Starting Over Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 I seem to live under this misconception that all the answers to life's many problems can be found on the internet. Tough carpet stain? How often to get your oil changed? What to do when the guy that talked about marrying you suddenly vanishes? The third question, of course, is why I'm writing here. Why not... My bf and I had only been dating for six months. We met some time ago, but didn't end up dating because I was dating someone else. Two years later through a series of emails we reconnected. We both thought the other person wasn't interested, so it was a bit slow-going. Finally, at my 30th birthday party he asked me out, with a little help from my friends:) We immediately hit it off. In the next few months we spent more and more time together. Maybe a little too much, because everything did happen quickly. He had never been in a relationship for more than 2 months-- he ended all the other ones suddenly. So I was thrilled to get past the 2 month mark. I had no idea the six month mark would be such a hurdle. But it was.... Somewhere around month 3 we visited each other's family, they thought maybe we were coming home to make an "announcement"-- as neither of our family and friends had seen us in such a contented relationship. The regular question at parties we attended was "can I come to the wedding? when is it?". Early on, this didn't phase my bf, he was simply amazed to have found a relationship that seemed so right. I know, I know...this was all still during the six months of the infatuation stage, right? But all the evidence and corraboration of friends and family really made me think this was real. I even announced to a co-worker that we'd surely be engaged by Christmas 2004. Well, he got a new job about 4 months into the relationship. It took him out of town for training. Suddenly we had a lot of time apart. Time that didn't bother him nearly as much as it bothered me. After he came home for his first break he said he had been obsessing about whether we should get married, or rather, whether he was marriage material. He even approached strangers in the bar to ask them about their nuptuals. He said he came to the conclusion that although I was "the one", he wasn't sure he was marriage material. (That made me "the one what?" I asked myself). I was devestated, but I trudged on through, not giving up hope. The next weekend he bought me diamond earrings. I patted myself on the back for being so patient, thinking that surely this was a sign of things to come (i.e. a diamond of a different sort). After he got back from Chicago he was quite less than enthused to see me. He did make us a wonderful dinner, we had a great night just talking. The next night we went to a party. And the following morning I called him and made the horrible mistake of asking if our relationship was okay...because something just felt wrong. What it felt like was that I was carrying the whole damn relationship. He said he thought he was probably happier single. Not sure if he wanted to get married. And was quite overwhelmed by his new job. I figured this was just a line. He emailed me an email that I will summarize by saying that he hoped this was just a "break" rather than a "break-up". Now I'm just confused because he won't return a phone call. His couple emails were very plain. At first everyone said I'm sure this is just a break, you guys will get back together. Now a month has passed and they are telling me to forget him. Saturday night I made a drunken, "I love you and I miss you" phone call to his voicemail, of course because he won't answer for me. Of course, it was a mistake. But still, I expected some sort of response.....nothing. So I've decided not to make a fool of myself any longer....I'm moving on and starting over. He might come back around in a few months, but I guess I won't be here. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated, as I am still quite confused. Thanks for listening.
lydiamarie Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 it sounds like you're doing everything right. don't worry too much about the drunken phone call, lots of people do that-it's unlikely that it will change his opinion of you (but try not to do it again, as repeated drunken phonings might). keep busy and move on. it sounds like your friends and family are giving you good advice, listen to them if anything changes.
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