getting over myself

[2sunny]

Still waiting for an answer on how to do this that I asked the other day...How do you get in touch with your emotions?

 

Write down how you feel.

 

Write solutions that you CAN take action to cause change.

 

Write down what you CAN'T change about that feeling or situation = on these - move to accepting that you can't change them.

 

Focus more energy on the things you CAN change...

[trippi1432]

Still waiting for an answer on how to do this that I asked the other day...How do you get in touch with your emotions?

 

HSB - I can't give you an answer on this, if you took nothing from Meatball's Mom response other than asking back if it was the act itself, then you refuse to truly understand how to relate to the opposite sex on an emotional level. You only see your value to women to be sexual satisfaction and only seem to gain confidence in yourself by just the act.

 

My exH and I had a good sexual relationship, even though EVERYTHING about the rest of our relationship was horrible. Since my exH, I have had the chance to be around men who have treated me better than he ever did, valued me as a person, respected me as a woman and it didn't have anything to do with sex. But valuing me as a person definitely enhanced my sexual experience with them and made it seem more than just an act of self-gratification for either of us.

 

The only reason your ego is taking the bruising you seem to have over this one issue, really isn't on your wife or any female for that matter, it's solely on what you seem to find the most important....and that is not a physical issue, it's emotional disconnect between really loving and respecting a woman and your own sexual ego needing a boost. I apologize if that sounds harsh HSB, but post after post, you still don't seem to get the entire relationship, how you treat someone, how you value them has more to do with the woman's sexual satisfaction than the act itself.

 

Perhaps the answer is to look at past relationships and ask yourself what you did to make women happy (your wife, heck even your mother, sisters if you have them, female friends that you aren't having sexual feelings for). Take the act of sex completely out of the mix and look at this emotional disconnect you seem to have on really valuing the relationship, what you did/do to make it better and make someone feel valued. Separate the physical from the act itself, where do you, as a person, positively affect a woman and make her feel safe in your life?

Edited April 2, 2013 by trippi1432

[aMguilts]

2sunnys right hurts

 

dont think what you cant do

think what you can do

 

easier said than done i know

my glass used to be half empty

now its half full

 

your doing ok hurts

you`ve come a loong long way

again

 

work on the things you can change

forget what you cant

 

aM

[Meatballsmom]

The answer to your questions is yes.

 

It is how he makes me feel, about me, about life, and the life we share. By doing things together our love to this day continues to grow stronger. It is the emotional attachment as much as the act itself.

 

It is also about trust. With the emotional attachment, I have learned to totally trust him. He knows and I know things about each other no one else will ever know.

 

He, "Makes luvin' fun"

 

It does not matter how long we last. He knows what buttons to push and when. He knows how to get me off.

[hurts_so_bad]

HSB - I can't give you an answer on this, if you took nothing from Meatball's Mom response other than asking back if it was the act itself, then you refuse to truly understand how to relate to the opposite sex on an emotional level. You only see your value to women to be sexual satisfaction and only seem to gain confidence in yourself by just the act.

 

My exH and I had a good sexual relationship, even though EVERYTHING about the rest of our relationship was horrible. Since my exH, I have had the chance to be around men who have treated me better than he ever did, valued me as a person, respected me as a woman and it didn't have anything to do with sex. But valuing me as a person definitely enhanced my sexual experience with them and made it seem more than just an act of self-gratification for either of us.

 

The only reason your ego is taking the bruising you seem to have over this one issue, really isn't on your wife or any female for that matter, it's solely on what you seem to find the most important....and that is not a physical issue, it's emotional disconnect between really loving and respecting a woman and your own sexual ego needing a boost. I apologize if that sounds harsh HSB, but post after post, you still don't seem to get the entire relationship, how you treat someone, how you value them has more to do with the woman's sexual satisfaction than the act itself.

 

Perhaps the answer is to look at past relationships and ask yourself what you did to make women happy (your wife, heck even your mother, sisters if you have them, female friends that you aren't having sexual feelings for). Take the act of sex completely out of the mix and look at this emotional disconnect you seem to have on really valuing the relationship, what you did/do to make it better and make someone feel valued. Separate the physical from the act itself, where do you, as a person, positively affect a woman and make her feel safe in your life?

 

 

I dont take anything you guys say as harsh. Its all constructive and sometimes constructive critisism but thats ok and I can take it...I understand where you are coming from but I get confused alot still. This is no longer about her or women at all...Its about me and YES boosting my ego...I took a beating these past 14 months with my ego and feel I need to fix it somehow cause I feel the pain of it each and every day.. I dont see whats wrong with that..

 

Its no longer the pain of wanting to be with her but the pain of feeling inadequate after what happened..

As many of you guys said, I will not be able to move forward till I get myself straight and confident in order to have a positive forefilling realtionship. I have dropped all my bad habits and know now that I am a GOOD man but a GOOD man with 1 major problem. My self confidence in that department.

 

I dont know how it is for women but for men or atleast me, If they have any idea they are not good enough in that department its a very very hard pill to swallow and hell of a thing to overcome! Its our manhood to us!

 

I have been asking these questions to get a little info to find out if what I had with my ex was normal or if there was more to be expected on my end..I understand that its 95% mental for women, I get that but if the man has ED or the sex is horrible there is going to be a problem somewhere down the line so lets be real...I have had many posts on here saying if the love is strong then the sex is usually great no matter what but if the relatinoship is sour so will be the sex.

 

Now taking a line you just wrote, "my ex and I had good sexual relations even so everything else is horrible" kind of contridicts what I have heard time and time again..

 

I am just trying to get information to make myself or my EGO feel better to be a more confident man..Thats all

[trippi1432]

"My exH and I had a good sexual relationship, even though EVERYTHING about the rest of our relationship was horrible." The reason for this HSB was because it was the most important thing to him and the only time he was truly caring towards me. We were together for 15 years and the husband before him cheated on me repeatedly. Sex with him was once a month if I was lucky and he lasted a mere 3 seconds.

 

Why? Why did I put up with it....I had nothing to really compare to. I'd never had a healthy relationship where there was a healthy emotional connection with sex. I didn't know what it was like to be valued as a woman, not an object or completely ignored. I'm still not sure if I will ever have one to be honest, but I have been valued a lot more outside of my two bad marriages today that shows me what a mess those relationships were (both included alcohol being the most important vice to the husbands). Relationships since then have been with healthier men....capable of compassion and empathy. It's not as much as what a man does in bed to please a woman, it's what he does outside the bedroom to make her feel valued, respected, cared for and loved.

 

You're fully capable, you've come far in your working on your AA work....so what would you do to show a woman that she is valued, respected, cared for and loved? Figure that out and the rest will fall into place.

[hurts_so_bad]

"My exH and I had a good sexual relationship, even though EVERYTHING about the rest of our relationship was horrible." The reason for this HSB was because it was the most important thing to him and the only time he was truly caring towards me. We were together for 15 years and the husband before him cheated on me repeatedly. Sex with him was once a month if I was lucky and he lasted a mere 3 seconds.

 

Why? Why did I put up with it....I had nothing to really compare to. I'd never had a healthy relationship where there was a healthy emotional connection with sex. I didn't know what it was like to be valued as a woman, not an object or completely ignored. I'm still not sure if I will ever have one to be honest, but I have been valued a lot more outside of my two bad marriages today that shows me what a mess those relationships were (both included alcohol being the most important vice to the husbands). Relationships since then have been with healthier men....capable of compassion and empathy. It's not as much as what a man does in bed to please a woman, it's what he does outside the bedroom to make her feel valued, respected, cared for and loved.

 

You're fully capable, you've come far in your working on your AA work....so what would you do to show a woman that she is valued, respected, cared for and loved? Figure that out and the rest will fall into place.

 

for one thing staying off the sauce is the number one priority! I would definitely be more attentive and less selfish which all comes from not drinking cause when I was, I was a selfish Ahole only concerned with myself! Included in that is also taking better care of my household finances cause again with drinking gambling and missing days from work I surely spent alot of cash!

 

I would make sure to spend more time and listen more..Show her she is my number one and how much she means to me...I failed to do all this in my marriage and it caused the issues I am having now. The next time I am going to do it right!

 

Being the wrong one, although it makes me feel a bit better that I caused it and I didnt get totally screwed for no reason! It has its drawbacks! It makes it hard to understand exactly what happened...Makes me question would this have happened even if I was the good husband? I will never know! Thats the unfortunate thing..Atleast next time around I will do the right thing and if there is an issue like this again..I will know that I did the right thing and who the wrong one is!

 

The way I am now its kind of confusing...I did alot of wrong..No doubt! She had enough which pushed her away so she claims...Fine. But running to another man wasnt right either! It made me feel like a total unworthy piece of crap! Its kind of a hard thing to judge..I guess we were both wrong!

 

As for the sex insecurities I just keep trying to fight them myself by just saying no one is better then me and being great in bed is not what defines me to be a MAN!! I am a man no matter what and if there was a problem in that area its their fault for not saying so or what they want from me... It seems to work a little but its still rough on the mans ego! Thats why I asked the questions I asked...Some answers I get make me feel good about myself and that I did the right thing but others! Geez! The stories you hear that make me say WOW I wasnt doing the right thing...I know many of the stories are BS but its very confusing!

 

In the midst of all this I had a number of encounters (against the advice of you guys here..I know yell at me later!) that were far from pleasing and made me feel even worse about myself! They were with women I really wasnt attracted too so it failed miserably! I know now that I was just playing tit for tat! Your doing it so am I! I felt like I was less of a man not getting out there and doing what I thought she was doing..The truth is doing what I did and failing cause of the lack of attraction to those women made me feel like less of a man and only confused me more!

 

I think I am just going to stay out of the dating scene for a while..I dont have to have a women to consider myself a man! If the right women shows up fine! Im not going to pass up an opportunity but I am not going to settle like I did in the past just to prove a point!

 

I am a good man no matter what! I do not need to have another women in my life to prove that!

Edited April 4, 2013 by hurts_so_bad

[2.50 a gallon]

h-s-b

 

FYI

 

About a month after my separation I had a revenge affair with one of the associate OM's wives.

 

I later had several successful sexual encounters, but these were all what I would classify as angry or revenge sex

 

However, like you I did have problems when I got back into the dating world, or what I would classify as loving sex. At first the thought of sex flat turned my stomach, this was followed by not being able to get an erection, which scared the H out of me.

 

This was followed by my not being able to climax.

 

My guess is that it took about a year before I was able to have normal sex without any hang ups.

[hurts_so_bad]

Well had another pisser of a day here on my end...Things are much much better but sometimes you just have drawbacks! Today I went to get my taxes done...My ex and I filed jointly because if I didnt I would have gotten screwed for the amount of deductions I claimed last year.

 

I actually went to the accountant alone with her and my paperwork to have them done but the accountant told me he needed her to sign off as well. So I called her and she came down and we did it..

 

She drove me home but I asked her to stop to get chinese food cause I wasnt in the mood to cook after 8pm..So we stopped and while we were waiting for it in the car we had the music kind of loud when her phone rang..

 

She jumped right out of the car and was BS'in with someone laughing yadda yadda...In the mist my food was ready so I went back in the store to get my food..When I came out she was still outside the car talking and before she got in the car I heard her say ok see you in 5 minutes..

 

 

She jumped in the car and said sorry I didnt want to lower the music on you...lol!!!please! Anyway she came out and told me (I didnt ask) it was people from work that like to go out on Thursday night and she wasnt going out..Remember see you in 5 minutes that I wrote just above? please!!!! Like I dont know whats going on! I felt so much in telling her that too but I didnt.

 

She dropped me off and all I said was have fun!

 

Look I know she is gone...I do still love her and thats why it bothers me I guess but I am starting to accept that...The thing that bothers me is I feel she has this great and wonderful funfilled life while I am stuck doing ****! I know what I said in my last post about not needing a women in my life right now and thats true...I dont! It just bothers the **** out of me that I feel stuck with friends that are all maried or in long term relationships who only like to come over and play cards or watch sporting events instead of friends that like to go out and have some fun..

 

Im tired of being f@@king miserable! I just went Saturday to see my lawyer about defending me regarding my license and he told me it would be a $5000 retainer and might cost more with no guarantees! What the f@@k do I do now? Its so f@@king frustrating to feel Im sitting here with my you know what in my hand while she is probably getting laid right now!

 

I am so aggrevated! When the **** will it be my turn to be happy? I feel all I do is go to work, AA, therapist, and the gym! Thats what my life consists of! It makes me feel even worse that I am seeing a therapist when this b@tch is having a grand ole time and I am still sobing cause I have no god damn way to really get out there! Sorry guys just venting!

[2sunny]

I'm sorry you are sad...

 

It will get better when you stop focusing on what she is or isn't doing.

 

She lies - she gave you that evidence today.

 

I'd be mad at you if you took her back at this point!

 

From my perspective - she's just acting trampy and desperate. And now you know she will easily LIE right to your face!

 

You not need that in your life! In fact, you'd be happier if you'd crept hat you are better off without. Liar and a partner as your woman. She's on he prowl - what's attractive about hat?

 

Sheez, she gave you a gift today - a gift of knowing that she has no hair yer and hats not attractive to anyone!

[trippi1432]

I would ask at this point how does bashing his wife for having a life outside of what they have both accepted help HSB? She doesn't really have to lie, if he is truly at acceptance, there is no lie...there is only reality. She may have tried to spare his feelings; however, if he is being his true self and doesn't care...what would it matter?

 

There is only jealousy/envy...and it shows in that post and is part of your overall problem HSB. It not about you, it's about your jealousy and envy that you don't feel an identity because your wings are clipped...not your manhood, but your freedom to get around (a license). You did that..not her or anyone else, accept what is yours and stop taking AA backwards and forwards.

 

2Sunny...you know this!!

[hurts_so_bad]

I would ask at this point how does bashing his wife for having a life outside of what they have both accepted help HSB? She doesn't really have to lie, if he is truly at acceptance, there is no lie...there is only reality. She may have tried to spare his feelings; however, if he is being his true self and doesn't care...what would it matter?

 

There is only jealousy/envy...and it shows in that post and is part of your overall problem HSB. It not about you, it's about your jealousy and envy that you don't feel an identity because your wings are clipped...not your manhood, but your freedom to get around (a license). You did that..not her or anyone else, accept what is yours and stop taking AA backwards and forwards.

 

2Sunny...you know this!!

 

Well what is it about then trippi? It is about my life and wanting to be happy isnt it? Yes I do feel jealousy and envy! I will admit that! The very things my ex wanted me to do to (stop drinking and partying) she is now doing like or rolls have reversed in a way...Which leaves me to believe the reason she gave me for leaving was all a crock of *****...

 

I like to go out and I like to have fun too...I know thats not my wifes problem but I feel I am sitting here with nothing but working my @@s off lonely to an empty house with no option to just run! Your right my wings are clipped! I have no freedom to just get up and go if I want to and I have a damn good reason to be mad about it when its interupting my life!

 

I cannot see how that cant be noticed? Like I said I was just venting cause there is absolutely nothing anyone can say or do to change the way my life is right now..No one! Its just extremely aggrevating that I cant get mine up and running the way she has.. I have to save some more money and make sure i file for the divorce asap...

 

I think that will be a partial closure for me...Although we are not together I still feel there is an oath to the marriage between us and the longer she is out screwing around with whoever, the more it makes me look like a jerk because I am still legitimately married to her!

[trippi1432]

Well what is it about then trippi? It is about my life and wanting to be happy isnt it? Yes I do feel jealousy and envy! I will admit that! The very things my ex wanted me to do to (stop drinking and partying) she is now doing like or rolls have reversed in a way...Which leaves me to believe the reason she gave me for leaving was all a crock of *****...

 

I like to go out and I like to have fun too...I know thats not my wifes problem but I feel I am sitting here with nothing but working my @@s off lonely to an empty house with no option to just run! Your right my wings are clipped! I have no freedom to just get up and go if I want to and I have a damn good reason to be mad about it when its interupting my life!

 

I cannot see how that cant be noticed? Like I said I was just venting cause there is absolutely nothing anyone can say or do to change the way my life is right now..No one! Its just extremely aggrevating that I cant get mine up and running the way she has.. I have to save some more money and make sure i file for the divorce asap...

 

I think that will be a partial closure for me...Although we are not together I still feel there is an oath to the marriage between us and the longer she is out screwing around with whoever, the more it makes me look like a jerk because I am still legitimately married to her!

 

Not really...you see, very telling. You are going to get your license back and have not learned a single thing when you let jealousy and envy rule your emotions.

 

You just continue to lie to yourself HSB. You go back and forth between anger and victim that you don't even know your own truth. When you are in HER car, depending on her you EXPECT her to be a certain way, to be YOURS.

 

The only way you will get your manhood back is when you get your license back so you can show her. That's not a person who has come to acceptance...it's a man with an agenda. I'm beginning to think those women that you couldn't get into didn't meet your need because you don't have your independence to flaunt them in front of her in the way YOU PERCEIVE she does to you. She's just getting on with her life without you....that's life. The question is why you can't accept that.

[2sunny]

I would ask at this point how does bashing his wife for having a life outside of what they have both accepted help HSB? She doesn't really have to lie, if he is truly at acceptance, there is no lie...there is only reality. She may have tried to spare his feelings; however, if he is being his true self and doesn't care...what would it matter?

 

There is only jealousy/envy...and it shows in that post and is part of your overall problem HSB. It not about you, it's about your jealousy and envy that you don't feel an identity because your wings are clipped...not your manhood, but your freedom to get around (a license). You did that..not her or anyone else, accept what is yours and stop taking AA backwards and forwards.

 

2Sunny...you know this!!

 

I don't see pointing out the obvious ( that she lied) as "bashing" - I call it "evidence of her lack of character" - to which (if he's continued to grow in understanding himself) would be a grateful gift of knowing what she's up to/capable of.

 

I agree with you Trippi on the jealousy factor - it's not an attractive trait - in fact it's a glaring character defect in step 6.

 

Can you work on that Hurts - now that you know what you CAN work on for bettering yourself?

[hurts_so_bad]

Not really...you see, very telling. You are going to get your license back and have not learned a single thing when you let jealousy and envy rule your emotions.

 

You just continue to lie to yourself HSB. You go back and forth between anger and victim that you don't even know your own truth. When you are in HER car, depending on her you EXPECT her to be a certain way, to be YOURS.

 

The only way you will get your manhood back is when you get your license back so you can show her. That's not a person who has come to acceptance...it's a man with an agenda. I'm beginning to think those women that you couldn't get into didn't meet your need because you don't have your independence to flaunt them in front of her in the way YOU PERCEIVE she does to you. She's just getting on with her life without you....that's life. The question is why you can't accept that.

 

Cause I cant seem to get on with mine and its pissing me off! The women I was with have nothing to do with wanting to flaunt them in front of her...They were just not my type and that was my mistake...Maybe at that time yes, I did feel hey she is doing it why not me? So yes I guess in a way it was a retaliation sort of thing but those women I was not into...That was my BIG mistake! If I did find someone I was into the story would be completely different.

 

As far as an agenda..What agenda should I have? My life is already set in motion....I have a good job, my own home, hobbies, things I like to do, etc..I know who I am as a person, as a man...I also know what I miss and want out of life.. My freedom to do what I want when I want to do it instead of watching everyone else live their lives..

 

I know the license thing is my fault I heard you on that and I know that..But regardless of who's fault it is isnt the issue anymore.. The issue is that I am miserable not being able to do what I want to do and I dont know what to do anymore! I cant even go shopping without a friend driving me...Its ridiculous but there is nothing I can do about it but bitch! Is like a scratch that you cant itch!

[trippi1432]

I don't see pointing out the obvious ( that she lied) as "bashing" - I call it "evidence of her lack of character" - to which (if he's continued to grow in understanding himself) would be a grateful gift of knowing what she's up to/capable of.

 

True, she keeps putting herself in this position actually by helping him which she doesn't really have to do. At this point, she is allowed to have a life too. Hating her won't help him let her go...accepting himself will.

[trippi1432]

Cause I cant seem to get on with mine and its pissing me off! The women I was with have nothing to do with wanting to flaunt them in front of her...They were just not my type and that was my mistake...Maybe at that time yes, I did feel hey she is doing it why not me? So yes I guess in a way it was a retaliation sort of thing but those women I was not into...That was my BIG mistake! If I did find someone I was into the story would be completely different.

 

As far as an agenda..What agenda should I have? My life is already set in motion....I have a good job, my own home, hobbies, things I like to do, etc..I know who I am as a person, as a man...I also know what I miss and want out of life.. My freedom to do what I want when I want to do it instead of watching everyone else live their lives..

 

I know the license thing is my fault I heard you on that and I know that..But regardless of who's fault it is isnt the issue anymore.. The issue is that I am miserable not being able to do what I want to do and I dont know what to do anymore! I cant even go shopping without a friend driving me...Its ridiculous but there is nothing I can do about it but bitch! Is like a scratch that you cant itch!

 

 

So what does this have to do with your ex-wife and how is it her fault? Believe me, I do feel for you and that can happen to anyone and I would be as frustrated as you are, but the fact is...it's my frustration to own. Who am I to put that on anyone else that is happy and living their life?

[2sunny]

Let me help point something out for you Hurts -

 

When I did my original 4th step in written form - I learned what MY pattern was. I learned how I, I, I participated! I learned what I had done that lead to MY self destruction!

 

 

You may be getting off path by continuing to look at "others" instead of within yourself for your growth.

 

I am responsible for ME - MY thoughts - MY actions - and MY inaction. I never 'place blame' on ANYONE else for how I feel, think and act!

 

IF I'm in any character defect - it's MY job to get/stay connected to MY higher power and take ACTION to DO the opposite of THAT character defect! That's something I CAN change!!!

 

YOU can and should be doing this too!

[2sunny]

True, she keeps putting herself in this position actually by helping him which she doesn't really have to do. At this point, she is allowed to have a life too. Hating her won't help him let her go...accepting himself will.

 

And I do think she deserves to be living her life - which is giving Hurts perfect evidence that its over.

 

He seems to be delusional about whether or not it's over.

 

She's shown perfectly well with her cations that she's living her life without him in it.

 

That's a gift she's been giving him!

 

He CHOOSES to feed an illusion that its not over.

 

It's over Hurts.

 

Find happiness within and move forward bing proud of the man you're becoming.

[hurts_so_bad]

So what does this have to do with your ex-wife and how is it her fault? Believe me, I do feel for you and that can happen to anyone and I would be as frustrated as you are, but the fact is...it's my frustration to own. Who am I to put that on anyone else that is happy and living their life?

 

 

I am just pissed off that my life is being held back when it seems everyone elses is moving forward! How am I supposed to feel good about that? And yes it does bother me because there are still some feeling there so it intensifies my feelings of being angry that she is able to move forward when I am not....I'm jealous what can I say.. people get jealous, angry, sad...It happens all the time to every normal person in the world...I cant change the way I feel and what makes my emotions...That would be trying to change who I am and I am not going down that road again! Ive done it and it confused me more.. Thats exactly why they tell people to punch their pillows or scream or whatever..To let there emotions go! Not to bottle them up or try and change how they feel...Its venting..exactly what I am doing here..

Like I said, I am just venting cause there is nothing I can do about it..

[2sunny]

I am just pissed off that my life is being held back when it seems everyone elses is moving forward! How am I supposed to feel good about that? And yes it does bother me because there are still some feeling there so it intensifies my feelings of being angry that she is able to move forward when I am not....I'm jealous what can I say.. people get jealous, angry, sad...It happens all the time to every normal person in the world...I cant change the way I feel and what makes my emotions...That would be trying to change who I am and I am not going down that road again! Ive done it and it confused me more.. Thats exactly why they tell people to punch their pillows or scream or whatever..To let there emotions go! Not to bottle them up or try and change how they feel...Its venting..exactly what I am doing here..

Like I said, I am just venting cause there is nothing I can do about it..

 

Sheez, pity party much?

 

Yes, YOU CAN DO THINGS TO CHANGE!

 

Get busy sponsoring people! You won't have time to feel or ray for yourself if you get busy on step 12!

[2sunny]

You act like a victim at times. You are only a victim of YOURSELF.

 

Me too - at the end of my 5th yep - I knew I had no one to blame but me!!!

 

IF you want o get mad t none - get mad at YOURSELF!

 

You can change THAT too by growing! This is a program of change! Start changing if you not like it! Change yourself!

 

Change everything! But stop thinking SO much of you and your pity party!!!

[trippi1432]

I am just pissed off that my life is being held back when it seems everyone elses is moving forward! How am I supposed to feel good about that? And yes it does bother me because there are still some feeling there so it intensifies my feelings of being angry that she is able to move forward when I am not....I'm jealous what can I say.. people get jealous, angry, sad...It happens all the time to every normal person in the world...I cant change the way I feel and what makes my emotions...That would be trying to change who I am and I am not going down that road again! Ive done it and it confused me more.. Thats exactly why they tell people to punch their pillows or scream or whatever..To let there emotions go! Not to bottle them up or try and change how they feel...Its venting..exactly what I am doing here..

Like I said, I am just venting cause there is nothing I can do about it..

 

People move forward....if you truly have an open heart, you don't let that hold you back from finding your own happiness. You just let it hold you back from learning to exact a happy life for yourself. That's growing...it starts with you...learning to love yourself so you can love others. You can't do that with jealousy and envy taking hold of your heart.

[hurts_so_bad]

People move forward....if you truly have an open heart, you don't let that hold you back from finding your own happiness. You just let it hold you back from learning to exact a happy life for yourself. That's growing...it starts with you...learning to love yourself so you can love others. You can't do that with jealousy and envy taking hold of your heart.

 

ok so again, I am going to ask how? How do you learn to love yourself? After being left by someone you loved and made to feel inadequate how do you learn to love yourself? I can do all the AA and keeping myself busy all I want. Thats just a bandaid and keeps my mind busy but to me it does not solve the problem. To me its just covering things up for the meantime.

 

Or is it all just time healing wounds? How do you learn to love yourself? its easy to say but how is it done? After being made feel you are no longer good enough? How is it done?

[trippi1432]

Who makes you feel you are no longer good enough?