Is this normal, cool, weird, or creepy? Degree of contact prior to first date

[Vintage79]

I've gone out on a few online dates, and generally 5-10 e-mails are exchanged, a date set up, and things go well.

 

About 2 weeks ago a girl contacted me, and within a day or two we were up to 5-10 e-mails, and tried to set up a meeting . Well, that didn't pan out for various reasons, so we're still trying to figure something out (our schedules were a bit conflicted, but that should straightened out soon enough).

 

Regardless, I now get text messages from her daily...several daily. Including the, "morning" and blurbs throught out the day. Keep in mind, I have never met her and have only spoken on the phone for about 10 minutes. I haven't had a girl do this before - is this normal, or what is it saying about her? She generally seems very sweet and sincere, but I'm wondering if this will turn into a super clingy person. Is she essentially seeing this as a relationship before we meet (she has mentioned on a few occasions being very eager to get to know me). Moreover, she has essentially tried to funnel all communication away from the online site where we met, and do everything via text.

 

It's an interesting experience, but how would you interpet this scenario? Would it creep you out or get you excited? It seems like this is a red flag - but what is signalling?

 

Anything thoughts, comments, or extra questions would be great.

[LittlePrince]

Does she plan on carrying out the entire relationship through texts? Does she leave the house? Does she need a fireman to cut a hole large enough to liberate her from her home? Is this girl real or a prank?

 

Tell her to save all of this for your first irl meeting. That's a better way to get to know someone rather than through 150 letter blurbs. If she disappears after the texting bonanza ends like a ghost in the night then treat her as such, pay her no mind, and move on.

[Vintage79]

She's a real girl...I'm not worried about that, and there was time conflicts on both my and her end, which should be alleviated by Tuesday.

 

I completely agree that texts aren't the best way to get to know someone - truthfully it's not a way to get to know someone. It's the quantity of texts and the random information that is communicated,at least in context of having never met, that has me asking the questions. I'm not really giving her any more attention than other women - well, I probably am, as I usually respond to her texts, but it's not a lot of time. I've gone out with two other women since her texting bonanza began...

[amantis]

just relax , she is showing that she is interested in you , whats wrong about that ?

Enjoy , because most of them like games and you dont know if she likes you or not .

[sid3]

I agree, it does sound as though she's forming a relationship before having met you. The same thing happened to me recently, I found myself wondering WTF.

[Vintage79]

just relax , she is showing that she is interested in you , whats wrong about that ?

Enjoy , because most of them like games and you dont know if she likes you or not .

 

It is interesting - it's kind of fun, but I'm just a bit concerned that she's trying to force this into a relationship...she's acting very comfy. Truthfully, I am looking for a relationship, I just don't have any idea if I'd want one with this person, as I've never met her...

 

As for games - I know a few women play games...no idea how many. I think if they start playing games, I'm oblivious to them, and simply move on, as I think I perceive, "playing hard to get" as lack of interest. I've probably missed a few opportunities, but that kind of behavior isn't attractive. I don't know why she'd be playing games before we ever met...it seems a bit more productive after a first meeting (especially if you connected online)

[phineas]

Women who want to txt all the time & drag out the initial meet in my experience don't look anything like their online pictures and wind up forming an emotional attachment.

Then they turn into angry bi-polar stage 5 clingers when I call them out on trying to deceive me.

 

One day their telling me to F off & the next their sending me "hey you" txt's.

 

So I avoid excessive non-face to face communication with anyone.

[Vintage79]

Women who want to txt all the time & drag out the initial meet in my experience don't look anything like their online pictures and wind up forming an emotional attachment.

Then they turn into angry bi-polar stage 5 clingers when I call them out on trying to deceive me.

 

One day their telling me to F off & the next their sending me "hey you" txt's.

 

So I avoid excessive non-face to face communication with anyone.

 

I'm definitely concerned about clinginess and a bit about the Bi-Polar thing. When she found out that our schedule's didn't match up for a first meeting a few days after our first correspondence, there was something that ended with, "best of luck" (i.e. dropping interest), but then she contacted me again the next day. I'm not, however, concerned about her looking like her pictures (and she's definitely an 8+/10), unless she's posting pictures of someone else. She has about a half dozen pictures, and many have the day/time stamp on the lower corner, and they look like pictures of her with her mom/dad...which don't seem like pictures you'd try to fake.

 

There are definitely at red flags, or at least foreshadowing. I do, however, generally give people I've never met, from online, a lot of leeway prior to a first meeting...thereafter, I tighten down a fair amount on what I let fly.

[zengirl]

Could be fine, could be a bad sign, really depends. It could easily just be her way of showing interest and becoming interested herself. I typically needed to email every day for awhile before I'd meet someone from online and text a bit as well --- not a long time period, but a high quantity. That's because it's how I built interest in someone and if enough interest was not established prior to Date #1, I knew it'd never work out. It's why most of my successful Rs were from online, where I could build interest first. But every person is different.

 

If it doesn't feel normal and natural, that typically either means: 1.) It's a red flag or 2.) Her style doesn't match yours. Either of those may be a problem. Though if it feels normal and natural but you worry simply because it's different or others think it's a red flag, that's not necessarily the same thing.

 

I would say it FOR SURE tells me that she's looking for a serious R, not just something casual, but that doesn't necessarily translate to 'clingy' unless you're not looking for the same out of your dating interactions and doesn't necessarily mean she knows yet (and she shouldn't) that she wants a serious R with you.

[Vintage79]

Great thoughts Zengirl...

 

I can say that this girl doesn't fit my typical mold, and she doesn't check off a few of the boxes that I generally considered mandatory, but truthfully, that's one of the reasons I'm interested...it's different from mynorm, and I like that (in particular because my norm haven't been hitting home runs lately). That latter point is why I'm asking these questions - she's different than my norm, so I don't know what normal is...

 

As for her wanting a long term relationship - I think I agree with that. I seem to think that I read someone in her online spiel that she wants to be married in 3 years...so she's likely not looking for the random fling, so she may be trying to really gauge mutual interest before spending time on a date - truthfully, a few minutes of texting/writing is a lot less time than a date - so there may be something to it.

 

Obviously, though, the true tell will be what's she's like in person...

[FitChick]

My style is similar to zengirl's. I like to build interest before I meet someone. Just keep saying how you can't wait to meet her on Tuesday and make sure she is clear about time and place.

 

You have to remember that she has probably met so many weirdos and timewasters that she is trying to weed them out and look for red flags as much as you are. She sounds excited to be meeting someone who sounds normal and nice and on the same page as she is. Don't overthink things before you meet her.

[Vintage79]

Agreed - over thinking is bad...I may be doing a bit much of it...