getting over myself

[hurts_so_bad]

Some of you guys can say what you want about me being an idiot if I took my wife back or how much she doesnt deserve it or how cheating is never right. But neither is alchohol abuse, staying out all night, losing jobs, gambling thousands and thousands or dollars, getting arrested 4 times 3 of which were for DWI convictions, and not being at my wifes 2nd open heart surgery which she had a 50/50 chance of survival, Because I had to be in court!

 

Everyone has their own right to their opinions but my opinion is, I may give it another chance if i had the option being I know how much damage I did in 18 years...You women out there tell me how many of you would have put up with that for so long?

 

You can say I am making excuses for her, well I made a hell of alot for myself as well!

 

I did a hell of a lot of damage and I feel I deserve another chance..Why shouldnt I give her one?

 

So please dont judge me as a jerk if I decided to give it another chance. I feel its justified.

Edited March 13, 2013 by hurts_so_bad

[beach]

There's no reason to consider it because she's never said she intends to get back together!

 

All her actions show she's willing to allow you room to be the Dad to the kids - but not a lover to her. She's being reasonable.

 

You're mis taking it all as possible interest.

 

Get busy moving forward. Get out and meet new people! Walk. Run or bike ride.

 

Stop creating MORE roadblocks for yourself. Invite people to come over = visit you. Throw a party!

 

Anything except sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

 

IF you would sponsor several people - you wouldn't feel this way... You'd get more hopeful.

[hurts_so_bad]

I am doing all these things..Im not sitting in my bed sulking...Im moving forward but when I am hoping there is still hope I guess I take things the wrong way at times...Could be wishful thinking but it doesnt mean all is dead either...There is greay areas not always just black and white.

[TailSpin75]

Hurts - I'm really glad that you appreciated my perspective on finding yourself and your confidence - I do hope it helps you brother.

 

As far as 'taking her back'... in my opinion I believe that you must learn to forgive your 'self' for the damage that you have already confessed to (numerous times) in the marriage. You have come along way - recognizing what you wanted to change and changed them. Do not allow the changes that you make be motivated by her. Make these changes because you recognize the value in them for your 'self'.

 

In my opinion - you're inability to forgive yourself is what leads you to make excuses for her. Where you recognize your actions, choices, and behaviors were not okay in the marriage - you must recognize that neither were hers. Do not accept responsibility for the choices she made - they were her choices and clearly not you choices. Where you recognize that your behavior was not fair to her - it's vital that you recognize that her behavior was not fair to you.

 

Change takes time and persistence - the nature of being human I suppose. Consider what is motivating you. Are you driven to be the person that you want to be, someone that you are comfortable with and accept? Or are you driven to impress her and show her the changes that you only think she wants to see?

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts - I'm really glad that you appreciated my perspective on finding yourself and your confidence - I do hope it helps you brother.

 

As far as 'taking her back'... in my opinion I believe that you must learn to forgive your 'self' for the damage that you have already confessed to (numerous times) in the marriage. You have come along way - recognizing what you wanted to change and changed them. Do not allow the changes that you make be motivated by her. Make these changes because you recognize the value in them for your 'self'.

 

In my opinion - you're inability to forgive yourself is what leads you to make excuses for her. Where you recognize your actions, choices, and behaviors were not okay in the marriage - you must recognize that neither were hers. Do not accept responsibility for the choices she made - they were her choices and clearly not you choices. Where you recognize that your behavior was not fair to her - it's vital that you recognize that her behavior was not fair to you.

 

Change takes time and persistence - the nature of being human I suppose. Consider what is motivating you. Are you driven to be the person that you want to be, someone that you are comfortable with and accept? Or are you driven to impress her and show her the changes that you only think she wants to see?

To be completely honest itw a bit of both....also the idea of showing her hey look what u are missing! May be the wrong attitude but thats what I feel inside...no one is perfect...I get alot if reaponses about how things should be but this is not a perfect world and iys aliy easier said then done to.make the absolute perfect decision. After all what is the perfect decision?

[TailSpin75]

I couldn't agree with you more hurts. We do not live in the perfect world - we live in the real world.

 

For me - my greatest fear was not having her in my life. A couple of weeks after that fear came true - I realized that my greatest fear was not being able to get over this.

 

It's not easy. I feel the sames things that you do - as I learn about me and make changes in myself, I think - can't you see what you're missing - what you gave up. But I also remind myself - that these are changes I make for me.

 

Put up a Stop Sign when it comes to anything 'perfect' - doesn't exist. I'm guilty of the same kind of thoughts. Believe me it adds a level of stress that you do not need. For example, you mentioned taking karate (which is a great call by the way) - so if you're going to do it, then do it. Do not question if it's the 'right' thing to do or make excuses why you cannot. Get into it and you will probably enjoy it very much - likely more than you can anticipate. If, however, it turns out that you don't feel it's right - then stop and move one.

 

Very few things are going to seem like a 'perfect' choice before we have a chance to choose. Trust that you are capable of making sound decisions and learn from both the positive and negative consequences of your choices.

 

Hurts - I absolutely believe that you have come a long way and hope you can recognize that and take some comfort in that. You continue to wrestle with unfulfilled expectations though. In my opinion - it's a matter of perspective. 'They' say old habits die hard, but you've already proven to yourself that you can make the changes you want to make. Be sure to give it time to happen though.

 

As humans we can seemingly learn to do anything we choose - if we are patient and persistent.

[hurts_so_bad]

I couldn't agree with you more hurts. We do not live in the perfect world - we live in the real world.

 

For me - my greatest fear was not having her in my life. A couple of weeks after that fear came true - I realized that my greatest fear was not being able to get over this.

 

It's not easy. I feel the sames things that you do - as I learn about me and make changes in myself, I think - can't you see what you're missing - what you gave up. But I also remind myself - that these are changes I make for me.

 

Put up a Stop Sign when it comes to anything 'perfect' - doesn't exist. I'm guilty of the same kind of thoughts. Believe me it adds a level of stress that you do not need. For example, you mentioned taking karate (which is a great call by the way) - so if you're going to do it, then do it. Do not question if it's the 'right' thing to do or make excuses why you cannot. Get into it and you will probably enjoy it very much - likely more than you can anticipate. If, however, it turns out that you don't feel it's right - then stop and move one.

 

Very few things are going to seem like a 'perfect' choice before we have a chance to choose. Trust that you are capable of making sound decisions and learn from both the positive and negative consequences of your choices.

 

Hurts - I absolutely believe that you have come a long way and hope you can recognize that and take some comfort in that. You continue to wrestle with unfulfilled expectations though. In my opinion - it's a matter of perspective. 'They' say old habits die hard, but you've already proven to yourself that you can make the changes you want to make. Be sure to give it time to happen though.

 

As humans we can seemingly learn to do anything we choose - if we are patient and persistent.

 

Well thats what life is all about..Making decisions..They may be right or wrong but their our decisions to make! That was one of the most confusing things I have gone threw this past year! Questioning myself!

I have made a pact with myself not to do that anymore...My decision is my decision right or wrong and thats that...

 

I have read all sorts of self help books and saught all sorts of advice on here and other sites which was and is very much appreciated! but! I find it only confused me more at times...Because everyone has a different opinion of things and when you cant be confident enough in making your own decisions you try to go with the ones you are told but that can pull you in different directions because of different opinions you get...Get me?

 

I was so hurt and felt there was something wrong with me to feel this way that I sort advice on how to feel better but the truth is, There was nothing wrong with me! It just takes time no matter who you are or what you do! I realize now that trying so hard, reading so much, llistening to different advice actually made me question myself more instead of just facing the true reality that this s@@t is supposed to hurt and its completely normal!

 

Much of the advice is great but I had so much of it that I found I was thinking all the time on how to act! Do this, do that, think this, think that! It just gets you nuts instead of just saying I feel like crap and thats that!Its a horrible time in anyones life to go threw such a thing and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it becuase everyone is different but when you try to mask the pain by acting or thinking certain ways that you are told you are actually not being truthful with yourself and that can confuse you much much more!

 

Some people after a break up may lay in bed for a month! Everyone including myself would say thats the wrong thing to do but to each his/her own! If thats what works for them then what is wrong with it? If after that month they have finished grieving and able to move on then great!

 

I fought trying to better myself and found a year later it still hurts so maybe I could take a lesson out of their book!

 

There is no definite right or wrong to situations like this..I dont believe there is..People can tell you there is and give hard advice when outside looking in but when faced with the same delema their own advice goes out the window!

 

 

I feel something clicked in my head today and it feels great! I just hope it remains! This is my life with my decisions to make whether right or wrong thats what makes me the man I am. If I try to follow everyone elses opinions I am just a follower with no direction of my own and thats what makes me the person I am...

[TailSpin75]

I couldn't agree with you more hurt - we all walk this path in out way, doing what we believe is best for us. Input, advice, suggestion, even calibration from others is a great way to gauge our progress but in the end the choice we make are ours to own; we can live or die by them indeed.

 

I do believe you have come so far in you journey hurt but it seems to me that there are still 'things' you struggle with and in my opinion it is a matter of perspective. That is how you see and criticize youself and the 'power' you still allow her to have over you. And you're right that it's now a matter of right or wrong - but it does seem to be about finding a peace for yourself.

 

As you know - perspectives can be challenging to hold onto, but with time and persistence you can control the direction you travel.

[hurts_so_bad]

I couldn't agree with you more hurt - we all walk this path in out way, doing what we believe is best for us. Input, advice, suggestion, even calibration from others is a great way to gauge our progress but in the end the choice we make are ours to own; we can live or die by them indeed.

 

I do believe you have come so far in you journey hurt but it seems to me that there are still 'things' you struggle with and in my opinion it is a matter of perspective. That is how you see and criticize youself and the 'power' you still allow her to have over you. And you're right that it's now a matter of right or wrong - but it does seem to be about finding a peace for yourself.

 

As you know - perspectives can be challenging to hold onto, but with time and persistence you can control the direction you travel.

 

Well my situation is much different then others..In my earlier post you will see I am kinda stuck in not having all the freedom I want due to my license so I dont have many options to just go where I want when I want which makes it hard. Another thing is that my friends are all married or in long term relationships so they are really only good enough for certain things like card games, movies and things of that sort.

 

I kind of have to get a new circle of friends that do like to go out and enjoy themselves but that takes time but it will happen.. Sometimes when you are stuck in a rut it takes time to climb out. The rut is no longer in my brain cause I am trying to move forward but there are limitations to what I can do due to my situation.

 

Thats why I guess I hand power over cause when you get board the mind wanders! if I had a new group of friends, my license, and maybe a new girl all of this will go away real fast but i have learned to deal with it the best I can for now till things get better!

 

I know I am going to hear crap about needing to be happy with yourself before being with someone else..Well I have come to realize that I am happy with myself! Its the situation I am not happy with..So I am ready to move on and if it takes another women to make my days better so be it!

Whats wrong with that? Again everyone has their own opinion and way to live their lives...Hobbies are nice but having someone to love and hold sure beats the hell out of building models!

 

Thats my opinion and Im sticking too it!

[2sunny]

Mainly because like energy attracts.

 

So you are likely (in his frame of mind) to attract a gal that's not happy within herself. Then you have two unhappy people together. Yay! = not!

[TailSpin75]

Wanting to be with someone is greatly different from 'needing' to be with someone; only you know when you're ready. Keep in mind though - you still long for your ex, I just caution that you're not just trying to replace her (just sharing my perspective brother).

 

I can relate to your 'social network' limitations. Only family I have within 700 miles are my kids and I have only 1 friend who is not married but he's in a serious relationship. It's tough no doubt but I'm glad to hear you're running with new circle of friends.

 

You sound strong and confident tonight hurt!

[hurts_so_bad]

Thanks tailspin...I do feel strong an confident regardless of opinions made...I am tired of thinking I have to be a certain way cause what people think or books say....Its not a perfect world and regardless of what people think there is no way to be perfect and be happy all the time...there is no magic pill regardleas of what people may think so I am tired of trying to live my life and change my opinions thinking things will be hunky durry if I do...Its bulls@@t....I know what u mean longing for my ex but I think I only long for her cause I dont have anyone else...people say a lot of things but there is nothing wrong with finding someone to fill in what u feel ur missing in life...not to forefill me....many people have everything they need in life but still long fir love and I dont see whats wrong with that...

[hurts_so_bad]

Im trying to find a new circle of friends...havent found them yet but I just atarted looking because I realize thats what I need...

[TailSpin75]

Dude - I don't think there's anything wrong at all with craving companionship or someone to love. I would just suggest to not use your ex as a measuring stick.

 

You're also on the mark about not being perfect or happy all the time. That would be an unrealistic goal - it's not a healthy target to shoot for because it's not possible. There is, however a difference between longing for companionship and being miserable because there's no companionship.

 

Sounds like you're on the right track - maybe a little impatient (which I can understand) - but do your best to not let it drag you down. If you feel good about yourself - then you can accept it's only a matter of time until you do connect with someone. If, on the other hand you're feeling insecure about yourself then you're probably looking to fill a void. For me... well, I'm still a hot f*cking mess. I too crave companionship but know that I'm not ready. Only you know for yourself brother - but it does require you to be honest and objective about your 'self'.

 

Have you checked out meetup.com? Great resource for 'getting out there'.

Edited March 14, 2013 by TailSpin75

[hurts_so_bad]

Dude - I don't think there's anything wrong at all with craving companionship or someone to love. I would just suggest to not use your ex as a measuring stick.

 

You're also on the mark about not being perfect or happy all the time. That would be an unrealistic goal - it's not a healthy target to shoot for because it's not possible. There is, however a difference between longing for companionship and being miserable because there's no companionship.

 

Sounds like you're on the right track - maybe a little impatient (which I can understand) - but do your best to not let it drag you down. If you feel good about yourself - then you can accept it's only a matter of time until you do connect with someone. If, on the other hand you're feeling insecure about yourself then you're probably looking to fill a void. For me... well, I'm still a hot f*cking mess. I too crave companionship but know that I'm not ready. Only you know for yourself brother - but it does require you to be honest and objective about your 'self'.

 

Have you checked out meetup.com? Great resource for 'getting out there'.

 

My bit of confidence I gained yesterday was all about just being me and knowing that these feelings I have are 100% completely normal and to accept them without trying to change them! If there not normal for others or experts say they arent fine! They are for me...Thats what seperates me from the rest of the world! Thats what makes me different just like everyone else..

 

 

I am still miserable with not having someone..Not that I am ok with that but I am dealing with it not trying to force happiness and change my whole persepective of things cause someone else say I should...Like popeye always said, "I am What I am" and I have to accept that and respect that!

 

I think its impossible and only drives you more crazy trying to think a certain way because others say you should! We are grieving! Everyone deals with it differently but to think there is a certain time limit or special way of thinking thats gonna bring you out of it may only add to the confusion!

 

For instance, I read just be as positive and as happy as you can...So then I started battling myself! I was told be as positive and as happy as you can! So I tried..Everytime I was sad I tried to be happy and it just made me more screwed up to the point where I asked myself who the hell am I!? How can I be sad and happy at the same time?! My new outlook is to just feel how you feel until it subsides! You cant be something your not or meand a broken heart with your thoughts!

 

As for longing for companionship or being miserable without it, I kinda beilieve if you long for something enough you will be miserable without it and I dont think there is anything wrong with filling that void with meeting someone new. You can have a great job, friends, hobbies and be a confident person but all those things that you did seperate from your spouse at the time, which made you happy dont anymore because of the one main missing thing that matters the most!

 

Thats why I do not necesarily believe you have to be happy first before you can be happy with someone else...This is true in the case where a person had themselves totally, totally, wrapped around another person so much that they had nothing at all that they did except their spouse, where they had no idea what their likes or dislikes are or what makes them happy aside for their spouse.

 

 

 

But in most cases I think people like myself and probably you as well know what makes us happy so there is no search to find yourself! You already know yourself. So what else is there to waste time searching for? happiness? We already know what makes us happy! Problem is, those things that made us happy then, Even when you do them now may suddenly not feel as good and may not bring you as much pleasure because of the pain and hurt and the longing for someone to share them with in life

 

The more I read articles that say find yourself the more it was confusing for me... It made me think I was missing something in my life when I wasnt! I thought I was laking something in my life, personality, whatever that everyone else had that made them happy...Realizing that I do know myself, my likes dislikes, hobbies, I realized I am normal! There is nothing I am missing! Made me realize that all that is making me unhappy is lack of what I did have that I no longer have...and time will heal that! Thats it!

 

You say your not ready and i respect that but let me ask you a question...What makes you say your not ready? If its because your still trying to work it out with your wife and putting 100% into that? If so I understand. But if its because your unhappy and trying to be happy on your own, Why not be ready and just go for it if that might make you happy?

 

I think many of us battle the thought that we must be happy on our own just incase someone comes in our live again and leaves us we will be fine with it and not feel the hurt it brings because we prepared ourselves for it. BS! Its gonna hurt no matter how prepared! If you care for someone you care bottom line..If we were to be so happy on our own that we do not need anyone in our live then we would stay alone avoiding all the possible drama and just be happy forever alone!

 

 

If tomorrow you suddenly run into a gorgeous women who you hit it off really well with are you going to put it off? I wouldnt! You never know what can happen and if you do put it off the WHAT IF's may always be in the back of your mind! Even if you are still hurting and a bit confused and good person walks into your life, I say go for it! It may open up a new life for you! She may show you different thing to share from her life that you never knew made you so happy!

 

Bottom line in all of this is, I am doing what I want to do from now on not what experts say I should to change my life! I am going to be sad, be happy, cry, be mad, be whatever I want to be for whatever situation there is! Every single situation is different and no one solution is the right one so there are no guarantees on success so why not do things my way and take me chances?

Edited March 14, 2013 by hurts_so_bad

[2sunny]

My bit of confidence I gained yesterday was all about just being me and knowing that these feelings I have are 100% completely normal and to accept them without trying to change them! If there not normal for others or experts say they arent fine! They are for me...Thats what seperates me from the rest of the world! Thats what makes me different just like everyone else..

 

 

I am still miserable with not having someone..Not that I am ok with that but I am dealing with it not trying to force happiness and change my whole persepective of things cause someone else say I should...Like popeye always said, "I am What I am" and I have to accept that and respect that!

 

I think its impossible and only drives you more crazy trying to think a certain way because others say you should! We are grieving! Everyone deals with it differently but to think there is a certain time limit or special way of thinking thats gonna bring you out of it may only add to the confusion!

 

For instance, I read just be as positive and as happy as you can...So then I started battling myself! I was told be as positive and as happy as you can! So I tried..Everytime I was sad I tried to be happy and it just made me more screwed up to the point where I asked myself who the hell am I!? How can I be sad and happy at the same time?! My new outlook is to just feel how you feel until it subsides! You cant be something your not or meand a broken heart with your thoughts!

 

As for longing for companionship or being miserable without it, I kinda beilieve if you long for something enough you will be miserable without it and I dont think there is anything wrong with filling that void with meeting someone new. You can have a great job, friends, hobbies and be a confident person but all those things that you did seperate from your spouse at the time, which made you happy dont anymore because of the one main missing thing that matters the most!

 

Thats why I do not necesarily believe you have to be happy first before you can be happy with someone else...This is true in the case where a person had themselves totally, totally, wrapped around another person so much that they had nothing at all that they did except their spouse, where they had no idea what their likes or dislikes are or what makes them happy aside for their spouse.

 

 

 

But in most cases I think people like myself and probably you as well know what makes us happy so there is no search to find yourself! You already know yourself. So what else is there to waste time searching for? happiness? We already know what makes us happy! Problem is, those things that made us happy then, Even when you do them now may suddenly not feel as good and may not bring you as much pleasure because of the pain and hurt and the longing for someone to share them with in life

 

The more I read articles that say find yourself the more it was confusing for me... It made me think I was missing something in my life when I wasnt! I thought I was laking something in my life, personality, whatever that everyone else had that made them happy...Realizing that I do know myself, my likes dislikes, hobbies, I realized I am normal! There is nothing I am missing! Made me realize that all that is making me unhappy is lack of what I did have that I no longer have...and time will heal that! Thats it!

 

You say your not ready and i respect that but let me ask you a question...What makes you say your not ready? If its because your still trying to work it out with your wife and putting 100% into that? If so I understand. But if its because your unhappy and trying to be happy on your own, Why not be ready and just go for it if that might make you happy?

 

I think many of us battle the thought that we must be happy on our own just incase someone comes in our live again and leaves us we will be fine with it and not feel the hurt it brings because we prepared ourselves for it. BS! Its gonna hurt no matter how prepared! If you care for someone you care bottom line..If we were to be so happy on our own that we do not need anyone in our live then we would stay alone avoiding all the possible drama and just be happy forever alone!

 

 

If tomorrow you suddenly run into a gorgeous women who you hit it off really well with are you going to put it off? I wouldnt! You never know what can happen and if you do put it off the WHAT IF's may always be in the back of your mind! Even if you are still hurting and a bit confused and good person walks into your life, I say go for it! It may open up a new life for you! She may show you different thing to share from her life that you never knew made you so happy!

 

Bottom line in all of this is, I am doing what I want to do from now on not what experts say I should to change my life! I am going to be sad, be happy, cry, be mad, be whatever I want to be for whatever situation there is! Every single situation is different and no one solution is the right one so there are no guarantees on success so why not do things my way and take me chances?

 

This is good hurts! Very good!

[hurts_so_bad]

This is good hurts! Very good!

 

R u being truthful sunny or breaking my chops? Lol

[hurts_so_bad]

I did a lot of thinking this week...I have to see my ex in the am because my daughter is having surgery on her teeth so I took the day off to be with her because she is scared and I want to be there.

 

I was thinking all week of telling my wife I want a divorce. There were two ways I was going to approach this..One was to tell her I want to work on the marriage and if she had no interest then tell her I think its time for the divorce.

 

The other was not to give her the satisfaction of telling her I want to work on it cause I had already told her that months ago and it fell on deaf ears. So I was just going to tell her I feel too much damage was done and I want the divorce...

 

I realized tonight that both of these are manipulative looking for a response out of her...The first one although more mature and pretty much laying out my feelings with no regard of them being crushed would show her I am secure in myself and can take it if she denies me.

 

The second one works more on I struck first, now I no longer want you.. Which may work the old she now wants something she cant have idea..

 

After thinking about it and asking myself what I truely want I came up with the answer...I DONT KNOW... In a way I want her back but in a way I dont want her back..There has been a lot of history there for it to go either way...

 

On one side I do love her and probably always will as the mother to my children and it would be nice to have the fam back together again but on the other side of the token she was sort of a slob with keeping house, she did me wrong in the end and I kind of feel the only reason why I long for her so bad is because I cant have her..Basically to feed my ego..

 

So being I am not sure what I want I am going to keep my mouth shut and just let things be the way they are for now... Day by day things will get easier and I will be able to make a more clear decision of what I really want and I have a feeling its going to be moving on from her but I cant make that definite decision just yet when I am not sure of what I truely want...

 

Just want to put that out there

[TailSpin75]

 

Great realization Hurts! I've been guilty (too many times) - of making statements in an effort to solicit a response. Such a good catch on your part to not act on that impulse and possibly bring more negative emotion into the situation.

[2sunny]

I did a lot of thinking this week...I have to see my ex in the am because my daughter is having surgery on her teeth so I took the day off to be with her because she is scared and I want to be there.

 

I was thinking all week of telling my wife I want a divorce. There were two ways I was going to approach this..One was to tell her I want to work on the marriage and if she had no interest then tell her I think its time for the divorce.

 

The other was not to give her the satisfaction of telling her I want to work on it cause I had already told her that months ago and it fell on deaf ears. So I was just going to tell her I feel too much damage was done and I want the divorce...

 

I realized tonight that both of these are manipulative looking for a response out of her...The first one although more mature and pretty much laying out my feelings with no regard of them being crushed would show her I am secure in myself and can take it if she denies me.

 

The second one works more on I struck first, now I no longer want you.. Which may work the old she now wants something she cant have idea..

 

After thinking about it and asking myself what I truely want I came up with the answer...I DONT KNOW... In a way I want her back but in a way I dont want her back..There has been a lot of history there for it to go either way...

 

On one side I do love her and probably always will as the mother to my children and it would be nice to have the fam back together again but on the other side of the token she was sort of a slob with keeping house, she did me wrong in the end and I kind of feel the only reason why I long for her so bad is because I cant have her..Basically to feed my ego..

 

So being I am not sure what I want I am going to keep my mouth shut and just let things be the way they are for now... Day by day things will get easier and I will be able to make a more clear decision of what I really want and I have a feeling its going to be moving on from her but I cant make that definite decision just yet when I am not sure of what I truely want...

 

Just want to put that out there

 

I was being truthful.

 

IF she wanted you - she would BE with you.

 

You shouldn't date until your D is final. Maybe when it's final you will have your license.

 

Action is best - so I vote to file... Then you can move forward.

[hurts_so_bad]

just got back from my daughters surgery and all three of us are just hanging out letting my daughter relax watching cartoons on the coach. she just went to get us breakfast and pick up the prescriptions so I figured I'd check out my responses...

 

Its hard to see her cause it brings back emotions but sometimes there are no options but too...we are being friendly and talking alot but I am still unsure 100% what to do...like sunny says take action but I am still not sure if thats what I want just like I am unsure if I DO want it..

 

Gotta dig deep I guess!

[hurts_so_bad]

by the way tailspin, I meant to comment on the dating site thing you mentioned.....I dont know if you have friends that had success on them but to me they seem like all BS!

 

i consider myself a good looking guy but it seems like the good looking women or any that I am interested in atleast are looking for Brad Pitt or a big bank roll! I guess thats why I see so many of these really good looking women on there for over like 6 months...

 

Some of these women can probably have any guy they want but there has to be something wrong with them if they havent found someone in the real world and the online dating combined Thats by IMO..

 

 

I was on three different sites at one point and nadda! Only women that I am not at all interested in..I am not looking for a marilyn Monroe here so my expectations arent that high but I do want to meet a women I am attracted to..To me thats key when you first meet someone.

 

There can be other aspects of attraction like a womens voice, the way she acts, her eys, etc, that may attract you to her even if you are not so much physically attracted to her but you cant judge those things with just a picture and a profile...

[hurts_so_bad]

I was being truthful.

 

IF she wanted you - she would BE with you.

 

You shouldn't date until your D is final. Maybe when it's final you will have your license.

 

Action is best - so I vote to file... Then you can move forward.

 

They are killing me with this f@@king license! I sent an appeal which they just denied...I dont know what else to do with that now...Guess my only option is to seek a lawyer.

They are saying the only way it can be overturned is by the supreme court judge..No more appeals no nothing...I understand a messed up but its f@@ked up that this thing happened 5 years ago and about 4 years prior to the law being in affect...I would think I should be grandfathered in so to speak, but NO! In the meantime there are guys driving around that had 10 DWI's that have their licenses...Never a dull moment in my life!

[hurts_so_bad]

Hey guys..Havent been on for a while cause things are getting better..Finally excepting that she is gone and trying my best to move on.. The rejection is hard as hell to stomach at times but it is what it is and i will get threw it!

 

Aside for that,The house, kids, and the entire arrangement I have with her with the kids is going great! I also just got great news that I am no longer on probation from my last DWI...They let me off a year early... So things are looking up little by little! I also have an appt with my lawyer on Saturday to see what he can do about my drivers license so please wish me well.

 

There is only one thing that still bothers me much of the time and I need some feedback from the guys out there...Being she left and never looked back makes me feel as if she found something better out there...Its bothered me since day one that this guy is better in the sak then I was so thats why she never looked back.

 

I hear so many stories where women go back now and again because they miss it with the person they were with for so long..That compiled with the BS you hear men say "If you do it right she will never leave you" makes me wonder and question myself..

 

Anyway, I have been told its normal for most men to think like this at first but its been over a year now and it still lingers in my mind and really bothers me! Is it normal for this to still be on my mind? It just really really bothers me to think that might be the case! I cant seem to get over it!

 

She never told me such a thing and never denied me sex in the past but for some reason I just feel like that may have been the issue.. There is no proof that is the case and I will never know cause she isnt a piece of garbage to be mean enough to say it even if it was.

 

So I just want to know from the men out there who have gone threw this, How did you get threw it?

 

Oh and one more thing...Have any of you men out there, who had a great sex life with your ex (which left you) ever NOT come back?

[trippi1432]

Congrats on the license...and well, I'm not a man, but my two cents worth is that it was never about sex or stamina...it was about the lack of emotional intimacy that the chaos of the drinking brought to the relationship.

 

She's gone Hurts....do her a favor and let her go if you ever loved at all. She may not have ever stopped loving you, but she did stop being a caretaker for you. It's time for you to learn to do that for yourself....and if you did the steps, you should know that.

 

Your concentration should be focused on being a good dad, being the best you can be to yourself...from the heart up...not the waist down.