Nukulus Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm sure many people have this problem. You're overly neurotic and can't get out of your own head in certain social situations. I was hoping that some of you have some decent ideas or tricks that work because my neuroticism is getting annoying. It's not just in dating situations either, it's a lot of things. If a friend doesn't answer a text or phone within an hour or two I start to wonder. I get in my head and I think of the most insane **** imaginable. I start to think and go over all the things I've said or done and try to think how I pissed them off. If I'm expecting a call from my family at a certain time I and it doesn't happen I inevitably start to worry and my mind goes to the worst scenarios possible- car accident, someones hurt, etc. And of course it shows up in dating situations as well. For instance yesterday a girl and I had plans to go see a ball game with some friends, and quite literally up until the point when we got together I kept imagining scenarios where she bailed on me. I mean where does this **** come from??? It's not prior life experiences, I mean I've never been stood up in my life by a girl. I've never had a situation where someone I cared about (friends,family) didn't show up or missed an event or something due to some terrible tragedy. How do you stop such an overactive pessimist imagination? It's terrible and I'll be frank-- I think in the dating scene at least it really affects my relationships in a negative way. I don't act like myself when I'm thinking of these things, and women can tell. What's even more weird about this, is in other aspects of life I'm generally a positive person. I've got a great family, great friends, a good job, good co workers, and the woman I'm seeing (though it's in its infancy) I'm quite fond of. I just don't know. This is the first time I've really written it all out on paper. I've been like this as long as I can remember (even as a kid if my parents were more than 20 minutes late coming home or something I'd have to call and find out where they were just to calm my imagination). It gets so bad sometimes I almost feel physically ill. Anyone with helpful advice? OR similar experiences... I'm sure I'm not the only one with this issue.
cerridwen Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I stopped believing everything I think. Highly recommended. 4
letsplaynice Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I was wondering the very same thing last night and found this little video: How To Stop Obsessing One of my favorite bits from it is the fact at the end - Studies show that 85 percent of the things we worry about never come to pass. *** I've struggled with anxiety and worry for a lot of my life. I've practiced being "present" and "mindful" of what is actually going on around me instead of inside my head and I find it's much more peaceful. There are lots of tips out there for being more mindful or present. Some simple steps are to look around you - take note of the colors and textures and FACTS about things in your environment. *** A counselor once told me there are actually four choices to any problem we face. 1. Solve the problem (if in fact it is your problem to solve). 2. Experience the feeling. She said (and I've come to know it to be true myself) that if we simply feel an emotion and embrace it, the emotion only lasts about 20 seconds. 3. We can do something to change the emotion or diffuse it - like listen to music, call a friend, go for a walk, do some jumping jacks, etc. 4. Sit in misery. See - sit in misery is a choice. Good luck to you! Keep trying!!! 1
LittlePrince Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm sure many people have this problem. You're overly neurotic and can't get out of your own head in certain social situations. I was hoping that some of you have some decent ideas or tricks that work because my neuroticism is getting annoying. It's not just in dating situations either, it's a lot of things. If a friend doesn't answer a text or phone within an hour or two I start to wonder. I get in my head and I think of the most insane **** imaginable. I start to think and go over all the things I've said or done and try to think how I pissed them off. If I'm expecting a call from my family at a certain time I and it doesn't happen I inevitably start to worry and my mind goes to the worst scenarios possible- car accident, someones hurt, etc. And of course it shows up in dating situations as well. For instance yesterday a girl and I had plans to go see a ball game with some friends, and quite literally up until the point when we got together I kept imagining scenarios where she bailed on me. I mean where does this **** come from??? It's not prior life experiences, I mean I've never been stood up in my life by a girl. I've never had a situation where someone I cared about (friends,family) didn't show up or missed an event or something due to some terrible tragedy. How do you stop such an overactive pessimist imagination? It's terrible and I'll be frank-- I think in the dating scene at least it really affects my relationships in a negative way. I don't act like myself when I'm thinking of these things, and women can tell. What's even more weird about this, is in other aspects of life I'm generally a positive person. I've got a great family, great friends, a good job, good co workers, and the woman I'm seeing (though it's in its infancy) I'm quite fond of. I just don't know. This is the first time I've really written it all out on paper. I've been like this as long as I can remember (even as a kid if my parents were more than 20 minutes late coming home or something I'd have to call and find out where they were just to calm my imagination). It gets so bad sometimes I almost feel physically ill. Anyone with helpful advice? OR similar experiences... I'm sure I'm not the only one with this issue. I'd start by putting down the phone and walking away. I remember seeing this kind of OCD on a program once. A woman couldn't stop thinking of the most gruesome outcomes for those she cared about. There is a particular treatment therapists use for it. iirc it was basically overexposure to one's fears and managing what they felt. I would go see a therapist to properly deal with it though instead of taking care of it on your own.
Author Nukulus Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 I was wondering the very same thing last night and found this little video: How To Stop Obsessing One of my favorite bits from it is the fact at the end - Studies show that 85 percent of the things we worry about never come to pass. *** I've struggled with anxiety and worry for a lot of my life. I've practiced being "present" and "mindful" of what is actually going on around me instead of inside my head and I find it's much more peaceful. There are lots of tips out there for being more mindful or present. Some simple steps are to look around you - take note of the colors and textures and FACTS about things in your environment. *** A counselor once told me there are actually four choices to any problem we face. 1. Solve the problem (if in fact it is your problem to solve). 2. Experience the feeling. She said (and I've come to know it to be true myself) that if we simply feel an emotion and embrace it, the emotion only lasts about 20 seconds. 3. We can do something to change the emotion or diffuse it - like listen to music, call a friend, go for a walk, do some jumping jacks, etc. 4. Sit in misery. See - sit in misery is a choice. Good luck to you! Keep trying!!! Yea this is kind of where I'm at right now. My strategy now is similar to that list above. If I can't reason my way through the problem I tend to do something else. I get out of the house and go work out, talk to a friend, etc. I was just wondering if anyone has gone from having similar issues to solving them completely. It would be nice. I mean when I actually think about it, it stems from insecurity about the ones I care about leaving in some way, shape, or form. Completely ridiculous, but if I'm in a similar scenario with someone I don't have much of a connection to I'm never bothered by the pessimistic over imagination. I hadn't considered a therapist, though I'm not sure its so bad I need one yet. I'm almost always able to rationalize my way out of those depressing thoughts and get on with my day. I've never been in a depressed state over it (more than a few minutes anyway). It would be so awesome to have not go there with my thoughts in the first place.
DontWorryBHappy Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Hey, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm naturally analytical and it does affect my life. But I'm like you in the sense that it doesn't OVERLY affect my life... I'm a happy person and function great, but my own head takes me in some anxiety-driven directions at times. The thing that has worked the BEST for me so far is to simply PRETEND that I've got everything under control. For example, if I'm nervous about something I'm about to do and all I can think is "Oh god I don't want to mess this up" and catch myself running through scenarios in my head, it helps for me to just think of myself as a naturally confident, non-analytical person.. And that often enables me to go through with whatever it is or not think so much about something because I was trying to take on the role of someone who would do that naturally. Of course, this isn't a permanent cure - I usually have to do the whole pretending thing pretty often when I'm feeling anxious about stuff, but I WILL say that I think I AM getting better the more I do it. The more you pretend to be something and believe that you are, the more it starts to become true. So the more you believe that you have nothing to worry about in a situation, the more you'll actually feel that way. Just try it.
FitChick Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Obsessing over something is wanting to control it. The Sedona Method Release Technique is great for that if they haven't changed it from the way it was done twenty years ago. That and the Lefkoe Method have been techniques that have helped me tremendously.
ThaWholigan Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Obsessing over something is wanting to control it. The Sedona Method Release Technique is great for that if they haven't changed it from the way it was done twenty years ago. That and the Lefkoe Method have been techniques that have helped me tremendously. Do you have information on the Sedona Method? I've heard of it vaguely, and was interested, but forgot about it till just now.
eleanorhurting Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Hey. I struggle with this too. My whole life. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped in the past. I am starting with a new therapist so who knows what will happen now but mostly the focus has been to recognize that most of the thoughts that are driving the way I think are irrational. My new therapist yesterday mentioned something about Rational Emotive Behavioral therapy and gave me a homework to read about irrational thoughts and I found it very interesting and I felt identified.
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