Screwed up my second chance.

[R32]

Long story short she broke up with me last summer because of GIGs and a few other issues. We started seeing each other again in January of this year and things progressed slowly. I would say we were together but we weren't due to her busy lifestyle and lack of time. After floating around for a couple months, I decided to call it quits and that's when she poured her heart out. She wouldn't leave me alone, and promised things would get better. I was skeptical, but also curious. I went ahead and gave her a chance, however I did have very high expectations. She really did try the past month to make me happy, and often told me she wanted to earn back that special spot in my life. She's not perfect but at least she was showing the effort and had no issues acknowledging her flaws.

 

I on the other hand, had a bigger problem. When somebody crosses me, or wrongs me I feel as if they really need to exceed my expectations. I would pick on little issues here and there that annoyed me. Whenever we would argue, I would almost always bring up the past. I would consistently scold her on how she should be doing this or that, and how she messed up so badly in the past. It escalated to the point where I would just lose my mind and call her all sorts of things. I focused so much on the negative aspects/the past I pretty much let all the good slip away. When I did get mad at her, she wouldn't say much and pretty much just took the verbal beating. And at the end of it all still told me she wanted to be with me.

 

Anyways, after this past month she called it quits. She told me she still loved me more than I would ever know but it was just the cold fact that I needed to stop being mad. She knows she messed up real bad from the past, but before we can move on together, I need to stop being mad at her. It was weird, because at that moment everything made sense. I took a few days to think about it, and she was right. I feel terrible. Even after our last fight leading up to the break up, after I was done I felt terrible and apologized. But I knew it was too late.

 

I've taken the time now to settle my thoughts and emotions. I miss her dearly, and according to a mutual friend she told him that she still really likes me but it was communication issues that led to this. During the break up we agreed to not talk anymore for an indefinite amount of time. Bottom line is, I now realized how badly I treated her. Regardless of the amount of pain she inflicted on me during our initial break up, there was no justified reason for the pain I caused her this time around.

 

How should I approach the situation? The day after the break up I left flowers and cupcakes on her porch with a little note stating I hoped they would make her smile due to the gloomy weather *inserted a joke as well. I also began taking initiative to help spread word about her new business (this business occupies the majority of her time). I went a bit further and got her radio marketing, sponsorship, and new clients. *sigh, what do I do from here?

 

Oh, and after I left the stuff on her porch she did text me thanking me for them and telling me they made her smile etc. We exchanged a few texts and that was pretty much it.

 

Thanks loveshack.

[eltsac]

your situation is really quite similar to mine - although we ended up back together and it didnt really work. then recently she tried to contact me again, we met up, vibed, kissed, but I said that I'm not ready for anything and we both need more time to think about what is best... anyways...

 

its similar because you both sound like you still love eachother, though sometimes that isn't enough. also, my ex ran her own business doing furniture design, was bogged down in work after our first break up, took some adjustment but i held on to things in the past as well - it did me and her no favours, though she took a similar approach to things i did.

 

ill be honest - there is no use in ever holding on to the past or recalling it - especially after you split once - you have to start completely fresh, forgive all indiscrepencies and move forward like its brand new - treat the things you already know about eachother an added bonus, kindred spirits type thing - and always appreciate the things you once found negative. you need to love her because of what you saw as flaws, everyones imperfect, everyone is interesting and you need to appreciate that.

 

as for where you go from here - take your time, really take your time, evaluate what you really want and what would be best for you in 6 months, 2 years, 5 years. can you let go of the past? can you truely see you two together? take off you rose tinted glasses and ask yourself some deep questions. id leave her for a bit, dont go no contact, that is bull****, but dont contact her either - if she gets in touch talk, if she doesnt meet new people. theres a ton of interesting, lovely and wonderful people in this world - you need to meet new personalities to evolve and grow - use this time.