Imajerk17 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm curious about how you (male and female) feel about MEN having this attitude of that of a CHOOSER instead of that as a CHASER. The idea is to (a) develop yourself such as your character, social skills, talents, and so on (b) put yourself in front of enough women so you are going on enough dates already so that women find you attractive enough so that when you are dating them, you don't have to work too hard to keep them interested. You can CHOOSE whom you want to be with instead of having to CHASE the few whom you can get interested in you. By "work too hard" I'm referring to doing things such as spending too much money, putting up with flakiness, and so on, and NOT being romantic from time to time. 5
ThaWholigan Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 You know, for a jerk you make a lot of sense I would like to think that I can get to this point, but I would like it to be an unconscious thing rather than actively doing all of it for the sake of attracting women. Basically, right now, a) is more important to me than b), but a) will help facilitate more of b). Which is the mindset to have IMO. I agree with much of what you've posted in the past though, about just talking to women regardless of the above. It's a very good way to improve your social skills as well as your seduction skills too. 1
carhill Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 OP, your post makes a lot of sense. I found, historically, that (b) was the most difficult, since there were/are very few single women nearby and it took protracted effort and, in some instances, travel to 'put myself in front of' eligible single ladies. So, in that narrow sense, I was 'chasing' because I was purposely deviating from my path to meet single women. Difficult dynamic, perhaps not widely applicable. The only single woman I've met recently is a friend of my best friend's wife, who's 60 and has a 28yo son with CP. Nice lady but, as I put it, 'too old and too fit (she runs marathons) for me'. We did get her to drink part of a beer at one BBQ though, so maybe there's hope I think, historically, I definitely 'worked too hard' simply as a knee-jerk reaction to absolute zero from normal effort and relations. Now, after divorce, I'm back to 'normal' simply due to recovering emotionally and financially from divorce and not having time nor wherewithall for working too hard , and am back to absolute zero. I imagine this dynamic is generational. I think it was certainly easier and simpler when younger, along with having more reserves of enthusiasm and energy
Cracker Jack Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Golden read, jerk. Your stuff needs to be stickied for most of the guys here. I've been working on a) for a bit, but I can honestly say I haven't been going as hard as I should be. Why? Because of my own laziness. It took me a while to realize that stuff like this doesn't happen overnight, and I damn sure ain't going to get better if I sit and read stuff on the forums all the time. I'm not doing nearly enough of b) like I should, and...I can honestly say that's why I don't have much of a dating life as of now. But yeah, I feel like this is very important for all men. Most just sit around hoping a woman will pick them and I shared that outlook at one point....but f-that. I'd rather have control over my dating life than sit around placing my luck on a woman falling for me. I want to be able to make eye contact with a woman, tell myself "I got this", and go from there--rejection or not. 1
irin Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 but men still CHOOSE THE WOMEN THEY CHASE. so its all their choice who they go for! unless they are being chased by the women.
carhill Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I think the OP is discerning active 'chasing', meaning pursuit outside of normal routines and social interactions, versus 'choosing' which women met during such interactions they would give preference to. With a dearth of potentials to choose amongst, there is definitely an impulsion, at least IME, to chase those which one encounters. To use my parent's vernacular, when one's dance card is full, it's fine to sit out a few. When it's empty, well, that's self-evident.
sid3 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I think the OP is discerning active 'chasing', meaning pursuit outside of normal routines and social interactions, versus 'choosing' which women met during such interactions they would give preference to. With a dearth of potentials to choose amongst, there is definitely an impulsion, at least IME, to chase those which one encounters. To use my parent's vernacular, when one's dance card is full, it's fine to sit out a few. When it's empty, well, that's self-evident. Agreed, abundance is a wonderful thing.
somedude81 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm curious about how you (male and female) feel about MEN having this attitude of that of a CHOOSER instead of that as a CHASER. The idea is to (a) develop yourself such as your character, social skills, talents, and so on (b) put yourself in front of enough women so you are going on enough dates already so that women find you attractive enough so that when you are dating them, you don't have to work too hard to keep them interested. You can CHOOSE whom you want to be with instead of having to CHASE the few whom you can get interested in you. By "work too hard" I'm referring to doing things such as spending too much money, putting up with flakiness, and so on, and NOT being romantic from time to time. Feels like something out of a children's story. Nothing more than a fantasy where the guy gets the girl.
Cracker Jack Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Not a fantasy. Plenty of guys get women in real life everyday. It just requires less bitching and more action. 2
wordrock Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 MEN having this attitude of that of a CHOOSER instead of that as a CHASER. Feel free to have that attitude if it helps your confidence, but you are deluding yourself if you really think you can always be the "chooser".
somedude81 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Not a fantasy. Plenty of guys get women in real life everyday. It just requires less bitching and more action. Jack you know my story. You know that I've done a hell of a lot more than just bitch.
Cracker Jack Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 You still need to get into the habit of trying different things, tho. All you're doing now is keeping yourself in your little bubble, constantly asking questions and refusing to really take heed of this advice. We've all faced rejection and all felt a bit hopeless when it comes to attracting women, but regardless of what his transpired in your past, you need to focus on making your present better. I know you're reading it, but are you fully understanding it? There's a lot you (and I) need to change. Going out more, talking to more women, making your intentions known, etc. You know what it is you have to do. At some point, you're going to have to escape your vicious cycle, because making improvements will be either slow or non-existant as long as you keep yourself in the same place. Take action and stop wondering so damn much. Seriously. Do it.
Woggle Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I agree. It is better to be chased than chase after them. It puts you in a much better position.
mortensorchid Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Imajerk17 is right. For the fact that this is a game of numbers. You can't just sit around the house all day doing nothing and wishing, you have to get out and DO things. Otherwise you will be just sitting and dreaming and never do or make anything. Essentially, there are three keys to making your dreams come true. And they are as follows: 1) Decide upon your object of desire (person, thing, location, etc.) 2) Believe with all your heart that it too can happen to you. 3) Go all the way, take the risk. All you have is you. Three things to happiness. That's all it is.
Leopard Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) But for some women these things aren't enough. For some women the chase is more important because it shows what kind of guy they are and their attitude. If a guy is perfect but doesn't chase a girl, there a lots of girls out there who wouldn't be interested because he isn't putting in the effort. If there is a perfect guy and an average joe, the woman is more likely to go for the average joe who actually tries to be romantic etc etc than the "simply great" guy who thinks he is entitled because he is charming. Again, depends on the woman, but coming from me, I wouldn't date a guy who didn't try to chase me. He could settle for the next girl who could also be lovely, but what really makes me interested is when a man chases. It's sexy (well, if you're interested in him anyway) and he would know it if you reciprocate properly. No man chases forever if he knows you're not interested. If you are interested, then him chasing you down is a turn on instead of a guy like the one you are describing, a learnt charmer who doesn't want to work as hard. I prefer the guy who puts in the extra effort. At least that way I know he actually wants me, isn't settling and won't run off to the next girl he sees. If after all the chasing he still hasn't done that, then I know his intentions are genuine which makes him even more sexy. Edited June 10, 2012 by Leopard 1
runner Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 But for some women these things aren't enough. For some women the chase is more important because it shows what kind of guy they are and their attitude. If a guy is perfect but doesn't chase a girl, there a lots of girls out there who wouldn't be interested because he isn't putting in the effort. If there is a perfect guy and an average joe, the woman is more likely to go for the average joe who actually tries to be romantic etc etc than the "simply great" guy who thinks he is entitled because he is charming. Again, depends on the woman, but coming from me, I wouldn't date a guy who didn't try to chase me. He could settle for the next girl who could also be lovely, but what really makes me interested is when a man chases. It's sexy (well, if you're interested in him anyway) and he would know it if you reciprocate properly. No man chases forever if he knows you're not interested. If you are interested, then him chasing you down is a turn on instead of a guy like the one you are describing, a learnt charmer who doesn't want to work as hard. I prefer the guy who puts in the extra effort. At least that way I know he actually wants me, isn't settling and won't run off to the next girl he sees. If after all the chasing he still hasn't done that, then I know his intentions are genuine which makes him even more sexy. ^^this i like making women feel wanted. the problem with most guys is that they choose the wrong women to chase; ie., women that aren't into them at all. problem number 2: some guys take it so personally when they get rejected. you gotta forget about it and move on; the quicker the better. problem number 3: some guys are so consumed with their own feelings that they forget to look out for subtle signs that women put out, or don't, hence leading to problem number 1. 1
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 And how do we find the right woman to chase? Does such a thing even exist? The most recent woman that I chased, felt like the right one because she had almost everything I ever wanted. But she wasn't into me, so she was obviously the wrong woman. Now what?
threebyfate Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 My past perspective with guys like this is, hey, it's their life. But it's true that I wouldn't bother with them since interest towards me, increases interest within me. No intense signal of interest, latah or better yet, nevah!
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) u know what if the key is just to find someone who likes u? usually a woman who really likes u wouldnt play mind games with you, cause she wouldnt wanna lose you (i think i read that somewhere here). but if u see a model-type woman in the bar and zone in on her, focus on her and only her i think ur going to hurt yourself (rejection, self esteem, ego, etc). there is a possiblity she might like u but good looking people, in my experience, have a lot of options..u have a lot of competition too.. i have a lot of guy friends who have girls (nice girls, some pretty)wanting to strip their clothes for them, but they want something else..they seem to want girls who dont want them, they get rejected and then depressed. ^^this i like making women feel wanted. the problem with most guys is that they choose the wrong women to chase; ie., women that aren't into them at all. problem number 2: some guys take it so personally when they get rejected. you gotta forget about it and move on; the quicker the better. problem number 3: some guys are so consumed with their own feelings that they forget to look out for subtle signs that women put out, or don't, hence leading to problem number 1. Edited June 11, 2012 by ohmygoshistalk
cloud81 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Again, depends on the woman, but coming from me, I wouldn't date a guy who didn't try to chase me. He could settle for the next girl who could also be lovely, but what really makes me interested is when a man chases. It's sexy (well, if you're interested in him anyway) and he would know it if you reciprocate properly. The bolded part is the key to all this. You had to like the man from the beginning. If you didn't, it doesn't matter what he does. Romantic, active, whatever. If you did like him, instead, anything he does is probably going to be ok for you. But still, if a guy is commonly a chaser (and it's likely, he NEEDS to chase because he is usally rejected) there are little options for him to suddenly have women chase him. Edited June 11, 2012 by cloud81
SarahRose Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I'm curious about how you (male and female) feel about MEN having this attitude of that of a CHOOSER instead of that as a CHASER. The idea is to (a) develop yourself such as your character, social skills, talents, and so on (b) put yourself in front of enough women so you are going on enough dates already so that women find you attractive enough so that when you are dating them, you don't have to work too hard to keep them interested. You can CHOOSE whom you want to be with instead of having to CHASE the few whom you can get interested in you. By "work too hard" I'm referring to doing things such as spending too much money, putting up with flakiness, and so on, and NOT being romantic from time to time. how has this worked for you so far? how many woman are chasing you?
d'Arthez Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Like attracts like. To a large extent that also applies to people making dating choices. People who reduce others' to a set of characteristics should not be surprised if these others do the same to them. Develop yourself so you are the catch. You'll have a clearer of what you look for in a mate as well. This applies to both women and men. It saves you the hassle from having to emotionally invest in dozens of men / women / wanna-be dates as a small bonus as well. You only have to date a few people to get someone you have real long term potential with then.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I'm curious about how you (male and female) feel about MEN having this attitude of that of a CHOOSER instead of that as a CHASER. The idea is to (a) develop yourself such as your character, social skills, talents, and so on (b) put yourself in front of enough women so you are going on enough dates already This applies to women too, we have to put ourselves out there to have enough CHOICES in terms of interest from quality men, not just get chased by guys who would chase anyone. and NOT being romantic from time to time. 'being romantic' has nothing to do with gender, there are a lot of men who enjoy it thank god. It isn't something that they find a chore but enjoy with the right person. Perhaps intimacy is your real issue?
Freddys Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 But for some women these things aren't enough. For some women the chase is more important because it shows what kind of guy they are and their attitude. If a guy is perfect but doesn't chase a girl, there a lots of girls out there who wouldn't be interested because he isn't putting in the effort. If there is a perfect guy and an average joe, the woman is more likely to go for the average joe who actually tries to be romantic etc etc than the "simply great" guy who thinks he is entitled because he is charming. Again, depends on the woman, but coming from me, I wouldn't date a guy who didn't try to chase me. He could settle for the next girl who could also be lovely, but what really makes me interested is when a man chases. It's sexy (well, if you're interested in him anyway) and he would know it if you reciprocate properly. No man chases forever if he knows you're not interested. If you are interested, then him chasing you down is a turn on instead of a guy like the one you are describing, a learnt charmer who doesn't want to work as hard. I prefer the guy who puts in the extra effort. At least that way I know he actually wants me, isn't settling and won't run off to the next girl he sees. If after all the chasing he still hasn't done that, then I know his intentions are genuine which makes him even more sexy. This is far BETTER than OP's post . . . ALL women want to feel wanted - to be desired. OP just putting down some characteristics of the PLAYER. When you adopt these ideas, and start to be the chooser, while dating multiple women, you only get casual sex and shallow relationships. Then you are attracted to your own way of "chasing" and is IMPOSSIBLE to settle down with an attractive & honest lady. Well done Leopard, loved your post! *PLAYERs are doomed to fail in life. End of story.
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