Glencairn Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 Hi guys and Girls, I know this message seems long, but I'd really appreciate it if you could read it and help me make some sense of everything, I just dont understand anymore. I have fancied this girl since about last October (but she was going out with a guy, so obviously I said nothing). Over the Christmas period, she split up with him (after approx 2 yrs). Since then things have slowly taken off for us - become really good friends both normally and romantically. Every step of the way things were talked about and each step in the "relationship" was discussed. However the one big sticking point - she keeps saying she doesn't want a boyfriend. Now, at first when I heard this, I immediately thought there was another bloke, however she has told me that since we started seeing each other there has been nobody else, and the only person she thinks about in that way is me. I also asked her, and she said she would never get back with the ex. Now, here comes another strange bit: I practically spent the weeked before last with her, no problems, really great in fact, nothing about the relationship was said, becuase it just felt so good. Speaking to her duing the week, and again, seemed great, nothing to worry about, looking forward to seeing each other at the weekend. Saturday comes, its a bit of a party with quite a few there, and I get totally blanked, almost as if I wasnt there. When I questioned her about this, she said it was making a statement she didnt want to make?? (what the hell does this mean??) most of the people there knew whats been going on. So basically she is like the ideal person when we are on our own and with my friends, but when with her friends i'm nobody, Obviously I saw a red mist, and was extremely annoyed!!! I spoke to her about this, for a time and from what I can figure out she has alot of feelings for me, doesnt want to stop what we are doing, but doesnt want to hurt me. Apparently by blanking me the other night made her think, that without everying knowing, it'd be like we weren't a couple. I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet here, but I really think she knows she has deep feelings for me, but is scared to admit it to herself - could this be true? she says she still thinks and cares for her ex though (which slightly worries me). So it's been left that we will slow things down and see what happens. Do you think i'm right in doing this?? Half of me is tempted to run a mile, but the other half wants to stick there and see what happens, as I know, if she could only admit it to herself, that it could be great between us. Please please help me!!!
HoldOn Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 and I get totally blanked, almost as if I wasnt there. What does that mean?
Author Glencairn Posted June 29, 2004 Author Posted June 29, 2004 sorry, i meant more or less ignored. Also didnt mention that she has gotten incredibly jealous on occasions when other women have been talking to me (nothing going on with them, the only girl I want is her!) Thanks! G.C.
HoldOn Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 OK, so you are trying to date a girl who doesn't want a boyfriend. And you went to a party last weekend and she ignored you, which made you mad. Have I got this right? I'm sure that this girl likes you, but the question is -- Should you spend all your time trying to woo this girl, who is obviously not ready to have a relationship? People like to say that love conquers all, but sometimes the timing is just not right. I think you should search for someone else to love who isn't so very confused. It just seems like she is not ready for a real relationship, so maybe you should save yourself the heartache.
Author Glencairn Posted June 29, 2004 Author Posted June 29, 2004 I see what you are saying, but we have been together every weekend since january, she obviously feels something by the things she has said. Should I throw it all away, or give it a chance? The party was organised by her, and she asked me to go, and also help with the organising. On other occasions (reasonably frequently) she has asked me to stay with her. Could it be she;s just scared to admit it to herself?
Varacha Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 Originally posted by Glencairn The party was organized by her, and she asked me to go, and also help with the organizing. On other occasions (reasonably frequently) she has asked me to stay with her. Could it be she's just scared to admit it to herself? What it looks like to me is you were a glorified friend with benefits, and as for the admitting she has feelings for you it almost sounds like your trying to convince yourself she does. I'm sure if she was in the same place as you she'd tell you. As for the ignoring you at the party that was sort of a hint perhaps you are starting to act to much like her boyfriend when you two aren't dating per say. Or maybe take it as a hint, allot of people start to ignore or something along those lines when interest is leaving.
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