getting over myself

[Steen719]

Why are you rushing this? I don't understand the need to go out and find someone right now. Heal some, get some perspective, spend some time improving other aspects of your life and realize this is temporary. Quit picking at the scab...let it heal and things will start to work out.

[hurts_so_bad]

Why are you rushing this? I don't understand the need to go out and find someone right now. Heal some, get some perspective, spend some time improving other aspects of your life and realize this is temporary. Quit picking at the scab...let it heal and things will start to work out.

 

I guess its because I'm lonely and need someone to make me feel good and worthwhile......at this point with nothing i feel like nothing....I don't think u read.my other thread bit at this point in my life I am living back with my patents cause the wife and.kids are still in my home and I don't have my drivers license back yet from my dwi I got 4 years back. It's all coming together but right now.its as if I have nothing.

[Steen719]

I guess its because I'm lonely and need someone to make me feel good and worthwhile......at this point with nothing i feel like nothing....I don't think u read.my other thread bit at this point in my life I am living back with my patents cause the wife and.kids are still in my home and I don't have my drivers license back yet from my dwi I got 4 years back. It's all coming together but right now.its as if I have nothing.

 

I did read your other thread and I do know where you are living and what your circumstances are. Everyone is lonely when their relationship ends and I know how that feels, believe me, after a 22 year marriage. But, you cannot find what you are looking for, to feel good and worthwhile, from someone else. You have to find that within yourself.

 

If you have children, a job and your health, it is a shame you say you have nothing. Really. Look at what you do have instead of worrying about what you used to have. I am not intending to be mean, but in order to climb out of your misery, you need to make yourself a better man and you are not going to do that by having unsuccessful evenings with women you don't care about and who you are not attracted to.

 

Be grateful today that you have children who love you, a job, you will have your license back soon, you are sober and healthy and you have parents who can and are willing to help you.

[hurts_so_bad]

I did read your other thread and I do know where you are living and what your circumstances are. Everyone is lonely when their relationship ends and I know how that feels, believe me, after a 22 year marriage. But, you cannot find what you are looking for, to feel good and worthwhile, from someone else. You have to find that within yourself.

 

If you have children, a job and your health, it is a shame you say you have nothing. Really. Look at what you do have instead of worrying about what you used to have. I am not intending to be mean, but in order to climb out of your misery, you need to make yourself a better man and you are not going to do that by having unsuccessful evenings with women you don't care about and who you are not attracted to.

 

Be grateful today that you have children who love you, a job, you will have your license back soon, you are sober and healthy and you have parents who can and are willing to help you.

 

Oh I dont take it as being mean what so ever..I appreciate what you are saying! I have been trying to be as grateful as I can and say my prayers every day to thank for what I have! Just hasnt worked yet I guess! I just want out of this misery. I want like you said, To be happy with myself! I still have that lingering thing in my head that she is with someone else and it kills me especially that I still love her....I dont want these insecurities anymore and have been doing everything in my power to boost my ego. Working out 4-5 days a week. going to my meetings, eating better, new clothes...Nothing is getting this out of my head. Just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me being she is with another guy and seems not to want to look back at all....The things she told me she hated about me she is now doing...ie partying! Feel like all the excuses for leaving me were just that. Excuses to go do what she wanted to do. Not because she had had enough. Makes me feel like s**t!

[Steen719]

I understand and I felt the same way...what was it about her? why wasn't I good enough? Why, why, why? Crap, it doesn't matter. She has moved on, my XH has moved on and the truth of it is, we did not have them for a long time anyway or they could not have moved on at the speed of lightening. You don't see this, hurts, but you are the kind of man that a lot of women want, just specifically for the thing you are feeling bad about. >> You cannot just move forward with someone else so fast, you are not so callous and shallow that anyone will do, you did care about her and it is taking you some time to feel better and all that shows that you are capable of having deep feelings for someone. You just aren't ready for it yet. But you do need to move from her to yourself. Believe me, some day, her being with someone else will hurt less and you will feel better. Keep living, keep breathing and doing the right things and one day you will feel better. I thought I never would, but I do and the odd thing is once I started feeling better, I seemed to get better daily. You can sit and stew it in or realize that if you sit in misery, it is like quicksand. Here is one of my absolute favorite quotes...ponder it;

 

"Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?"

-- Leo Buscaglia

 

 

 

Where are your kids on father's day?

[2.50 a gallon]

h-s-b

 

The point of the story is to illustrate the power and how quickly love chemicals can take over and steer a relationship in a new direction

 

In my case, she was not attracted to me at all. In the three months I had known her, I had never come close to getting her phone number.

 

On Wednesday I was nothing more than a friendly customer with a history of trying to get a date with her.

 

On Thursday I said and did all of the right things, and when I dropped her off that night at her place, she did say she had had a great time, and she did agree that there was a good chance that we would probably go out again. However she still was not ready to make a second date and ket me know that she had been dating another guy for quite some time, and that she was very attracted to the politicians son, and felt she had to honest and let me know that she wanted to explore that relationship more closely. I was number 3 on her list.

 

But over the next 18 hours, her body began flooding her brain with the love drug Oxycotin, giving her a light headed feeling like she was walking up in the clouds. Before the day was up, boy friend number one and the politician's son were has beens, and the only man in the world who could give her the walking in the clouds fix was me.

 

Simply put: I was the guy in the right place at the right time and said and did all of the right things, and over night she was falling in love with me.

[trippi1432]

Actually, the correct wording is Oxytocin.

 

Sorry, Gallon, not trying to step on your story or correct you, just didn't want people scratching their heads wondering how a pain medication could be called a love drug.

[hurts_so_bad]

h-s-b

 

The point of the story is to illustrate the power and how quickly love chemicals can take over and steer a relationship in a new direction

 

In my case, she was not attracted to me at all. In the three months I had known her, I had never come close to getting her phone number.

 

On Wednesday I was nothing more than a friendly customer with a history of trying to get a date with her.

 

On Thursday I said and did all of the right things, and when I dropped her off that night at her place, she did say she had had a great time, and she did agree that there was a good chance that we would probably go out again. However she still was not ready to make a second date and ket me know that she had been dating another guy for quite some time, and that she was very attracted to the politicians son, and felt she had to honest and let me know that she wanted to explore that relationship more closely. I was number 3 on her list.

 

But over the next 18 hours, her body began flooding her brain with the love drug Oxycotin, giving her a light headed feeling like she was walking up in the clouds. Before the day was up, boy friend number one and the politician's son were has beens, and the only man in the world who could give her the walking in the clouds fix was me.

 

Simply put: I was the guy in the right place at the right time and said and did all of the right things, and over night she was fallingn love with me.

. So are u telling me that with the right attitude proper adjustments to myself and time, I may be able to get her back?

[hurts_so_bad]

. So are u telling me that with the right attitude proper adjustments to myself and time, I may be able to get her back?

 

That she may ooze these chemicals for me one day and want me back? Lol.....

[2.50 a gallon]

I hesitate to agree that there is that possibility. The problem the BH who shoulder this goal, hardly ever have success.

 

What does seem to work on occassion is the BH detaches from his WW and works on bettering himself and his moving on in life.

 

When my EX and I separated she moved in with the OM and took personal delight whilst picking up her personal things, to regale the great qualities that the OM had that I was lacking. He was a pretty boy body builder 10 years younger than me.

 

My next door neighbor was an associate OM who delighted in inviting my Ex and her OM over for a BBQ when his wife was out of town.

 

On the second time this happened she came by our old place, supposedly so she could see out cats, but the truth was she wanted to rub more salt in the wound. That is when she discovered that I had not slept alone the previous night and totally broke down, wanting us to reconcile.

 

In order to improve myself, I began breeding very colorful, rare but hard to breed tropical fish, and start teaching myself how to cook some gourmet meals, and eventually got into historical reasearch and began a minor writing career.

 

All of which drove her nuts, for the next 3 plus years she kept trying new ways to get me interested in her. But it was too late, I had moved on and did not want a cheating wife as a partner in life, and this only made her more determined.

[hurts_so_bad]

I hesitate to agree that there is that possibility. The problem the BH who shoulder this goal, hardly ever have success.

 

What does seem to work on occassion is the BH detaches from his WW and works on bettering himself and his moving on in life.

 

When my EX and I separated she moved in with the OM and took personal delight whilst picking up her personal things, to regale the great qualities that the OM had that I was lacking. He was a pretty boy body builder 10 years younger than me.

 

My next door neighbor was an associate OM who delighted in inviting my Ex and her OM over for a BBQ when his wife was out of town.

 

On the second time this happened she came by our old place, supposedly so she could see out cats, but the truth was she wanted to rub more salt in the wound. That is when she discovered that I had not slept alone the previous night and totally broke down, wanting us to reconcile.

 

In order to improve myself, I began breeding very colorful, rare but hard to breed tropical fish, and start teaching myself how to cook some gourmet meals, and eventually got into historical reasearch and began a minor writing career.

 

All of which drove her nuts, for the next 3 plus years she kept trying new ways to get me interested in her. But it was too late, I had moved on and did not want a cheating wife as a partner in life, and this only made her more determined.

 

I get the OM abbreviations but what is BH? well seems like it worked out for you prtetty well and must have boosted your ego a bit! I dont know your situation but I was pretty much the screw up for 17 years...never cheated or physically abused her but put her threw alot of s**t...drinking, gambling, staying out all night...It pretty much came to a head at the end of last year. It was pretty much very convenient for her because she started her new job, began a new circle of friends which were my friends ex wives and girlfriends! lol.... how f**ked is that! My friends! One is getting divorced and the other two threw there long term live in boyfriends out. So there was a small circle of girls she had as her backbone to go out with. Like I said it became very convienent for her to suddenly start a new life. I am starting mine now and if I get my home back (buying her out) I will be the most eligible bachelor in my town! I know I put her threw a ton of crap but hope one day I have the satisfaction of her coming to me as yours did you. So I then have the option to either take her back or move on. I know it happens alot where women come back especially after they find out that they actually may be losing you for real! So what? your ex is still after you at this point? good! hope she is going threw the pain you

had to endure!

[2.50 a gallon]

BH - Betrayed Husband

 

Actually things didn't work out for me. I fell in love with her and gave up on all of the beautiful women of the world to share a life with her. I married her to be the mother of my children, to have a family with, to grow old together and enjoy our grandkids.

 

I treated her with respect, love and cherished her, she was my wife. I helped around the apartment, she liked to sleep late on Saturdays and I'd get up early do a couple of loads of laundry and clean the apartment. When ever she wanted to go, I went with her to her church. I took her dancing

 

And then to catch her cheating on our six month anniversary

[hurts_so_bad]

BH - Betrayed Husband

 

Actually things didn't work out for me. I fell in love with her and gave up on all of the beautiful women of the world to share a life with her. I married her to be the mother of my children, to have a family with, to grow old together and enjoy our grandkids.

 

I treated her with respect, love and cherished her, she was my wife. I helped around the apartment, she liked to sleep late on Saturdays and I'd get up early do a couple of loads of laundry and clean the apartment. When ever she wanted to go, I went with her to her church. I took her dancing

 

And then to catch her cheating on our six month anniversary

 

I am really sorry to hear that! I have a friend of mine who's wife left him for some air conditioning guy when he was nothing but a good husband. I can't imagine the pain to go threw such a thing being a good man. Not saying my wife did things the right way but she did have plenty of reason to leave me threw the years. She even did a few times staying at her aunts house. I never learned. I continued to drink, stay out all night, gamble on and.off.etc. It's not.like these BS excuses guys give for their wives leaving or cheating that he wasn't attentive enough or didn't listen enough.....thats all BS excuses to take some blame so it doesn't hurt as much. Mine had real reasons for years! Still hurts but its a bit easier to swallow..... Glad it worked out for u in the end and she is now hurting. Regardless of the reason she is, she still is!

[2.50 a gallon]

Yeah she wanted to reconcile, but that was only after she realized that I had screwed another woman in our wedding bed the night before and a good month after I caught her cheating.

 

The whole scene, the crockodile tears, her crawling around on her knees begging me to try again, and promising it would never happen again, the "I'm So Sorrys", etc were real.

 

In reality it was worse than the day I caught her cheating. I still loved her, I missed her, my heart ached for her.

 

Married six months, And I catch her cheating and she moved in with another man.

 

I could never take a chance and let her be the mother of my babies.

 

Five years down the road and she listens to another OM, and I'm stuck paying her to keep house with another man with my babies. Over my Dead Body

 

So I had to tell the woman that I loved and chose over all of the women in the world, that it was over and we would never be together.

 

As I said above, it was harder on me emotionally than the day I caught her

[hurts_so_bad]

BH - Betrayed Husband

 

Actually things didn't work out for me. I fell in love with her and gave up on all of the beautiful women of the world to share a life with her. I married her to be the mother of my children, to have a family with, to grow old together and enjoy our grandkids.

 

I treated her with respect, love and cherished her, she was my wife. I helped around the apartment, she liked to sleep late on Saturdays and I'd get up early do a couple of loads of laundry and clean the apartment. When ever she wanted to go, I went with her to her church. I took her dancing

 

And then to catch her cheating on our six month anniversary

 

I just can't understand how some women can be so cruel. You as my friend were great husbands and for the ex to throw the new guy in ur face and tell my friend he has to contact the lawyer to.see his kids is just F'd Up! I don't get it! If u did wrong why be ao damn cruel when the BH did nothing wrong....if anything my wife has the reason to be like that but she isnt

Edited June 19, 2012 by hurts_so_bad

[hurts_so_bad]

h-s-b

 

The point of the story is to illustrate the power and how quickly love chemicals can take over and steer a relationship in a new direction

 

In my case, she was not attracted to me at all. In the three months I had known her, I had never come close to getting her phone number.

 

On Wednesday I was nothing more than a friendly customer with a history of trying to get a date with her.

 

On Thursday I said and did all of the right things, and when I dropped her off that night at her place, she did say she had had a great time, and she did agree that there was a good chance that we would probably go out again. However she still was not ready to make a second date and ket me know that she had been dating another guy for quite some time, and that she was very attracted to the politicians son, and felt she had to honest and let me know that she wanted to explore that relationship more closely. I was number 3 on her list.

 

But over the next 18 hours, her body began flooding her brain with the love drug Oxycotin, giving her a light headed feeling like she was walking up in the clouds. Before the day was up, boy friend number one and the politician's son were has beens, and the only man in the world who could give her the walking in the clouds fix was me.

 

Simply put: I was the guy in the right place at the right time and said and did all of the right things, and over night she was falling in love with me.

. Just wanted to revert back to this post and the one prior. My question is do u think she fell for u cause of what u said and how u treated her or the multiple.orgasms? This is the thing that bothers me the most. I feel as if this guy is giving her something in be sack

that I couldn't. I have a pretty good idea when something.between them.had happened and it wasn't much earlier that we had sex but once it seems they did i was ass out. now I know damn well I give great oral and she always had orgasms. It's the rest that I question myself about. This s**t can drive a man insane!

[hurts_so_bad]

I have been told these feelings are normal. Ok, how do i get over them? Is it just tome or are there steps I can take to get over them?

[2.50 a gallon]

I think that you are obsessing over the OM being a super stud and having something that you don't have.

 

Think of it this way. I would hazard a guess that after removing the men that are too old, too young, that are gay, or have heath, or ED or premature ejaculation problems, about half of the male population given the right circumstances would be capable of giving most of the female population, including your wife and my current long term girl friend the big O.

 

No super stud there, he was just lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and say and do the right things, and her heart begins to listen to his song

[jaymz]

While it seems impossible to do, you need to start concentrating on the things you can do and change on not on the things you cant.

 

Firstly stop obsessing about the OM. It really doesn't matter if he is better than you in some ways, that's her problem now.

 

Keep up the good things you are doing, fake it until you make it! Seems meaningless and irrelevant to you now, I know, but its really not.

 

Have a look at debtman's threads, there is some inspirational reading there.

[2.50 a gallon]

Like any normal man, the separation left a big hole in my life, I was lonely and thought about her constantly, and yes there were many a time when the emptiness began to get to me, and I would remember all I have to do is make one phone call, and she could be with me tonight.

 

I quickly got back into the dating scene, which restored my manhood, but there was still something missing.

 

Some guys when they are going through this limbo, get back into working out at the gym and improving themselves. I am a short skinny ectomorph so all there was little hope of me being able to put on pounds of muscle, and besides my working in a factory was all the workout I needed and I already had a problem my weight level, any further excercise would only serve to have me lose more weight.

 

I had to find some activity to get my mind off of her. The way I looked at it every second that I didn't think about her was a victory. What I need was some activity that would stretch the seconds into minutes and the minutes into hours

 

When I moved from our apartment I sought out a new apartment far away that was almost exclusively filled with singles. And the apartment that I chose was on the ground floor with plenty of room for me to set up a Weber. And I also invested in an electric ice dream maker and began to weekly whip up a batch of home made ice cream every weekend. And it was not long before I was developing a whole new set of friends.

 

One of my favorite hobbies was model building, so I got back into that.

 

A co-worker introduced me to raising very beautiful, but at the same time very rare and hard to breed tropical fish. This involved collecting eggs, putting them in special containers with medicated water, hatching tghem, and raising live food cultures for the fry, all of which took more time off the Ex's clock.

 

I was already a fairly good cook, and after finding a gourmet cook book in a second hand store, proceeded to teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals. This was a triple winner, as not only did it get my mind off of her, I also was rewareded with a delicious meal, and even better when I shared it with a date.

 

Before long I found that I hardly ever thought of her, I was moving on in life and she was rapidly fading into the past.

 

The idea is to find something that helps improve your life, be it working out, taking classes, finding new interests, whatever, but more than anything to get your mind off of the past and get busy looking towards the future.

[hurts_so_bad]

Like any normal man, the separation left a big hole in my life, I was lonely and thought about her constantly, and yes there were many a time when the emptiness began to get to me, and I would remember all I have to do is make one phone call, and she could be with me tonight.

 

I quickly got back into the dating scene, which restored my manhood, but there was still something missing.

 

Some guys when they are going through this limbo, get back into working out at the gym and improving themselves. I am a short skinny ectomorph so all there was little hope of me being able to put on pounds of muscle, and besides my working in a factory was all the workout I needed and I already had a problem my weight level, any further excercise would only serve to have me lose more weight.

 

I had to find some activity to get my mind off of her. The way I looked at it every second that I didn't think about her was a victory. What I need was some activity that would stretch the seconds into minutes and the minutes into hours

 

When I moved from our apartment I sought out a new apartment far away that was almost exclusively filled with singles. And the apartment that I chose was on the ground floor with plenty of room for me to set up a Weber. And I also invested in an electric ice dream maker and began to weekly whip up a batch of home made ice cream every weekend. And it was not long before I was developing a whole new set of friends.

 

One of my favorite hobbies was model building, so I got back into that.

 

A co-worker introduced me to raising very beautiful, but at the same time very rare and hard to breed tropical fish. This involved collecting eggs, putting them in special containers with medicated water, hatching tghem, and raising live food cultures for the fry, all of which took more time off the Ex's clock.

 

I was already a fairly good cook, and after finding a gourmet cook book in a second hand store, proceeded to teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals. This was a triple winner, as not only did it get my mind off of her, I also was rewareded with a delicious meal, and even better when I shared it with a date.

 

Before long I found that I hardly ever thought of her, I was moving on in life and she was rapidly fading into the past.

 

The idea is to find something that helps improve your life, be it working out, taking classes, finding new interests, whatever, but more than anything to get your mind off of the past and get busy looking towards the future.

. Oh I am working on myself big time! Working out 4-5 days a week, I already lost over 20 pounds and look.better than I have in 10.years.....I am meeting with.old friends, AA meetings etc.....little by little I am caring less and.less.....I may be buying her out of my house and my drivers license is now in the works....everything is looking up! Just want to get over this damn insecurity with my sexual performance. Like I.said, I slept with someone the other night.and it did nothing for me but make me feel worse since I had a hard time.getting.it up.....with all the s**t going on in my life right now and the fact that she really wasn't my type are factors I know but wanted to boost my.ego not.kill it more! Edited June 20, 2012 by hurts_so_bad

[hurts_so_bad]

sorry for all the damn periods all over my posts! I post alot from my cell and it does that to me...

[2.50 a gallon]

h-s-b

 

Nothing to worrry about. It will come back

 

For me, sex was pretty much screwed up for awhile.

 

Four weeks after the separation I began a revenge affair with the next door neighbor's wife, who was married to the associate OM who invited my Ex and her new BF over for a BBQ. It was some of the best sex that I ever experienced in my life.

 

He pulled that BBQ on a Saturday night, then next day Sunday, in order to get away from the house I took our 2 kittens to the local park. Where I met the gal who who would be my first GF after the separation. When we first tried to hook up about 6 weeks later at her place I had the old flat tire. This worried me as she was not a woofer and was very hot, and even oral did nothing for me

 

But a couple of nights after that the neighbors wife and I had our second encounter, and I was back to my old self again.

 

My third partner picked me up at a bar, it was a bar that the Ex and I had frequented, and the reason I went back there was to reclaim it. This gal had seen the Ex and I together there, and did not know that we had separated. Her line was "So is the wifey out of town for the weekend?" She was married and it turned out she had a fetish for screwing other women's husbands and wanting to know whether she was better than the wife. We had a great time

 

About that time I moved into my new apartment, and me and the new GF tried to celebrate, this time after several minutes of oral, I was able to get everything working just fine, except I couldn't climax

 

At about that same time, when out with my co-workers, I overheard two of their none dancing husbands make a remark about my manliness, being as I was a good dancer, short, skinny and long hair, wondering if I was a guy or a woman.

 

Normally, the office women did not socialize with the male factory workers, but me being skinny and then losing more weight from the infidelity diet, had taken pity on me and began a program of fattening me up offering to have lunch with me, and sharing that extra piece of cold chicken. Which in turn led to a friendship developing, which in turn led to them asking me why men or their husbands did this of that. One of their main complaints was they would not recipricate with oral sex, and did I really like going down south.

 

Three weeks later we made arrangements that proved that I liked to go south of the border with the first wife and two weeks later with the second wife. And again the plumbing worked just fine.

 

As it turned out I had problems with recreational or loving sex, but was gung ho, katy bar the door with angry sex.

 

It was at that time that I slipped over to the dark side and began having sex with married women.

 

It took me probably about nine months to a year before everything got back to normal

Edited June 21, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

I should have added that after everything got back to normal, I totally reclaimed my sex life and never had Mr. Softie moment again for the next 25 years.

 

Once you let go of the Ex, the world is full of beautful women. You only life once, so why not be one of those they share their passion with.

[hurts_so_bad]

Atleast u had some good experiences! Still.waiting.on.mine! This.is.f**king horrible to feel this way about urself! I am having a really pissed.off.day today cause all that is going threw my mind is the card I.found after we broke up from her to him that said, I miss u when.ur not around..you know that! Our chemistry is explosive! Makes me feel like such a useless piece of s**t! Not good enough! Answer this question honestly please dont take pity! Does that statement our chemistry is explosive necessarily mean sex is great.or could it be how they get along?