verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 No, but self improvement DOES lead to getting more of what you want from life. I don't think people are "better" because they are in a R, but I do think people achieve their goals more readily when they focus on self-improvement, and that includes R goals! I dunno, I've been trying hard for the last 2 months on self-improvement, and my life is markedly the same. Heck, even a little worse lately. Like I said, self-improvement is all great on its own, but I think it's a grave misservice to say it leads anything except improvement of self. And sometimes improving your self just isn't enough. You can reach your peak perfect potential and still not be enough for a relationship/a job/your goals. Pursuing self-improvement just to try to achieve some other goal is just a fool's errand.
sid3 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I dunno, I've been trying hard for the last 2 months on self-improvement, and my life is markedly the same. Heck, even a little worse lately. Like I said, self-improvement is all great on its own, but I think it's a grave misservice to say it leads anything except improvement of self. And sometimes improving your self just isn't enough. You can reach your peak perfect potential and still not be enough for a relationship/a job/your goals. Pursuing self-improvement just to try to achieve some other goal is just a fool's errand. Exactly, so take a step back and evaluate why you are wanting and trying to improve yourself. You are missing the point it seems. I think you will figure it out, you seem smart enough.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Exactly, so take a step back and evaluate why you are wanting and trying to improve yourself. You are missing the point it seems. I think you will figure it out, you seem smart enough. Oh, I gave up trying to improve myself. I'm speaking purely for the OP now. Again, if he's improving himself just cause, all fine. But let's stop pretending it leads to a relationship, or a better job, cause it isn't guaranteed it will. That is all a matter of luck.
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 this is in regards to the convo bet. raptor and someguy, to be honest bitterness does show..it shows very much. kind of like a mole that is the size of a quarter right smack on your forehead. ive spoken to a lot of guys (single) in my life, online then in real life, or real life then online. due to my nature of being a good listener they end up talking more and i observed the ones who were really bitter..stood out from the rest. sure u can hide bitterness for a bit..but it eventually seeps out. before u know it, u begin referring to your ex as a b*tch or it might slip out and you'd say all women are alike. being bitter also makes u give up very easily. like..she'd just say or do one thing and your reaction would be so negative/fatalistic that you just basically end up ruining and self sabotaging yourself. ive seen bitter women also..to be honest bitterness isnt really good for us women, it makes us age more or age horribly. i notice when i let go of being bitter i begin attracting good guys into my life. isnt that just awesome?
jobaba Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I dunno, I've been trying hard for the last 2 months on self-improvement, and my life is markedly the same. Heck, even a little worse lately. Like I said, self-improvement is all great on its own, but I think it's a grave misservice to say it leads anything except improvement of self. And sometimes improving your self just isn't enough. You can reach your peak perfect potential and still not be enough for a relationship/a job/your goals. Pursuing self-improvement just to try to achieve some other goal is just a fool's errand. OK... Now you have no excuse for the self pitying drama. Because I know that a guy just fell for you not long ago and you rejected him. I mean, complaining about not being able to attract anybody and not being able to attract someone you like are 2 different things. There's a number of people who can't attract someone they like. Think about that. You see it now?
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 OK... Now you have no excuse for the self pitying drama. Because I know that a guy just fell for you not long ago and you rejected him. I mean, complaining about not being able to attract anybody and not being able to attract someone you like are 2 different things. There's a number of people who can't attract someone they like. Think about that. You see it now? Uh... no. I have no idea what you are referring to, or even how it matters.
jobaba Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Uh... no. I have no idea what you are referring to, or even how it matters. You just said a guy friend fell for you and you rejected him ... in this thread. That means a guy was attracted to you, and that it can happen again.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 You just said a guy friend fell for you and you rejected him ... in this thread. That means a guy was attracted to you, and that it can happen again. Um, read the whole thread... and the previous one, if necessary. I didn't reject the guy; he was attempting to play me, didn't act that into me, didn't pursue me, etc. It wasn't until the sudden, weird phone call I had an inkling he might have been interested... and even now, I wonder if he just trumped up the drama of what happened to get sympathy from his new girlfriend. The point of the story was NOT that I rejected him. The point of the story was I decided against dating him (because he wasn't into me) and later decided to try to be genuine with him, and he burned a bridge that might have lead to something fruitful (an ego stroke, me setting him up with other girls, etc.)
jobaba Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Um, read the whole thread... and the previous one, if necessary. I didn't reject the guy; he was attempting to play me, didn't act that into me, didn't pursue me, etc. It wasn't until the sudden, weird phone call I had an inkling he might have been interested... and even now, I wonder if he just trumped up the drama of what happened to get sympathy from his new girlfriend. The point of the story was NOT that I rejected him. The point of the story was I decided against dating him (because he wasn't into me) and later decided to try to be genuine with him, and he burned a bridge that might have lead to something fruitful (an ego stroke, me setting him up with other girls, etc.) I'm not going to read all that right now, but I believe you. Too bad. I was happy for you.
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 There's also that guy who wants her but she disregards him as desperate, so he doesn't count
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'm not going to read all that right now, but I believe you. Too bad. I was happy for you. ... You were happy my friend played me, and now hates me? That's... kinda weird. Thanks? There's also that guy who wants her but she disregards him as desperate, so he doesn't count Plenty of obese women probably want you, but they don't count... Why exactly should I "count" a desperate guy?
jobaba Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 ... You were happy my friend played me, and now hates me? That's... kinda weird. Thanks? Uh... no. I was happy because I thought a guy genuinely fell for you. That could have done wonders for your confidence. Oh well.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Uh... no. I was happy because I thought a guy genuinely fell for you. That could have done wonders for your confidence. Oh well. Oo, I misunderstood. Yeah, well, now that he openly despises me, my confidence is lower than ever. Whoopee. Maybe the OP can feel satisfied that him hating K, could actually be devastating for her. Would that make you feel better, Nomad, if you could hurt a girl as bad as you feel you've been hurt?
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Plenty of obese women probably want you, but they don't count... Why exactly should I "count" a desperate guy? So in your mind, an obese woman and a desperate guy are equivalent? I'm sure you know that there is nothing that men dislike more than obese women. So how is a man being desperate, make him that unattractive that nothing is worse? I also remember that you also called me desperate. I'd like to know what makes a desperate man so ugly.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 So in your mind, an obese woman and a desperate guy are equivalent? I'm sure you know that there is nothing that men dislike more than obese women. So how is a man being desperate, make him that unattractive that nothing is worse? I also remember that you also called me desperate. I'd like to know what makes a desperate man so ugly. Yep, I'd say so. A desperate man is usually 1) not respectful of boundaries 2) pushy about what he wants (which is why it is obvious he is desperate) and 3) makes it clear that he just wants sex. I know this is difficult for you to wrap your head around, but wanting to use a woman for sex... is not that compelling for the woman. Very few women enjoy being used like tools for the man's satisfaction. In most circumstances, it's openly offensive for a guy to be like," I can't get any of the women I want, so I'll settle for having sex with you."
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yep, I'd say so. A desperate man is usually 1) not respectful of boundaries Yeah I know why that can be annoying, and I have been the kind of guy who wasn't respectful of boundaries. 2) pushy about what he wants (which is why it is obvious he is desperate) and I think he's just pushy because he is desperate. IMO the pretty much seems just like number 1 3) makes it clear that he just wants sex. From what I've read about women, that's not a bad thing at all. Also it's possible for a guy to be desperate about wanting a relationship. I know this is difficult for you to wrap your head around, but wanting to use a woman for sex... is not that compelling for the woman. Very few women enjoy being used like tools for the man's satisfaction. In most circumstances, it's openly offensive for a guy to be like," I can't get any of the women I want, so I'll settle for having sex with you." I still don't know if it's actually possible to use somebody for sex, unless they were actually lied to. And from what I'm learning in another thread, it's actually important to push for sex. Then a relationship will happen later.
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 And from what I'm learning in another thread, it's actually important to push for sex. Then a relationship will happen later. What utter BS. If a guy pushes for sex right away, I mark him right off my "Relationship" list. It means all he wants is something to stick himself into. Sorry, but I don't feel like being a masturbatory aid. 1
AD1980 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I used to be bitter towards womrn but realized how dumb and self centered it was to blame someone for not being attracted to me Im just bitter about being unattratcive now and not having the looks or whatever it is to attract the opposite sex.. Ive gone from bitterness to just sadness which im hoping turns to apathy so im not bothered anymore about not being attractive to women
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 What utter BS. If a guy pushes for sex right away, I mark him right off my "Relationship" list. It means all he wants is something to stick himself into. Sorry, but I don't feel like being a masturbatory aid. Haven't you said so before that if a guy doesn't try to have sex with you soon, you will assume that he isn't interested and drop him?
verhrzn Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Haven't you said so before that if a guy doesn't try to have sex with you soon, you will assume that he isn't interested and drop him? I said if he doesn't make a move. So if a guy just keeps hanging out with me over and over without making a move, I will give up. (A move can be as simple as saying "Hey I like you, can I take you on a date?" or even a kiss.) If a guy pushes immediately to sex, then he jsut wants something casual. Occasionally I fall into that, but I never delude myself into thinking it has relationship potential. That's just silly to assume. Here's the best formula to get a girlfriend. 1) See a girl you find attractive. 2) Have a few conversations with her. 3) Ask her out on a date. 4) Make a move. The end.
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I said if he doesn't make a move. So if a guy just keeps hanging out with me over and over without making a move, I will give up. (A move can be as simple as saying "Hey I like you, can I take you on a date?" or even a kiss.) If a guy pushes immediately to sex, then he jsut wants something casual. Occasionally I fall into that, but I never delude myself into thinking it has relationship potential. That's just silly to assume. Here's the best formula to get a girlfriend. 1) See a girl you find attractive. 2) Have a few conversations with her. 3) Ask her out on a date. 4) Make a move. The end. Ah, thanks for the clarification. I've always thought that 'a move' was just something that would lead to sex. BTW are three and four the same thing? Asking out on a date, in which the girl knows it's a date, can be considered a move?
carhill Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 BTW are three and four the same thing? Asking out on a date, in which the girl knows it's a date, can be considered a move? Very different. 'Making a move' is assertively being in her space; flirting with her sexually; kissing her at the end of the date, or during, as appropriate. 1
zengirl Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I dunno, I've been trying hard for the last 2 months on self-improvement, and my life is markedly the same. Heck, even a little worse lately. 2 months is a really small droplet of time, V. When I went through the bulk of my most transformational self-improvement period, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops either. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Truly. Like I said, self-improvement is all great on its own, but I think it's a grave misservice to say it leads anything except improvement of self. And sometimes improving your self just isn't enough. You can reach your peak perfect potential and still not be enough for a relationship/a job/your goals. Pursuing self-improvement just to try to achieve some other goal is just a fool's errand. I agree entirely with the latter statement --- self-improvement MUST be done for it's own sake. But it DOES help out immensely in every aspect of life. Not always immediately, of course. So in your mind, an obese woman and a desperate guy are equivalent? I'm sure you know that there is nothing that men dislike more than obese women. So how is a man being desperate, make him that unattractive that nothing is worse? I also remember that you also called me desperate. I'd like to know what makes a desperate man so ugly. I actually think a desperate man is more unattractive than an obese woman. I know many men who don't really mind an overweight or even obese woman, SD. Probably not in SoCal, but they exist. Truly. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's nowhere near as universal as women disliking desperate men --- I've yet to meet a woman who'd want a desperate man or even many who'd settle for one in any case. Desperation is just unattractive. In women, too. Desperate women, whatever they look like, do far worse than obese women, IME. I know quite a few women who are very overweight or potentially obese (obesity is really about BMI % and I don't run the numbers) and have happy Rs or even juggle several men. Totally happens. I don't know any desperate people who are successful in love. Desperation either results in, compounds, or comes from (sometimes all 3) low self-esteem and typically leads to erratic behavior in Rs, poor interaction, a lack of chemistry, and so forth, as well as the things V said. A lot of a person's success in life depends on their own sense of self-worth and that's what desperate people typically lack.
Author Nomad Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Maybe the OP can feel satisfied that him hating K, could actually be devastating for her. Would that make you feel better, Nomad, if you could hurt a girl as bad as you feel you've been hurt? Sorry I missed this question. Yes, verhrzn, to be honest, I do wish I could hurt K the way she's hurt me. However, I don't hold that sort of power over her: if she were that into me, I wouldn't be in this situation. However, I don't hate K, even if I am angry and disappointed at how things turned out. My "snubbing" her is admittedly an attempt to inflict some degree of hurt on her. It is also my way of asserting some power over the situation: I can't make her date me, as that's something I've no further control over. But, I can control whether or not I talk to her, and I choose not to talk to her. I admit that it's largely due to hurt and pride. I feel like her keeping me at a distance as a mere "office buddy" or casual acquaintance is sort of throwing me some scraps, and I'd rather take nothing than take her scraps. I don't want to be her casual acquaintance: I want to be her boyfriend and her lover, and if I can't have that, then I want nothing to do with her. I am sick of rejection, and moreover, I'm sick of being the "nice guy" who takes rejection in stride. I think that, this time, I'd almost prefer that the girl think of me as an @sshole.
verhrzn Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Sorry I missed this question. Yes, verhrzn, to be honest, I do wish I could hurt K the way she's hurt me. However, I don't hold that sort of power over her: if she were that into me, I wouldn't be in this situation. However, I don't hate K, even if I am angry and disappointed at how things turned out. My "snubbing" her is admittedly an attempt to inflict some degree of hurt on her. It is also my way of asserting some power over the situation: I can't make her date me, as that's something I've no further control over. But, I can control whether or not I talk to her, and I choose not to talk to her. I admit that it's largely due to hurt and pride. I feel like her keeping me at a distance as a mere "office buddy" or casual acquaintance is sort of throwing me some scraps, and I'd rather take nothing than take her scraps. I don't want to be her casual acquaintance: I want to be her boyfriend and her lover, and if I can't have that, then I want nothing to do with her. I am sick of rejection, and moreover, I'm sick of being the "nice guy" who takes rejection in stride. I think that, this time, I'd almost prefer that the girl think of me as an @sshole. Did my read my post earlier about my ex-friend? What, if anything, did you get from it?
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