctant to say I put all my Faith in him at times. Edited June 23, 2012 by hurts_so_bad
2sunny Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It all boils down to Faith and my faith in my higher power which is god isn't very strong right now! Not because of what's going on with me but since all this I have noticed a lot! I see so many things that just arent fair in life for so many people. What I am going threw is temporary and nothing compared to so people born retarded or sick where they can never have a normal life kind of makes u question things and his ways..... I still pray and am thankful for what I do have no matter what. Just curious and a bit reluctant to say I put all my Faith in him at times. When you get busy helping others - you will get evidence of believing. You also won't have time to sit and worry about yourself... You will be happy to make a difference in others lives. You will see and feel the miracles. THENyou will believe and have faith!
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 When you get busy helping others - you will get evidence of believing. You also won't have time to sit and worry about yourself... You will be happy to make a difference in others lives. You will see and feel the miracles. THENyou will believe and have faith! What kind of things though? There is only so much time.in.a.day between work and working on.myself. I have always been the type of guy to hold dpors.for people and.gel.people out such as my.neighbors with their cars, when it snowed heavy I would clear their driveways cause I had the snowblower, etc. I've always been like that....the other day a women.was.carrying her daughter and trying to carry a strolled up the divested stairs so I.carried.it up.for her. That sort.of thing. But I.can't see.myself knocking on doors to.offer help! Lol.....
todreaminblue Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hey guys......been seperared from my wife of 17 years for around 4 months now and althought the pain is subsiding I can't seem to shake these feelings of insecurity especially in the sexual department....as soon as we seperared I found she was seeing another man and she hasnt looked back. Can't help to ask what this guy has that I don't and question my abilities.....I know men have big egos so is this a normal thing for a guy to go threw after a situation like this? Yes or no, what's the best way to get over myself with this? It's especially killing me that I haven't.really been on.any dates so I can't boost my ego that way. It's not that I haven't tried Just no luck.yet mine was 15 years together and five years since we broke up and as a woman I asked the same thing I actually asked him face to face what does she have that i dont and he told me......I want to have someone to go have a drink with......i dont drink so i suppose that makes sense....lol.....actually it doesnt make sense at all dont question your abilities or what the other guy has you mightnt find out why she went with him......but you can and will get your mojo back..give yourself time to heal the insecurities and stay away from chocolate my hint of the day ...smilin atcha....good luck .....
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 mine was 15 years together and five years since we broke up and as a woman I asked the same thing I actually asked him face to face what does she have that i dont and he told me......I want to have someone to go have a drink with......i dont drink so i suppose that makes sense....lol.....actually it doesnt make sense at all dont question your abilities or what the other guy has you mightnt find out why she went with him......but you can and will get your mojo back..give yourself time to heal the insecurities and stay away from chocolate my hint of the day ...smilin atcha....good luck ..... I certainly hope so! feels horrible feeling this way about yourself! I am on the road to having everything again and it feels great but low self esteem sucks! I have everything to be confident about! Just cant explain why I am feeling this way about myself...Just want to be one of these guys who doesnt care and just moves on...I am trying like hell but its taking time!
todreaminblue Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I certainly hope so! feels horrible feeling this way about yourself! I am on the road to having everything again and it feels great but low self esteem sucks! I have everything to be confident about! Just cant explain why I am feeling this way about myself...Just want to be one of these guys who doesnt care and just moves on...I am trying like hell but its taking time! Its good to care shows you have heart and that it is actually beating......dont be one of the guys who just dont give a damn leave that for rhett and scarlett and Gone with the wind .....it will get better you will survive and who knows what is right around the corner for you could be what you have been waiting for or something much better,,,,,,cheers to ya.....with a coffee and hold the whiskey:cool:
Author hurts_so_bad Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Its good to care shows you have heart and that it is actually beating......dont be one of the guys who just dont give a damn leave that for rhett and scarlett and Gone with the wind .....it will get better you will survive and who knows what is right around the corner for you could be what you have been waiting for or something much better,,,,,,cheers to ya.....with a coffee and hold the whiskey:cool: Im sure there is! need to work on my patients! if all goes well i will have my home back and my license back very soon!...I will then be the most eligible bachelor in my town! nice house, inground pool with a deck i built around the entire thing, hot tub, arcade room....love that house! just hope it works out! then i will be 85% happier
2.50 a gallon Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Now that is the way to think. Get yourself clean, complete your goals and everything else will fall into place I just realized that 30 years ago yesterday was my d-day. Things were pretty screwed up for the first few months. At the end of July I moved to a new apartment, and began making new friends, it was about December when I really started getting my chit together and began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which is actually pretty quick.
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