iMissHerNow Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Well..im new here..im just desperate, and dont know what to do.. Well, let me introduce myself, 22yo, fresh university graduate, jobless.. My 'ex', 23yo, fresh university graduate and working already. We have been together for more than 3 years, classmates, lovers, madly in love, but things have changed lately, last week or so, she had to stay for the night at work (she works in a hotel btw) for a huge event and well, she confessed cheating on me some 3 days back.. Well, she didnt 'sleep' with her colleague, they didnt ****, but made out, ie, kissing, gropping, hugging..I hurts damn much facing it..but i simply cant let go. She doesnt want to go out with me anymore coz she's saying she doesnt think she loves me as when it all happened, she didnt think of me, she had just let it happen.. Today im broken, i wake up at night in tears, i spend hours staring at the ceiling, i smoke a lot, i miss her a lot.. What perhaps makes me feel so much bad is that ever since we have been out together, everyone has seen us a the best couple around, and people saw her as the model GF, always trustworthy, loyal, etc.. When we met, we had both just come out of an infidelity crisis with our respective ex's and had both been cheated.. We we're best friends for sometime and then stepped forward as a couple as we were both very jealous when any1 else would approach each other.. When she confessed me, it was after 2 days of not talking to me, she was puzzled, hurt and not knowing how or why it happened.. I cried, felt bad, even begged for her to tell me it was just a joke..but it wasn't. She wanted me to leave coz she said she doesnt deserve me. But i couldn't bear seeing her in pain and told her i'll move on once i get her back on track.. Now we are friends, and im planning on going away in some 2 weeks time just to try situate myself. No matter how hard it is, we talked thoroughly about it, and somehow, i know that since university is over, the 'spark' has disappeared, it was more of a routine relationship. I'm still puzzled on to what i should do next, i mean, after going away, should i come back? Will it bring back the spark? Is there some kinda future left for us? I know i love her..and i still do.. Her parents adore me, and mine love her as well.. I have told my friends its over between us as the spark has disappeared and made her promise never to tell any1 about the real reason..she is a nice person, i dont want people to think bad of her.. And also, i'll come clean, i have never cheated on her, but in the past, at certain moments, i have been tempted..and sometimes not discouraged the instigator..but when i was about to do anything silly, i always backed off bcoz i knew i loved 'her'. What should i do? I there hope i can conquer her back someday? I dont know what to do..
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Well, she didnt 'sleep' with her colleague, they didnt ****, but made out, ie, kissing, gropping, hugging.. Yeah right. She doesnt want to go out with me anymore coz she's saying she doesnt think she loves i know that since university is over, the 'spark' has disappeared, it was more of a routine relationship. What should i do? I there hope i can conquer her back someday? I dont know what to do.. Leave her alone, go NC. Find someone better. It is so obviously over with her, the only thing left to do is accept it.
Limbo21 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 ^ ouch!! But true. I'm sorry dude, we all here feel your pain. I don't want to write in flowery terms when it's 5 words that you need to hear. It's over No contact Heal
Exit Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 You owe it to yourself to go NC. You may think you still love her but you really need some time to process all that has happened. Judging by your post, you're cutting her way too much slack and still finding reasons to love this girl. Take your time away, enjoy yourself, and realize that you deserve better than this. Don't contact her.
Reddice Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Dude... If I understand it correctly, she doesn't even regret it ever happening. The phrase "she didnt think of me, she had just let it happen" says enough. She wants out of the relationship, but is too weak to end it. Now she's just sabotaging it, in the hope you break it up permanently. And this my friend, is exactly what you have to do. Also, don't protect her! If someone asks, tell them the truth! She cheated on you and everyone should know this. She should feel so ashamed of her actions, that she will never do it again to anyone else.
RickFox Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Just as the person a few comments up said, BS, she did F him. I know you loved her but she betrayed you, she had no regards for how you felt and when on and did her thing. It's okay to grieve, but please don't hold onto winning her back. Let her go, you both are young and it's obvious she has a lot of growing up to do.....ALOT. Let her live her life, without you, yes it will be hard, you will feel lost for a while, let yourself grieve but give her no more time than you already have. Maybe someday you two will make it, but I bet you find someone better ...if you let yourself... Now, take her down off that pedestal, go NC, don't even entertain any idea of meeting with her, even if she comes rushing back, but then again, you will learn, one way or the other, you will learn. Right now, your time should be for you.....let her go....
geegirl Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 It's over. You need to let go. There's a bigger picture. I understand you love her but not at the cost of infidelity and disrespect. Even if she came back to you, you would always be looking over your shoulder. There will always be trust issues. And it does not seem that she has the emotional maturity to give you a faithful relationship. When your feelings has subsided and you look back, you will be repulsed for even wanting to love and be with a cheater. I'm sure you believe you deserve so much better than someone that screws around without even having a slight bit of care for you and your feelings.
Gridlock23 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Let me start off by telling you how similar mine and your situations are. I dated a girl long-term, and I loved her an INCREDIBLE amount. Her previous boyfriend had cheated on her, and we used to talk about people who cheat as the most scummy people on the planet. We talked about cheating as if it was the ULTIMATE sin. One day she started talking to her ex, and I found out about her going behind my back with him. She dropped me like a bad habit. Replaced me within a week with him, and could not even care less about me anymore (to my knowledge). For weeks I grieved... I still feel lost, and I still miss her. I went NC (not like it matters because she wasn't trying to talk to me anyway -_-), and I feel better for not having talked to her for a while. It helps heal the wounds when you aren't constantly reliving your entire relationship, and reliving the hurt that comes with the end of the relationship. As people have told me, take time to yourself, time to heal. Keep your mind open and live your life day by day, rather than living in the past thinking about how good or bad your relationship was, or in the future thinking about if you will ever be together again. Living your life any differently than just day by day will only cause more pain. Another technique I've been using it to give yourself time to grieve over it. The pain is enormous and at times it can get pretty overwhelming, EVEN IF you feel as though you making progress. Take a couple minutes of each day to just cry it out, be thankful for the time you had together, and keep living. Her leaving didn't kill you, it just hurts alot. PS: If you need someone to talk to, just PM me, or keep posting on the forums... We're all here for you man Edited June 11, 2012 by Gridlock23
nofool4u Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 What should i do? I there hope i can conquer her back someday? I dont know what to do.. Why would you want to conquer back someone who doesn't have it in her to be faithful? Why do you want a cheater. I know it hurts, I've been there. And I thought JUST like you did. I was desperate and wanted her back. I was young and dumb. But now that I can think with my big head instead of my little one, I can tell you that you dodged a bullet. You are young. There are plenty of fish in the sea, better tasting too;) Go out and have fun! Date around. Then after being in the company of different women and playing the field, you'll be having fun and thinking "why in the hell did I stress out over wanting her back".
Chi townD Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yeah, not buying that it was only kissing and groping. You don't throw away a 3 year relationship over that. Chances are this was an exit affair for her. She was looking for an excuse to end it with you and she gave herself one by cheating on you. You need to do a strong NC. She decided she wants you out of her life, then you give her exactly that. She get 100% of you or nothing else.
Author iMissHerNow Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Its like.. Well, its painful, but hey, I still got plenty of time to live Anyways.. I thank you all.. I'll make it, somehow, I'll make it! Thx again
nofool4u Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Its like.. Well, its painful, but hey, I still got plenty of time to live Anyways.. I thank you all.. I'll make it, somehow, I'll make it! Thx again Yes you will. Date around, don't make any commitments yet. Then after you see what life has to offer, you'll wish you would have not wasted any time or tears on her.
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