I feel like I cheated even though my ex and I were broken up..

[temporarynature]

For the past three years, my ex and I were always off and on. He was always the one to get fed up and leave. He was always the one to come back, too. I took him back everytime. I'm not looking for people to tell me to forget him as a lot of things have changed and he has matured quite a bit.

 

Anyways, at the beginning of last month, he told me he was done with me for good. Even brought the stuff he had of mine back to me. I was devastated. He didn't talk to me for a week. When he did, it was to ask if a shirt he ordered had come in yet, as it got shipped to my house. I told him it did and put it in the mailbox for him to pick it up because I didn't want to see him. My days just felt blurred into one. I reconnected with an old friend who is 25, in the army, and stationed in Louisiana (I am in New England). We started texting and he told me all about what he is doing down there, his upcoming training, etc. He had always been really flirty with me in the past, but always joking around. He started becoming flirty again and I started flirting back. He would joke around that we were gonna get married, about inviting me to a homecoming cookout his mom was throwing, about taking me to dinner. I told him he made me happy, but in the sense that he made me forget my misery. He knew my ex didn't treat me that well, and he would ask me what my parents would think of him. I joked around saying I would bribe him with cuddling if he watched a Harry Potter movie with me, as he has never seen one. It was always innocent stuff like that. We never talked dirty or anything, but he admitted that he had a crush on me. He would say all he wanted after a long day of being out in the field was to lay in his air-conditioned room and talk to me. I never told this new guy I liked him in that way. I was starting to forget how miserable I was, but never really moving on.

 

My ex started talking to me again because he was realizing a lot of things and he wanted to meet up. I realized that my feelings for my ex never went away and I didn't want to be with this new guy. I immediately told his new guy (we only texted back and forth for 2 weeks) that I wasn't over my ex and I needed time to figure things out and what I want. That I never meant to hurt him and I just hope he understood. I mean, nothing happened because a.) I didn't like him in that way, but he did make me feel better about myself and b.) He is in Louisiana.

 

I began hanging out with my ex after that and was upfront with him about my flirting with another guy. He understood and told me it wasn't my fault, but I knew he was a bit upset. I found out that he held another girl's hand while we were broken up. We are reconciling and things are going extremely well and I haven't talked to this new guy at all since I was honest with him, but I can't help but feel guilty for flirting. I almost feel like I cheated in a way, and I'm scared of my ex finding out what this new guy and I were saying to each other. I know we weren't together, but I can't shake this feeling like I did something wrong.

 

Any advice on how to relieve this guilt?

Edited June 10, 2012 by temporarynature

[Pens55]

In my opinion, you shouldnt feel guilty. Its unfortunate that you got mr. Louisiana involved when you werent ready, but at least you were completely up front with him...we all make mistakes.

 

I do know how youre feeling though. I was harshly dumped, strung along for a long time (while she was probably with others) and when I slept (yes, I actually mean slept) with someone else, she guilt tripped me and I felt like I was in the wrong.

 

But as you are both up front with each other, you should be able to put it to rest. The past is the past, and you both had minor incidents...so just try to think of it as being 'even'. If you can accept his past and he can accept yours, it will probably be a non-issue in the future.

[listen_to_me_please]

I know what your going through. My ex was fawking some other dude and didn't tell me. I immediately threw broke up with her upon learning the truth.

 

Eitherway, a week or two later, I hooked up with another attractive female and when It was time to enter her, I sort of said "Naw", I'm not going to do it and I decieded to drive her home, but while I was driving her home, I said "WTF" am I doing so I made a u-turn and had sex with her.

 

Afterwards I actually felt guiltiy and I have come to realize, its because my heart still beloned to the EX. If you feel guilty its because you know your gave away someone's else puszy.