confuzzled1 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Short summary. First date: Fun platonic 3 hour get to know you with online date in pub. She ended with "Well, you have my number" which made me think she wanted to meet again so I arranged a second date which she seemed happy to go along with. Second date: Fun 7 hour date in bar followed by food at weird (but good) live music venue during which she teased me about keeping her up way past her bedtime and made random statements that made me think she might indeed be interested e.g. asking me for top 5 songs (which she noted in her diary) for her to go away and search and saying she would have to show me some awesome brown shoes (in joke - I hate brown). When it came to saying goodbye at station she blatantly went in for cheek kiss as if she wasn't hoping for or expecting anything else. On train home I text her the final song (I could only pick 4 at the time) but she didn't reply. Is this worth pursuing or should I just give up?
Yamaha Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 If you want a buddy? Maybe. If not you need to set the tone of your dates and flirt to find out her interest. Wondering if she likes you " like that " is to time consuming when it is better to lay your cards on the table and know. Show interest, romantic, and you might get interest back.
ASG Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Did this just happen??? She might not have a signal or a number of other things might have happened. Give it time. Someone not replying instantly to a text doesn't mean much! 1
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Did this just happen??? She might not have a signal or a number of other things might have happened. Give it time. Someone not replying instantly to a text doesn't mean much! More concerned with the kiss dodge tbh!
runner Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 depends what you mean by 'fun' on that second date. if it's rated R fun, she'll get back to you. rated PG-13 fun...erm, don't hold your breathe.
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 depends what you mean by 'fun' on that second date. if it's rated R fun, she'll get back to you. rated PG-13 fun...erm, don't hold your breathe. I guess that's a vote for give up then
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Is this worth pursuing or should I just give up? Well, your dates seem to have gone well, but you didn't make a move. That is bad. Try for a 'final' date and kiss her within the first few minutes. Don't be a pussy
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Yeah...what was the hold up here? First date, feeling each other out...ok well maybe there wasn't a great spark or anything but it seemed to go decent enough. Even though at this point you should have made more of an effort. Second date, the girls giving you a chance...you spend SEVEN hours together and this whole time what are you doing? just standing there? This is just your inability to bring any spark,tension or flirtation to the table...she's not going to spend 7 hours with you If she wants nothing to do with you...you've got to react and be confident, trust your feelings and instincts, if you just overthink things women will be bored and friendzone you quickly. If there is something there, you've got to make it happen...what are you waiting for? If a girl is interested in you she's interested in you, nothing is going to change that. If you fail, all you do is save yourself time. Does that mean you try and bed her right away? no, If you want to take it slow or she has to then thats fine, but you've still got to keep the ball rolling and do all the other things, you've should have at the very least gotten a kiss on the lips, initiated by you.
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Yeah...what was the hold up here? First date, feeling each other out...ok well maybe there wasn't a great spark or anything but it seemed to go decent enough. Even though at this point you should have made more of an effort. Second date, the girls giving you a chance...you spend SEVEN hours together and this whole time what are you doing? just standing there? This is just your inability to bring any spark,tension or flirtation to the table...she's not going to spend 7 hours with you If she wants nothing to do with you...you've got to react and be confident, trust your feelings and instincts, if you just overthink things women will be bored and friendzone you quickly. If there is something there, you've got to make it happen...what are you waiting for? If a girl is interested in you she's interested in you, nothing is going to change that. If you fail, all you do is save yourself time. Does that mean you try and bed her right away? no, If you want to take it slow or she has to then thats fine, but you've still got to keep the ball rolling and do all the other things, you've should have at the very least gotten a kiss on the lips, initiated by you. I leaned in for a kiss when we departed, but she turned her head and cheek kissed me. Should I have tried to plant a big kiss on her lips anyway? That would probably have been a little awkward no? There wasn't really an opportunity to do it during the date as it was in the middle of a busy city and there were always lots of other people around.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I leaned in for a kiss when we departed, but she turned her head and cheek kissed me. Should I have tried to plant a big kiss on her lips anyway? That would probably have been a little awkward no? There wasn't really an opportunity to do it during the date as it was in the middle of a busy city and there were always lots of other people around. No, you should have been doing a lot way before that. Talking to her, connecting with her, making her feel comfortable around you, showing your interest, seeing where there was chemistry, having confidence and making a move if the opportunity was there...as to kiss her, touch her, be close to her...it doesn't really have to result in anything necessarily as long as the tension and attraction is there although when it is and you're confident more often than not something happens. You don't casually go through a date not knowing if it was a date or not and then just plant a big one on her, it would have already been established, kissing her would have been a no-brainer. Once she cheek kissed you it means she wasn't interested, unless you're very young and things are moving more slowly because she's that kind of a girl. But since you are at a pub and texting these songs it sounds like early 20's to me If I had to guess, you've got to start picking up the signs of interest and figuring women out. You've also got to be bolder and make subtle moves, if a woman rejects just back off, eventually you won't ever make a mistake...so keep trying, stop assuming they are interested in you if they agreed to a date online, just handle it matter of fact like and start showing her who you are and what you got to offer, don't be shy, timid, try to be more open and comfortable with yourself that way at least you walk away knowing you were yourself and did what youcould instead of "damn i should have done this or that and been more agressive" and since youdon't sound very aggressive im not worried about telling you to be aggressive beacuse chances are you'll land right in the middle where you're supposed to be. 1
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 No, you should have been doing a lot way before that. Talking to her, connecting with her, making her feel comfortable around you, showing your interest, seeing where there was chemistry, having confidence and making a move if the opportunity was there...as to kiss her, touch her, be close to her...it doesn't really have to result in anything necessarily as long as the tension and attraction is there although when it is and you're confident more often than not something happens. You don't casually go through a date not knowing if it was a date or not and then just plant a big one on her, it would have already been established, kissing her would have been a no-brainer. Once she cheek kissed you it means she wasn't interested, unless you're very young and things are moving more slowly because she's that kind of a girl. But since you are at a pub and texting these songs it sounds like early 20's to me If I had to guess, you've got to start picking up the signs of interest and figuring women out. You've also got to be bolder and make subtle moves, if a woman rejects just back off, eventually you won't ever make a mistake...so keep trying, stop assuming they are interested in you if they agreed to a date online, just handle it matter of fact like and start showing her who you are and what you got to offer, don't be shy, timid, try to be more open and comfortable with yourself that way at least you walk away knowing you were yourself and did what youcould instead of "damn i should have done this or that and been more agressive" and since youdon't sound very aggressive im not worried about telling you to be aggressive beacuse chances are you'll land right in the middle where you're supposed to be. I appreciate the thoughts bro, but I'm not sure what else I could have done. We connected and flirted (she was hair playing a lot which I read is a sign of flirtation right?), and I touched her innocently a few times during the date e.g. comparing how cold our hands were, resting my arm on her leg for a few seconds when the band were playing to get her attention, walking close with her under her umbrella and taking it out of her hands so I could hold it higher. At the end of the day, the opportunity for a kiss was not there. If there was and I thought she'd be into it, I would have gone for it.
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 At the end of the day, the opportunity for a kiss was not there. If there was and I thought she'd be into it, I would have gone for it. You spent 10 hours with her. There were many, many opportunities for a kiss. Don't find excuses for your shyness. Look, if she's interested, even a clunky, awkward attempt to kiss her will be ok. If she's not interested, it doesn't matter because she's not interested. Spending so much time with you is a very strong indication she does like you. Man up.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I appreciate the thoughts bro, but I'm not sure what else I could have done. We connected and flirted (she was hair playing a lot which I read is a sign of flirtation right?), and I touched her innocently a few times during the date e.g. comparing how cold our hands were, resting my arm on her leg for a few seconds when the band were playing to get her attention, walking close with her under her umbrella and taking it out of her hands so I could hold it higher. At the end of the day, the opportunity for a kiss was not there. If there was and I thought she'd be into it, I would have gone for it. You know, its like trying to understand what happened in a fight/boxing match without actually seeing it...there's just the little things that really count and it doesnt paint a picture accurately. The other thing is you were in the ring so you didn't see yourself from a third person perspective, you were concentrated on focused on the fight in the moment so unless you're a very experienced fight you can't tell what happened to a good degree. If I could see it for myself I could tell you what happened or what jsut wasn't there. But since she agreed to going out on a second date with you it seems she was interested, either that and was just having a good time w you not taking it serious. What I sense in you though, is that you're too apprehensive, and you're moving along a little slow (at least for this girl). For example you ask if her playingwith her hair was a good sign, or i touched her leg or touched her hand once to get an umbrella...those are not things personally that would have been the highlight of a date...that would have been very minor things that may have lead up to further contact like... - holding her hand - having your arm around her waist - running your fingers through hair where were your moves/gestures of interest? what did you do do to spice things up or to flirt? how did create any tension or appeal? I know that might seem crazy and a lot to think about but its natural If you're just accustomed to it and you just do it automatically, its like the jab in boxing or a right hook, its nothing you think about it its something you know already to do and that's the level you want to be at..where you know automatically what to do so you react, not think. You need to go with your gut and sometimes and take chances during the date not after because after the date the bells already rung, If you feel like she wants to be close to you get closer, if you feel like she wants you to make a move make a move, go off the vibes you are getting not the thoughts or what some book says, its got to come from you, you've got to develop your own confidence and enhance your own skills...for example if you can make a girl laugh that will typically score high points, like confidence. Bottom line here is you don't spend a 7 hour date with a woman and walk away with a cheek kiss, something went wrong here man, you've got to figure that out and be more self-aware, there is something to learn from this...even a 3 hour date is a lot to ask for without a kiss or some kind of clear indication of interest. Maybe for some guys this is normal, but it doesn't sound right to me, I think you could do a lot better or at least figure out if there isn't anything there. I've personally never been cheek kissed, it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me If you didn't do anything that turned off the woman.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I appreciate the thoughts bro, but I'm not sure what else I could have done. We connected and flirted (she was hair playing a lot which I read is a sign of flirtation right?), and I touched her innocently a few times during the date e.g. comparing how cold our hands were, resting my arm on her leg for a few seconds when the band were playing to get her attention, walking close with her under her umbrella and taking it out of her hands so I could hold it higher. At the end of the day, the opportunity for a kiss was not there. If there was and I thought she'd be into it, I would have gone for it. I think a very good way to easy yourself into physicality with someone and build sexual tension is by sitting really close to her and letting your body touch hers gradually more and more. Before you know it, your arm is around her shoulders 1
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 So I called yesterday to try and set up another date but no answer. Text a few mins later suggesting the date activity and cracking a joke. She must have seen the message pretty much straight away (she was on some online phone messenger we both have) but didn't respond until a few hours later with a pretty to the point message in which she said date activity would have to wait as she has some birthday things (her birthday today) and a festival planned this weekend, and that she would send her songs (she said she would send me some recommendations back). No counter date offer or suggestion of when she would be free. I guess that's game over?
mtber75 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 It seem that you guys hit it off as friends. Next time be more flirty (show your interest) with her and go from there!
Christine52 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 More concerned with the kiss dodge tbh! Ooohhh the kiss dodge is BRUTAL. She either: 1. Has an unspoken rule that she won't kiss a guy until the third date (I know, I know, but some people really do this). 2. Doesn't have sexual interest for you. Either way, Keep going on dates with her, make your intentions clear, try again and if she still dodges, forget it.
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