After fighting back and forth, I finally told him goodbye. Should I reply to his text

[dustpull]

Long story short, 9 months relationship, he was my first true love, he was madly in love with me. Fell out of love, he wanted to 'take a break' with me on february 27 this year. Giving me false hope by saying 'theres always a possibility that we might come back..' etc, but last week he admitted and told me that he's dating his old fling, his fraternity 'brother, his best friend named Jay.

I was devastated and brokenhearted and I got so angry at him because all this time Jay was the guy I've always accused him of having feelings with, and he always tells me to not worry and that he's not looking for anything after the breakup.

 

So I sent him this text on Friday:

 

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You told me you wanted to take a 'break' with me because you felt like you needed to take a break from relationships, to be single and to focus on your life. Bull****. Not even 3 months later you're already dating Jay. I'm so done with you Brian, I knew you've always had feelings for Jay . The way you told me about him, the way you texted him, the way you told me how proud you were of him (drama show, internship, etc), I've always known you had feelings for him. Don't you even for a second deny that. Always telling me that I shouldn't worry and you're not looking for anything. DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID BRIAN. **** you for playing me as a fool, stringing me along all this time just because you couldn't get him when you were breaking up with Richard. I've figured it all out. I don't for a second believe you broke up with me because of the reasons you told me. You're a liar. I am DONE with you. Judge me all you want and I'm not going to regret saying this but I don't want to talk to you anymore. Go live your happy life with the guy you've always wanted. Delete my pics from your comp and throw away my drawing and those other **** I gave to you. I already tried my best to remove you from my life now. I will somehow send you back the painting later so you and your new bf can enjoy it. I don't want to be your friend. You never treat me like one anyways since the breakup, it's too much of a difference even a third grader could notice it. FOR WHAT OTHER REASON THAN because you love Jay and you don't want to be warm towards me. You kept being cold towards me just to push me away from you. I hate you I wish I never knew you from the start. Hurt is not even the word to describe this feeling. Maybe you never feel like what me, Rachel (my ex bf was bisexual), and Richard went through because you always find a new person after the breakup, and you always break people's heart. I should've known from the start that if you would leave Richard for me, you would leave me for someone too. I am so disgusted with myself for being so blind and desperate for you. **** THAT. I just hope to god you realize that karma does exist and it will bite you in the ass if you don't stop what you're doing. You're vile. I have never been this angry towards someone before. I REALLY DID LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW BRIAN? I

invested so much into our relationship. You told me to put all my guard down for you just to be blind sided by the breakup. All those memories that we had together, just what the **** are you, are you even human? It's incredible how really nice you are as a person but you can be INCREDIBLY MEAN at the same time. You are right, you REALLY ARE AN *******.

'grow the **** up, stop being dramatic, stop being a baby, **** changes u have to move on' , only an ******* without feelings would say that to his ex 'lover'. Yeah? You should've let me say that to you last year when you were 'in love' with me, see how fun it is for you to grow the **** up.

I may not be speaking rationally right now but this is how I feel. I don't want to create any more drama in your life too so I think it's best if we just forget each other from now on.

You already did the moving on part long time ago, now it's my turn.

I already thought long about this. It's been great knowing you, thanks for the memories, but I have to completely let you go now

Goodbye Brian.

 

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I sent him this text after we stopped talking on Monday by the way, that's when he revealed that he's dating Jay. I got mad and we fought again, so I stopped talking to him until I sent him this text on Friday.

 

Then a few minutes later he replied right away and wrote this to me:

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I read all of that. And you did what you wanted. I feel like ****. Thank you for that. I had genuine feelings for you and when I cried those were real tears and when I had that epiphany it was real and I remember that moment and I'll never forget it. I felt amazing that day. But somewhere over the course of the next few months those feelings changed. I'm not trying to change the feelings about what you just said. If you truly believe I am vile then that's your opinion. But after all those memories to call me vile is pretty ****ing low. I never tried to string you along and for so long I wanted to be friends with you. But you always held on to the past. Even as you wrote this now. If what you want is to never hear speak or see me again I will make sure not to get in the way. I will say I wish that wasn't the case though

Nick (me) good luck in all that you do. You are a sweet guy with a good heart. When you find happiness true happiness that you always spoke of having lost a long time ago I hope you never let it go. I hope good things come to you and you overcome your obstacles and help your family be happy too. Thanks for all the memories, I have a lot of great ones and those are the ones I'm gonna remember. I am gonna save your pics just like I have with everyone else because for 9 months you were a big part of my life and I don't want to forget it. I was hoping to move past this drama so I could have u in my life always as an amazing friend like I know u can be but u don't want it that way. I know you'll find love and just because things turned out this way between us don't be afraid to let someone else in. If what you want is to never speak to me, then goodbye Nick.

 

Love Brian...

...One last thing

I'm sorry...

 

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I have a really STRONG URGE to text him back, there's still so much **** to say to him, things to hurt his feelings, things to make him feel guilty, things to contradict what he's telling me... And at the same time I really want to be friends with him.....but most of my friends tell me to move on and as hard as it is to cut him off from my life, it's what i need to do.. because he's already moving on with someone else..

Idk what I should do.. His letter sounds really genuine. He also called me and left me a voicemail telling me I know how to reach him, so call him if I want to, then he said bye..

His birthday is also coming up in less than a month..

I'm so torn I don't know what to do.. I haven't replied back to him at all since Friday..

Should I?

 

Edit:

 

I begged him for 1-2 months after breakup, and I never seemed to be able to 'let go' the past as he said, but that's because he's always been vague about the whole breakup and he never gave me a real closure.

I got extremely depressed, couldn't function AT ALL, hell, I was even looking up for LOVE SPELLS << I lost my mind, then when I thought I went back on track, then he told me he's dating Jay, I am back to square one, minus 100..

 

His letter seems genuine I feel so bad.. I want to reply back to him.... Idk what he's trying to do here.. What do you guys think?

Edited June 10, 2012 by dustpull

[geegirl]

The fact remains that he's with Jay. Time to let go. You had your say and he had his. It's done. No amount of going back and forth will change the fact that you need to heal and move on. In time when you've detached you can revisit being his friend and by then he too would have put this behind him allowing a possible friendship.

 

And no matter how much back and forth goes on, you two will have a different version of what transpired. It's futile.