getting over myself

[hurts_so_bad]

Hi hurts!

 

I have read your posts since you stumbled on this site, just like I did!

 

About the straight answer to your question about happiness. Think of it like this: The day you wake up not hating the mornings then you know you are there. It doesnt take some miracle cure or a magic wand. It just takes ????

 

 

No woman can fix you! Know that! You have alot of positive thoughts about yourself. Now you have to believe in them. You are the guy you decide to be. But keep away from women for now. For me its been a year and I really dont see a point in getting envolved with a woman.

 

Please remember that your not stuck, even though it feels like it. The slower you get there the faster the happiness.

 

Thanks Peter

 

I have been for months and months trying to change everything! Even the way I think in hopes the pain would go away...I have seen for a while now that I do not have to change myself that I am fine the way I am...Im Just in pain and rightfully so! I didnt think I was supposed to feel the pain. Like I said in a previous thread I thought if I was more secure etc etc... that the pain would be gone which simply isnt true.

 

I realize now that being secure with yourself is excepting what you feel without questioning it or thinking otherwise....Thinking the other way just caused more confusion for me! I am however working on myself to be a better man physically and to overcome some issues I have with myself..The rest is a bunch or garbage mind chatter!

 

Thanks for your reply cause I was a bit confused...I though in this state I was still supposed to be happy! lol!!!! Its not happening no matter what...As you pointed out, its time...There is no magic pill! wish there was! lol...

[hurts_so_bad]

Have you done all your steps... Including sponsoring others?

 

I am still doing my steps...I am doing them over again...At this point I am not ready to sponsor anyone...I have to much on my own plate...I have been setting up the coffee and stuff for the meetings but thats it for now.

[hurts_so_bad]

Hi hurts!

 

I have read your posts since you stumbled on this site, just like I did!

 

About the straight answer to your question about happiness. Think of it like this: The day you wake up not hating the mornings then you know you are there. It doesnt take some miracle cure or a magic wand. It just takes ????

 

 

No woman can fix you! Know that! You have alot of positive thoughts about yourself. Now you have to believe in them. You are the guy you decide to be. But keep away from women for now. For me its been a year and I really dont see a point in getting envolved with a woman.

 

Please remember that your not stuck, even though it feels like it. The slower you get there the faster the happiness.

 

Its also very aggetating to me to know she has someone to love and I am sitting here with my d@@k in my hand...Its really not fair! I hope one day I can see some sort of retrobution I really do! I screwed up alot in my marriage I realize that but she could have went about things differently instead of jumping to another man and making me feel like less of one! I dont think women really realize how much this sort of thing affects a man!

[aMguilts]

Thanks Peter

 

I have been for months and months trying to change everything! Even the way I think in hopes the pain would go away...I have seen for a while now that I do not have to change myself that I am fine the way I am...Im Just in pain and rightfully so! I didnt think I was supposed to feel the pain. Like I said in a previous thread I thought if I was more secure etc etc... that the pain would be gone which simply isnt true.

 

I realize now that being secure with yourself is excepting what you feel without questioning it or thinking otherwise....Thinking the other way just caused more confusion for me! I am however working on myself to be a better man physically and to overcome some issues I have with myself..The rest is a bunch or garbage mind chatter!

 

Thanks for your reply cause I was a bit confused...I though in this state I was still supposed to be happy! lol!!!! Its not happening no matter what...As you pointed out, its time...There is no magic pill! wish there was! lol...

 

hey hurts_so_bad

 

physically , if thats you in the pic, then you look great!!

 

Mentally, well thats what it all boils down to. You are working on youself, you are keeping busy, you are working on improoving your body and you are keeping active.

Thats really good!

Keep it up!!!

 

Stopping doing those things will have such a negative disposition on your mental state.

hurts_so_bad... you`re doing ok, you are moving on, i know you are still `hurting` , but you are going in the right direction.

 

You made me smile, by how far you have come

 

Keep it up, hold your head up high and be proud of who you are

 

aM

[aMguilts]

Thanks Peter

 

I have been for months and months trying to change everything! Even the way I think in hopes the pain would go away...I have seen for a while now that I do not have to change myself that I am fine the way I am...Im Just in pain and rightfully so! I didnt think I was supposed to feel the pain. Like I said in a previous thread I thought if I was more secure etc etc... that the pain would be gone which simply isnt true.

 

I realize now that being secure with yourself is excepting what you feel without questioning it or thinking otherwise....Thinking the other way just caused more confusion for me! I am however working on myself to be a better man physically and to overcome some issues I have with myself..The rest is a bunch or garbage mind chatter!

 

Thanks for your reply cause I was a bit confused...I though in this state I was still supposed to be happy! lol!!!! Its not happening no matter what...As you pointed out, its time...There is no magic pill! wish there was! lol...

 

I am still doing my steps...I am doing them over again...At this point I am not ready to sponsor anyone...I have to much on my own plate...I have been setting up the coffee and stuff for the meetings but thats it for now.

 

hurts

 

GOOD FOR YOU!!

 

aM

[aMguilts]

Have you done all your steps... Including sponsoring others?

 

2sunny with respect, thats all you ever seem to say to him.!

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

hey hurts_so_bad

 

physically , if thats you in the pic, then you look great!!

 

Mentally, well thats what it all boils down to. You are working on youself, you are keeping busy, you are working on improoving your body and you are keeping active.

Thats really good!

Keep it up!!!

 

Stopping doing those things will have such a negative disposition on your mental state.

hurts_so_bad... you`re doing ok, you are moving on, i know you are still `hurting` , but you are going in the right direction.

 

You made me smile, by how far you have come

 

Keep it up, hold your head up high and be proud of who you are

 

aM

Yes that is me in the pic. Thanks for the complement! Ive Lost 30 pounds and Im working out 4 days a week with yoga on Wed.. Still cant land a chick ! lmao! I know it shouldnt be a rush but it would be nice! lol

[aMguilts]

Yes that is me in the pic. Thanks for the complement! Ive Lost 30 pounds and Im working out 4 days a week with yoga on Wed.. Still cant land a chick ! lmao! I know it shouldnt be a rush but it would be nice! lol

 

yw

 

I said before, you AINT ready to `land` a chick

Your doing ok physically, but mentally?

 

Keep doing what your doing

I read into some of what you said before, about the `here and now`, it makes a lot of sense.

Live for the moment, not in the past, not the future,

The past has gone, the future is yet to happen. It`s good:)

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

yw

 

I said before, you AINT ready to `land` a chick

Your doing ok physically, but mentally?

 

Keep doing what your doing

I read into some of what you said before, about the `here and now`, it makes a lot of sense.

Live for the moment, not in the past, not the future,

The past has gone, the future is yet to happen. It`s good:)

 

aM

 

Yoga teaches you alot of that...Ever been on vacation and worrying about things you have to do when you get home? I have...Thats what they mean by living for the moment or here and now....Its a great concept but not so easy to do! lol....Letting go of the past and future would probably be the most beneficial thing for me in my life right now. Im trying and succeeding little by little but it does take time to change your thought pattern, especially in a crisis situation.

 

Wish I would have read these books years ago! I really dont know your story...Have you been out of your relationship for a while?

[aMguilts]

Yoga teaches you alot of that...Ever been on vacation and worrying about things you have to do when you get home? I have...Thats what they mean by living for the moment or here and now....Its a great concept but not so easy to do! lol....Letting go of the past and future would probably be the most beneficial thing for me in my life right now. Im trying and succeeding little by little but it does take time to change your thought pattern, especially in a crisis situation.

 

Wish I would have read these books years ago! I really dont know your story...Have you been out of your relationship for a while?

 

hurts_so_bad

 

I`m sorry, but no one on here will hear my story , ever. It is way far too complicated and even just typing this ,it hurts me

 

But i`ll live

As for you?

You are doing ok.

One thing i will say to you thou is

STOP putting yourself down all the time!

 

Get it in your head, Whatever happened?

Happened.

It happened. ergo, it`s done. Past tense.

 

You are doing really well

aM

[Gunny376]

Hey guys......been seperared from my wife of 17 years for around 4 months now and althought the pain is subsiding I can't seem to shake these feelings of insecurity especially in the sexual department....as soon as we seperared I found she was seeing another man and she hasnt looked back. Can't help to ask what this guy has that I don't and question my abilities.....I know men have big egos so is this a normal thing for a guy to go threw after a situation like this? Yes or no, what's the best way to get over myself with this? It's especially killing me that I haven't.really been on.any dates so I can't boost my ego that way. It's not that I haven't tried Just no luck.yet

 

Of course its natural to ask the question ~ "What's he got that I haven't got?" Men especially ask themselves this question and really tend to beat themselves up and put themselves through the mill over it.

 

To say that its a blow to the ego is and would be an understatement. But its really a moot question ~ because its been my own personal experience, and my observation of others that when women leave a man for another man ~ OR to position themseleves to do so? They almost always tend to "trade down" in terms of the man that they're leaving. And if they don't? Its because they azz raped the man to the point that they no longer are committed to meeting the lower part of the Maslow Needs Pyramid, Google Image Result for http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c3/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.png

 

Then it again? It just could be that they truly just want to be single? Or they've decided that they want to play the field ~ or that they're really not cut out for marriage or a committed relationship?

 

It could be that they just want to get out there and see if there's anyone out there better than you? It could be that along with PMS they've come down with a really bad case of T~PMS! (Tired of Putting Up With Men's S***!" in particular yours!)

 

It could be that she's grown in different directions than you have? Or that you yourself have grown in different directions than she has? It could that she's matured in a different way than you or even vice versa?

 

She might have just become aware of needs that she didn't know that she had?

 

Who really knows ~ and more to the point? Who really cares? Either way you slice it or dice it? She's no longer willing to be a part of the solution to your problems, nor part of the answers to the questions. She's no longer part of the equation ~ indeed she's factored herself out of the equation for what ever reason.

 

All things considered? Your better off ~ perhaps not in the immediate short term? But most definately in the mid to long term! Better that you found out here and now ~ than after having made an investement of time, effort, energy and money ~ not to mention ~ the mental, emotional and psychological investment of say twenty, twenty-five, or thirty years or more?

 

What I don't get is where in tha' Hell did you get it into your head that she's the one and only ~ and the only one that there will ever be. You had women before her, and you'll have women after her. There's no shortage of women in the world. IN fact the world is covered up with them. There's ONLY about another 3.5 to 4 BILLION others to choose from? I mean seriously? WTF?

 

So many women! So little time! So many in fact I wouldn't be in any serious rush to go out and find another one. People come and people go, but there's no one monkey that makes a show!

 

Fact of the matter is? Your probally going to go through at least one if not another four or five breakups of long term relationshps in your lifetime. That my friend is more the norm than not these days and times.

 

Now is the time to break ties with the traditional norm ~ they're no longer applicable and people are making themselves miserable and ruining their lives trying to live up to the "traditional" model of LTR.

 

The facts of the matter is? Approximately half or more of all first time marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second time marriages is somewhere around ten per cent higher, and about ten per cent higher for third time marriages.

 

Of the other half of first time marriages that stay together? They're not happy. Most stay together because of financial reasons, the economy, the children, religious beliefs, family societial pressures etc. Only about 13 % report being "Happily Married" (Source: "Crazy Time")

 

Men can typically explain to you in explicit detail their "Idea Car" but studder and blunder in describing their idea wife/mate. While just about any adolescent girl can explain to you their idea husband/mate (Albiet regardless of how un-realistic)

 

Now is the time for you to decide what it is your looking for in a woman/wife? And per the experience? What your not looking for.

 

I can help you out some, without even knowing you? Your looking for someone who your not only compatable with ~ but who compliments you. Someone you can communicate with, and who can and will communicate with you about their wants, needs, values, etc. Someone who is going to be part of the solution to the problems and questions of life ~ and not part of the problems and questions. Someone who wants you because they love you ~ not love you because they need you. Someone who would be prefectly fine without you in their life, and you them ~ but who together makes life all the sweeter ~ all the better. Someone that compliments you ~ not completes you ~ nor you they.

[2sunny]

2sunny with respect, thats all you ever seem to say to him.!

 

aM

 

Because this would help him turn the corner and stop thinking so much about himself - and his pity party.

[ataloss8270]

You have owned up to how you mistreated the union. She was tired and frustrated of living like that. So in todays world, something is going to break.

 

What does he have?

 

Probably nothing, other than being at the right place at the right time, with the right words, which she listened to. Sort of like the one millionth person to cross over a bridge.

 

 

I agree with this one. My wife is 7 years younger than me. Only 22. And we have a 3 1/2 year old and a 17 month old. Yes I was an abusive jerk and that's why we had our problems and I know that.

 

But this guy she left me for is her age and he is promising the world to her. He's told her he wants to help her with the kids, but he doesn't want to take my place, and he wants all of us to be good friends someday and all that. And he takes her out and buys her things and all sorts of crap because he still lives at home with hardly any bills. She sees him as golden right now. But she will find out soon enough that life isn't a movie. And start to see all the things I have done for her. But unfortunately she doesn't see threw his BS like i do because he's has the right words at the right time and can do things for her, that we couldn't afford to do when we were together. With 2 kids and I was the only one that worked up till the last 7 months. Its only a matter of time before she sees threw all the BS and see that he's full of it. I have a hard time believing that a 22 years old guy that has no responsibility understands the depths of what it really mean to take care of a family. There is probably a 99% chance that this relationship of there's will fail over time. Especially sense now when she has to maintain her own household, has no extra cash and has to stay home with the kids on her weekends now. Wake up extrmly earlier to come and pick the kids up in the morning, because she works nights until 1am or 2am most of the time and I have to be at work at 8, she can no longer sleep till I leave. Hee hee hee. Only time will tell what will happen between the two of us. Especially sense she will have hardly any time with our little one because she takes 3 hour naps and she will only see her a few hours on 3 of her days. She may become aware of what she is doing to our kids and herself but she may not. She's under his spell right now. But they may work out who knows. But I am not going to let it shatter my ego because he's was just at the right place at the right time.

 

Personally I am affraid that she is getting into a manipulative relationship. Because he does seem to just have to perfect of words for her to hear and she is dumb enough to believe them. And all abusers and manipulators seem to be so perfect when they first get into a relationship with someone. I would know I am one on my way to recovery.

[hurts_so_bad]

well had another kick in the nuts yesterday! I got a refusal for my drivers license and its just killing me! I am going to send out a appeal with a nice long letter but doubt that will do any good being they seem pretty strong on their decision...I quit smoking new years day and just started again after this news! Was hoping 2013 would be a good year...Seems to suck already!

 

Just getting me f@@king nuts knowing she has all this freedom to bang around with this d@@k she is with and Im stuck! Sorry guys but need to vent!

 

This is totally ridiculous! Its almost 5 years since the DWI...HOw much can I go threw without completely giving the f@@k up! Its just not fair at all what Ive had to go threw the past 11 months and to still be held back from moving in a forward direction.

 

Please dont tell me I dont need a license..Its very easy to say so when you have one. When you dont it makes a big difference! Im at the point of moving on from my ex but its so damn aggitating to be held back. You guys say Im not ready for a relationship...Maybe so but there is no hard in having some fun dating and without a license major major issue..

 

Like I said, Just venting!

[Steadfast]

Send out the appeal. Consider getting some free legal advice. I do understand it's hard, but someday you'll look back on this and see that everything happens for a reason. Yes...even the bad things. The key is to keep pulling up, even when your feet are slipping out from under you.

 

Isn't using this forum to vent with friends is why it exists?

 

"For everything there is a season". Any life (even one filled with pleasures) based on betrayal and dishonesty is a shallow, short-lived existence. Let your ex gain from life what she's earned. We all live with our choices. You are building a life...from the ground up. Someday, maybe very soon, you'll have advice worth hearing. Remember; everything happens for a reason.

 

Hang in. Hang on-

[aMguilts]

well had another kick in the nuts yesterday! I got a refusal for my drivers license and its just killing me! I am going to send out a appeal with a nice long letter but doubt that will do any good being they seem pretty strong on their decision...I quit smoking new years day and just started again after this news! Was hoping 2013 would be a good year...Seems to suck already!

 

Just getting me f@@king nuts knowing she has all this freedom to bang around with this d@@k she is with and Im stuck! Sorry guys but need to vent!

 

This is totally ridiculous! Its almost 5 years since the DWI...HOw much can I go threw without completely giving the f@@k up! Its just not fair at all what Ive had to go threw the past 11 months and to still be held back from moving in a forward direction.

 

Please dont tell me I dont need a license..Its very easy to say so when you have one. When you dont it makes a big difference! Im at the point of moving on from my ex but its so damn aggitating to be held back. You guys say Im not ready for a relationship...Maybe so but there is no hard in having some fun dating and without a license major major issue..

 

Like I said, Just venting!

 

Hurts

 

ah that sucks.

Cant you take a refresher course? Maybe show that you are so willing to do whatever it takes?

Your right , 5 years is long enough.

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

thanks guys! Im trying! I quit smoking again today being my nerves are a bit better...I did send the appeal and will wait and see what happens...I do not know if there is any sort of refresher course etc but I will find out!

 

Everything happens for a reason? I certainly hope so cause when my train comes in it better be loaded with good things! Look I know the mistakes and stupid s@@t I did in the past led me to where I am now...I do regret them but I cannot change them! I did what I did with bad habits but I was never a bad person...I do deserve another chance and just want to move on.

 

Its rough when that ability is controlled by everyone else!

[aMguilts]

thanks guys! Im trying! I quit smoking again today being my nerves are a bit better...I did send the appeal and will wait and see what happens...I do not know if there is any sort of refresher course etc but I will find out!

 

Everything happens for a reason? I certainly hope so cause when my train comes in it better be loaded with good things! Look I know the mistakes and stupid s@@t I did in the past led me to where I am now...I do regret them but I cannot change them! I did what I did with bad habits but I was never a bad person...I do deserve another chance and just want to move on.

 

Its rough when that ability is controlled by everyone else!

 

hurts?

 

by whom are you refering to?

stop living in the past!!

You cant change it no more than i can for you.

 

 

stop blaming yourself for EVERYTHING FFS !!

 

Its done, gone, the past, HISTORY,

Get a grip on reality, start living.

 

You got it in you. i know you have.

come on!!

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

hurts?

 

by whom are you refering to?

stop living in the past!!

You cant change it no more than i can for you.

 

 

stop blaming yourself for EVERYTHING FFS !!

 

Its done, gone, the past, HISTORY,

Get a grip on reality, start living.

 

You got it in you. i know you have.

come on!!

 

aM

actually Im not living in the past. Im just stating that I realize Ive made mistakes. Im not dwelling on them.or beating myself up over something I cant change now. Its just that Im still being beat up by the dmv which is a huge ptoblem for me. After 5 years come on! Again just venting!

[aMguilts]

actually Im not living in the past. Im just stating that I realize Ive made mistakes. Im not dwelling on them.or beating myself up over something I cant change now. Its just that Im still being beat up by the dmv which is a huge ptoblem for me. After 5 years come on! Again just venting!

 

hey hurts

 

See?? You have come a long way:)

 

Again, can`t you offer to take a refresher course in driving to speed up getting your licence back?

You know if you`d done your steps by now you`d have it back already? (j/k)

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

hey hurts

 

See?? You have come a long way:)

 

Again, can`t you offer to take a refresher course in driving to speed up getting your licence back?

You know if you`d done your steps by now you`d have it back already? (j/k)

 

aM

I dont know if there is such a thing...I am going to wait and see what the appeal brings then look further into it if need be...This is a major major issue for me! Once its cleared up (IF ever) I will be a new man with freedom and that in itself is going to have its rewards ten fold!

[2sunny]

How many DUI's did you get and did they say exactly why they won't reinstate the license for you?

 

Have you checked your record? Is there anything you overlooked that you could be taking care of to get this cleared up?

[hurts_so_bad]

Hey sunny...they sent me a rundown of my record....since 1987 i have 14 infractions 3 of which were dwi's.....the rest were minor BS things like seatbelt etc and a few speeding one of which was a 60 in a 50 BS ticket.....I have to look into it further ...fighting this is new to me so I have to look further into it....If u guys have any ideas please inform me

[hurts_so_bad]

Hey guys/gals.....things have been going better for a short whilr till the past few days....been beating myself up still and it sucks! Its almost a year now. When will I start to not feel yhese feelings of inadequacy? I know many men say this is normal for a man to feel when his wife leaves him for another man but I still get these feelings really strong. Its killing me to see beautiful women and thunk deep down that I am not good enough or afequate enough to give her what she would want out of a man....how much linger will I have to go yhrew these horriblr feelings abouy myself?

[aMguilts]

Hey guys/gals.....things have been going better for a short whilr till the past few days....been beating myself up still and it sucks! Its almost a year now. When will I start to not feel yhese feelings of inadequacy? I know many men say this is normal for a man to feel when his wife leaves him for another man but I still get these feelings really strong. Its killing me to see beautiful women and thunk deep down that I am not good enough or afequate enough to give her what she would want out of a man....how much linger will I have to go yhrew these horriblr feelings abouy myself?

 

for as long as you let them

 

I`m going to get banned again from this site, for being myself.

sometime soon

we as men aren`t allowed to express our feeling without remourse/

hurts listen.

You have done nothing wrong ok?

 

 

i won`t say anymore cos the cyber police are lstening and i cant say nothing lately without someone or other questioning what i say or do and making it out like i`m a see you next tuesday.

 

aM