skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 hey guys, I posted here a couple months back about my bf who left me at a bar, well to make a long story short we decided to work things out after speaking about the situation for days on end. Fast forward 3 months and our relationship seemed to take off for the most part. He met my parents, I met his.. we were talking about marriage we had our fights and arguments but for the most part the relationship was progressing. However, for the past several weeks, my bf and I have been constantly arguing over some guy at school who has a crush on me. Maybe it was my mistake to let him know about the other guy but I was only trying to be honest and let him know. My bf got supremely upset over how some bastard can like a girl knowing she has a bf. I told my bf that I wouldn't continue talking to him but because he is in my group project I'd talk to him minimally. I also explained how I can't control how other people feel about me just my own actions and that he needs to trust me. My bf's stance is that the guy is probably interested in me because I've been giving him the vibe I'm interested, which isn't true at all. Well on one particular night this argument escalated and we both hung up angrily. I tried to talk to him later on in the day but he completely ignored me. The next day I called him up and told him that Id like him to talk things over with me instead of ignoring me and that if he wanted time to cool off then he should let me know instead of leaving me hanging. We ended up arguing again, and I blurted it, FINE, lets just explore other options then, we'll break up. Since then, I regretted saying those words and tried to call him and text him to call me back and we need to talk about what happened but he now completely ignores me. He even missed my birthday (without even saying happy birthday) and he missed my graduation (which happened to be 2 days after my bday). Is it really over? No matter how angry you get, how could he be so selfish and miss some of my most significant events? Was i really in the wrong here or is he overreacting? I just need a third party perspective. Thanks guys. BTW, its been a week and a half since we last spoke.. I'm going crazy thinking about it.. this whole in between phase. Is it over, do i need to move on? He's never ignored me before. Id love to talk to him about it but if he doesn't respond, then there's really nothing more I can do.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 i keep staring at my phone wondering when he's going to call.. im not sure if i should be angry that he missed my birthday and graduation over something i consider so trivial or sad that he doesn't give me the opportunity to apologize.. i just keep staring at my phone.. how do i stop this madness?
Author skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 how do you tell someone you want to marry them, introduce them to your parents and totally drop you off the face of this earth?? How? Did he not even love me? Were his words all fake? What is going on here?!
coltsfan1 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 You may just need to give him time. He might be done, but he might not be. Give him space and see if he contacts you and if he does and you still want to be with him then swallow your pride and tell him sorry face to face.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Thank you for the response. I'm just venting I suppose, it is somewhat cathartic to write all my feelings down in a forum, regardless of who reads it. I keep asking myself, how much time is enough? does the pain get better? Some days I feel like I'll be OK, other times im going insane looking at my phone literally biting my nails to prevent myself fro mcalling him.. i just want to talk to him. Get a clear answer, a closure. Is that asking for too much? When does the pain go away? I tell myself, if only i didnt.... if only i hadn't... then I wouldn't be in this mess.
Philosoraptor Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 This is his issue, not yours. He doesn't seem to trust very well nor does he show a ton of respect to you if he is going to attack you for not only being honest, but doing what you can to avoid giving off an "interested" vibe. In the long run you'll be better off without this person. 1
geegirl Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 how do you tell someone you want to marry them, introduce them to your parents and totally drop you off the face of this earth?? How? Did he not even love me? Were his words all fake? What is going on here?! It happens. There are never any guarantees. I met my ex's father and brother, he made declarations of marriage and growing old together, and even bought a home close to me so that we could move in together, blah, blah. But he was cheating on me. It's words. They're easy to utter based on their emotions when they're in that moment but in time, it can always change. It changed.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 i cant seem to get a grip on reality.. i can't function normally. Its so hard to wake up in the morning and as much pain I am in now, I think a part of me doesn't want to let go. But i want to let go, I want to move on, but I just can't seem to drop all the future plans we made together. I hate myself for doing this but i texted him again telling him to please just answer me. why is he being like this. but again no reply. I'm so psycho I even call my own cell phone to make sure its working and it gets reception. How long did it take for you guys to feel better?
salparadise Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Wow, this must be so difficult for you. I think he's doing this because he know's it torturing you. He's angry, horribly insecure and he's projecting all of this onto you, blaming you for his feelings and reactions. In hindsight you probably shouldn't have informed him about the guy with the crush, but on the other hand, if he's that jealous and insecure it was bound to surface eventually. So what you now know is that you weren't on quite so solid ground in this relationship as you thought, and that he is extremely reactive in ways that make it impossible communicate, compromise and work things out. That doesn't bode well for the future even if he should reappear with hat in hand. You just have grieve the loss of the relationship you thought you had and be realistic with yourself about the blind spot in your radar. Console yourself by knowing that you didn't do anything to deserve this treatment and resolve to make healthy choices for yourself in the future. Then let it go. It's hard to say how long it will take to get over it. It will happen in degrees. In six months you should be feeling a lot better. In two years you should have it relegated to ancient history. Best of luck to you. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 i cant seem to get a grip on reality.. i can't function normally. Its so hard to wake up in the morning and as much pain I am in now, I think a part of me doesn't want to let go. But i want to let go, I want to move on, but I just can't seem to drop all the future plans we made together. I hate myself for doing this but i texted him again telling him to please just answer me. why is he being like this. but again no reply. I'm so psycho I even call my own cell phone to make sure its working and it gets reception. How long did it take for you guys to feel better? The more answers you ask for the less he will answer. Believe me when I say most of us know how this feels. Extreme pain every day but after a while it gets much better. You just have to let it go. Concentrate on yourself and it'll work itself out the way it needs to. If he contacts you be calm and ready for it no matter how hard it is. You need time away from this to regain your senses. It takes everyone different time to feel better. The first time I broke up with her I didn't feel better for a very long time. Now it was only a month. It depends on how much you've been through and how much respect you have for yourself. Be strong for yourself and nobody else.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thank you guys for your encouragement. I've been moping around becoming a psycho in my own house. My pride has officially been shattered. I couldn't take it anymore today just not hearing from him. I know everyone on this site has been saying move on especially since he's making it very loud and very clear that he wants nothing more to do with me by not answering my phone calls or replyin back to my text. I had the itch today and called him 3 times today and left him the longest vmail. I told him how could he do this, just last week we were so happy and if he wanted it to be over he could've told me, why couldn't he tell me its over??? How can someone be so hot and cold? If he wants over, why cant he just tell me, or text me its over. why is he putting me through so much pain. Will he miss me and regret leaving me in the future? I'm going crazy i'm so miserable (
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 if i loved someone even though we broke up, we'd still have those emotions. If my ex was constantly calling me, i wouldn't be able to ignore his calls or his texts. Id tell him its over im sorry please get over it. I wouldn't have the capacity to idly just watch my ex call ex text it'd totally break my heart that my ex would be so emotional over me. How can some people be so cruel and disappear without an explanation??? this is me venting. sorry, im just so overwhelmed with emotions, that venting here is the only thing making me feel better.
greenz Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Do not contact him anymore. Be strong. He is in the wrong here. The fact that he can't handle someone having a crush on you shows extreme insecurity on his part and a fundamental lack of understanding of human behavior. If you keep asking and begging him to come back, you're only giving him more power. He's literally waiting for you to kiss the ground he walks on. If you do that, you will only be supporting his bad habits. You will let him get away with all the bad things he's done to you and in fact you will be showing him that it is more important for you to have him in your life than it is for him to show you any respect. Think about it. If he comes back now, it will be completely on his terms and it should not be. You broke up with him and you did it for the right reasons. Think of all the men you will meet in your life, that you will work with or go to school with or whatever. If any of them even look in your direction or act nicely toward you, your bf will always throw it in your face. Do you want someone insecure and controlling like that in your life? Do not to contact him any more. The pain goes away when you chose to have it go away. Make yourself busy with as much as you can and I promise you, you will feel better and you will see the situation more clearly. Your ex needs to grow up and he needs to be on his own. If he comes back, it should be on your terms and he should be apologetic and asking you to take him back, not the other way around. Be strong. You can do it. Come on here to vent if you need to.
greenz Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 if i loved someone even though we broke up, we'd still have those emotions. If my ex was constantly calling me, i wouldn't be able to ignore his calls or his texts. Id tell him its over im sorry please get over it. I wouldn't have the capacity to idly just watch my ex call ex text it'd totally break my heart that my ex would be so emotional over me. How can some people be so cruel and disappear without an explanation??? Yet another reason why you really need to move on. I feel extremely bad for you.
greenz Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I just read the other post about him leaving you at the bar. He is a d**k. You broke up with him then and were then asking him to come back. You sound like such a sweet girl and you can't see him for the d**k that he is because you love him unconditionally. You're too nice for him. You made the mistake once of asking him to come back and look what happened. It hurts even more this time, doesn't it? Do you want to continue to be stuck in this cycle forever - every few months the guy you love treats you like crap if he doesn't like something? Don't make the same mistake a second time. Learn from it and listen to everyone posting here. You have a right to be angry. Do not contact him anymore. 1
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thank you greenz. You are absolutely right.. he is a total douchebag. And I will definitely contact him no more. I'm sticking to my guns and giving him NC. Sometimes, its hard to see that when you think of all the good times you've been through and for some odd reason, I keep putting my ex on a pedastal, and thinking, IF ONLY i didn't open my mouth and break up with him we would be happy... if only I didn't mention the other guy we wouldn't be in this situation.. I keep placing the blame on myself and continue wanting to try and "fix" what is broken, trying to repair what "I" caused. I hope that douche bagel with extra cream cheese regrets leaving me! 1
bolase Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I just read your threads and wanted to tell you I've been there crazy lady. Leaving voicemails and crying instead of taking the high road..don't do it, you sound like a cool person who deserves better than the treatment you have had from this guy. He probably heard you say "fine, lets explore other options then" and all his suspicions probably came true for him, he thinks you do like the other guy. That's totally his insecurity. Since he's a d**k though, do you like the guy in your class? If so, ask him on a date.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Thanks for the reply bolase. The guy who likes me is probably a creep if he is interested in a girl who already has a bf. Today is officially day 2 no contact and I woke up with a heavy knot in my chest. even though the sun is shining it feels like crap. Why is the sun shining when there isnt happiness in my life.i feel so miserable and so sad thinking of him with another girl. I don't know why I keep imagining him with another girl but its making me go crazy. Thanks everyone for hearing me out.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 life has no meaning without my ex. nothing is the same.
Ruby65 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 life has no meaning without my ex. nothing is the same. You didn't choose to be on this path, but if you keep moving forward eventually you'll start to find things about it that you like. Now isn't the time to think beyond just getting through today. Just get through it a day at a time, an hour at a time. Be gentle with yourself, wrap yourself in blankets and pamper yourself as if you have the flu. Try to eat nourishing food, drink lots of water, try to rest. What can you do to help yourself feel better? Take long walks, soaking in a hot bath, going to the gym? I got through the early days of one bad breakup by watching entire seasons of tv shows on dvd.... I had a breakup 5 years ago and thought I'd never be happy or in love again. My life seemed so empty. I can honestly say today that I'm happier than ever and so grateful not to still be with my old boyfriend from 5 years ago.... he had so many issues and problems, we definitely broke up for a reason! Someday you'll look back on this man and you'll feel the same way, honest!
Reddice Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) It makes me wonder... Has he ever been cheated on by an ex of his? I'm asking, because I have been cheated on by my ex. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers. Even worse yet... she left me for him. Basically, she gave me the type of excuses you are giving your boyfriend: - No, I'm not attracted to him. - No, I can't help it if he likes me. - You should trust me around other men. - I won't jeopardize a relationship over someone else. - I can't ignore my co-worker. - I can't ignore a guy, just because he likes me. - I love you more than anything - I will never leave you - etc etc etc Well, I trusted her. And I turned out wrong for trusting her. I should have listened to my instincts and kick her out of the house when I found out some guy was giving her an unreasonable amount of attention. Now, I'm not saying you have cheated on you boyfriend. But your story makes my hair stand up. It just gives me goosebumbs. I know without a doubt, that this will never happen to me ever again. Simply, because I will not trust a woman anymore when she tells me some other guy is interested in her. Perhaps you BF has gone through something similar and is now very cautious as well. Or perhaps you just set off his alarms by something you're not telling us... Edited June 12, 2012 by Reddice
Author skyisfalling Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 It makes me wonder... Has he ever been cheated on by an ex of his? I'm asking, because I have been cheated on by my ex. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers. Even worse yet... she left me for him. Basically, she gave me the type of excuses you are giving your boyfriend: - No, I'm not attracted to him. - No, I can't help it if he likes me. - You should trust me around other men. - I won't jeopardize a relationship over someone else. - I can't ignore my co-worker. - I can't ignore a guy, just because he likes me. - I love you more than anything - I will never leave you - etc etc etc Well, I trusted her. And I turned out wrong for trusting her. I should have listened to my instincts and kick her out of the house when I found out some guy was giving her an unreasonable amount of attention. Now, I'm not saying you have cheated on you boyfriend. But your story makes my hair stand up. It just gives me goosebumbs. I know without a doubt, that this will never happen to me ever again. Simply, because I will not trust a woman anymore when she tells me some other guy is interested in her. Perhaps you BF has gone through something similar and is now very cautious as well. Or perhaps you just set off his alarms by something you're not telling us... I'm sorry you got cheated on Reddice. I have also been cheated on and its a feeling you will never forget. I would never cheat on my boyfriend and I'm sorry that some of my actions "triggered" some feelings inside you, but you cannot make the girl pay for your history. Even if my bf have been cheated on in the past with his ex gf's, it is unfair for him to make me pay for his ex's past mistakes. Trust is everything and if you're unable to trust again, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship and instead work on yourself before you get yourself into a relationship. I'm hurt and upset and angry that my ex would break up over me because of this and what is more excruciating is the fact that he has totally gone AWOL. I dont think its fair and I certainly believe i deserve more respect than that.. i know i need to move on, and some days its easier than others.. sigh. Thank you once again for hearing my vents, its certainly cathartic.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I keep putting my ex on a pedastal, and thinking, IF ONLY i didn't open my mouth and break up with him we would be happy... if only I didn't mention the other guy we wouldn't be in this situation.. I keep placing the blame on myself and continue wanting to try and "fix" what is broken, trying to repair what "I" caused. I hope that douche bagel with extra cream cheese regrets leaving me! I dont think he will regret leaving you since he doesnt want to talk to you. Based on your last threads, it sounds like he was looking for a reason to break it off with you. All that stuff about marriage was just a smokescreen to keep you at his side while looking for someone else. At least thats what it sounds like. Ive done it, and its been done to me, and it happens often around here. So I dont know if he has issues, if he wasnt that into you, or if you did something to make him run, you cant worry about it until you can think clearer. But a few months around the line, you will know exactly why you shouldnt date a guy like him again. You just have to wait it out. But when you say life wont be the same again, it wont. You will learn from this, and you wont date guys that are on the same page as you.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I dont think he will regret leaving you since he doesnt want to talk to you. Based on your last threads, it sounds like he was looking for a reason to break it off with you. All that stuff about marriage was just a smokescreen to keep you at his side while looking for someone else. At least thats what it sounds like. Ive done it, and its been done to me, and it happens often around here. So I dont know if he has issues, if he wasnt that into you, or if you did something to make him run, you cant worry about it until you can think clearer. But a few months around the line, you will know exactly why you shouldnt date a guy like him again. You just have to wait it out. But when you say life wont be the same again, it wont. You will learn from this, and you wont date guys that are on the same page as you. Reading your post kinda stung a little bit. Especially about the stuff about marriage being a smokescreen. What's funny is that when other people post relationship problems and I read it, I could kind of assume what's going on.. like "he's clearly cheating on her..." or "he clearly isn't interested in her and is slowly backing away..." but when it comes to my own problems I have absolutely no clue and what people say is shocking. Maybe youre right Eddie, he's been wanting to break up with me for a long time.. thank you for that insight, it just gave me a reality check that maybe the relationship we had wasn't so perfect after all...
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