rphang21 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I met this guy that is 20 years older than me, we met at a coffee shop randomly. He initiated the conversation. Last week without fail we will write each other 2-3 times a day. The emails were long interesting emails with banter, he was even very honest and upfront about him being divorced, a single parent. He even told me that "I was very interesting". He suggested that we will meet for a museum trip in a week's time. However, through our email conversations, he thinks that is better to meet as we have so much to talk, so in short notice, he suggested and booked for dinner rather than waiting for a week, till the museum trip. I am not sure during dinner did I say something wrong or I was utterly boring, I know for sure I was very nervous as I could not eat much at dinner. The dinner ended up a split bill dinner, and he seemed quite glum after dinner. But before we left for home, he reminded me that we will meet again for the museum trip. The day after dinner, I wrote him an email to thank him for the time, his reply was "the pleasure is his". Through the week we did not email as frequently as last week at all, I barely get an email from him. We were meant to meet to go to the museum today. Yesterday, (1 day before the date early in the morning), he sent me an email, to tell me due to his deadlines he will not be able to meet for the museum date, instead he will try his best to meet me this week at my exhibition that I am holding. Does it mean he is not interested as I have not heard from him after emailing him yesterday? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 calling redrobin to help this poor girl... Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 dont do anything, its his loss, look for someone else, who is interested. and isnt old enough to be your dad Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 For all you know he isn't divorced. He seems rather nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think he realized he'd made a mistake asking you out to dinner. If you are really into someone and getting along really well, you don't act "glum." He isn't romantically interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rphang21 Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 The thing is - if he is not interested, he doesn't need to even tell me that he will try to attend my exhibition this week? The other thing I am quite disturbed about, as I sent my best wishes to his deadlines + a cute attachment, he replied telling me that it's sweet, and that he is smiling. He has been divorced for more than 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 His response makes you disturbed? Not sure why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rphang21 Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 Re: the disturbing bit - what is the point of telling me that he thinks is sweet + is smiling if he has no true intentions. Wouldn't you have just not replied? Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 What should I do? I dont see that many dating roadblocks being thrown up here. He cancelled once due to a work deadline (quite possibly legit) and he has not emailed you for just 1 day (maybe he is still busy or decided he might have been coming on a bit too desperate). You are over worrying here. He may have decided the age gap was too much at your dinner or your personality didn't suit him (due to your nervousness) and he has cooled off on his interest in you, but still likes you as a friend....but maybe not. Just relax and see how things go when he shows up at your exhibition. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) This thread topic is worn out. But I"ll play along... He probably took a look around at how the other guests looked at him. Maybe the person seating you or waiter looked at both of you weird like... huh? Night out with the kiddo, eh? Or maybe his own kids said, eww, gross. All of the above is possible and likely. What I would do is engage him as a mentor... not a romantic interest... if you are seeking that kind of interaction with an older man. Trust me, it can be done (and should be, IMHO). I am close to many older men without romance ever entering into the picture. An age difference this big creeps out alot of guys. A few of them toy with the idea, but when faced with the reality find it really hard to overcome feelings of being a creepy old guy hitting on someone young enough to be their kid. At least most of the 'normal' guys I know. Edited June 11, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
Author rphang21 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 I know this topic is "worn out" - but really - is a fact that he knows up front -I mean we never discussed about the age thing - he was very honest about the children etc which I acknowledge, as for a 50+ if they say they are single and have no kids I will also wonder what has happened right "naturally" - I don't know really - perception to others really matter that much - isn't it about finding the company? Probably I have found dating guys my age, or even up to 2 years younger, the maturity is not there. Hm... I understand I don't have to go to the extreme of dating some one 20 years older... but his wits are impeccable.... darn. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I know this topic is "worn out" - but really - is a fact that he knows up front -I mean we never discussed about the age thing - he was very honest about the children etc which I acknowledge, as for a 50+ if they say they are single and have no kids I will also wonder what has happened right "naturally" - I don't know really - perception to others really matter that much - isn't it about finding the company? Probably I have found dating guys my age, or even up to 2 years younger, the maturity is not there. Hm... I understand I don't have to go to the extreme of dating some one 20 years older... but his wits are impeccable.... darn. Don't give up yet. 50+/30+ is a lot better than e.g. 40/20. Don't be so scared, maybe he writes again... or simply has a lot of stress at work. It still might work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 You really think there is nothing wrong or shady about a 20 year older guy dating you? And yes, women always seem to think that the reason these older guys are interested in them beacuse of course you are more mature and you're capable because of dating someone that much older because of that. These types of posts are becoming so ridiculous...he probably felt awkward on the date, maybe his brain actually kicked in on the date by some miracle...not sure why you're acting like this man is a teenager, he obviously knows the drill especially with 20 years more experience on you. Of course he realizes he could have cancelled the date at the museum, but it takes balls not maturity to do that, and guess what! most men don't have balls regardless of age! wow, a flaw in dating the older man, I mean how could there be, we're both so mature even though we're going about it like a few teenagers in middle school! lots of maturity there, I can totally see your interest! hell maybe if you even asked him straight out! but noooo that would be too hard, because nobody ever wants to ask the right people these questions, they'd rather hypothesize and build theories with strangers online trying to find some other answer than the obvious! NEXT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leopard Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I don't think he lost interest, but I think he either realized how young you were and decided against seeing you, or something else in his life came up and he just doesn't have time for you right now. He might have other priorities at the moment. Like you said, he is a father, so he might be having problems with his kid, or ex wife. You never know. A man like that can have a lot of baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Easy. He realized as soon as you met for dinner that you were way out of his league. That's why you ended up splitting the bill - he didn't want you to think that he thought for a moment you were on a date. He felt foolish. Sally forth. And next time you are invited for dinner by an older man...don't ever so much as think about that check. Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Splitting the bill and he's 20 years older? This is not a good sign! My bf and I have a similar age diff (around 16 yrs) and he dotes on me and would've never SPLIT the bill; for a man his age that is a sign of low character. Men in their 50's are from a diff time of chivalry, he sounds like a loser. The big question is why do you like him? Link to post Share on other sites
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